Dragonfly: Delivering Existential Dread Since 7:41 AM
Ever heard of Dragonfly? Used to be called Intelcom… 😤 yeah, they changed the name like that fixes anything.
These people run a pickup system that’s basically psychological warfare 🧠💥.
At 7:41 AM — ding! 📱
“We’re on our way.”
OH YEAH?! Fantastic — now I cancel my day and stand around like I ordered the last helicopter out of Saigon 🚁.
Nothing happens.
All.
Day. ⏳😐
Then at 6:10 PM — ding! 📲
“We’re almost there.”
ALMOST THERE?!
It’s been TEN HOURS 🤬 — you weren’t almost anywhere, you were on a scenic tour of my wasted time 🗺️.
So I finally go outside for air 🌬️ because I’m not spending my remaining lifespan guarding the doorway like a gremlin 🧌 — and OF COURSE that’s when the truck decides to teleport into existence ✨🚚.
Try the website — can’t reschedule until the pickup fails 🙃.
OH, so we HAVE to emotionally collapse before the system unlocks??
Is that the business model?? Defeat-based logistics??
So I call 📞 — get put on hold so long I can hear myself aging ⏰👴 — and WHILE I’m still on hold…
THE DRIVER CALLS ME.
Asking why I’m not there.
BRO — I’M CALLING YOUR COMPANY.
YOU’RE CALLING ME FROM INSIDE THE HOLD MUSIC 🎶😵💫 — IT’S A CORPORATE INCEPTION.
No texting back “come tomorrow.”
No chat support 💬❌.
Just a perfect closed loop of stupidity ♻️ where nobody can talk to anybody EXCEPT to ask why nobody can talk to anybody.
They don’t deliver packages — they deliver
EXISTENTIAL CONFUSION 📦💀.
