You message me again. Every little thing I do reminds me of you. Every once and a while I catch myself and tell myself to stop. I know everything you and i once did you do with him now. He's my shitty replacement. I want to tell myself I'm better and he's a vague shitty replacement and you tell yourself he's better and males you happy. My depression tells me otherwise. But I know what I made you feel was pure. One personality to another, it was special. I see you fighting for me and I hate that I have to push myself away. I've been "that guy" fighting for yoy, ever since we met. I can't do it my whole life. If you wanted me, it would've happened. You'd tell me. But honestly maybe people like us don't deserve to be understood. We don't deserve to have friends because they all die. The stupid voices screaming in the back of our minds all the time no matter what you do or say. The squeaky voices and reactions we have. I pick up the kitten zoey gave me and I say kitten just the way I'd hear it back then, from you. It's ridiculous. Feelings are terrible. I've been avoiding you more than anything. You seem to chase or find my attention somehow. But I seem to catch you only in one's wildest dreams huh? Every piece of me has a part for you. Get out of my head. I feel things for you but I know the truth. Or what they perceive to be true.. dude im sorry I ignore you but it's so we can both be I guess content. Happiness? I don't even know.