Ahhhhh...Something I started. I'm feeling depress. I need some time on my own
Beside that, my mind was cluttered so I tried to write it all down. In a story format. It's not done yet. I have to work on it. I have an idea and I want to put it all down but sadly I have to get ready to go to vocational school.
Once again, tonight wasn't my night. My boyfriend and I got into a fight and I couldn't sleep because he was angry with me. All because I wanted to see the Hangover III with him when it comes out. He told me he wanted to see it with a friend of his because it's tradition.
*sigh* I haven't gone out with him for 4 or more months. All he has been doing is going out with friends and spending time with them instead of me.
Thanks for reading. Hopefully you're not feeling depress.
"H-helpp...meee..." she whispered into the darkness.
She felt wetness upon her cheeks as she wonders if this is how it all starts.
Is this depression?
Loneliness, unloved and even sadness.
Nothing bad has happened.
Her family loves her.
What was the problem?
“Mal...colmmm...” she whispered once again.
Ah, her boyfriend.
Why?
He won’t help, if anything, he brings more pain.
I rather be with my friends to watch movies. He said.
He hasn’t spent time with you except around 5 a.m. when he falls asleep. But by 5, you have to wake up to prepare his meal, making sure that his meal is what he desire.
What do you desire?
A boyfriend who spends time with you? Or a boyfriend who rather spends time with friends all day and go to you only when needing sex?
Surely you must understand that males and females do need space. You go to school, he goes to work and at times, when he returns home, you’d like at least an hour or two with him.
But...that never happens.
You wait, longing for him and he doesn’t show up.
You try to control me! You want me all to yourself and never let me go on about with my friends! When you go out with yours, I never complain! He yells at you.
Some days....you believe your lies.
Why lie to someone you love?
You don’t have friends. And the ones that are friends...are never around.
Why lie and say you’re out when you’re not? To show that someone out there cares? To prove to him you do have friends?
Listen here, only way you get friends is to go out there and speak.
Don’t be your shy self.
You like hiding don’t you?
“P-p-pleassee...h-helpp...mmeee...” she uttered.
Darkness is ready to close in on her as she reaches out to nothing, hoping that someone will take her hand.
No one does.
She’s left alone with the pain and sorrow.
She desire to be loved by someone.
“Mal...colmm...” she mumbles as she moves her hand in front of her. “I-I...I need yoouuu...”
Pathetic .
You are pathetic. You are lonely and no one...no one will ever find some sort of affection for a girl like you.
You’re trying to fit in but you don’t.
You are a loser like the rest of them. You easily fall in love. You think a boy will love you.
Well, you are wrong. No one will love you.
I just want you to not be so jealous! All you want is for me to give you all the attention! You want me to think of you all the time! You don’t let me go out with my friends and you rather prefer if I stay home with you and watch movies or play video games! He shouted.
Funny how he goes out with his friends and tells you, you’re being rather controlling.
Sure, you are jealous but there’s nothing new about that. You’ve changed a lot if I remember.
The part where he said you rather stay home and watch a movie or play video games...he agreed on that. Sometimes I wonder why you stay.
What drives you...?
What edges you to stay?
You seem to have some sort of hold on him when he’s trying to push you away.
Why is it do you stay?
The sex?
The looks?
The hatred in his eyes when he looks at your poor cat?
What is it?
His taste in music?
Maybe how he acts as if you’re everything around his friend?
Or is it because you think he may love you?
You think that somewhere inside, he’ll come to realizing that he loves you.
Oh boy, I’m laughing.
I have tears of laughter in my eyes.
She really thinks her boyfriend, Malcolm, will love her!
he simply rock my socks off! I'm staring out into the night, Trying to hide the pain. I'm going to the place where love And feeling good don't ever cost a thing. And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain. So I'm going home, Back to the place where I belong, And where your love has always been enough for me. I'm not running from. No, I think you got me all wrong. I don't regret this life I chose for me. But these places and these faces are getting old So I'm going home. Well I'm going home. The miles are getting longer, it seems, The closer I get to you. I've not always been the best man or friend for you. But your love, remains true. And I don't know why. You always seem to give me another try. So I'm going home, To the place where I belong, And where your love has always been enough for me. I'm not running from. No, I think you got me all wrong. I don't regret this life I chose for me. But these places and these faces are getting old. Be careful what you wish for, 'Cause you just might get it all. You just might get it all, And then some you don't want. Be careful what you wish for, 'Cause you just might get it all. You just might get it all, yeah. [i once wished if i could go to Singapore? it happened and i stayed there for a month, which took me away from home..] So I'm going home, Back to the place where I belong, And where your love has always been enough for me. I'm not running from. No, I think you got me all wrong. I don't regret this life I chose for me. But these places and these faces are getting old. I said these places and these faces are getting old. So I'm going home. I'm going home.
Seen last 300907 till 011007 and April 2008... Synopsis : 15-year-old Ikeuchi Aya was an ordinary girl, the daughter of a family who works at a tofu shop, and a soon-to-be high schooler. However, lately, strange things have been happening to Aya. She has been falling down often and has been walking funny. Her mother, Shioka, takes Aya to see the doctor, and he tells Shioka that Aya has spinocerebellar degeneration - a terrible disease where the brain gradually deteriorates to the point where the victim cannot walk, speak, write, or eat. However it does not affect the mind. How will Aya react when told about her disease? And how will Aya live from now on? Awesome! A true to life drama, I like the tandem between Erika (Aya) and Ryo (Asou). Though I didn’t finish a whole box of Klenex, it sure did made me cry even sob! streaming tear came pouring down my eyes uncontrollably && it caused my eyes to be swollen. This drama is so sad and very touching, a highly recommended! (T__T) tear-jerker to the maximum level. I was touch by how a diseased individual fought hard for her illness and can be so optimistic, I myself on the other hand have slight uncertainties compare to the main character on this J-Drama. I have been affected with a hereditary skin condition, let me tell you its annoying and caused me to loose confidence. I’m not trying to impose self pity. *sigh* Like Aya, sometimes I’ll ask my self “why me?” I know one of these days, I will have the courage to face this, people can easily say ‘Get over it!‘. But I just can’t force them to believe its not that easy? *sigh* I can truly relate to this, again like her sickness its incurable, but mine is a little bearable. Japanese drama are more intense than others, they truly show the meaning of life towards their show whether its comedy, romance, thriller and of course drama. This one will definitely move you to tears, hence the title says 1 Litre of Tears, [; so if you want your eyes to be clean by your tears, go watch this! Its surely a highly recommended drama that deserves full rating of 5 even more =) SP Synopsis : This special is set half a year after the death of Aya. Her younger sister Ako is training to be a nurse, while Haruto has already become a neurologist at the hospital Aya was once treated at. The loss of Aya strongly affects Haruto, causing him to lose sight of himself. But after he meets Mizuki, a 14-year-old patient who has given up on living, he feels compelled to share with her the story of Aya's life. This was a SP from the series, showing all the characters that Aya have left behind, though it has a lot of flashbacks form the series its still as sad and moving as ever. Asou couldn’t cope well until he was given a chance to speak to a young patient who read Aya’s written diaries, which she wrote during her fight against the decease. This was short and only a couple of hours movie but then again its still a must see!
I have been so out of it lately, life seems so hard to deal with at times. Yesterday I was suppose to post this blog, but I forgot coz I was so pissed…
“What in the world? I’m poor people I tell you and yet why there are some of those who are trying to get money out of me, shit! Having bank accounts: (2 here in UK and 1 in the Philippines) is not confusing until today. This is because I got a letter, which is a statement from Abbey Bank telling me that I have an outstanding credit that needs to be paid, via Direct Debit, Hello! I don‘t have to, cause I haven’t been using this account for months now and I haven’t sign any shit documents to let you guys send out money to any company. Thankfully that account has not got enough money to be taken out, however since there is not enough balance on it they charge me £35 for not being able to complete a transaction. It pisses me off!
Imagine they were charging me, cause I did not pay the £70.01 for a T-Mobile bill, which I do not own. What was that? I then called up the bank enquiring about this. Melody was kind enough to cancel the £35 charge. She also gave me a reference number to be able to deal with T-Mobile, which I hope just mistakenly put a charge on my account . But if I will receive a letter again telling me that I have an outstanding balance from a certain company that I do not use, Shit! I will not have it. It’s so annoying I hate having to owe someone and definitely dislike having to be charge for the things I did not purchase or use whatsoever. How did T-Mobile got my bank details, heck I don’t know. *sigh* I hope this will be the first and last time! Darn it! It is not funny and really infuriating"
Yes it is identity theft as you might call it. Seriously now! Darn luck, today while I was currently enjoying show online, suddenly I got so annoyed coz this laptop got disconnected from the wireless router, which doesn’t want to connect until this evening, so I had to use the PC itself that is so slow. To add more I also became an agony aunt, which at most time I could not react to what the other person was saying for the reason that am so stress myself. Lots of thoughts running trough my mind, which having to want something new and I want to do more. I am seems to be stuck being this person who are becoming less and less pro-active, who used to live life to the fullest, in short I become really boring. I’ve mentioned this before on my old blog once, I am a totally different person when I’m in Philippines the exact opposite of who I am now, HAPPY! This place where I am now is draining me emotionally. *sigh*
Woah! isn’t this such a depressing blog! All I do is rant, thank heavens for Singshot, a really stress reliever website. I even found a song that I could sing to calmed me down, ease the pain I’m feeling and also able to take away some of my stress. ANGEL!
Rate this performance at The Sims On Stage
I could sleep well tonight now coz I somehow feel relieved and before it goes away I better get some sleep since I’ll be travelling to Leeds tomorrow once again. Hence Ciao!
Overtired or maybe I just do not want to sleep. Its freezing cold yet im here in the living room, and still holdin my lap top, pickin a fight with my boyfriend over simple things. I’m also watchin TFC, just finished seeing this show XXX, coz when I was babysitting earlier, mum called me about it so I waited for the replay to see what she’s talkin about. It was funny, that CENOMAR! If not coz of that certificate I would have comeback here in UK as Mrs P. It’s a piece of certificate to verify a person that he or she is really single and not married to someone else. A cool and at the same time very uncool piece of document to get. NSO is one tough cookie, but how ever tough and difficult to get one of their documents there are always some people who have the access to have an easy fix in everything that needs to be done in jiff. Well we will see what is goin to happen soon, coz I myself is goin to be needin it. I will let my fiancé to sort it out and if he finds I’m married to somebody else, its not me! Hehehe coz I know a person who got the same name and surname as me except her middle name, but she is not my relative what-so-ever. So lets see how NSO will handle this kind of dilemmas, hihihi. I finally done typin our convos for book binding, its like 3 yrs in the makin,I hope it will turn out great. It will be an awesome gift to give out once its done. I can’t wait! Well sorry if this blog sounds just like im blabbing a lot of B’s. These are just some pointers of few things that I need to remember. So yeah! Just bare with me and oh! All my holiday snap-shots are still on draft, takin tons of pictures and publishin them is hard work. Till then, guess I'll see you guys when I wake up. Ciao for now. mwaaPS: Goodbye Master Rapper, FM!
