sa • ku • ra
✴️ sora + taichi // ostara (19-22 march) - the second of three spring celebrations (the midpoint between imbolc and beltane), during which light and darkness are again in balance, with light on the rise. it is a time of new beginnings and of life emerging further from the grips of winter.
i know i said i hate tragedy, but i can’t help with this one. this is also my first time writing such sensitive topic, so my apologize if i didn’t write this properly. to all women outside, especially if you had the same experience with sora below, you are a wonderful person nevertheless.
tw: rape and miscarriage
previous drabble(s) in this series: mimato, takari
___
It was ironic how vivid her memory was even though the surroundings were so dark back then. She was known as a courageous woman among her friends, so she wasn’t bothered the slightest for walking along such an empty street. It was the usual path she took every time she went home from her part-time anyway; she just happened to come home very late that night.
But yet again, danger never really saw its prey beforehand.
Sora remembered watching pro-tips about self-defense on the internet right after a friend forwarded it to the group chat. She even read the safety pamphlet from the university thoroughly when everyone didn’t even bother to read and immediately threw them to the bin. It all seemed very easy to do—‘everyone should be able to do it,’ as she quoted from the professor in her orientation day. But it was different when you got involved in the real situation. Have you ever felt your knees getting so weak you weren’t even able to stand up? How your voice barely escaped your mouth and your mind got so hazy you couldn’t even remember all the things you had learnt?
There were two of them—cigarettes and alcohol reeking altogether.
She never knew which one who should be responsible.
Ken was still in the academy back then, but as he actively engaged with his seniors at the criminal affairs bureau, they could arrest the assaulters pretty quick. Nevertheless, even a lifetime sentence would never be able to rewind the time. Their unjustifiable action had snatched away her heyday of youth, replacing it with a permanent great depression in addition for a life inside her womb.
She never thought about being a mother in such a young age, but she also didn’t have the heart to abort it.
Sora often fought with her mother; and they never were about lives, so this time she was prepared to defend until the very last. However, when she told her intention to keep the baby, her mother turned out to be the biggest supporter she could ever ask for. She gave Sora advice and comforted her when she was in the deep abyss every time the memory came back to haunt. She didn’t even ask her to attend the graduation ceremony, even though most parents were dying to see their kids in cap and robe, only because she didn’t want her daughter to get hurt.
(She came anyway, despite receiving some disgusted looks and whispers. She wanted to prove that even survivors could achieve their dreams and no need to be ashamed. Her parents were the ones who clapped the loudest that day, and they even dissed the people who badmouthed her.)
Sora was also grateful for having such a bunch of wonderful friends that supported her with the decision. Once the news spread, Mimi took the next flight to Japan without hesitation, holding the crying Sora and never let go. Hikari and Miyako helped her to prepare some stuffs for her baby girl (it’s a girl!) and even gave her ideas for the name (she liked Haruka Takenouchi since it was similar to her father’s name and the baby girl would be born in spring anyway). Jyou was not a doctor yet, but he was so reliable every time Sora came to him to seek additional medical advice. Yamato was stationed outside Tokyo, but he would always call at least twice a week and went to see her each time he visited home.
Above all, Taichi was the one who put her on a pedestal—she finally understood how Hikari felt after all this time. He accompanied her to the doctor visit when her mother was not available, dropped by her house with some foods he claimed to be ‘healthy for a mother-to-be’ according to the books he read (—the fact that he read was actually fascinating enough). The most unexpected one would be how he came with her to attend the prenatal classes and when the instructor asked whether he was the father or not, he answered a big yes without hesitation.
They never really talked about it afterwards. He probably was just being nice so that people wouldn’t know the truth and gave her a hard time.
Spring came unknowingly fast. Sora got into the labor a few days earlier than doctor’s prediction, and it was a very hard one. She got into the emergency room for being critical, and when she finally woke up after a heavy sedation, they told her that her baby girl didn’t make it.
And just when she thought there was nothing that can hurt her more other than that dreadful night, the news shattered not only her heart but also her mind and soul.
She spent the following days above the hospital day without being able to function properly. She didn’t respond when someone visited her, nor had an appetite to eat even her most favorite food. She questioned herself where she did go wrong for the entire noon, before weeping by herself at night. She was mentally ill, and even though the doctors said such phase was normal given her condition, everyone couldn’t help but worry sick.
That day, Taichi came after he finished his class. The first thing he said was, “Let’s go outside. There’s something I want to show you.”
She didn’t respond, but he lifted her to the wheelchair anyway.
Sora had never shown any meaningful expressions for the rest of the week, but as they entered the hospital yard, her eyes jolted slightly in surprise. Her room was facing the other side of the hospital, so she didn’t know the cherry blossom had bloomed. The soft breeze blew away the pink petals around them, hinting a mild scent similar to the perfume she used to wear.
“You said that you want to go for a hanami, right?” Taichi said, and she remembered saying so a few months back after they got back from a regular check-up. They passed a line of bald cherry blossom trees, and she said that on the next spring, she would go to see them blooming with Haruka, so that she could witness how beautiful the period that gave the inspiration to her name.
(But Haruka was not here. She never was.)
“Sora,” Taichi whispered, and when she realized, he was in front of her kneeling. “I’m sorry. There isn't a manual I can read about dealing with someone who is grieving, and I know saying ‘you’re a strong woman’ over and over again won’t make anything less bad—but you have to know that you are a strong woman.”
He paused for a bit before continuing. “And I know this will be very selfish of me, but as I waited outside the emergency room a few days back, I couldn’t help but thinking about losing you. I thought about how such a tough woman I’ve ever met became so frail and there was nothing I could do. I was so helpless and afraid. And that’s why I swore that I will never let go of you if I had another chance to hold you once again.”
Taichi handed him a big brown envelope, and even though he said that she should open it only if she was ready, she had already opened it as if she had not heard the warning.
It was a marriage registration.
“I know I may not be a good man. I am reckless and I haven’t even finished my college just like you guys,” Taichi confessed. “But I have talked to your parents, and after I graduate next month, my professor has offered me to work with his firm. I promise will work hard for your happiness.”
“B… but why…?” Sora was finally able to speak up with such a hoarse voice after days of silence. Her eyes teared up at instance as her hands trembled. “Why me…? I’m a worthless piece of damage.”
“You’re not.” Taichi embraced her in a tight hug, placing his forehead above her shoulder. “You’re a sakura, Sora. You’re the most beautiful thing ever, and it’s okay for you wilt, because eventually, you will bloom at your finest and make people realize how amazing you are.”
His words only gave her more sobs, and little did she know, Taichi was also holding back his tears as they were both so fragile at that moment. But it was him who also made Sora realized that although sakura means the transient of life, it was also a symbol of a rebirth. Maybe someday, she would get a chance to meet Haruka once again, but that wasn’t all.
Maybe this was also her chance to finally live a new, better life.