Other Side of The Bed
Dipper Delusions
How could someone be so close yet so far? This felt all out of his control. But, when you asked Caleb for a friends-with-benefits situation? He didn't want you asking anyone else. So he will hang on to this burden a little longer. Then, when that time passes, he will pay the toll for extra time. He will continue to bite his tongue.
It all came to a head for the dumbest reason. You couldn't quite understand what was making him so bitter. He was ironing your dress when he asked you a simple question. "Where are you going?" All said with the same boyish smile you remembered from youth. There was an undertone to his words. It wasn't where... it was with who. You gave a curt smile as you explained your 'date' with Sylus. Claiming it was for information from the N109 zone, but it seemed a bit too friendly coming from the Onychinus leader. His hand trembled slightly. The faux synthetic skin of his mechanical arm steadies the dress as he nods. All he could muster was a pathetic nod.
You came home with a brooch. The apartment was cleaned. Caleb is resting on your couch. Did you not notice the small things about him? Like he does for you... He deep-cleaned out of frustration. Hot globs of tears threatened to spill as he traced the picture of your face. The person he adored more than anything. But, again... he swallowed it all. His hands are going to your hips. For a split second, you could be his. In this bed, you're his. But, in every circumstance... he was yours. You slept soundly in his arms. His eyes lingered on that damn brooch. He bought you one before in college. You never wore it. Yet, this one lay adorned on your favorite dress.
Your phone sprang to life when Gideon called you relentlessly to pick Caleb up from the bar. Never once did Caleb look so broken. So in the open. So shamelessly. His eyes were red, staring into the glass as tears poured. He was almost like a statue with a pulse. You shook his arm to get him into your car. He didn't relent. His lip quivered. "I don't want this arrangement... I only wanted you." You froze. Explaining your side. How you believed you were both gaining something from this agreement. Pleasure and stress relief. He scoffed slightly. His red, tearful eyes looked up at you. Half pleading for you to choose him this once. "Y-you were my first." It sounded so broken. As if all his vocal cords refused to utter those words, but he fought to say it.
Your hand covered your mouth as you processed his words. It all made sense. How he covered his face into the pillow. In the guise of "you feel too good". It felt good to be praised in the moment. But now you heard the words for what they were. "Have me. Have me completely." He covered himself so you didn't see him break apart. You teased him for crying during it. He could always laugh and tell you his body was sensitive. Now it made sense. The hot tears on your skin were because of restraint. How he physically bit his cheek so hard in order not to scream that he loved you.
Oh, he'd never crumble this completely. Yet he couldn't help himself. Getting plastered with Gideon was almost a tradition every weekend. What made him spiral was a sequence of events. His constant monitoring of his phone to see if you'd text, a woman coming over to flirt, and he blurted out that he was spoken for, then a movie coming on in the bar. Corpse Bride of all things. Everyone laughed at the absurdity of it. But, to him, he thought of the time you both watched it. Made more bittersweet with one line, "always the bridesmaid, never the bride." Because that's all Caleb felt he was. Always the best friend. Never the groom. He thought of the day you'd get married... and yet he couldn't see himself as the groom. He couldn't see you choosing him.