#depressed!harry

[dodgerkedavra]

December 26

“You are lovely,” Draco says into Harry’s mouth. “Do you know what? We should get married.”

“I was thinking the same thing!” Harry takes Draco’s face in his hands and kisses him one more time. “How about this weekend?”

“How about we do it in the Cotswolds?”

“How about…at a weird manor house with a bunch of cottages to let?”

“Yes.” Draco nods solemnly. “I think that would be perfect.”

Harry’s heart leaps, fluttering about like a bird. “Me, too.”

Draco takes his hand, kisses all Harry’s knuckles, then twines their fingers together and squeezes. “Come, darling. It’s time to see how the world looks on our wedding day.”

Read Chapter Twenty-Six of Clear, Warm Light here

Start at the beginning here

[yetanotherdrarrylist]

Hey, I hope you're doing okay during these bad times. I was hoping if you have any depressed/suicidal/self harming Harry fics? You've recommended some suicidal Harry fics before, I'm just wondering if you've got more? Thank you so much

Hi there, I’m doing fine, I hope you’re doing okay. [Previous recommendations].

Not sure about how new these are, but I hope these help:

Breathe In (and Feel No Hurt) - Constance1

A tale of love, loss, and of finding hope again. Or the story of how Draco turned into a house-cat in order to secretly bother a depressed Harry Potter until he was no longer feeling sorry for himself.

Help Is Always There For Those Who Ask -  donnarafiki, orpheous87

It’s been years since the war, and Harry’s been doing fine (Not!Auror). But after witnessing a violent incident in muggle London, he feels empty and angry. Eventually, he reaches a breaking point and has an outburst in public. The next day he finds a letter on his desk, the Ministry reaching out to connect him with a mind healer, saying they don’t even have to see each other, and everything can be done privately if Harry wants to keep it anonymous and confidential. He decides to write back.

Only Ash Remains - Saulaie, shilo1364

One year after Harry defeated Voldemort at the Battle of Hogwarts, he still has no idea what to do with his life. He’s been living at No. 12 Grimmauld Place with Hermione and Ron, but they’ve spent the past few months on an extended stay in Australia to try and restore Hermione’s parents’ memories. Alone, he feels set adrift. Everyone else is focused on enjoying their summer before Hogwarts reopens (after a one year rebuilding period), but without Ron and Hermione, Harry doesn’t know if he can go back. Everything changes when the Malfoys dramatically re-enter his life, and together they learn to live again.

Little Reasons why Big Things happen - MissKiraBlue

Harry lives every day knowing it could be his last.

Draco lives every day hoping it could be his first.

On the day when Harry decides to kill himself, one of his friends tells him about the site ‘Cherubim’ where you can find your perfect match.

On the day when Draco decides to live his life to the fullest, one of his friends tells him about the site 'Cherubim’ where you can find your perfect match.

They both run at first.

But when it’s happening for the third time, maybe fate wants to tell them something.

Saving the Savior - Aquien

It all started with a fluff … but just as with all pretty things, darkness lurks below.

[drarrykyudie]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Characters: Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy, Hermione Granger Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Depression Summary:

Harry Potter is depressed and won't leave his house, or his bed if he can help it. Hermione has the bright idea to send Draco Malfoy over, who is surprisingly gentler than Harry realised, and might actually just be able to reignite a spark in Harry...if he stops being an arrogant prat of course.

[dodgerkedavra]

December 1

“Wake up,” Malfoy says. “It’s spring. The sun is shining. The snow finished melting weeks ago.”

“I’m not here.” Harry’s voice is shot. He can’t remember the last time he got up. It doesn’t matter. He pulls the covers over his head. “Go away.”

Footsteps approach, and then Draco sodding Malfoy whips the covers off Harry, then hauls him out of the bed.

“What in Merlin’s ancient arse are you doing?” Harry shouts.

Malfoy drags him through the cottage and out to the doorstep, into the sun.

“Ouch!” Harry hides his eyes.

Malfoy slaps his hands down.

“I can’t see!”

“Don’t be silly.” Malfoy’s iron grip on Harry’s arm hurts a bit. It feels obnoxiously alive. “What you see is the clear, warm light of April. And that means we’re beginning a whole new year together. We’re going to do all sorts of things, Potter. We’re going to skip through the meadows. We’re going to run through the woods. We’re going to swim in the river. In the evenings, we’re going to sit right here—”

“There’s no chairs!”

“—and count the stars.”

“You count them!” Harry wrenches his arm away from Malfoy. “I’m too tired. I’m going back to bed.”

He stomps through the cottage, throws himself into the bed, and pulls the covers tight around his shoulders.

Steady footsteps follow him. “If you do that, Potter, you’ll miss all the fun.”

Read Clear, Warm Light on AO3

[dodgerkedavra]

December 23

“Don’t look at it like that, Potter. It’s only a parcel.”

“I wasn’t looking at it any special way.”

“You’re glowering.”

“I was not.” Harry was, though. His face had started to ache a bit. “What is it?”

“Let’s find out!” Draco drops down to the rug, his legs neatly cross-legged, and pulls the parcel into his lap.

Harry lowers himself down, too.

Draco opens the parcel to reveal—

“Tree branches?”

“This is a wreath-making kit,” Draco says, his eyes sparkling. “You use the components to make a wreath.”

“Oh, like…for the door?”

“I suppose you could hang it indoors, if you’d rather.”

“I would.” Harry’s surprised to find that he has an opinion on where the future-wreath should go. “I want to hang it in the bedroom. On the bedroom door.”

Draco’s looking down at the wreath components or whatever, but it doesn’t matter. The bright flash of his smile moves his cheeks just so to match the soft, excited hum of his magic. It bounces between them, and Harry’s first thought is that Draco is happy to have something new. He must like the wreath-parcel because it’s new. Because it’s different.

But—no, that isn’t it. That’s not what it is at all.

It’s…pride?

Draco’s proud. And excited. And Harry would bet all the money he’s got in his vault at Gringotts that it’s got almost nothing to do with the wreath.

Read Chapter Twenty-Three of Clear, Warm Light here

Start at the beginning here

[dodgerkedavra]

December 16

“You’re resting. That’s not doing nothing.”

“Well, not nothing isn’t brave. I should be doing something brave, probably.”

“Such as?” Draco closes the book, and Harry’s heart ticktickticks like he’s standing on the back of a bloody dragon, riding it like a living skateboard.

“Such as…I dunno. There are lots of things I’m not…that I’d be nervous about.”

“Like dragon-riding?”

That’s not what Harry would call it. All he can think to say is are you making a sex joke? The next option that comes to mind is do you want me to ride your dragon?

Harry can’t say either of those things, so he just sits there in silence, his mouth partway open, Draco’s body incredibly fit and incredibly hot next to Harry’s. They’re so close. And Harry’s getting hard. Harder with every second that passes.

He squirms a bit, trying to be subtle about it, but Draco’s arm tightens around him.

“Just to be clear,” Harry says, too loudly. “It wasn’t the story.”

“Oh? You don’t like stories about dragons?”

“It was good.” Harry thinks he might pass out. “I just, er. Prefer. Real people. One person. I would rather—if I was going to…branch out into—”

“Bravery?” Draco asks, then snaps his fingers.

The Lumos in the mason jar goes out.

“Oh, fuck,” Harry breathes. His cock twitches, and he knows Draco can feel it. “I didn’t know you could do wandless magic.”

Read Chapter Sixteen of Clear, Warm Light here

Start at the beginning here

[dodgerkedavra]

December 13

“Okay,” Harry says one day in September, not long after waking. “I’ve got things to do today. I’m going to make a list, because then I’ll remember everything I have to do, and then—” He waves his hand, blurry at the end of his wrist, at the ceiling. “Together.”

Harry gets out of bed, finds a quill and a scrap of parchment he nicked from Draco, and writes A list of things to do today across the top.

Then he writes:

Wake up

“I’ve done that. Good for me.” Harry crosses out wake up. 

Then he chews at his lip and thinks about what else he’s got to do today.

Get dressed

Tea and toast

See Draco

Take walk with Draco

Eat lunch

Take

His mind overheats at the thought of taking a nap in Draco’s bed. Harry wouldn’t mind at all if they took a nap naked. And before they took a nap, they could—

He crosses out take and writes misc snogging.

Read Chapter 13 of Clear, Warm Light on AO3

Start at the beginning here

[dodgerkedavra]

December 5

“Here is your button,” Malfoy calls.

“That isn’t my button!” Harry wails, feeling insane. “That button is thick. My button is thin! Or, like, medium!”

He turns on his heel and storms through the forest, tears stinging his eyes. He jumps up and down, wishing he could tear down a tree with his bare hands.

“The whole world is covered with fucking buttons,” Harry screams. “And not one of them is mine! Not even bloody one!”

He rages all the way to his cottage, throws himself inside, and slams the door behind him.

There, on the floor, was Harry’s brownish-green, single-holed, small, round, medium-thick button.

Read Chapter 5 of Clear, Warm Light on AO3

Start at the beginning here