Aug 11, 2014
if you unfollow me I'll probably show up to your house and ask why
seen from Russia
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from Argentina
seen from United States
seen from Denmark
seen from Malaysia
seen from China
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from Venezuela
seen from Russia
seen from Brazil
seen from United States
seen from United States
if you unfollow me I'll probably show up to your house and ask why
if someone ever randomly drew a picture of me I would probably throw a party
smile because you can 😋
the top picture is from about 2 years ago at the age of 15, yes physically i was beyond unhealthy, my hair was falling out, i had bruises all over me, you can see my skin is unhealthy, my heart was failing me, i was passing out without warning, my nails were turning blue but there was more than that... i cant even begin to explain how much i hated myself, how i wished more than anything that i could just tear my skin off and become someone else. i spent every night crying on my bathroom floor cutting myself or trying to throw up the little food i had eaten for dinner, i spent my days in a trance, going through school like a zombie, isolating myself from my friends and family. i had tried to kill myself more times than i can count but i didn't have the nerve to do it all at once so i was doing it slowly. i made sure than my life meant nothing to me, because who cares about their life when they're ready to be dead before the age of 16
the bottom picture is me after recovery, I've pushed myself through hell to get where i am now, and to be honest i really wasnt sure if i was going to be able to do it. but i did. i made it. im making my life mean something, and im taking care of myself. my hair is growing, my skin is healthy and my heart is working, i actually have boobs and sure im still not 100% happy with my body but thats okay because im happy with myself. im 17 now and i cant wait to go to college, i cant wait to travel the world, visit all the beautiful beaches,meet beautiful people, and see all the things one year ago i was sure i wouldnt be alive to see. i cant wait to leave my mark on the world. now more than ever im determined to make a difference and actually live my life to the fullest.
i spent 5 months in a hospital, and a lot of the time it was shitty, really fucking shitty but the amazing part of it was that i met the most amazing people that have pushed me to recover and still inspire me. in those 5 months i was taught how to love myself, i remembered how to smile and mean it. i remembered what it was like to be alive and present. 2 years ago if you asked me what i loved 'myself' never would of been on the list, but its there now, maybe not at the top but at least its on there.
please dont give up on yourself, because if you do you'll never get the chance to be happy. remember that it will get better but you have to fight for it, if you fall pick yourself back up and you dont have to do it on your own, reach out and ask for help, have someone take your hand and help you fight.
if you're looking for a sign to recover, if you're looking for a sign to save yourself, if you're looking for a sign to live. this is it.
im always here for you, please for the love of god, fight.
today was a bad day and all I want is a hug
how am I supposed to talk about what's going on with me if I can't even put it into words myself
for the anon, I crawled out of bed for this so you better love me. ps sideways and no pants.
UuuUuUUGggGGGggggghhHhhHHhhH