EmForEmic

Brown Girl Vent Blog

[em-for-emic-blog]

Emprise.

Emprise /ĕm-prīz′/

noun.

1. an adventurous undertaking

His lips were on mine, the cuddles turned into grinding, and I’m about to get the D *hallelujah*.... only, were in a parking lot during the evening and theres cars about. 

Let me just lay out the scenario for all you folk. So me and my boyfriend are on our way to our usual hookup spot that’s ninety percent of the time empty (odds are the store that was supposed to open up there hasn’t finalized it’s documents... so why waste a perfectly good parking lot?), we’re both horny af so it’s all going perfectly. Brown girls/anyone who can’t fuck at home or doesn’t want to waste money on a hotel for 3h will always have their list of designated hookup spots. Whether it be empty parking lots, narrow alleys, random empty area’s behind stores you discovered when you took a wrong turn and your horny ass immediately marked it down... we all have them. From what I know, if a town has a beach, park, or golf course .... odds are someone has fucked there. The struggles with these spots is that from time to time cops will patrol these areas... and if you get caught, they’ll just shine their flashlight all over your naked self....... I mean they won’t arrest you, but unless you’re a savage motherfucker with no cares (in that case, why even bother with somewhere empty... fuck them beside Chuck e Cheese’s); you’ll be embarrassed as fuck. I can honestly say I’ve been caught before.... and apparently it was under surveillance, so somewhere in the mids of all the records, my porno is out there (when I go up to accept my dick shaped award for exotic-curry porn star, do I thank my parents or say THANK GOD they don’t know?) 

Now cops I can understand because it’s their duty (HA DOO-TY... I basically said boobs. Never understood the hype about that), but why the fuck are these random cars up in my business? So me and my boyfriend are about to get it on and this one car is parked on the far side of the parking lot with its lights on, just chilling and another car (these people must’ve been on something) are doing rounds of the entire parking lot....... like dude why. And ofcourse they pass by our car every time; no doubt they saw two heads, the foggy windows, like c’mon, you know what we’re doing in there, and we DEFINITETLY know what we’re doing, so why are you in our business? Just leave us alone, let me get laid... come back later, go to another parking lot, like what is your business? Then there are those cars that will park right beside you; like its eleven pm at the beach, were parked in a random far corner of the lot (mind you, the ENTIRE lot is empty.... and yet) trying to accomplish some cardio exercises, and you just park right beside us. Fucking cock-block. Why can’t we all just live in a world where we respect each others car cardio-workouts and go about our own business? I’m always hopeful that there will be another couple in the parking lots also fucking because then at least I’m not in this alone... but usually they’re just assholes trying to ruin a good moment or drug dealers. 

Usually we all play the ‘let’s wait it out’ game, which turns our hookups that we’re meant to be a two rounds into a quick fuck before we gotta leave. Yes I said two rounds.... like do you really satisfy the craving you’ve had all week for your SO after just ONE round? So you wait whilst being highly aroused, you just watch and wait. You watch that stupid car parked beside you and you just say all the words you have written down in that bad word list, and you wonder just what the fuck could they be doing thats so much more important than me getting my fuck on? You make small talk with your SO, like ‘how was your day’ which really means ‘god I wish you’d just fuck me already’ or ‘any plans for tomorrow?’ translates to ‘I’m craving it so badly I might need another helping tomorrow’. All these thoughts and that pest of a car still chilling. (sidenote: these random cars are all ON, parking lights and all..... so you’re just wasting your $$$, waiting on something/someone for 30mins, and you ain’t gonna let the people beside you fuck? ...Is there such thing as a triple negative?) Odds are you won’t leave the spot you’ve come to because getting to that other spot is more time wasting, and who knows which pest is waiting there? 

Finally the car leaves, by now he’s probably flaccid and you’re dry as the Sahara Desert... Congratulations to you,you now have to build that momentum back up again (which isn’t that hard if you’re a horny fuck) but now all the while you trying to get it on, you’ll have the thought of getting caught at the back of your head. The guy will probably say ‘just concentrate on me’ or ‘I don’t care *growls*’ Like holy fuck, we get it, you’re hot and totally fuckable but we aren’t trying to show off our ladies and buns to the world, goddamnit! Me personally, I’ll just come to a point where I’m too turned on to care anymore and its a matter of getting that D or going home and disappointing your girls (cause you know you bragged about getting some before you left!)

I dream of a world where those who do not have the ability to do it at home, can successfully get it, at their Designated Hookup Spot (DHS). 

-Em

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Emotivism

Emotivism:

/iˈmodiˌvizəm/

noun

It is the view that all ethical statements are expressions of emotion and, thus, are meaningless

This is a word I came across today, and it views all moral statements such as “murder is wrong” as statements that aren’t necessarily true or false but rather just expressions of emotions. This idea of morals made me think of a recent thing I encountered while having a conversation with my boyfriend. 

Now, being the brown girl that I am, one doesn’t just TELL the parents about their dating habits… let alone my sex habits, so yes I lie to my parents. If you’re brown like me, you’ll know just how far one must go in these lies. I actually think brown people have a whole other spectrum when it comes to lying. I feel like even our ‘little white lies’ could somehow be morally wrong if you look at the whole picture. If you’re not brown, and you’re one of those few people who actually don’t lie to your parents.. then it’s not you or your morals, its simply because you’re parents are just THAT chill. Having discussions with many of my friends I’ve realized that some of the shit they lie about … isn’t even a lie on the brown people spectrum. I know at this point I seem like a brown people hater, but I’m really not… Like this is actually my life guys. 

I know lies come in greater handfuls for certain religions and cultures than others. Because even in brown-land, not all brown people have it as worse as others. I think the greatest lie we tell, and this is somewhat undervalued because it’s done so often; is dating. Dating is actually not allowed in our culture, yet somehow we all do it… so much so that we don’t even realize the crime until it becomes a matter of your parents finding out. Brown people have a code you see, you don’t rat out the others to their parents…..it’s just wrong. It’s like putting your shoes on before your pants…just wrong. Safe to say I have a number of trustworthy people, and 20 years of lie experience to have come to the point where I am at today. 

So on to what all this has to do with my conversation with my boyfriend. We talked about the suspicions that his mom is having, and savage me, just told him to lie the heck out of it. Pull at the heartstrings. Make up cultural epiphanies. Whatever you have to do to make sure you’re in the clear. My boyfriend didn’t agree, something along the lines of “not being able to do that to my mom”. This got me thinking, where do I draw the line when it comes to lying to my parents? When is enough truly enough? Truth be told, I’m not sure. Something I’ve come to learn over the past years is that lying to see them happy (even if it’s fake) is better than seeing them distressed. So yes, I would make up lies about having religious epiphanies and create fake life aspirations in order to make them feel content. Does this make me a complete savage with no sense of control? I’m not sure. In my eyes, it’s better to have them content and relaxed, then distressed and involved. Lying is obviously wrong, but why tell them the truth about something I know I’ll keep committing? Growing up in a different age then them I have different desires and needs than they did, so often enough, our views clash.

So this case of morals, is proven to be merely emotions. The emotions that we have to our morals is what gives it the meaning, because while one person may read what I’m saying and be like what the fuck that’s such an intense level to go up to for a lie, it’s such a small thing, why do you need to go that far? Well a lie is a lie no matter what; while someone else might actually understand what I’m saying.

We all have morals, but it’s because we have different emotions tied with them that give certain ones more meaning than others. Like this lie bus-natch has a lot of depth eh? -Em

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Embrangle.

Embrangle: \-g(ə-)liŋ\

Transitive verb 1. to confuse or perplex 

I use this word in particular because the things I’m about to tell, perplexes me quite a bit. As it turns out, one cannot simply be happy in a relationship without the universe... or in this case a psycho ex trying to butt into the business. I guess simply put, it really IS too much to ask to be left alone to love someone and be with them. 

I guess the beginning of this story is obvious, it began when he broke up with her. I’m sure as all break ups go, she was devastated and broken because of it. Like yes yes sadness and sorrows, we’ve all done it, and normal people ... would eventually just move on with life. But did she do this? No, she decided to go psycho and suicidal. I can still somewhat side with the problems that are going on with her when it was recent, or when he moved away (...to eventually find me #upgrade) because as all romances go, when you lose that someone you truly cared about, it does play with your emotions. So the logical course of action for someone so devastated is to ask to get back together again. However, just because someone feels one way doesn’t mean that the other will feel that way too... God know’s now many times I’ve been there. So my boyfriend doesn’t want to get back with her - the man can’t help that his emotions are gone.. like it is what it is. Now, normal people would accept that it’s over and move on with life, but she didn’t get the name of ‘psycho ex’ for nothing, now did she? So she decides to go all crazy suicidal on him (mind you, she’s actually never cut herself.... all a hoax) and say’s that she can’t live without him... blah blah blah, we get it.

Now on to present time, where its all about ME. Well... me and my boyfriend, about how happy we are, about how finding each other was amazing---but HOLD ON, this is also about psycho ex. Right? Like where did she come from? I too am lost. As it turns out, she is still head over heels about my boyfriend (understandable) and can’t seem to forget about him and wants them to get back together (understanding over... DEFENCE MODE). Mind you, she already knows I exist, and knows that we’re together and quite happy. BUT DOES THIS STOP HER TOM FOOLERY? Nope. She goes on ahead to say she’s gonna cut herself because she can’t stand that he’s happy with someone else and not her, and she’s going mad over it. When I first heard about this, I was genuinely concerned because if this girl is damaging herself over some petty relationship,thats serious shit. So I told my boyfriend to make sure she’s good and ALIVE, and to just check to make sure she’s overall sane and safe. My boyfriend has already told this chick not to message him and all that, but she don’t listen. Block her you say? What if this girl you cared for at one point decided to kill herself because she wasn’t over you and instead of handling the situation you blocked her? You want that on your head? I wouldn’t.

I’ve had enough of this understanding his reasons and her. It is time for the salt, pepper, spice. This had been happening for quite a while now, random situations where she’d see something I’d posted on IG (yes she creeped my IG) about something my boyfriend got me and she’d go CRAZY. Eventually, enough is enough. (sidenote: I did not know the identity of this girl till the fourth time this happened, primarily because my boyfriend didn’t want all this negative talk that might be said about her..... AND look where we are now). So he finally tells me who this girl is and after having creeped the shit out of her and talking shit about her with my girls, I made the move to message her and tell her to back the fuck off. While I’m writing out this ‘heartfelt’ message to her, my boyfriend is inquiring as to why I look so devious (because I can’t hide my amusement when I’m being a savage fuck) so I tell him that enough is enough and I’m going to message her and tell her what’s good. Let me just say, the look on his face of surprise and worry said all that was needed to be said for me to understand that I was about to light the match. So he told me to wait... which actually took more convincing than I’m letting on. He told me he would convince her to never message again and to completely remove him from her life. And she agreed to all this, surprisingly enough.... I don’t trust this for one second.

Not trusting that one bit, I obviously told him that the next time she messages, she won’t be dealing with him, but with ME (sav of all savages). Much fierce. So we’ll see what happens, if that situation does play out, you will no doubt see a part 2 to this. I know its pretty much a let down when you realize I did nothing in the end, but in my opinion why strike fire to a flame that was already extinguished? 

-Em  

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Emanate.

Emanate: 

/eməˌnāt/ verb 1. (of something abstract but perceptible) issue or spread out from (a source).

It was a typical day like any other, wake up, get dressed, meet boy to study for a minute so you can feel good about the dick you're gonna get later. Now if you're normal, you're gonna wanna know about the dick I got later and I gotta say, it was pretty awesome dick. Being the brown girl that I am, one does not just waltz into their bedroom and fuck while the family is having a quiet meal downstairs (sidenote: are brown dinners ever quiet?)... so what might one do in that situation? Obviously like so many others, you gotta make do with that cramped car sex... where "kinky" might as well be doing it on the windshield. But this is all another tale for another time. Needless to say, I was having a VERY good day, especially after the dick.

This is a new paragraph cause theres just so much good up there that I can't ruin it with the bad down here (that's what she said moment). You know when the days just going fine and you drop off the boy and you come home to some nice biryani (stereotypical.. but I can't help what the mama made) and you totally don't expect him to text and say his mom is ranting yet again? Well it did. In my years of living, I don't think I've ever gotten the opportunity to be hated by my SO's mom, let alone be hated HYPOTHETICALLY by my SO's mom...

A little background on this life situation: It all began the day I was over at my boyfriends house for some "cardio exercises" when suddenly we hear movement downstairs, at that moment I prayed to God that it was just random noise... All confusion was cleared once we heard that microwave go off. Yes ladies and gentlemen, his dad was home. Not exactly a "meet the dad" moment for me, so I just took my half naked self right on over to the closet and prayed it'd all be over. (sidenote: my shoes/jacket were all taken upstairs in anticipation of a situation like this) So my boyfriend goes downstairs to see what the diddly-deal-e-o was... Turns out his dad was just stopping for a short minute to warm his food and leave, so my boyfriend decides to do a pre happy dance thinking were in the clear. He spoke too soon. A minute later his dad calls him over and inquires casually about the completely random set of keys just hooked on to the key rack... Fucking forgot about the darn car keys. Well shit. So my courageous boyfriend makes some excuse about a relative coming over and leaving a pair of keys at our house....ofcourse people leave their houses with their car keys AND their extra... ofcourse...ofcourse we take our spare keys with us. I suppose that moment can be called a miracle because his dad told him to return the key's to the rightful owner... and left. BUT, we wouldn't be here if that lie held.

Well now back to present time of me being hated by my boyfriend's mom. So the situation erupted like Canada's weather, one minute it's all chill and normal and next thing you know you're 10ft deep in a pile of snow. As it turns out, his dad just didn't want to confront the situation, and told his mom. Now mama bear is a actually a tigress. A lot of words were said, and a lot of bad words were yelled. "Who is she?" "Why are you hiding" etc. etc. Ofcourse my boyfriend denies all and any accusations thrown at him for having a girlfriend because he too, is brown. Basically, getting a shit tone of interrogations and arguments over this supposed girl he had over.

A lot of you (non-brown folk) might be saying that if it's such a big deal, why not just tell them? Or a more clever question "Why not say you LIKED a girl but now you're not interested?" Well, easier said then done is the answer... Well partly the answer. The main answer is, I enjoy my life and this country, and being deported is not apart of my itinerary. If my parents ever were to find out about my relationships.... I'm not sure there are sufficient words in the English language to describe that anger. Why is there anger? Because in our culture, abstinence doesn't cut it. It's more like your parents just assume that boys don't exist for you and the mere thought of the other gender doesn't cross your mind, let alone having sex. If I had to choose between telling my parents about my boyfriend or breaking up with them, I'd probably call it off. Selfish? Well here lies another fact that telling my parents means that this man will bare my children...but whose thought that far? So why throw myself into the pool of crocodiles? The obvious solution is to never mention it and pretend to be the hormone less robot my parents think I am.

Conclusions as to what I shall be doing about the situation with his mom? Well I'd say its pretty much in the same line it was in before shit got disturbed, only now everyones far more pissed off.

Can't break up with a man you love but you also can't stop the craziness of a brown mom.

-Em.