#diebolicalblog

[diebolicalmysteries-blog]

My Kitty Cat

kitty cat kitty cat

I love you

kitty cat kitty cat

you are so cute

kitty cat kitty cat

glad we’re friends

kitty cat kitty cat

besties til the end

kitty cat kitty cat

lets take a pic

kitty cat kitty cat

we need those clicks

kitty cat kitty cat

millions of views

kitty cat kitty cat

Your my muse

kitty cat kitty cat

purr out your heart

kitty cat kitty cat

pose with this harp

kitty cat kitty cat

stay in your tie

kitty cat kitty cat

no sorrowed eyes

kitty cat kitty cat

Dont be bemused

Kitty cat kitty cat

Look more amused

Kitty cat kitty cat

You are famous online

kitty cat kitty cat

Your freedom is all mine

I was thinking this morning about the animal people you see in cartoons and anime and comics, and about how badly I wanted to be one of those people. At the same time I was also thinking about like 20 other things as well. I call it the ADHD affect. You think about 100,000 things all at the same time, so you will be on topic 54 while everything else is still talking about other things. So all my ideas came together into a daydream of horror. I finally started to watch a show called “Goblin Slayer” which is a little on the, quote un-quote, not suited for children rankings. next thing you know my kitty at home is doing everything in her power to sit on me, and cuddle my lap as kitties do. I had a laptop on me and was already writing. That’s when it hit me, famous internet pets, the money people gain off their pets, enslavement, abusive relationships, power crazed loonies called “movie and T entertainment”. All these things came together into a poem that represents the darker parts of a beautiful lie. Simple, sharp, catchy, and easy to read. That is the structure of poetry I write along with a reminder of who I really am. Beautifully Diebolical.

(side note: I just moved to another sitting spot so she could cuddle in the warm chair, and I could finish. I plan I give her love soon enough)

[diebolicalmysteries-blog]

Don’t let your fears become your excuse.

Sticking to a goal is not an easy thing to do all the time. I should know, it took me days and days of intense thinking to come up with even this piece. Trying to write something every single week is difficult for someone like me. Some would say it is my ADHD, while others might say it is Procrastination. The answer is neither! It is being afraid of not writing something good enough, right now, when I am just finally showing people, in a public setting, what it is I love to do! There are only a few things in this world that truly make me happy, writing has always been one of them. But it’s one of those things that I’ve never come out to do or even to think about as a career or hobby choice. Who would ever want to listen to a sad sparkle galaxy demon, at the age of 26, with no “Proven” talent?

Me,

Everybody is always trying to find their lane. The place they belong, that feeling of fitting in. I have spent years trying to find where I belong. I tried to be in the cosplay community the gaming community, the board game community, but nothing really stuck with me. Those things made me happy, but not as happy am I wanted to be. I’m hoping that writing will be a source for me to find the place I belong, even if it means to create my own world, and just belong there. I can tell myself my writing must improve every single week, to slow down, and take time in creating a masterpiece. I’ve always viewed writing as one of the greatest forms of communication on the planet next to facial expressions, inflections, and auras. Writing is beautiful yet frightening, like having magic at your fingertips.

I have this dark black purple sphere inside me. I named it Doubt. It is what I believe is the reason behind my mental excuses that delayed this post. That little bit of self-doubt has been pulling me back this week. I have been so afraid of picking a topic to write about that wasn’t interesting. That I was so afraid I’d let people down. When it isn’t letting people down, it’s only letting myself down. I don’t write to others all the time. I do it because I find it beautiful, yet fear has me struggling more and more every week with “what if?” s and “but” s. Now I am just going to tell you I struggle.

At this rate my Tumblr page is slowly going to turn into a mix between my resume, my Portfolio, and slight personal blog. It will be a great way to watch my writing’s development. Even though I do worry every single day I want this to become my thing, my life, my dedicated project. I want to fall in love with my writing and I want others to as well someday. I just first need to understand that I will not being amazing right out of the gate. It will take time and hard work.

I will need a lot of help so I will accept any and all constructive feedback. I want to be a dream weaver, and I think it is time to face my self-judgment, worth, and inner peace.

Don’t let your fears, become your excuse.

~ Jill E. (DieBolical)