Described as tasting like "the devil's taint sweat", "a condom filled with gasoline", and "pencil shavings and heartbreak", Jeppson's Malört is famously maligned and beloved. By outsiders and Chicagoans, respectively.
I've been curious about this stuff for a long time, but with no plans to go to Chicago anytime soon, it wasn't looking likely to get a taste. It might be changing in more recent years, but I'm pretty sure it's still difficult to find this stuff outside of the windy city. The inland northwest wasn't a place I expected to find Malört, so I accepted the slightly high price for the bottle I snagged.
Malört is the Swedish word for wormwood, the liqueur's main ingredient. When Carl Jeppson emigrated from Sweden he began brewing and selling his favorite bäsk liqueur recipe door to door as a medicine (like just about every other type of alcohol back then lol). Since then, it's become a rite of passage for anyone calling Chicago home to sample one, two, three shots of the bitter stuff.
I kinda want to break down my thoughts about Malört, having heard a decent amount about it from the YouTube channel How to Drink, and now tasting it myself. I've never really done this kind of thing so let's see how much I embarrass myself lol
The nose is straight up gasoline. Not as intense as the real stuff, more like gasoline one room over. It would be extremely off-putting to someone not expecting this, and I imagine watching people's faces crumple in disgust is half the fun.
The first taste is surprisingly sweet. Malört clocks in at 35% ABV, 70 proof. Despite only being just short of a full proof spirit, it doesn't taste as such. Most liqueurs range from 15-25% ABV (11% in the case of Aperol!). That sugar really blunts the impact of the ethanol.
The evolution of flavors is quick, a mouth-filling burst of grapefruit pith without the citrussy oils from the rind. It is violently bitter, especially if you're not used to drinking things like black coffee or grapefruit juice. The ethanol comes through shortly after, but is still blunted by the sugar. Beyond that, it's kinda like chewing on Nintendo Switch cartridges.
The aftertaste lasts. And lasts. And lasts. Not washing the flavor out of my mouth with something else, Malört stays on my tongue for a half an hour easily. Unfortunately, the one complaint I have with this is that there's very little else going on in terms of flavor. It tastes like wormwood from start to long, withering finish.
So, do I think Malört deserves the title of worst liqueur ever? Nah, not at all. I actually quite like it. But I'm someone who actually likes grapefruit, black coffee, and negronis. I find bitter to be a very interesting flavor that doesn't get enough of the limelight. It's why I prefer Coke over Pepsi. I DO think that Malört will be horribly vile to MOST people, and non-adventurous eaters/drinkers QUAKE AND PRAY TO THEIR VARIOUS GODS at the thought of such a bitter drink. I'm personally on the side of the Chicagoans.
I'd recommend grabbing a bottle (if you're of legal drinking age, of course) if you see one. Scarcity should be the only thing keeping you from trying Malört, because even if you don't like the taste, watching other people's reaction to it is well worth the money.