#desi couples

[natkhat-sa-shyam]

I'm an old school lover

So i would take you to eat streetfood ♡

[fairytale-endinganyone]

my parents are celebrating 41 years of marriage this year. yes 41. 

when I arrived, my siblings were teenagers and my parents were financially stable, they had just moved into a new home where we stayed for 20 + years (we recently moved to our current home).

I wanted to share some ‘take aways’ that I have noted from my parent’s marriage - i’ve tried my best to make this as real as possible.

my parents have never actually celebrated their anniversary. like most men my dad doesn’t remember the date of their marriage and yes at times mom has gotten annoyed at him for this but she also has never been big on ‘going all out’ and ‘celebrating’. my parents are old school (well they are boomers), their worlds don’t include Facebook or any social media. emails, youtube and news apps – yes.

my dad is a CA, him owning his own company means that he’s always had freedom over his working hours. he'd go to work around 11am & come back at around 5/6pm because that’s what suited him. even now, his morning includes two huge cups of tea, warming up my mom’s car while she’s getting ready for work and opening the gate, if its still dark or the weather is unsavoury he’ll tell her to on her lights and to drive slowly. my dad having the extra time in the morning also meant that he’d make sure I had a proper breakfast and was ready for school.

one time, me and mom were both home as it was term break (my mom is a vice principal) and dad spent more time than usual getting ready, he eventually came into the lounge looking sharp. I was at the table reading and saw my parents hugging - its not that I never saw them having tender moments, its just as a young & impressionable child, this moment has stuck with me.

there was an instance when we were at a function & an individual was being an asshole towards my mom – my dad told him to back off. the individual got the message and to this day doesn’t talk to my parents. yes, women are more than capable of defending themselves, but this instance gave me a realization of what a man should do if someone disrespects their woman.

a few years ago, my mom’s brother passed away, my mom was naturally broken and upset. during that time my dad took over the responsibilities that mom would usually do and he didn’t expect anything in return – there were no jabs of ‘I’ve done this and that’, he just simply did it to make sure mom had the time and space to grieve. 

recently, one of my uncle's passed away (my dad’s brother). mom came home early from work and simply just sat with him and made sure he had the time and space to grieve. in both instances, the other partner knew what the other needed.

their evenings are usually spent discussing current events or well, just being on their phones together. we're Muslim and these days my mom plays this game on her phone that helps her with her Arabic & she's gotten my dad hooked on it. they bring each other closer to God.

these instances may not seem ‘romantic’ to you, but to me they signify what a real relationship is. over the years they have had their misgivings, but their marriage is the foundation that I can always fall back on.

there’ve been times when i've talked about my parents marriage & what it means to me but I’ve almost always gotten shut down by people saying that ‘in the South Asian culture/community couples are never truly happy’.

I understand there are too many couples in our culture/community that are together because one person in the r/ship (usually the woman) doesn’t have anywhere else to go, or they don’t go their different ways because ‘what will people say’. I am by no means putting anyone down. this is just my parents’ story/life. they weren't forced to stay together, there was never an instance of my mom not having anywhere else to go – yes this comes from a place of privilege as my mom has always been a financially independent woman. I know that not all women are in the position that my mom is in & don’t have a choice but to stay in a relationship that may not be ideal & its hard to explain the hollow feeling this gives me.

i am immensely grateful that marriage ended up being a blessing for my parents. yes there are things I'd do differently with my (future) partner as times have changed and I as an individual (& a millennial) think differently about a lot of things.

also please dont come @ me with the: 'ur brainwashed and naive’. my parent's marriage is by no means perfect. it was arranged (surprise surprise) but its a blessing that it worked out. i just want to appreciate it.

[natkhat-sa-shyam]

Making a playlist is a delicate art. Where without uttering a word you says a lot through playlist.

Kundali match ho ya na ho but taste of music and books match hona is compulsory✨️

[natkhat-sa-shyam]

एक दिन विज्ञान समझ लेगा सारे रहस्य,

नाप लेगा ब्रह्मण्ड की परिधि

समुन्दर का तल

और नक्शे में बंध जायेगा काल भी।

तब रह जायेगा रहस्य

मानव जाति के लिए एक ही

वो तुम्हारा मुझे देख कर उस रोज मुस्कुराना।।

[natkhat-sa-shyam]

She was sleepy, eyes almost closed.

"10 more minutes mom", she yawned.

Her husband smiled looking at her morning face for the first time.

[natkhat-sa-shyam]

Snapchat pe streak banane ke zamane mein tumhe apne hath se khat likh k dena hai, tumhare favourite bookmarks padhne hai.

jhel paogi mujhe?

[natkhat-sa-shyam]

छोटे शहर के लड़को का सपना होता है,

प्रेमिका का हाथ पकड़कर सड़को पर चलना ।

[natkhat-sa-shyam]

It's about who stays,

Not who promised.