#distinguished disaster bisexual

[elodieunderglass]

Your post about your fashion sense spoke to me on a personal level omg 😂 I wore a leather jacket for two years despite an ever increasing hole from my armpit to the pocket that ripped even more whenever it was stitched, and I used to keep superglue in my bag to stick the soles back on my boots because I didn't wanna get new ones.. #TrashChic is in babes, rock it

This is the level we all need to get on.

[elodieunderglass]

3 and 6!

(From the Lovely Calm Ask Meme)

3: Do you wear scarves often? do you have a favorite?

O No Why I Gotta Be Called Out Like This

The best and most Faithful scarf is the Old Orange Stripy, which consists of ornamental-corn-colored vertical stripes, and is my Signature ™ Item ™. Old Stripy is an Elder. When you put on Old Stripy you know you’re in good hands. There’s also the Rainbow Scarf and the Peacock Shawl, and all of their subsidiary cousins.

6: What does your umbrella look like?

Commuting umbrellas are always black, interchangeable and sadly disposable. Wedding-photograph umbrellas and friendship umbrellas are always large, rainbow and unwieldy. Dr Glass has a Good Umbrella but I’m not allowed to touch it because I always do it wrong.

[elodieunderglass]

For the ask thing: 15 (mostly because I thought it was kinda punny) und 31 (I'm pretty sure I know the answer but I also know that it's gonna be funny).

(for the Lovely calm ask meme)

15: Do you have glasses? 

Ha HA, good pun! I do have (eye)glasses! I don’t use em though! They’re an affectation.

31:  Are you a fashionable person? 

oh my days Myrin you know I’m not lmao

The one good part of my Look that you should absolutely Steal is that I always have an animal on me somewhere (today it is polar bear socks).

My style is, like, “Erratic, Vaguely Respectable Disaster Cryptid on Laundry Day,” or “Broke and Bewildered Business Hobbit.” Over this, I apply a too-large tweed jacket with elbow patches (nailed it!) If you act like it’s deliberate then everyone believes you.

Unfortunately, market trends are shifting such that nobody will be able to afford Fashion any more, and they will have to join me in disreputable woodsmoke shabbiness. And then, THEN I will be highly fashionable - a trendsetter. I - I! - will do the tutorials for Youtube. “If you keep your hair in some form of braid all the time, nobody will notice when the braid is Bad sometimes,” I’ll say invitingly as I stitch together something horrible, “They’ll think their eyes are wrong.”

I will then hold up the grey skinny jeans that I have sewn back together at the crotch too many times, so that camera can really appreciate the zombie patchwork of a multi-repaired jegging crotch, that special look that occurs when the fabric has worn down until it’s transparent. “Nobody really looks at your crotch, so you can probably get away with this for another year,” I’ll say, in the face of all evidence.

Next I will hold up an old leather boot for the camera, an old boot that literally nobody would want to wear, ever, the kind of old boot that people fish out of the sea and then throw back into the sea. The kind of boot that charity shops try to give back to you if you attempt to donate it, because accepting it would be a burden and a cost to them.

“If you buy leather the first time, then you can keep repairing it for at least two more years after you should have gotten rid of it,” I’ll say, industriously forking the zipper back into place with an unidentifiable implement. “If one boot fails beyond repair, you can always get another from the sea.”

It will be a sensation. everyone will have to pretend that they like it, because they have no other choice. It will be called “Rubbish Chic,” and people will compete with each other: “This sweater only cost $1,” they’ll say, and the other person will say “Oh yeah? Well, someone offered me $2 to take my sweater out behind the barn and shoot it as an act of mercy.”

And above all the resulting scruffy, eccentric secondhand madness I shall reign: and then I will be fashionable, so fashionable, the Fashion Queen.