#dialouge box

[brokebackmolehill]

I feel like a lot of people genuinely don't get why Scarface is so tragic and what makes Tony Montana like, a compelling but also terrible character, unless you know anything about Florida and Miami at the time. Dozens of people in his position were happy to just finally see their families again. What he does is actually insane and you don't realize how much of a waste it is unless you met ppl who didn't know if they were gonna see their family in Cuba or not. Many people would have done anything to have what he had— his mom and sister and the idea of a stable life etc. not only is his greed crazy to an American audience, it's ESPECIALLY A CRAZY thing when you know most people from Cuba didn't get to reunite with their families for decades and he had a chance and immediately blew it by being weird and emotionally incestous to his sister.

[brokebackmolehill]

If you're wondering if we really do switch around this much, yes and no. Sometimes we just reblog posts we think the other would like to the blog. But today we actually are switchy because we are travelling out of state and it's A Lot.

[brokebackmolehill]

If you're wondering if we really do switch around this much, yes and no. Sometimes we just reblog posts we think the other would like to the blog. But today we actually are switchy because we are travelling out of state and it's A Lot.

[brokebackmolehill]

Uncomfortable violent intrusive thoughts again making it hard for me bc it makes visually in my mind think of something killing my pets or how I could accidentally hurt them or the worse possible thing that I never would do but my brain thinks of it anyways in gorey detail or every bump in the road means i hit an animal actually

[brokebackmolehill]

me well aware whatever is going on w Nick RN is fucked up but i need to interact with someone besides angel and virus or I'm gonna explode

[brokebackmolehill]

to some extent, I feel guilty. I feel sad.

Vent under the cut

since awhile ago i had to really pick up pieces of thoughts, feelings, routines, remember to check in on people.

And yet also have some. Sort of attachment to people I didn't previously know, to make up for the fact the people who used to front here couldn't for nearly that whole year.

Now I feel like some sort of, out of place imposter when I do try to talk to people they used to know. Like oh I care about you. You don't even know me tho. I miss you and I remember happy memories with you. You don't.

I don't know how to talk about it to anyone I know. I can't figure out how to get past the "how is your day" and "sorry it's been me fronting, here's what I've been up to" and just disappearing for another week.

I have tried to let other people front to do stuff at work, I think only mom/Virus really can handle it As Often. Some ppl not so much. I hate that I feel resentful about it. I knew it was a problem and I knew they were avoidant. But idk what to do sometimes because it's not that I hate fronting, I miss it when I don't for a long time, I just feel like an intruder at this point and I can't figure out how to fix it. Did I even introduce myself to some people as like, who I am in the first place, or did I just.Start talking? I can't fucking remember. Would it even matter or would it just be people thinking I'm dramatic or fucking weird.

[brokebackmolehill]

I think I stopped ever mentioning anime or wanting to talk to anyone who was an anime fan when my classmate recommended goblin slayer and made rape jokes in the middle of class in front of the teacher and she simply ignored it bc she was lowkey a pedo and let the teen boys she favored do anything and then I realized it was no longer a fun quirky interest to share and that it attracted the Worse people

[brokebackmolehill]

The world is fucked up and evil. Content warning everything csa mentioned etc

I hate that there's people who genuinely think having autonomy and intelligence = it's automatically okay to sexually exploit you.

I remember the previous fronters being harassed as young as 9-12 and the excuse always was that they Seemed Adult Enough due to precocious puberty and being "well spoken" enough. I remember things the others don't and it makes me hate everyone more.

The fact that the average "normal" person says awful shit like this and gets away with it, while all my memories have us being scapegoated and all abuse directed towards us being justified makes me angry.

There are people in my system who constantly want to die because of things they did as children and teenagers, but these fully autonomous people who didn't get isolated for most of their life by their pedophilic biological father can just Say shit like this and not be questioned on it.

And they will continue having wives and children and friends and going out on the weekend and the world keeps going and people will still say they are good men, and they will hurt someone innocent and go back to those wives and children and blame the fucking teenager they groomed for Ruining Their Family.

I can't stop feeling hatred and I can't trust anyone I meet anymore because the people I watch get praised will always get away with something terrible because people like them more.

It's always a popularity contest, and if enough people like you, you can hurt anyone you want. I don't even know if I want to be liked anymore because I don't want to get away with anything terrible, I just want terrible things to stop happening.