Bloody (Sky)Pirates!
((I stayed up way too late giggling over this story last night. I have to write it.))
"Wait'll they see these screamin' doon at 'em!" Roddy exclaimed, taking a swig of whiskey and ashing his cigar, taking moderate care not to do it over the jack o'lantern he'd filled with heavy explosives, his fake ears and snout already off-kilter. Willingdon barked out a laugh, the monstrous worgen snatching up his own bottle and shoving his fake red beard out of the way before taking a swig of his own.
"Bet these prats dunno what Hallow's End even is eh? They'll know well enough after today though!" The Dethwish's First Mate and Engineer both giggled to one another like children as they continued to pack their grimacing payload of explosive squashes.
"Happy Hallow's End, and hail to the king baby!" The Captain of the airship Dethwish, Reikard Kolstadt, strode on deck, stood triumphantly, jutting his chin out, and quirking an eyebrow. The other two looked up at him and immediately looked confused.
"Cap'n, why're ye dressed like tha'?" Roddy asked. "I didn'ae know ye were borrowin' me shotgun just so ye could pair it wi' a ripped blue shirt, brown pants, and a... is tha' a Gnomeregan Bonechopper attached to yer right arm??" The Dwarf asked, baffled.
"What kind of bloody costume is that, Cap'n? We ain't got no Forsaken on the ship for you ta blow in 'alf." The two snickered. The Captain slung the shotgun over his shoulder.
"Name's Ash. Housewares..." There was no reaction from the two. Reikard sighed.
"I wouldn't expect you primitive screwheads to get it. And what are you two dressed up as?" The Captain gestured with his bonechopper arm at the worgen and dwarf.
"I'm him." Roddy pointed to Will.
"And I'm him." Will pointed at Roddy. The two laughed to themselves, Will re-positioning his red beard, and Roddy straightening his ears and snout. The Captain rolled his eyes.
"Groovy..." He said sarcastically. "How're the preparations coming along?" He asked. Roddy stood up and chuckled to himself, giving a salute almost as an after thought.
"Ready for deployment Cap'n! Operation 'Scare Th'Poop Outta Th'Iron Horde While Remaining Festive' is a go!" All three of the crew chuckled at the unnecessarily long title.
"Excellent! Master Tirfallon, bring us in range." At the Captain's order, Willingdon hopped to and took the controls, swerving the ship toward the Dark Portal. Explosive pumpkins began to roll across the deck, and Roddy ran to and fro, catching and securing them before they were all blown from the sky.
Soon enough, the Dethwish floated just over the Dark Portal. Legions of brown-skinned orcs were massed beneath them. The crew of the Dethwish could hear them screaming curses at the airship, but they knew that the Iron Horde hadn't prepared for aerial battle. So few people were. The Captain collapsed his spyglass as Roddy and Will strode up beside him.
"Aren't ye worried aboot the Horde or Alliance seeing us? I mean, tae them, we're bad guys aren't we?" Roddy asked, peering over the rails of the ship. Captain Reikard hoisted a jack o'lantern over his shoulder.
"Good. Bad. We're the guys with the airship full of explosive pumpkins." The Captain laughed and threw the first of the grinning explosives. The crew could hear confused grunts from the Iron Horde below. Then the explosion came. The crew were all surprised at how big it was.
"New recipe, master Grimbolt?" the Captain asked. Roddy giggled and rubbed his hands together. "Well alright! Light 'em up gents!" The Captain said, grabbing more pumpkins and hurling them down at the scattering, screaming orcs.
The crew all laughed, shouting curses that would make a lich blush, as the auto-pilot steered the ship over the opening to the portal. The three threw pumpkins, until they had run out. By then, a swarm of orcs had gathered in a large area, beneath a massive siege engine, which they were attempting to angle at the Deathwish. Will hopped to the controls and brought the ship out directly over top of the gathered Iron Horde.
"Master Grimbolt..." The Captain propped one leg up on the railing, looking down over the crowd. Roddy wheezed with laughter, capering over to a massive lever. He hopped up and swung on it, cranking it over. There was a large groan, as the massive double doors in the ship's hull swung open, and dozens of pumpkins tumbled out and down on to the orcs and their siege engine.
The resultant explosion was immense. Captain Kolstadt felt the heat from the blast, and swayed as the Dethwish herself was jostled by the force. All three men on board rushed to the side to watch the Iron Horde scatter and rush back to the Dark Portal. They then collapsed to the deck, laughing and cheering at their macabre efforts.
As the Dethwish drifted back over the Blasted Lands, they passed the gathered forces of the Horde and Alliance who had amassed to repel the invading Iron Horde. The crew could hear people all shouting the same thing.
"Happy Hallow's End!"
Master Grimbolt switched on the ship's megaphone, and the three shouted "Happy Hallow's End!" into it. More cheering. The Captain instructed master Tirfallon to take them back to Booty Bay for candy and booze. As they floated back to the port they called home from time to time, Roddy approached the Captain, who was standing, arms akimbo at the bow of the ship.
"Well, that was a hoot, I tell ye. A grand idea, Cap'n."
"Thank you master Grimbolt. It was a grand idea."
"Are all ship Captains this much fun?"
"Just me baby. Just me."
((Pretty happy with this one. And much more pleasant than my last written thingy! It's always been a long standing thing that Reikard is basically Bruce Campbell in Azeroth, so I ran full-cheese with it this time. Hope folks enjoyed it!))
