#dewma quotes

[eventually-fae-writes]

*Pre-robin tim sneaking into the cave*

Bruce: go home

Agent c: no

Bruce: go HOME

Agent C: NO

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Dick, some time during the robin training arc, trying to puzzle out agent C's perfered gender: ... and youre okay being "boy wonder???" You sure you don't want to be "kid wonder"? "Girl wonder" even??

Agent C: "boy wonder" rolls off the tounge better

Agent C: and how would you even try to introduce the change to "kid wonder" if I told you i perfered it???

Agent C: fucking- just the next time someone starts monolouging go 🤓☝️ it's kid wonder now actually 🤓☝️

Agent C: lol

Dick: we could do it

Agent C: I kind of want to see what riddler would do if I interupted a riddle with that now

Dick: no, no, if you're going to do jt you've got to start with penguin.

Agent C: why?

Dick: he'll be thrown off, then he'll ignore you, and continue with his monolouging. THEN he'll not mention it to anyone. THEN when you tell riddler that it's KID WONDER, and act like everyone already knows this, you'll say "even penguin knows!!!" And Penguin will agree that yes he knew, then riddler will blow a gasket

Agent C: you're evil.

Dick: thank you I try

Tim, 3 years later, post-egg-cracking: I'm too genderqueer for this shit

Tim:

Tim: OHHHHH Dick was trying to puzzle out my gender.

Tim: yeah I gave him nothing.

Tim: oops.

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Dick: *calls Tim kid all the time*

Tim: I can name every bone in the hand and break them one by one to maximize pain. I'm not a kid.

Dick: *starts calling him BABY BIRD instead*

Tim: BABY????? BABY?!?!?@??@ *starts climbing up walls*

Dick: you could end this all by telling me how old you are

Tim: fuck you

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Bruce: *pats Tim's shoulder and moves away to do something else*

Tim, in intern mode: *internal screaming*

Tim, whispering to himself: too dad shaped for his own good

Tam: ... you know what, you aren't.... that wrong....

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Wayne social media managers: *beg Tim to come take portraits of the waynes again for literal YEARS after Tim stops being an intern*

Wayne PR team: *Streches the use of Tim's portraits for as long as feasibly possible bc it's the only one where dick is genuinely smiling*

Wayne HR Head Exsecuitive: *Calls Tim bc there's a need for a photographer and they can't find one that meshes well with the waynes as a group*

Tim: no,,, I shant,,, it's better if we keep a distance-

Dick: *makes one phone call to Tim*

Tim: *Packs up and is there in less than half an hour*

Tim: *doesn't even meet anyone but the waynes*

Tim: *sends in GORGEOUS photos with little need for edits*

Tim: *disappears without comment*

Wayne Team, to Dick: YOU COULD HAVE DONE THAT THE WHOLE TIME?!?!?!?

Wayne team, shaking Dick: HOW??????

Dick: I just??? Asked???

Wayne team: **flabberghasted

Wayne team: artisans smh

[eventually-fae-writes]

Tim, during chapter 1 of DEWMA: *escorting Damian through the room*

Gala goers: *keep interupting to say hi to damian and tim*

Tim's internal monologue: They're trying to get into Damian's good graces, because there isn't another Wayne around to guard him...

Tim, externally: *glaring at anyone who tries to get too friendly with damian*

Tim, externally: *Does the handshakes and leads interactions for Damian*

Tim, externally: *is the one introducing Damian and steering them clear of bad charaters*

Tim, externally: Ah, yes. I'm escorting Mr. Wayne here back to his brother's side. Is that a PROBLEM???

Gala goers: ... So. This is who the Waynes intrust with their youngest. Good to know....

=

Tim: *handing Damian off to Dick*

Dick: Oh Tim!!!

Gala goers: *murmer murmer* on a first name basis, even a nickname, *murmer, murmer*

Tim: *talking with dick about newman*

Dick: *immediately trusts Tim's word*

Gala goers: *gossip gossip* not even a follow up question *gossip gossip*

Dick: Thank you, Tim

Gala goers: *chatter chatter* so courteous to someone below the wayne name, maybe Timothy Drake is more important than we think *chatter chatter*

[eventually-fae-writes]

Whyyy does Batman have crayons in his belt?

I’m so curious (the fic is Despite Everything, We Meet Again, chapter 9)

Okay, so, I'm VERY behind on asks, since this one is the easiest to awnser I'll start with this one!!!

I already have the long answer written here. I forgot to link it to the end of that chapter, so thank you for reminding me!!!

Short answer: Agent C started using GYMNASTIC HAND CHALK when he was sleep deprived to write on the batcave walls and floors so he could get his facts straight, and never looked back. Then, after he left Batman ended up keeping it for the memories :( [also because it can come in clutch sometimes, but the colors and that specific brand are bc they remind him of C]

Here are some answers that bruce gave instead of telling the truth, tho.

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*Chalk falls out of Batman's belt after it gets torn by the villian of the week*

Green Lantern: pink chalk???? Why pink????

Batman: If you piss me off enough you'll find out.

=

Zatana: this next part is going to be very difficult- honestly i'd perfer to do it in chalk but we don't have the time to go get any-

Batman: Here.

Zatana:

Batman:

Zatana: honestly I expected it to be black

Batman: Have you seen Gotham?

Zatana:

Batman: Visability is important.

=

Flash: Hey batsy, yk when I had to go through your utility belt earlier

Batman: yes.

Flash: Bat-shark repellent???

Aquaman: No no, that one has actually been useful on occasion.

Flash: Okay sure, but why the juice boxes?

Superman: Those are literally a life saver when calming civillians down- sometimes a sticker just doesn't cut it

Flash: and the kit to take blood?

Green arrow: a MUST HAVE when you're constantly getting dosed with shit- us non-metas got to watch out

Flash: I know why you have the marbles, but WHY THE CHALK

Batman:

Everyone:

Batman: You've never had the riddler be petty enough to say he can't see your awnsers bc you've written them in the BLACK CHALK that HE GAVE YOU TO WRITE IN, and it shows.

=

Batman: *throws a peice of chalk at an invisable opponent so hard it explodes on impact*

Opponent, being arrested after a fight: who just has stuff like that on them?????

Batman: I do this basically once a month

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*during interrogation*

Batman: *draws line*

Batman: step a foot past that line and I have my friend crush every bone in your dominate hand

Superman: *oh shit I get to be the bad cop???? Lets fucking go*

Lackie #3: Is no one going to question why Batman carries fucking crayola chalk???

Lackie #3: Batman why do you carry crayola chalk? Surely you aren't getting a lot of use out of it-

Batman: Chalk can make a useful fast acting poision if you combine it with another chemical

Lackie #3: fucking what

Batman: would you like to try it?

=

*JL Mission, looking for kidnapped members who were replaced with dopplegangers*

Diana: look! Batman left a marking!

Fake GL, panicking bc the plan is falling appart but he still has to look natural: Batman has bright blue chalk??? What is he, five?

Superman, Wonderwoman, and Martian Manhunter: *slow turn*

Fake Flash: You'd think that it'd at least be black, to fit with his whole theme, yk?

Superman, Wonderwoman, Matian Manunter: *slowturn again*

Wonderwoman: get 'em boys.

*later

Bruce: this is why it's important to do the unexpected.

Diana and clark, simultaneously: fuck off Bruce

[eventually-fae-writes]

Tim Drake 🤝 the blogger girl 🤝 me: would cry from a hug from DEWMA!Batman

Me too I am the founder of that club. (Dick Grayson is the in-universe founder.)

Can confirm that DEWMA Batman HAS made several children who were completely dry-eyed during rescue burst into big heaving sobs and cling to him after the fact. He is a menace. He is big and strong and has a very warm cape. He does not outwardly balk at tears, because he knows it's embarrassing to whoever's crying if he does.

He has, on ONE notable occasion, made a kid cry and cling to him as brucie. He was Very Confused when that happened. It does not change the fact that he gave the Very Big And Comforting Hug to the kiddo who cried on him. And then he bought a slice of cake for them. It made them start crying again when they ate it.

Tim sitting there and nodding along at other children who get teary at the parental vibes from Batman is THE funniest thing I've ever wrote.

Like. Yeah. Tim "invents an uncle so bruce doesnt feel obligated to take care of me" Drake WOULD.

Just like imagine:

Group of rescued runaway pre-teens and tweens, roughly Tim's age: *pulls Tim into their huddle for a expert consolt*

Robin: hey guys what's up

Tween #1: is batman like- *starts blushing*

Robin: *blinks*

Pre-teen #1: does he ALWAYS act like that??????

Robin, realizing: ah. Yeah. Crazy right????

Pre-teen #2: okay, but like. Surely he's overbearing and like- hovers or something

Robin: no,

Group: *exclamations along the line of "BULLSHIT"*

Robin: okay guys I know that sounds fake but like. No. He's just. Like that. You see how he's not like- babysitting us??? Like he's THERE but he's giving us space??? Not demanding to know what we're talking about?

Tween #3: okay point. But. Surely he doesn't hug people or something????

Robin: if you walked up to him and asked him for a hug right now he wouldnt even hesitate

Group: *flabbergasted*

Robin: get this- he carries SNACKS. Everywhere he goes. And he shares his food if he has the more delicous snack.

Tween #2: is the sidekick role like- open to applications????

Group: *murmering agreement*

Robin:

Robin: lemme ask

Robin, hollering: B?!??! ARE YOU OPEN TO MORE SIDE-KICKS?????

Group: *taken aback that batman lets robin holler at him*

Batman, holloring back from across the way: IF THEY WANT A JOB I'LL FIND THEM SOMETHING SAFER TO DO, OKAY?!?!?!?!?

Robin: *glances at the group* OKAY 👍

Pre-teen #1: so he's. Really just like that.

Robin: yup

Pre-teen #1: how do you not fucking cry- he's so NICE

Robin: *wavering voice* a lot of practice

Group: *nodding*

[eventually-fae-writes]

Tim’s parents never trusted anyone to chaperone him but themselves. They believed that the best place for Tim to learn was at their sides. They even had strategy meetings with Tim in the car, explaining which parent he should stick with that night, or if they were all staying together and why.

Their baby is gonna LEARN how to work these people for all they're worth

When they get back into the car his Mom and Dad talk about the event and the people, and anything new that they’ve noticed that could be useful. If Tim catches something they didn’t, they go for a treat or a fast food meal.

Smol!Tim: *Hears his parents gossiping*

Smol!Tim: Wait I know stuff about this

Smol!Tim: *Gets a little treat for his observational skills*

Smol!Tim: I'm an international Super Spy, SUPER SPYYYYYYYYYY

Smol!Tim: *Proceeds to make a game over figuring out the secrets of the elite from observation alone*

Jack and Janet: *Baffled but its a good skill to have so they keep giving him little treats*

*Later*

Batman: Such natural detective skills. So impressive.

Tim, who's been practicing being a detective since before he even knew what that word meant: HaHa Yeah, thats crazy I didn't know I could do that... *flashbacks to knowing someone is having an affair before anyone else knows*

[eventually-fae-writes]

Someone commented this on DEWMA chap 9:

The bats gonna lock Tim in the batcave a ssoon as he put a TOE in it 😭😭

And I thought I'd share my immediate reaction.

Tim: hi b!!!

The Batcave: Initiating lockdown mode.

Tim: oh haha, I see. This is like the fun game me and Dick used to play when I was Robin where I'd break in, and he'd set more and more elaborate and ridiculous traps to see if he could catch me.

Tim, sighing wistfully: I miss the giant glue-trap mat.

Tim: I'll sneak out SO stealthily, B, don't you worry :]

The Bats: *distressed noises*

Bathound: *sits on Tim so he can't leave like a good doggie*

[eventually-fae-writes]

I'm rereading all my DEWMA Core Four moments (up til chapter 10 bc that's all thats posted rn) for an ask, have some more quotes <33

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Kon and bart: *having fun, maybe on a date*

Scarecrow: and I took that personally

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Tim: No, I can't go be a vigilantie, i have paperwork

Bart: *yoinks the paperwork out of his hand* Now you don't.

Bart: Plus thats boring. Come have fun.

Bart, with the biggest puppy eyes known to man: Please :(

Tim: ... well, i mean... if CASSIE says it's okay,,,,

Cassie: C istg if you don't get your ass moving YOU won't be okay.

Tim: :D

=

Tim, under his breath while suiting up: Baby shark do do do do do

Cassie: never thought I'd miss hearing that

Cassie: gods what is my life

=

Cassie, Bart, Kon: *refers to Tim as "wonder boy"*

Batman, Nightwing: It's actually "Boy Wonder"

YJ: No.

YJ: Ours >:[

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Tim: disney moive and work <33 I'm being so productive.

Kon:

Bart:

Cassie:

Tim: *falls asleep 5 minutes after he's surrounded on all sides*

Bart: works everytime >:D

=

YJ shenanigans:

DEWMA Bart: Okay, wait wait wait

DEWMA Tim: He said okay!

DEWMA Bart: Don't you use my own tricks on me!

DEWMA Tim: I've been waiting to do that for years.

=

Kon and Tim: *shaken from seeing their brothers kidnapped and chained up*

Cassie: Looks like we're the ones with the braincells now Imp

Imp: yayayay lets gooo

Imp: lets fucking destroy this entire cult for fucking with our people >:[

Cassie, cracking her knuckles: glad we're on the same page*

=

*IMO the less people on a mission w/ YJ the more destructive the mission ends up being. Bc like. Less allies to worry about hurting, and less people to offend with exessive violence, less people to hold you back, more enemies per person.

Also, fucking with someone's family = fucking with them AND their best friends, no mercy to be had.

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Tim: *pulls out a UV lamp from his utility belt for Jon*

Kon: I get dizzy during a mission ONE TIME-

Kon: *secretly touched, knows Tim was worried if he added something like that to his utility belt*

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Cassie & Bart: *intentionally don't mute their comms while talking to Superman and Batman just incase Kon and Tim decide they dont fw the adults today*

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Cassie & Bart, after Tim comes back from the watchtower to take crimescene photos: We're going to cuddle the fuck out of that sad wet kitten of a man

Kon, after fretting over Jon & tucking him into bed: now, where the fuck is the cuddle puddle.

Kon: *flops his full weight onto a fidgeting bart*

Tim, who's braiding Bart's hair: took you long enough.

Cassie, coming back in from the kitchen: you took my spot, you know the rules *flops onto kon*

Kon: *sighs, reinforces bart's legs so the impact doesn't hurt*

=

Bart: and why can't we just wake these people up

Tim: *fuck magic sigh*

Bart: ah. Magic. You only every make that specific sigh when magic is involved

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Tim: *Hungry after being a vigilanite and burning so many calories*

Bart: *Runs past Tim*

Bart: *sees Tim's hungry face*

Bart: No <3

Bart: *puts an apple turnover and quesadilla in Tim's hands*

Bart: *is there and gone for at most half a second*

Tim: *huffs but eats bc its right there*

Tim: *doesn't want to admit it but feels better*

=

Tim, calling Cassie: There's a fucking BATCOW now

Cassie: The fuck???

Tim: THATS WHAT I SAID

[eventually-fae-writes]

Babs: *finds a note on her computer in the clock tower*

Tim, in the note: heyyyy, noticed that a lot of your cameras in the dimond district were destroyed by Mr. Freeze, so I replaced them and added a few in the blind spots :) -C

Babs: *logs in to her network to see the cameras are MUCH more high quality*

Babs: *checks the make and model*

Babs: *the cameras are the same as the entire million dollar shipment of luthor tech that's been stressing superman out bc it misteriously vanished*

=

*Flash back*

Kon: So, yeah. Both of my dads are really pissing me off right now.

Tim: *scemeimg face*

Kon:

Tim:

Kon: I want in on the sceme