every time i listen to breaking benjamin, i’m suddenly fifteen and screaming black rage to the sky. suddenly i’m fifteen and so scared of my own intelligence, my own inability to do anything about the way my thoughts never stopped swirling. suddenly i’m fifteen, hiding in the high school radio room and shaking my way through panic attacks, skipping class because nothing makes sense. suddenly i’m sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, sitting in hospital rooms and waiting for doctors to tell me what;s wrong with me because no one can seem to figure it out and god, i’m so low that it almost makes me sick.
i’m twenty-three now, and i look back and i think, jesus, thank you for keeping me alive, because without phobia and saturate and we are not alone here, i don’t think i’d be alive now. i really don’t think i would be.