i have a lot of feelings, man. i can’t even describe them. nostalgic? kinda, yeah. a little bitter too, because of the circumstances. but like.... bittersweet? i don’t know, it’s not the end i imagined for her, but it’s a good one nonetheless
i’ve been playing this character (off/on) since 2011 and she became mine in a way that no other character has. and to think she didn’t start out that way. i adopted her shortly after rejoining that forum (for neither the first nor the last time, lmfao) and she took me on an insane adventure. i learned how to develop characters because of her. i developed an insane enjoyment of metaphors and symbolism because of her.
i spent like a year having no idea what i was doing with her. feeling like every post i wrote was just off somehow. learning how to fight that sensation of directionless character development. i got better at figuring that out -- learned that development isnt linear. that sometimes characters start going one direction, but get sucked back into what’s easy for them, just like we do.
she opened up other doors for me, too. she was part of the inspiration behind one of my other favorite characters, who was meant to be her exact opposite in the same place she’d grown up. she was the reason i tried out for another angry princess and challenged myself to take that character’s development in another direction entirely, but do it organically. she was the ic backbone of a pack concept that was one of my proudest creations.
of course i can recreate her. i can make her human, or take her to another wolf rp site one day if i want, but i doubt i will. her story belongs on that forum and that’s why i wanted to end it there, officially. this character gave me friendships and inspiration and some of my best writing, i owed her more than an ambiguous, fade-into-nonexistence ending.