#dillpickleharris

[nessiesgf]

What did u get me for my birthday you have to tell me god said so

i got u a can of whoop ass

[nessiesgf]

have u put the banana sticker on ur hydro flask yet

what banana sticker

[nessiesgf]

take a sip

get out of my house

[uss-caryl]

I got really upset during last week's episode for several reasons. Carol's statement, "Don't call me Mom. Just don't." Because, as you all probably know, I still miss the heck out of Sophia. And Rick leaving Carol behind. GRRR. And the fact that Carol won't say Sophia's name anymore unless she's pushed to.

It has been very upsetting to see Carol’s behavior in the last episode. Between what she said to Lizzie and her reluctance to say Sophia’s name… for those of us who adored Sophia for the brief time we had her, it was very difficult to digest.

But you know, I think Beth really had a point in 4x02 when she said, “Got all these widows and orphans, but what do you call someone who lost a child?” There is no word because there is no word that can ever truly capture the grief of a mother who has lost her child. A woman spends her pregnancy wondering who their child will be, weaving hopes and dreams for her little one, and dreaming of all those special moments together throughout the years. First words, first steps, first day of school, first dance, first drive, first love…

Now imagine ripping all that away. No future, no happy moments, nothing. Everything that could have been with that baby you’ve been emotionally bonding with is suddenly ripped away. There is nothing there but broken dreams and empty arms.

Now imagine 12 years with this child, forming a strong bond through all those hopes and dreams. You get to know your child, know her better than she knows herself. She is your world, your life, probably the one thing that keeps you going day after day… and suddenly she’s gone, ripped away from you in one of the most horrific ways possible as you watch her rotting corpse walk towards you.

Carol not only experienced the loss of a child, she lost her in one of the most traumatic ways imaginable. Even before the ZA, it may have taken years of therapy for her to overcome the loss of her beloved daughter through something as “normal” as a car accident, losing her in the woods and finding her a day too late, or even to a long illness. Adding seeing her beloved child, whom she loved even before birth, walk the earth as one of the undead… that’s pretty messed up.

While it hurts to see Carol like this, we have to stop and remember she has experienced not only one of the most terrible things to happen to a mother, but it happened to her in one of the worst ways possible. She may never fully get over what happened. She might not be able to say Sophia’s name on her own ever again. That wound is much too deep for any doctor to fix. Time may help it heal, but this is a wound that she will never truly recover from. All things considered, she has moved on amazingly well, but there will always be things that will rub that wound the wrong way, like being called “mom” or being forced to think about all the ways she failed her baby girl by the mere mention of her name.

So please, my dear passengers, have patience with Carol. I know it hurts to see her like this, but I hope this helps you understand where she’s coming from. <3

~Captain Janne