#dirty kid

[paperw0rmz]

[opiumpunxdeergirl]

MAGIC nights, Morphine, good friends, open streets, tired feet, ghosts dancing in the headlights of walking down the highway, waking up on a gurney, doing it all over again the next day, drag queens, and beautiful steeze, ragged clothes and tattooed bodies, nothing I can compare it to in my life today, nothing. I'd trade everything but my freedom to go back, what good is freedom if a prison cell awaits me on the other end of the line again.

Acrid smoke, ski slopes, needles in the yard.

Post apocalyptic capitalism, life's hard.

Gay sex, Finland on the wall, I knew not then, no not at all.

How I miss the mother morphine, numbing my aches and pains.

The wealthy cry, death to the working man, and I suppose I've chosen to go by your hand.

Won't you guide me atop that golden brown cloud, in a cold house, the voices sound so loud.

Overstimulation, everyone's self congratulatory masturbation.

Hard lives in the street lights. May I move on.

[opiumpunxdeergirl]

THIS is how I used to live, damn the American govt and fuck 🖕 parole! , I miss the world of the gutter.

[opiumpunxdeergirl]

Hi, I just wanna like... Mention your reblog to the nasty addicts thing, I am pretty sure given the context of it that it wasn't talking about cleanliness or anything like it. Nasty is very, very frequently used as a synonym for irritable or grumpy at least in NA. Like a "nasty attitude" kind of thing. It seems to be all about accepting people who aren't actually happy go lucky about and with their situation like society expects them to be when you look at the entire post, it's basically entirely about folks who aren't doing the "socially accepted" thing, not really about hygiene or negative stereotypes.

Here's the thing, I've been on both sides, dysfunction, and functional, at different times in my life, and it isn't even a linear progression, sometimes I was functional, other times I wasn't. Let's get some things out of the way.

1. NA is a religious institution that preys on people with SUD, there's plenty of people who have blown the whistle on this, but for some reason, people either a. Don't care, or B. Just won't listen to us when we try to get that straight.

Why am I addressing that? I'm addressing that, because NA and AA, both, kill people.

Their methods are not only janky, pseudoscience, they get people killed, letting them dictate the conversation on how people refer to us, is horrible, but they've taken the last 100 years or so (AA) and the last 60 ( NA) to weave their way into pop culture, and the courts. ( I'm currently mandated into an AA program through my local court, I've been in and out of these programs since I was 17)

It isn't helpful, at all, to refer to anyone with SUD ( substance use disorder) in derogatory terms, that isn't liberation, I never said the post was meant to be harmful, truth is most people who do want to fight for us, have absolutely no idea where the conversation is on our rights, and on how to advance the cause.

It is detrimental, hell the word " addict" is detrimental, the proper term is PWSUD or " person with substance use disorder" this is where the forefront of activists in addiction, are at on language referring to us.

We deserve dignity, furthering stereotypes about us, just isn't dignity.

Yeah, some of us aren't functional, but using derogatory language to throw that in their face when you're trying to help, and mean well, is just detrimental.

When it comes to us, and I'm not saying you're doing this, it feels like non addicts, truly get so fucking pissed off, when we just ask for an ounce of respect.

You'd give that respect to other people, so why not give it to us? We are one of the most heavily mocked, propagandized, demonized, groups in the country, one of the only mental disorders it's still acceptable to absolutely make the butt of a joke, it isn't a joke, most all of my friends are

Dead

And I think, honestly I think, they deserve respect, because yeah, they died " nasty" but that doesn't mean that's how they should be talked about.

I'm not coming from a place of offense because im just oh so functional, it's upsetting because I know how I felt about people talking like that about ME, about my FRIENDS I know how they fucking felt about it.

We shouldn't have to feel shame even around people who claim to give a fuck, it's that simple! Genuinely!

You seem to mean well, so I'd recommend you check out " recovery rebellion with Tara" it's a podcast, but Tara does tiktok and YouTube to, talking about addiction topics, and also, talking about exactly how detrimental shit like NA and AA is to people like us, these organizations are at best pushy evangelical groups who, by the way, have fought and given testimony to keep people in carceral slavery ( to boost their fucking memberships, as they have partnerships with the courts....) to at worst, cults that encourage people not to take mental health medication ( lithium, Seroquel, and other antipsychotic medications, I lost a friend due to this after police killed them in psychosis because they went cold turkey..) these organizations are NOT more than successful than people getting clean on their own, and overall encourage severe harm to addicts

Some people DO get sober in those meetings, and oftentimes it's because they just replace their addiction with Jesus, which is fine if it works for them, but it goes so far beyond that... Ive lost to many loved ones, and friends, not only to the drugs themselves, but to the abuse suffered by these groups.

These groups, as part of my step work ( cw Sex assault mention) told me to forgive not only my stepdad who assaulted me from 5-10 years old, to hug him and make up with him ( this was my first sponsor who did this) but also to forgive and make ammends with how it was my fault, how I had a part in that happening to me..

And it isn't just THAT group either, I've had every sponsor I ever tried 55 in total, for an anecdote that's a pretty massive sample size) tell me some variation of this idea, causing me to relive those traumas, Blame myself, and ultimately relapse because of the distress caused while I was in an extremely fragile state ( under six months clean and unmedicated because they told me i wasn't fucking clean if I took my lithium or abilify)

I'm sober two years as of yesterday. And that's because I cut ties with that organization out of my court obligation, and followed a different path, what saved my life was actually trusting science, and doctors, and not a pseudoscience cult.

So please. Please. Please.

Stop, using what they've set the conversation on, as a way to discredit those of us who deal with this. They aren't an authority on addicts, period. Listen to the actual doctors and scientists, and advocates, who work to help people like me....

If you really care, about this issue, listen to the people who are actually affected by it, it's that simple.

[opiumpunxdeergirl]

dude that whole post was about supporting addicts even if they are "nasty" and homeless and dirty they don't wanna hear about how ACTUALLY some of us fit the mold just fine 🤓

I WAS that " nasty" addict, and really, my umbridge isn't about " some of us being fine" though I could've clarified that better.

Truth is, it's not liberating or cool, to be referred to as " nasty" be so fucking fr, it's the fucking worst to be reminded of exactly how dirty, or how unwashed you look in that situation, especially in that kind of tone.

It's one thing for people to be nice about it, maybe offer you a fuckin shower because you've been living in a dirty squat.

It's an entire other business to go around and degrade us while claiming to be a friend to us, like TF? This is basic shit, and if you can't get that/understand that. I genuinely don't know what to say to you.

You think we DON'T know when we look that way? Or we don't feel it? Out of all the groups mentioned in that post (iirc) the only one referred to in a derogatory way, are addicts. And that's just not cool.

How about listening to the people who deal with it? And if you're ALSO an addict (no clue since you didn't clarify) then you should fuckin know what I'm talking about.

I've been in both sides of the spectrum, functioning, and extremely non functioning. I'm a former IV fentanyl addict, you think I've never been fuckin non functional? Get a grip.

That being said, maybe you're in a bubble where functioning addicts are all that's talked about, but let's be fucking real, all people talk about when it comes to addiction is how dysfunctional, nasty, and disgusting we are. And I'm sick of that.

A lot of people don't have the reality check that we are fucking everywhere, and we deserve common decency. No matter how functional we are.

Acting as if mentioning it is some tired point is just ridiculous, genuinely. I live in a country, and imma assume you do to, where drug addiction is so heavily stigmatized, so demonized, just so the imperialist power in the driver's seat, can use the deaths of my fucking friends, to justify Imperialism and colonialist actions on south American countries, while also justifying increasing the carceral slave trade at home.

Genuinely, what planet do you live on where this way of referring to addiction is beneficial, or is your kneejerk reaction to get pissed off when we ask to be talked about in a better way?

At that, the proper way to refer to us when you aren't one of us, is " person with substance use disorder" just so ya know, it's literally part of the forefront of conversations around recovery.

Goddamn.

[opiumpunxdeergirl]

" As I bite my crucifix and then begin to choke, as the sickness gains ahold, and then goes up in smoke"

RIP Chad Fontaine.

This song right here, if you fuck with understanding addiction, this is the one. If any of you trainspotting fan kids want to make an edit to this, send it my way please! I think it'd fit.

[dbeat-raw-puppygirl]

Hey kids don't try to copy me and hop freight or do drugs or any of the other stupid shit I'm probably gonna post about on here. You'll probably get killed way too young and it will be terrifying and probably painful too and it'll fuck your friends up super bad and they'll never get over it and have nightmares for the rest of their lives (ask me how I know)

[dbeat-raw-puppygirl]

Breakfast of champions!

• Chilli burritos out of a can that's been kicking around in my pack for like two years and expires at the end of May

• Tall boy of Vitamin R (air temperature, mid 50s fahrenheit), armored against sharp metal by a Union Pacific work glove I freepiled on the way to the catchout

• A spliff, because hopefully beer + weed + nicotine = sleep and also because good girls deserve to get the tipsy version of crossfaded at 7 in the morning