#dickstories

[me810]

It's that time! Pull ya panties back up! #wheresthedick #WheresTheDickChronicles #dickstories #lol #dickjokes #dickchoke #lol #nopussyforyou #justcomedy #stoptalking https://www.instagram.com/p/Bm1xkKSH73J/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1if47ipipf6qa

[em-for-emic-blog]

Emanate.

Emanate: 

/eməˌnāt/ verb 1. (of something abstract but perceptible) issue or spread out from (a source).

It was a typical day like any other, wake up, get dressed, meet boy to study for a minute so you can feel good about the dick you're gonna get later. Now if you're normal, you're gonna wanna know about the dick I got later and I gotta say, it was pretty awesome dick. Being the brown girl that I am, one does not just waltz into their bedroom and fuck while the family is having a quiet meal downstairs (sidenote: are brown dinners ever quiet?)... so what might one do in that situation? Obviously like so many others, you gotta make do with that cramped car sex... where "kinky" might as well be doing it on the windshield. But this is all another tale for another time. Needless to say, I was having a VERY good day, especially after the dick.

This is a new paragraph cause theres just so much good up there that I can't ruin it with the bad down here (that's what she said moment). You know when the days just going fine and you drop off the boy and you come home to some nice biryani (stereotypical.. but I can't help what the mama made) and you totally don't expect him to text and say his mom is ranting yet again? Well it did. In my years of living, I don't think I've ever gotten the opportunity to be hated by my SO's mom, let alone be hated HYPOTHETICALLY by my SO's mom...

A little background on this life situation: It all began the day I was over at my boyfriends house for some "cardio exercises" when suddenly we hear movement downstairs, at that moment I prayed to God that it was just random noise... All confusion was cleared once we heard that microwave go off. Yes ladies and gentlemen, his dad was home. Not exactly a "meet the dad" moment for me, so I just took my half naked self right on over to the closet and prayed it'd all be over. (sidenote: my shoes/jacket were all taken upstairs in anticipation of a situation like this) So my boyfriend goes downstairs to see what the diddly-deal-e-o was... Turns out his dad was just stopping for a short minute to warm his food and leave, so my boyfriend decides to do a pre happy dance thinking were in the clear. He spoke too soon. A minute later his dad calls him over and inquires casually about the completely random set of keys just hooked on to the key rack... Fucking forgot about the darn car keys. Well shit. So my courageous boyfriend makes some excuse about a relative coming over and leaving a pair of keys at our house....ofcourse people leave their houses with their car keys AND their extra... ofcourse...ofcourse we take our spare keys with us. I suppose that moment can be called a miracle because his dad told him to return the key's to the rightful owner... and left. BUT, we wouldn't be here if that lie held.

Well now back to present time of me being hated by my boyfriend's mom. So the situation erupted like Canada's weather, one minute it's all chill and normal and next thing you know you're 10ft deep in a pile of snow. As it turns out, his dad just didn't want to confront the situation, and told his mom. Now mama bear is a actually a tigress. A lot of words were said, and a lot of bad words were yelled. "Who is she?" "Why are you hiding" etc. etc. Ofcourse my boyfriend denies all and any accusations thrown at him for having a girlfriend because he too, is brown. Basically, getting a shit tone of interrogations and arguments over this supposed girl he had over.

A lot of you (non-brown folk) might be saying that if it's such a big deal, why not just tell them? Or a more clever question "Why not say you LIKED a girl but now you're not interested?" Well, easier said then done is the answer... Well partly the answer. The main answer is, I enjoy my life and this country, and being deported is not apart of my itinerary. If my parents ever were to find out about my relationships.... I'm not sure there are sufficient words in the English language to describe that anger. Why is there anger? Because in our culture, abstinence doesn't cut it. It's more like your parents just assume that boys don't exist for you and the mere thought of the other gender doesn't cross your mind, let alone having sex. If I had to choose between telling my parents about my boyfriend or breaking up with them, I'd probably call it off. Selfish? Well here lies another fact that telling my parents means that this man will bare my children...but whose thought that far? So why throw myself into the pool of crocodiles? The obvious solution is to never mention it and pretend to be the hormone less robot my parents think I am.

Conclusions as to what I shall be doing about the situation with his mom? Well I'd say its pretty much in the same line it was in before shit got disturbed, only now everyones far more pissed off.

Can't break up with a man you love but you also can't stop the craziness of a brown mom.

-Em.

[the-trainwreck-that-i-am]

Boys are so dumb sometimes. They're like, "oh hey, wanna see my dick? Lol" and I explain that I have a boyfriend and it'd be cool if they could respect that. So they go on to explain that THEIR dick is the best dick so my boyfriend OBVIOUSLY wouldn't mind if I saw it. Because their dick is best dick. Then when I say no, story totally changes and now we are in some kind of traumatic tragedy story about how I need to see this guy's dick because some girl called him small once and he just wants another opinion before he accepts that he has small penis syndrome. WHAT THR FUCK. Pick a side boys, either side, but keep your dick, big or small, AWAY FROM ME.