#diary kinda

[caressthosecheekbones]

woke up pissy af, no idea why. cleaned my teeth like with Devotion and my face. face mask. hungry still. maybe the almond drink had gone bad (forgot to put the date on it when i first opened it). got shit done in the morning. no sense of relief set in. disappointing. but at least my teeth are clean and my face is moisturized. <3

[nerdgladiatormurmers]

At this point I'm not surprised at Goncharov being the top trend, but what's the thing with jeans why is it the 7th. Is there a secret Tumblr jeans holiday? Did Tumblr make up jeans?

[enfp-life]

Hey there. Do you remember me?

I cannot and will not make any promises but I might be back. Don’t expect a huge comeback, you’ll be disappointed.

I abandoned this blog 2 years ago. Where did I go, you ask? Depression. Disappointment. Deep abyss of life. (Worry not, it could have been worse.) When I got out of it, there was always a lot to do. In the past two years, 

I managed to finish my bachelor’s studies and start with my master’s; 

I identified myself as a polyamorous person and simultaneously landed in a serious monogamous relationship; 

I lost several friends; 

I found some ways to earn money; 

I developed my hobbies and my argumentation skills; 

I played in another two theatre plays;

I brought up some kittens;

and I generally tried to learn as much as possible.

Also, I finally found out which Hogwarts House I belong in. Take a guess.

So, why am I here?

It seems that suddenly everyone is talking about MBTI. My new roommate took the test, my fellow actress spent literally over 4 hours asking me questions about it once she found out I had taken some interest in it, we even discussed it at school (and my major is nowhere close to psychology or some kind of cognitive science). Satan, my ISTP friend, says these are all signs. So here I am. We’ll see where the hell will this lead me to.

If you want to, hit me with questions. I expect my ask to remain empty but... who knows? 

[lgbtrash]

First night sleeping with my retainers. Experience so far: not as painful when laying down.

[enfp-life]

Summertime Sadness

I’d like to apologize for my inactivity, a couple of things happened in my life and it took away my ability to create. As soon as it appears again, I’ll answer the asks I got. Don’t expect any posts from me for a while, but don’t worry about this blog - I don’t want to let it die :)

Have fun in the meantime ;) 

[enfp-life]

HIATUS IS OVER

Hello folks, I’m back! It’s good to see you again!

First of all, I’d like to contact the person who sent me an ask. I saw your message when I was logged in on my friend’s computer and when I logged in on mine, I discovered that your message got eaten or something. Write me again if you want or I can just answer your question based on what I remember.

Second, I was in a summer camp for boys for the second time. Last year I was a cook, this time I was a part of the creative team. Do you want me to share my stories and experience with you?

I can tell you about: 

what types were in which positions

a silly romance between an ENFP girl (me) and an INFJ guy from the last year and how we got along this year

an INFP 30+ guy who is incredibly immature and who was the leader of the creative team

what it was like to be a part of the creative team (INFP, ENFP, INFJ + ESFP)

an ENTP 23-26 years old guy who was in the lead of the whole camp

a relationship between an ESTJ girl and an ESFP guy

the situation when I was in the kitchen with three other girls - ESTJ, INTJ (maaaybe ISTJ) and INFP who was in charge of the whole cooking team

my general impressions and what was the camp about

So, if you’re interested, send me an ask! (don’t expect me to answer immediately)

[apis-genus]

Self loathing ramble sorry

Fuck my feelings. I hate it when I'm pissed off or sad. Every single person that i should be able to express my feelings to treats me like I'm an asshole for feeling anything other than happy. My mom, for example. I have never. Never in my life have I been able to tell my mother how I've felt. I've always been ridiculous for feeling sad or depressed. "Oh just smile, your life isn't that fucking bad." Yeah, ok mom. Look inside my head and tell me how you feel in the end. I dare you. 

And my boyfriend now? Yeah, he's a peach until I am mad about ANYTHING. He has told me, to my face, that he becomes angry with me when I have a problem with him. No matter who is justly angry or not, he just gets mad. I personally don't think that's fair. Because now my dilemma is how do I go about discussing my issues with someone that I know will just get angry with me and not want to listen? I hate to say it, but that's just like my mother.

Look, I'm sorry for the rant, but this way I can get my feelings out without someone getting angry with me for showing them. 

Ha. There I go again. Fucking apologizing for having fucking feelings.

[imightmakeit]

6/18/14

Today was challenging. I just, I don't even know anymore  I don't know what to do and how to get better from the things I'm struggling with. I need to take my recovery seriously but I am not ready to be done yet. There is still so much left to be done. It sickens me to think I want to get better but deep down I want to be worse just to know the feeling of it. I had not so normal anxiety today. I just need to cool it down. I am actually possibly hanging out with Aaron tomorrow! We are doing some relationship stuff to prepare for Sunday (: I seriously don't know what he sees in me but I am glad we have become such good friends!