How did you meet your fiance? As a muslim girly who wants to be in love I've been strugglinggggg. Do you have any tips/advice for finding your naseeb?
i wanna preface by saying that he just kinda spawned in my life lol so i dont think im in any position to give advice on that end, but if yall want specific advice on getting to know someone for marriage i can def give my opinion!
we dated with the intention of marriage without a mahram around though, so if that's not that path you're looking to take unfortunately i can't help you there :(
it's kind of a long story but the reallyyyyyyy short version is that we met at a wedding last summer where i was a bridesmaid and he was a groomsman. the bride is a really close family friend (we've known them for ~60 years), and my fiance is one of the grooms friends and also close family friends for 20+ years. he had his eyes on me the second he saw me and had a crush on me the entire wedding loooool (at least thats what he keeps telling me). it wasnt just looks though – he fell for my personality first and liked how personable and friendly i was with everyone i talked to. eventually at the last event he built up the courage to talk to me and kind of made a fool of himself lmaoooo but he liked how i made light of it and didnt make him feel bad. i remember thinking he was very sweet and nice, and he didnt take his eyes off of me the whole interaction LMAOOOO
i didnt think anything of that interaction until a week later when the bride messaged me out of nowhere saying that he was interested in me and wanted my number – to which i said hell no i dont just give my number to anyone, but he can add me on ig if he wants.
we talked for a bit from there (very friendly conversation, no sending of posts/reels), had a phone call once before meeting the first time, and then finally went on a date. from that day on we just kept seeing each other. it was definitely a process for me though because i wasnt used to dating or people showing interest in me, but im glad it happened the way it did <3 i had to push through and just accept his affection because even though i really really really liked him, i was having trouble getting used to someone liking me in that way and wanting to do things for me.
but one thing ill make absolutely clear is if you can't tell if he likes you, he does not like you. in the entire time i've known my fiance, there was never a single moment where i doubted how he felt for me. he made it clear from the beginning, and put in so much effort (and still does!). and, above all, he made time for me!!!!! that was the biggesttttttt thing for me. also, i respect him and his character. our dating process before we became "official" was a process of learning about each other and making sure we were compatible as friends first !!! and romantic partners second. it was a big thing for me that he didnt want to be disrespectful in the way he got to know me because he didnt want to "slide into my dms" and he never flirted with me before meeting and getting to know me. that was actually huge because i had talked to guys on hinge who hit on me off the bat and i immediately unmatched because ew i dont know you like that. get to know me as a person first and see where it goes. him being my friend's husband's friend also changed the way we interacted though bc it wouldve become awkward in the future if we hadn't worked out, so i was a bit cautious and i could tell he was too (which tbh was better in the long run).
we secretly dated for four (4) months. my sister knew about him, and so did my friends. my best friend met him and i met his close cousins.
we knew we wanted to get married basically one (1) month in and made it absolutely clear two (2) months in. funnily enough, we talked about our thoughts on marriage on the third date and how we're in no rush and want to get to know properly someone first, regardless of how long it takes. but our connection was so strong that we both just knew. i never thought of myself as the kind of person who'd agree to marry someone in less than a year but here i am oop (btw make sure you talk about every important topic before agreeing to marry someone !!!! don't wait until its too late)
we both also knew that the second we told our families theyd push for marriage right away and we wanted to get to know each other properly first without a third party's involvement, so we pushed it as much as possible.
we discussed and planned when we'd want to get married and thought about hypotheticals about what our parents would do/say because neither of them had experience with this (we're the first ones to get married on both sides). we talked about how long our parents would need to get to know each other, which we knew wouldnt be long because we're both pakistani sunni muslims and we met through trusted mutual families who did their due diligence. we thought about how long an engagement would be and what a wedding and marriage would look like for us, as well as what was happening in our life in the coming months to factor that in.
we ended up telling our parents four (4) months in because we just couldn't hold it in anymore loool. the literal next day after both our parents found out, we met each others families at his house, and then they came to our house a few days later. it was basically a done deal from the time we went to his house, but they did formalities at my house. then, a few weeks later his entire immediate family was visiting for another wedding so they invited us over for a dinner and basically treated that as the unofficial "baat pakki" where they fed us mithai and gave us money/gifts.
my parents had no questions for me about him because they knew that if i was bringing someone to them he must be very special (i was veryyyyyyyy openly against getting married oop). they completely trusted me
since then its just been a process of getting the families to know each other better and planning the wedding (happening this year Inshallah <3)
if yall have any more specific questions i'm happy to answer them :)))
