Developing the Scene
What do I mean when I say scene?
Well, think of it like a scene for a play. You have to set the stage correctly - that’s the surroundings. On the stage, there are the actors - that’s the characters. And then there’s the dialogue and the stage directions, and that dictates how the scene is going to play. There’s several levels to it - on one hand, the actors are saying something - the dialogue. The audience sees the actors as they perform on the stage - that’s the surroundings, the physical setting - where the characters are. And then there are the stage directions - these tell the actor how to say the dialogue, how they should be moving/acting, what they’re doing; often the actor adds in their own body language as well. The important bit here is that the audience does not know the stage directions. It is not explicitly stated how a character feels for every single bit of dialogue; the audience must infer it from how the actor is performing. So it should be with your characters.
Developing your scene can/should include:
character actions
how characters say things
characters’ dialogue
characters’ reactions (to each other; physically, mentally)
character’s thoughts
description of action
description of surroundings
word choice
But how might you do any of this? Or, you might say, why do I need to do any of this?
Let’s apply these techniques to an example of a scene (which, by the way, can be very short of very long). Our example is going to be very simple at first.
Example #1:
Claudia walked in. “I don’t like him,” she said.
“Are you sure?” replied Betty. She went over to Claudia and fixed her friend’s brown braid.
“Definitely.”
“Okay,” Betty said.
What does the reader know from this? Claudia doesn’t like some guy; her friend Betty is doubtful; Claudia’s hair is messy (or at least Betty thinks so), and Betty fixes it for her; Claudia reaffirms her dislike of this guy, and Betty believes her. Simple, straightforward - boom. There’s the scene.
But it’s kind of boring, isn’t it?
It’s all, Claudia did this, Betty said that, then Claudia did this, and so on. In fact, let’s look at how many sentences use the character’s names or start with a pronoun.
Claudia walked in. “I don’t like him,” she said.
“Are you sure?” replied Betty. She went over to Claudia and fixed her friend’s brown braid.
“Definitely.”
“Okay,” Betty said.
Three sentences begin with the names while four include names, two start with pronouns, and there are only FIVE sentences (not including dialogue) total. It’s pretty repetitive. In addition let’s look at how many times the word said/replied was used without further explanation:
Claudia walked in. “I don’t like him,” she said.
“Are you sure?” replied Betty. She went over to Claudia and fixed her friend’s brown braid.
“Definitely.”
“Okay,” Betty said.
Out of the four dialogue sentences, three of them used said/replied without further explanation. Again, it’s repetitive, and what’s more, we have no idea about how each girl feels about what she’s saying. We have no stake in this conversation.
So how can we make this better?
Well, starting sentences with or using names in sentences is not bad. In fact, it’s pretty darn useful when you have large groups to deal with. You need to know who is doing what, who is talking, and what’s going on with the characters. And using said/replied isn’t bad either. It indicates that a character has said something. To make it less repetitive to the reader, you can break it up/space them out. You can break it up with descriptions of what’s happening or of the character’s surroundings. You can start with an action instead of a name. You could insert the character’s/characters’ thoughts, feelings, and body language as well. Let’s do this in stages. First, body language of the characters:
The door slammed open, and Claudia stalked in. “I don’t like him,” she said, flinging her purse into the corner of the room.
Betty looked up from where she’d been doing homework sprawled on the bed. “Are you sure?” replied Betty, arching an eyebrow. She went over to Claudia and carelessly fixed her friend’s brown braid.
“Definitely.”
“Okay,” Betty said, rolling her eyes.
This shows a lot more about the character’s relationship than the first one. Clearly, Claudia’s very upset. She’s slamming doors, stalking around, and flinging things. Her body language reads: One Very Upset Woman.
In contrast, Betty’s sprawled on her bed. She’s doing homework. She’s being productive, but relaxed about it. In response to her friend’s upset words, she doesn’t immediately believe her. She’s skeptical, arching eyebrows and carelessly fixing Claudia’s appearance, as if that’s what’s wrong here. Does she respect Claudia? Claudia seems to trust Betty enough to show her emotions to her, but Betty seems cool and collected throughout this whole thing. It just makes Claudia look too emotional, or like Betty just doesn’t care, depending on how you read it.
And when Claudia reaffirms her dislike of this unnamed guy, Betty rolls her eyes! She still doesn’t believe Claudia. Their dialogue is unchanged, but the meaning and emotions behind it have shifted a bit.
Let’s add descriptions now (of characters, surroundings, etc.)
The door slammed open, and Claudia stalked in. “I don’t like him,” she said, flinging her purse into the corner of the room. The brand-new mirror in the corner of the room showed a very different Claudia than the one who had gone out earlier that night. Smudged mascara on her eyes, smeared lipstick, one of her earrings missing...
Betty looked up from where she’d been doing homework sprawled on the bed. She was wearing a tank top and shorts that showed off her tanned legs, and she hadn’t removed her make-up yet. The blanket on her bed was new and pale green. “Are you sure?” replied Betty, arching an eyebrow. She went over to Claudia and carelessly fixed her friend’s brown braid.
“Definitely.”
“Okay,” Betty said, rolling her eyes.
What have we learned now? Apparently Claudia had been here earlier, looking much more collected. Now she’s a mess - her makeup is ruined, she’s missing jewelry - something big happened here. Again, Betty is contrasted to Claudia: she’s showing off her body, unembarrassed. She’s tan and her makeup is still on, so she looks more put together than Claudia right now. She’s also changed her blanket for some reason, indicating that between the last time Claudia was here, Betty had the time and money to get a new one - why?
The dynamics of the scene have shifted even more - Claudia’s not overreacting. Something went wrong, she’s missing jewelry, she’s very upset, and her friend, looking better than she does, isn’t bothering to ask what happened, instead doubting her statements, not really caring at all. Is Betty really a good friend?
Finally, let’s add some character thoughts/reactions:
The door slammed open, and Claudia stalked in. “I don’t like him,” she said, flinging her purse into the corner of the room. The brand-new mirror in the corner of the room showed a very different Claudia than the one who had gone out earlier that night. Smudged mascara on her eyes, smeared lipstick, one of her earrings missing....she felt like a mess. No, she was a mess. Her whole life was a mess.
Betty looked up from where she’d been doing homework sprawled on the bed. She was wearing a tank top and shorts that showed off her tanned legs, and she hadn’t removed her make-up yet. It wasn’t fair for someone to look this good at two in the morning. In fact, it should be illegal.
Wait a minute. The blanket was new - yesterday’s had definitely been polka-dotted, not pale green. What the heck?
“Are you sure?” replied Betty, arching an eyebrow. She went over to Claudia and carelessly fixed her friend’s brown braid. Claudia focused back on her friend. What was going on? Why was Betty acting so weird? Normally her best friend would be all over her right now, offering a shoulder to cry on and a large container of ice cream, but Betty was acting so...cold. She decided to act like nothing was wrong for the moment.
“Definitely.”
“Okay,” Betty said, rolling her eyes.
This wasn’t right.
What do we know now? Claudia feels awful - it’s been established, but apparently this particular incident happens to represent her whole life to her, so we know that she feels her life in general is a mess. We know it’s two in the morning, and that Betty is doing homework and still wearing makeup. We know that Claudia is jealous of Betty’s good looks, especially right now. We know that the new blanket is weird, even to Claudia, so it’s not a normal thing for Betty to do. And finally: BETTY ISN’T ACTING LIKE HERSELF. Claudia’s thoughts tell us that normally Betty’s a really supportive friend, who would totally be there for Claudia right now! This isn’t normal behavior for Betty!
Claudia decides to act like nothing’s wrong, and see what happens. Betty continues to act out of character and Claudia is totally freaked out.
So, from our first example to our last example, we’ve added a lot to the scene. The events are the same (Claudia comes in, announces her dislike of a boy, Betty doubts her and fixes her braid for her, Claudia reaffirms her dislike, and Betty says okay), but the meaning behind them is different: Claudia comes in upset and a mess, presumably because of the guy, Betty is relaxed and uncaring while doubting her, she carelessly fixes her friend’s appearance, Claudia reaffirms her dislike while wondering why Claudia is acting out of character and making changes to the room, Betty says okay while not really meaning it, and Claudia knows that this is wrong.
The first one is a chain of events; the second one is a story.
There are other ways to develop your scene: how the characters say things, their reactions to each other, and word choice. Let’s look at another example (a shorter one this time):
Example #2
“Back off,” James said to Rob.
“Are you going to make me?”
How might they be saying these words to each other?
“Back off,” James said quietly to Rob, his voice subdued.
“Are you going to make me?
In the first one, it sounds like James is being aggressive - but we find out, he’s actually not being aggressive at all!
How are the characters reacting to each other?
“Back off, James said quietly to Rob, his voice subdued.
“Are you going to make me?” Rob tilted his head inquiringly, lazily smirking at the thought.
Now we know something about Rob and his opinion of James - he doesn’t believe James could do anything to him. What might James say back to him or do in response?
“Back off, James said quietly to Rob, his voice subdued.
“Are you going to make me?” Rob tilted his head inquiringly, lazily smirking at the thought.
He gripped the wooden chair so tightly that he thought it might break. “I’ll make you if I have to.” The words came out with a unintended snap.
Notice how James thinks about the chair breaking, and his words come out with an unintended snap - like accidentally breaking wood, connecting this to his earlier thought. He’s warning Rob through his tone that just like the wood, Rob is also breakable.
Remember that your word choice in describing how a character does/says something or how you describe a setting is very important, and a lot of the time your choice in words can get across the emotions of the scene for you, and you won’t have to explicitly state it at all.
In summary, when developing your scene, keep in mind the list at the top. Think of it as the stage directions for your characters - you should know them and each character should know them, but the audience must infer it from what you’ve written. This is also a good technique for when you’re editing your story and looking for ways to draw the reader in further/strengthen your story.
Hope this helps!
- Riona
