#distinguishedgent

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Distinguished Gentleman's Ride Los Angeles 2013  

Photocred: Patrick McGinley

[bowtieconfessions-blog]

Nice Guys Finish Last?

  It’s been awhile since I sat at the desk and blogged about something that just really just turns my gears. Well nothing gets under my skin worse then the idea that nice guys finish last. As a young man I heard this concept so many times I even started believing this nonsense. This idea that women love jerks has to be true, right?

Nothing could be further a way from the damn truth. Quite often a lot of women are attracted to men who are confident, strong, and stand firm. Sometimes these men just so happen to be assholes and women have a hard time running away from them. This is not due to a lack of intelligence. This is a problem that goes to the depths of a woman’s subconscious. Sadly there seems to be an epidemic and all I seem to run across are Beauties and the Bad Guy. What is a bad guy?

Bad guys in my opinion are low life; good for nothing chumps who make a bad name for men. The thing I hate the most is the fact ladies can’t seem to realize that not every man is trying to sex them up on first site. Well maybe they aren’t. What can I say, ifHalleBerrywas in my mist my mind might find some XXX scenarios running through my mind? I may even picture myself as Billy Bob Thorton as she said, “Make me feel good,” but is that wrong.

Dammit, let me digress. I am just saying that in this day in time I see a lot of women who seem to be addicted to pain and heartache. They have the damn nerve to get with a Waka Flacka, and expect to have a child that is a Barack Obama. Dun Dun Dunn!!! Really ladies? Do you think your Va Jay Jay has enough pressure to turn a piece of Coal into a Diamond? Sadly, you are very mistaken.

Fellas if you are reading this I have a few choice words to say to you as well. A lot of you are the reason that quote unquote nice guys finish last. Nothing hurts me more then to see a man grovel at the feet of a little petite woman weighing 100 lbs dripping weight, and she is 5’4 with 6 inch heels on. Men we have got to do better. I am not saying lets take a note out of the cave man playbook and start bashing women, but enough is enough. You are more than a drink at the bar. You are more than a free taxi service. You are more than just the man she calls when her bad guy does some stupid shit which is like every single day. You are more than the stand in. If you would wake up and open your eyes you would see you could be a leading man.

Nice guys do finish last though. It’s not because women don’t like being treated nice. It’s not because women have a secret Neanderthal fetish. If you believe that crap please let me show you some Prime Ocean Front Real Estate near the Grand Canyon.  

Men we have to do better. Nice guys finish last for two main reasons. Number one: nice guys finish last because they are stupid. Don’t take my word for it. Take a gander at the online etymology dictionary. In the thirteen century this word was an adjective that meant foolish, senseless, stupid, careless, clumsy, weak, and the damn list goes on and on.  Stop calling yourself a nice guy because to do so would be you telling the universe that you are a moron. Rather than being a nice guy how about you work on being a great guy. Women like men who are confident, mysterious, fun, and spontaneous.

Don’t just attract a woman with your love and kindness, wow her with your inner ClarkKent. The story of superman serves as a great symbol for every so-called nice guy. By day you can go to your mundane job, and do your mundane work, yet by night you have to find away to shake it up a bit. No I am not asking you to become a tight wearing cape marauder, but I am asking you to do a few things. Don’t worry about jumping over buildings, but please learn how to swoop your woman up in your arms and take her to places she has never been before. You don’t have to have x-ray vision, but learn how to see and feel every single detail about your woman. Women love a man that recognizes when she changes her lipstick, perfume, ear rings, hairstyle, and the list goes on and on. Last but not least, you don’t have to be the man of steel. Just be the man she can count on when she needs someone’s arms to lay in. By the way, I am not advocating that any of you become Captain Save’m.

If you work harder on being a real man and not a yes man ladies will be attracted to you. So do nice guys finish last? Hell yes. Everybody plays the fool, but it doesn’t have to be you anymore.

[bowtieconfessions-blog]

Recently, I ran across a very hillarious youtube episode of @tjsotomayor. This episode was hillarious. In the show, he was making light about the epidemic that is infesting our community. He posed a very important question, which I want to pose to you. Can I get your CATFAx?

Funny thing is when this question was posed a lot of females became angry. Come to think of it when comedian Billy Sorrells asked the same question in a 3 minute youtube clip some of the same rants appeared on his comment lines. The first response of a lot of women was can I get your D*ckfax? The answer is yes you can get my D*ckfax. Come to think of it, most of you already know a little about our history. Let's be honest, its already assumed that men sleep around, but well women would never do that, rt? That is what makes the idea of having CATFAx so hillarious.

For all of you who don't understand what this phenomenon is let me explain. CATFAx utilizes the same technology as CARFAx. Ladies, I realize the truth hurts, but that doesn't give any of us the right to live outside of the truth. There comes a time when you have to embrace the truth for what it is. The beauty of the idea about CARFAx is the the fact that customers will have a documented history on the used car that they are purchasing. Customers will recieve information about wrecks, flood damage, paint jobs, etc. That way the customer doesn't risk pulling off the lot with a lemon.

Unfortunately in the real world, that can't be said about dating. I definitely would like the opportunity to see the young lady I want to date's CATFAx. True I should trust here, and let bigons be bigons. I guess the problem is I am a little old fashioned. Maybe it is the fact that STD's are prevelant now days. Maybe its the fact I want to know what kind of woman I am taking home to meet my mother. Either way I should be able to know the truth.

To all the ladies that read this work, I know what you are thinking. This nonsense is a double standard right?  You all have had it so hard because you were a woman right? How dare a man judge me for my past right? Yet as a man I am judged any and every day by the likes of women like you. I am judged by my appearance, my material possessions, my financial statement, and the kind of house and care I have. Yes I know men are superficial too so please spare me the argument. Lets stick to the topic at hand, and then we can focus on the ridiculous things men do.

Ladies, some of you might be wondering, why does a man need the CATFAx? Well I know for me I need them because most women aren't honest about their sexual history. Many of you live pasts that are very similar to the young lady in the Billy Sorrells CATFAx video that you can find on youtube. Many of you live your lives as if you are Mother Theresa. You have slept around with every Tom, Dick, and Harry, and you got the nerve to be pissed off when I want to know about your past history. There is no double standard here. The things people do in the past says something about them. For all my feminist that may read this understand there will never be a true equality. Frankly, its impossible. I don't believe in racism, sexism, or any other ism for that matter. Yet, I do understand that everything will not add up to the same sum. For instance, women you all get six weeks off for paternity leave because you possess the beautiful gateway which our children enter the world through. Who is complaining about that? Secondly, many of you are more than willing to humble yourselves to get a free meal on a man even when you make the larger income. Not to mention, many of you are more than willing to call a man a dead beat dad when he is out of line, while you continue to call yourself a strong independent woman/good mother even when you always drop your kids off on othe people. Oh thats right, a man isn't supposed to talk about you. You are more sacred then the cow is to India, Right?

Ladies, understand something about the world. When a man is trying to get to know you, court you/date you, or marry you he understands a very fundamental fact. A good woman is worth investing in. Notice I said a good woman. That word means you must possess quality characteristics such as integrity, innocence, kindness, humbleness, respect, loyalty, and the list goes on and on. No I didn't say the woman has to be a virgin. I am not unrealistic in my views. The problem is many of you throw your innocence away so you young. Yes I know that men are trying to tear your walls down at a very young age. Yes I know men love sex, because I know I do as well. Even still I recognize the fact I don't want a fast tale woman for my wife. The main difference between a woman and a man, and the reason we need the CATFAx is the fact that you all won't be honest about your sexual history. You all think you can sit up there and live the most trifling life, and then turn around and hide behind the scripture. Hide behind the Church. Hide behind the fact that you are a Christian, and I want you to know something. That nonsense doesn't give you a pass. Throwing the fact that you go to church up in the conversation doesn't remove your own responsibility. Throwing up the idea that the bible says I am not supposed to judge doesn't remove the fact that maybe I don't want to love someone who is a shell of her former self. It says a lot about you when you can't keep your mouth or your legs closed. Not a sexy quality. Understand men's value goes up with the amount of women he lays with to a point. To that same point, women's value goes down. You can argue this all you want to but ask your girlfriends. If that wasn't the case why do you lie about the amount of sex partners you have had in your life? This is just one man's opinion, and I would really like to begin having this conversation in the community. If you want to respond to me about it. Tweet me at @richrowlandjr

[bowtieconfessions-blog]

CATFAX "Billy Sorrells" Show Me the Catfax (Spoof Parody)

[bowtieconfessions-blog]

'Till Death Do us Part

                                 Everyone already knows these beloved words, "I take you to be my wedded wife/husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish ‘till death do us part. And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness. But does everyone take into consideration that from this day forward doesn't mean when you adhere to these vows only when you feel like it. Many of you may be reading my very words wondering what point I am trying to make. Well for all of you, thank you for asking.

     The point I am trying to make is falling in love with someone and being faithful to them for the rest of your life doesn't happen by accident. In my own personal journey I have come across so many beautiful queens. Not only were they physically attractive, but they had the heart, the soul, and the mind to match. And I must say there is nothing more beautiful than a Nubian Queen who possesses a great deal of inward and outward beauty, more emphasis placed on the inward and less on the outward. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying I am going to accept a woman who doesn't keep her self up. That says a lot about a person's self-esteem and work ethic. If you can't keep yourself together, how can you expect me to think you possess the ability to help keep the relationship together. Anyways let me digress, and get back to the point.

     The issue I had with these beautiful queens was the fact that all of them lacked patience and foresight, in my opinion. Notice I said in my opinion. I recognize that the common denominator in all my relationships is me. Who am I to point out everyone else's faults and not notice my own dirty laundry. The reason I stated that they lacked patience and foresight is the fact the entire relationship felt like a track meet. Fellas, have you ever met a woman, and from day one you felt you were racing against the clock. As if tomorrow wasn't going to come.

     Maybe I am old school, but I believe that anything worth having takes time. There is nothing better than a delightful homecooked meal that is made from fresh ingredients. As a young man I learned how to cook meals from scratch, and that seems to be an art that has been lossed. Now days everyone is focused on convenience and time saving practices, but we are missing out some of life's greatest gifts due to our impatience. One of those tiny little things that we miss out on our strong relationships. For one moment, let's compare a great relationship to a homecooked meal prepared from scratch.

    For all my cooks out there, I know you will get this point, but some won't so let me lay it out. Ladies and gentlemen, your meal is only as good as it's ingredients. Imagine eating your favorite dish with all the fixings prepared just the way you like it. Sounds great doesn't it? Now imagine that same dish, but this time the ingredients weren't quite fresh, and not a lot of time was put into preparing your meal. Still sound good? I doubt that it does. Thats how our relationships are right now. Ladies I realize that rumor has it that the likelihood of finding a good man is nil to none, but please pump the breaks for a bit. If you want this relationship to work you have to take it nice and slow. Love that man like a homecooked meal prepared from scratch. How do you do that?

     Well for starters follow the example above, and choose the right ingredients. Understand that the two most important ingredients are you and your significant other. One fact that shouldn't be over looked is the fact that no ingredient is more important than the other. If you don't put enough of this or that into whatever you cooking it could have disastrous implications. For instance, lets say that you want to cook a wedding cake from scratch. How many people say the only reason this cake was good is because of the sugar, the flour, or the milk? Thats something they don't do. They may notice the icing, the moistness of the cake, the flavor, or the decoration, but they don't single out a particular ingredient that makes the cake so good.

     In our own personal lives it is important that we use the appropriate ingredients to prepare our wedding cake from scratch. What I love about cooking from scratch is the fact that when I am preparing my meal the taste of my food is in my control. Whenever you by something pre-made or pre-mixed you don't have that same control. There are ingredients that have already been added with or without your permission. But who needs your permission, its their recipe. I don't know about you, but in my relationship I want my woman and my secret recipe.

     After you have taken the time to pick out the best ingredients that fit your personal recipe it is time to mix. After you meet her/him it is imperative that you figure out how each ingredient goes together. Some ingredients sweeten things while others make things a little bitter. Some ingredients are used for color, while others are used to make the cake fluffy and moist. Thats why each of us have to recognize the ingredients that make up each individual in the relationship. Does your personalities, character, and work ethic balance each of you.

     Will one ingredient outweigh another? Let's take that same homemade cake example again. In cakes made from scratch people add both sugar and salt. Thats an interesting mix right? But both of these ingredients serve a purpose, and the end result is a delicious wedding cake if you use the correct ratio of both. Ladies that is why it is important to pump your breaks, and fellas that is why it is imporant to move a little faster. I know that may sound like I am contradicting myself, but just hear me out. I think that it is important for both individuals to come out of their comfort zone. That is after you recognize that this person embodies the ingredients you need to prepare your wedding cake from scratch. Far too often people get into their own groove, and think that if its not my way then it's the highway. Can I be honest with you for a bit? Sadly, that is something I have had to overcome. How else could you explain that I am a 33 year old gentlemen, who just so happens to be ranting about 'Till Death Do us Part?

     It takes both parties involved to make this thing work. Everyone has work to do, and when both parties embrace that attitude the likelihood of a success story goes up. The importance of having the right ratio is you find the desired flavor that everyone likes. For all of you wanting to know how to find the right ratio read the book "5 Love Languages." In this book you will learn how everyone speaks their own specific love language. Think about it, not everyone loves chocolate cake as much as you do. Not everyone loves caramel cake as much as you may. Maybe someone doesn't like cake at all, and they would rather have a giant cookie. But how would you ever find out these things about your mate if you never take the time to find out what turns their gears or what makes them happy. By the way, I don't mean just learn their favorite movie, their favorite R&B group, or their fraternity/sorority. I mean learn the most intimate of details so that you can take the time needed to mix in all the ingredients with the proper ratio. If you can't tell this takes time. Once you and your mate prepare your particular cake, don't be afraid to spice up the recipe from time to time to make sure that you never get tired of your wedding cake. Never be afraid to add something new to your routine as long as your significant other is cool with it.

     In conclusion, ladies if you didn't know it men want to fall in love. We want to marry you, and cherish you for the rest of our days. The problem is we don't want to feel like we are being forced to do it. Nobody wants to feel like the clock is ticking. For that matter, no one wants to feel like their backs are against the wall, or at least I DON'T! Falling in love with my best friend and loving her forever is something that runs through my mind every single day. Its beautiful yet scary at the same time. Everyone get's why it is beautiful. Waking up next to the woman of your dreams is every man's dream, and I am sure you get that. The reason that marriage is scary is because no man wants to feel like he is betting someone half his shit that you will love him forever.

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A distinguished Gent ...