#dfmg5

[cryptichussy]

‪He never really did understand any of what i said. ‬

‪I always ran and opened up to him and not a word came out his head. ‬

‪That’s fine with me i knew he cared more than anyone could intend.‬

‪All he knew was i was down and that he had time to lend.

‪So he sat by my side and never left to make sure my life I won’t end. ‬

Truly i can tell you all that he’s a man’s best friend.

[cryptichussy]

‪all i could do is watch from a distance, and make believe that im okay with u being happy finally, even if its not because of me 🌸 ‬

[cryptichussy]

Lets watch heartbreaking movies together and then cry our eyes out, then cuddle. Lets drink alcohol until we're as drunk as fuck. Lets smoke pot til we're high as hell. Lets get matching tattoos. Lets go to music festivals. Lets go midnight driving. Lets go to church together. Lets go to museums. Dont get tired of me if i keep yelling at you when im mad. Calm me down by telling me you love me. Then kiss me and look at me like im the most beautiful creature youve ever seen even though I'm not. Please. Just do these things.

[cryptichussy]

A part of me wanna do drugs, get tattoos, have sex everywhere, bar hop every night. Those things. But another part of me knows it's not right for a Christian like me. And though these thoughts wont stop coming, i know i can endure this till the day comes that everything's so much better.

[cryptichussy]

1:55 am

Fuck you for making me feel like this. This is just awful shit. I have loved you, as long as i remember. I love you so much, please be mine. Be fucking mine.

[cryptichussy]

After God knows how many long years, we bumped into each other. it was on a hotel resort entrance. He still looks the same, With his innocent face and his same old weird smirk, his goddamn wholesome self. still looks like the one I fell in love with so deeply many years ago. He wasn't as stunned as I am when he saw me, but I can tell he was shocked. And I swear to god I was dumbfounded. He was trying to give me a piece of paper. it looked like a simple wedding invitation, I don't know. Written on it was a lady's name. I didn't know who that was until I saw who he was with, a lady, I think that's who she is. I just saw my biggest fear. him being with someone else, and not me. I didn't have the guts to accept it, or even just to look at it. What if it's his wedding invitation? Or if it's not, what is it and why was he giving it to me? with those hearts drawn on it. and a girl's name, what does that mean? Whatever that is, I just can't afford to look on that thing. I just looked away, and I left, without saying goodbye with the hope of somehow, not seeing him again. That same day, my friends dragged me in a hotel room, of course with the hope that it's something related to him, in a good way, and it was. Again, I was stunned and dumbfounded. There, I found him, with our old friends and colleagues. Everyone was there waiting for me, they were just sitting on the floor, Hearts all around the room, there were singing of love songs, the sound of people blushing. And I was, well, words cannot explain. I was simply happy. So happy. I waited for this for years. I mean, this is what I've been hoping for a very, very long time. I dreamed this moment. Then the people just went quiet. He spoke. He told me that he was also waiting for that moment, when we are finally together. He said that he loved me too, that he loves me too. Literally my whole world stopped. My beloved. My only one. this perfect creature just told me he loves me. Like I've been dreaming for for my whole life. It was all like, like a dream. And it was. I woke up, sad, disappointed, depressed. it was perfect, but it was not real.

[cryptichussy]

NAGUGULUHAN AKO. NAFA FALL BA KO SAKANYA? SERYOSO. I MEAN, BAKIT SYA?! PERO BEFORE TO MAY SINTOMAS NA NG PAGKAFALL EH. HALA GRABE KUNG TAMA MAN, SOBRANG UNEXPECTED. 1) literal na lahat ng sikreto ko alam nya. Literal. 2) literal na pag may problema ko sya takbuhan ko. At hindi nya ko binabaliwala. Pinapagaan nya loob ko. 3) sobrang lagi syang nandyan. literal! 4) hndi nya ko kinakahiya. 5) ako rin takbuhan nya 6) pag kailangan nya ng kasama kasama ko sa mga kinokontak nya. Vice versa, ako din. So?! Wth? Seryoso ba tooo noooo grabe wag naman sana. Iniyakan ko yung hindi nya pagsayaw sken. Chinat nya ko. Nag talo kme. Para kmeng magshota na nagaaway ng 2:38 am. Nagpaliwanag sya na hinahanap nya daw talaga ko. Kung alam ko lng daw. Bawat isasayaw ko sinasbe ko "TARA HANAPIN NATIN SI FAYE." 1st lalake na iniyakan ko GRABE. MAGKAIBIGN LANG KME PERO GANYAN. TAMA BA KO? NA NAGSISIMULA NA NGA? SANA WAG. SANA WAG.

[cryptichussy]

Jan 16 2015.

Masaya ako. Pero hindi ako masaya. Hindi ko rin alam pero masaya ko sa mga nangyari ngayon. Swimming with section and all. Bonding. Kasama ko crush ko. Pero ewan ko ba. May kulang talaga. Is it him? Is it the person i loved for years who cany love me back? Oo ba? Hindi? Di ko alam 😭 mahal ko parin sya 😭 sabi ko magiging masaya nalang ako para sakanya. Sabi ko kung san sya masaya ok lang ako kahit nasasaktan nako. Sobrang sakit pero para sakanya kaya ko. Kakayanin ko. 😭 i just cant take all these pain. wala na kong pinaglalaban. Wala na sya para maging inspirasyon ko. Wala na yung isang 'hi faye' nya lang. Buo na araw ko. sobrang saket. Sobra. Pero kakayanin ko. I learned that there are two reasons to fight for life: First, yung mahal mo. Second, yung sarili mo. Grabe talaga. Sge lalaban ako para saken. 😭 pero sobrang sakit talaga. I know you will never read this. You can never read this. Pero mahal kita, jed. And im still willing to do everything for you. Kahit sobrang sakit na. Para sayo, para sayo.