The One Where You’re Ready
Pairing: Four/Tobias Eaton x Reader
Summary: Choosing Dauntless may have been the biggest mistake I had ever made. I was’t brave or daring or courageous. I wouldn’t make it. I would get cut. I would be factionless. I didn’t believe I could change it. But Four did.
A/N: For the gorgeous reader who requested a Divergent imagine: here it is! (Also, I wrote this in first person instead of third - let me know which you guys prefer!)
MASTERLIST, MOBILE MASTERLIST (you can like it and save it for later!)
———————————————————————————————————-
I didn’t know why I had chosen Dauntless. I wasn’t brave. I didn’t want to be. I was scared and small and unsure. But it was too late.
Beatrice was first to jump. Eric calls for the next jumper and Peter shoves me forward. Eric raises a brow as he waits for me to walk to the ledge. My legs wobble under me as I shakily stand on it, looking down into the dark pit.
“What are you waiting for?” Eric growls beside me.
“I think she needs a little push,” Peter says. I look over my shoulder at him as he walks towards me – Eric doesn’t try to stop him. When he’s inches away I clumsily lurch forward. I don’t have time to consider what will be at the bottom because by the time I stop screaming, I’ve already landed face first into a net. I feel a strong pair a hands help me off. I don’t have time to look at who they belong to because I’m too busy bending over and throwing up.
“Move over initiate unless you want someone to land on top of you,” a boy says. I move from underneath the net towards the boy who was watching me in disgust. He was tall and handsome – boys in Abengation didn’t look like him.
“Another Stiff,” a girl scoffs from beside him, “What has the world come to if Stiff’s are the ones jumping first.”
The boy gives her a sideways glance before his eyes return to me, “I’m Four,” he introduces himself without holding a hand out.
He nods. He does not smile.
“Do you have a name?” he asks after a long silence. His name was different but I couldn’t think of one for myself.
“Disappointed about that, are we?” he raises a brow, “If you don’t like it you can change it. Only once.”
I look over at Beatrice in the corner and she gives me a soft smile, “I changed mine to Tris.”
“I don’t think another name would suit me,” I say. I was not different or unique.
“Y/N it is then,” Four says. I stand beside Tris. To me she already looks braver than when we had grown up together in Abnegation.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It had been a week since we had started training. I faired pretty well even though my rank was low. I had beat Christina and Tris and even Al who was a lot bigger than I was. Will had beat me but it didn’t hurt too much. When Peter beat me everyone had thought I was dead because I passed out and didn’t wake up for a day.
I had tried to fall into the pattern of Dauntless life but there really wasn’t a pattern to fall into – each day was different – it wasn’t habitual like Abnegation.
I did like it here but Dauntless didn’t love me as much. The Initiates were split into Dauntless born and transfers and everyone in the transfers were split between Tris and Peter. Peter was an asshole and Tris was more complex – I wasn’t entirely comfortable around either of them.
“Eric wants us all in the pit for some announcement,” Christina says from the other end of the dorm, rubbing her hands together. I wait until everyone clears out before taking a shower. I couldn’t deal with Peter and his disgusting comments the way Tris could. Being an Abnegation transfer came with its own problems.
“Initiates all need to report to the pit,” Eric’s voice echoes in the dorm, I clamour to pull a towel around myself as he walks into the area with all the showers.
He stares at me and then looks away, “Pit. Now.”
“Now,” he says. I reach for my clothes and stop halfway when Eric’s eyebrows furrow together and make his piercing go lopsided. I feel my cheeks grow redder all the way to the pit and when I get there Peter is the first to laugh. I don’t say anything, I just stand behind Tris and Christina and pretend to listen intently to what Eric is saying even though my ears are ringing. I shiver slightly from the soft wind and Christina puts an arm around me.
“Leave her,” Eric says in the middle of his announcement, “Part of being Dauntless is being able to follow orders immediately.”
Christina slows drops her arm form my shoulder. Eric talks about the next stage as an Initiate. Four walks in and stands beside him, occasionally nodding at something he says. His eyes land on me but he doesn’t say anything, instead, he slowly walks over and shrugs his jacket off before placing it on my shoulders.
Eric doesn’t say anything.
When he’s finished he dismisses all of us and Peter slams into my shoulder as he walks past. Four’s eyes linger on me and then he leaves behind Peter.
I stay in the pit and sit down on one of the mats. I look up at my name on the ranking board and it’s second to last. I think about becoming factionless and for a second I don’t feel anything at all. The factionless weren’t angry or sad or happy, they were just there – they just drifted and lived everyday as it came. It sounded sad to others but I felt it was peaceful. Every faction was obliged to do something but the factionless just lived for themselves.
“What are you thinking about?” Four walks into the empty room and look down at me on the floor.
I stand up without looking at him, “Nothing. I’d better get to bed.”
Four shakes his head, “Stay and practice.”
“Eric will kill me if I break curfew.”
No one was a stickler for the rules around here but Eric had it out for me. I didn’t finish fights and I wasn’t loud and boisterous like the others. I never stood up for myself – it wasn’t easy to lose the habits of being Abnegation born.
“I’ll vouch for you,” Four says nodding toward the left at the mats. I look down at the towel, “I’ll just go get changed then.”
He shakes his head again, “Here,” he moves one of my hands to the part of the towel that’s tucked into itself, “Hold it.” Once I do he moves the other so my arm is bent at a 90 degree angle, “Fend me off.”
“Well if you use the other arm there’s a chance your towel will drop.” It sounds like a joke but he doesn’t smile when he says it. I shrug off his jacket so I can move properly.
“I’ll start off slow,” he waits for me to nod before throwing a few punches that I can block, “Don’t just use your arms to defend – fight back.”
I try to – I throw punches with my free hand and kick around but he wasn’t going easy on me anymore. He would catch me before I could fall so that I wouldn’t have to flail around and try cover up and the one time he missed and I fell onto the mat he swiftly turned around.
“Yeah,” I say, standing up. He turns back to me, “You don’t have enough confidence in yourself. You have a strong punch but you’re sloppy. You’re smaller, faster – use it.”
“Even if I do, it won’t make a difference. I’ll still get cut – my rank is too low.”
“You can bring it up,” he says it so confidently I almost believe him. He places a hand on my shoulder and my skin tingles beneath his touch, “I’m rooting for you.”
With that he leaves and I watch him go, wondering what all of that even meant.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tris is already in the pit when I get there despite it being four in the morning.
She turns to me with a smile, “Hey.”
“You didn’t come back to the dorms last night.”
“Yeah,” I mumble, “I trained for a bit and then went for a walk.”
“Yeah, I saw you training with Four. I came to see if you were okay.”
“Thanks. I’m fine. Eric’s an asshole.”
She nods and smiles and returns to punching the boxing bag. I walk to the one that’s one over from hers and begin to punch it. My knuckles are sore by the time I’m done and I begin to wish I had worn gloves or at least wrapped them. Everyone files in around 6am and Four is right at the back, herding them in like sheep. Everyone was tired and everyone wanted to go back to bed.
“Y/n. Peter. First fight,” he says. I look at him in surprise as I take the mat but he doesn’t acknowledge it. Why would he put me with Peter? I had only been up against Peter once and he had beat me bloody – even after I had passed out, according to everyone who watched.
Peter circles the mat. He has a cocky smirk on his face that makes my blood boil. I throw the first punch and even more surprisingly, it hits him and hard. He stumbles backwards – he looks as surprised as I do – and then angry. He lunges forward and I jump sideways and knock his feet out from under him. He doesn’t fall completely, only to his knees and then he bounces right back up.
“Fuck you, Stiff. Thought I’d take it easy on you after last time but fuck that,” he laughs. He punches me in the nose and I can feel the blood drip onto my lips. I wipe at it with my sleeve and go back to holding my arms up defensively as he throws punches. Peter drops his fists and just shoves me straight backwards off the mat by my shoulders. I fall backwards and a strong pair of arms pick me up.
It was Four’s voice. I don’t look back at him as I walk back on to the mat but his voice becomes a small encouragement echoing around my head as I spar.
“Finish this up,” Four says loudly. We had to have been fighting for at least ten minutes.
“Gladly,” Peter smirks at his friends. I hit him in the jaw and then in the stomach while he’s not paying attention. He only stumbles a little but it’s enough time for me to headlock him. I drive as many punches into his gut as I can before he flips me over. I curl up in a ball as he kicks at my ribs. My arms take most of the brunt.
“Get up stiff,” Peter spits, pulling me up by my arms and then punching me again. I fall to the floor. I can feel the blood from my nose in my mouth now. Fuck Peter.
I stand up and scratch his face. His skin and blood are stuck under my fingernails.
“What the fuck?!” he yells, clapping one hand over it. And then I punch him in the nose and then in the jaw and then I throw him to the floor and straddle him, punching him until his face is so bloody I can’t tell where he’s bleeding from anymore.
“CALL ME A STIFF AGAIN!” I yell.
“Enough y/n,” Four grunts as he pulls me off him. I kick and flail my feet about as he drags me away and only stop when I register everyone staring at me. Everyone remains silent and look at me like I’m crazy except for Christina who tries to hide an obvious smile.
Eric slowly claps from behind us and Four let’s go of me.
“Now that’s what I’m talking about,” he says moving towards us. Four shifts as Eric puts an arm around me, “Great fight. In fact, take the rest of practice off y/n – and on your way out, maybe take Peter to the infirmary.”
I stand still, my eyes fixated on Peter’s bloody figure groaning on the mat.
“Well?” Eric raises a brow, “You leaving or do you want to stay for another fight?”
I shake my head and move towards the mats, pulling Peter’s arm over my shoulder. He looks like he wanted to protest but he can barely speak.
I couldn’t bear to look at anyone but I could feel Four’s eyes on me as I dragged Peter out. Once I get him to the infirmary someone tends to him, “This one deserved it if you ask me – always running his mouth,” she says as she roughly dabs at his wounds, “I’ll clean you up in a second, let me just put him on a drip,” she says, looking at me.
I shake my head, “I’m fine. If he’s alright then I’ll just head out.”
I walk down the grey cement corridors to the stairwell and walk all the way to the roof. I wanted to jump. Not because I had beat Peter up so badly or because Eric was proud of me – both of which made me sick – but because of the way Four had looked at me.
I walk all the way to the ledge and let my legs dangle over as I sit down. I sit there for hours and watch the sun sink into the horizon.
The sound of the fire escape door opening and closing causes me to turn around. Four is standing there watching me with a cloth in one hand and a bottle in the other.
“I was looking for you,” he says, “Martha said you disappeared without getting tended to.”
“Oh,” I shrug, “I’m fine.”
“Have you taken a look at yourself?” he sits down beside me. His legs hang further down than mine.
I look at my distorted reflection in the metallic pole beside me – it was a blur of blood.
“I look like I just ate someone out on their period,” I laugh. Four chuckles genuinely before wiggling the bottle around in his hand, “Antiseptic and-“ he holds the cloth up, “A clean towel.”
I put a hand out but he shakes his head, “I think its better I do it – you don’t have a mirror. You’ll probably get in in your eye.”
His hands were rough and when he dabs at my forehead I quickly place a hand over his.
“Sorry,” he mumbles, softening his touch. He wipes my face softly and when he’s done he pulls a few band aids from his pocket and places them over gashes.
“Do you want to talk about today?” he asks. I shake my head silently.
“Well, can we talk about something?” he swallows hard as he looks down at his feet.
“You don’t like heights?”
“I was so angry. I don’t know where it came from,” I finally say. My words hang in the air and I feel them echo over the vast space.
“I do,” he faces me, “You’re strong and confident and you were tired of Peter being a dick to you.”
“I still shouldn’t have done that. I didn’t even know I was capable,” I try to hide a smile and Four chuckles beside me, “You enjoyed it a little.”
“A little,” I sigh, “I still wish I hadn’t gone that far.”
He nods like he agrees but doesn’t say as much, “We all make mistakes. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to beat Peter as long as you don’t become him.”
We both sit in silence after that and I listen to his breath which is slightly hitched as he looks down at all the buildings.
“You’ll be glad to know that your rank has moved up. You’re only one under the cut off now.”
I look at him then back out at the sky, “I don’t know if Dauntless is for me. I don’t want to be like I was today, for the rest of my life.”
“You don’t have to be. You don’t have to be like you were yesterday or how you were today. You can be in-between. You can be strong and brave and still kind.”
Four looks at me strangely.
“What?” I ask self-consciously.
“Nothing,” he laughs lowly, “It’s just you’re the first initiate to think I’m kind.”
I tilt my head, “You are kind of an asshole sometimes.”
“So you’ll stay then? In Dauntless?”
I suck in a deep breath, “If I make it.”
He places a warm hand over mine, “You will.”
“Why do you care so much?” I ask. I hadn’t intended for it to come out so explicitly.
“I mean training me one- on- one and coming up here and doing this…” I trace a finger over the band aid on my forehead, “Why?”
“Because I care about you.”
Four laughs, “Are you capable of any other words?”
“I just don’t understand. I’m nothing like you or the other Dauntless.”
“That’s why,” he moves a strand of hair away from my face, “Because you’re different. Because you’re good.”
I just stare at him and he stares back then we both lean in. I hadn’t kissed anyone before so I pull away quickly in embarrassment. His hand is still resting on mine and I look down at it, “Maybe we should get back. If Eric finds us up here he might push us off.”
We both stand up and while I’m dusting my hands against my jeans Four catches one of them and slips his into it.
“I don’t really care what Eric thinks,” he says. I feel butterflies in my stomach as we walk towards the door. I’m too scared to walk down there with my hand in his and I’m too scared to let go. It feels so good to be this close to someone after so long. I could still wriggle my hand out of his and stay up here. I could choose to become factionless. Or, I could go down there with Four and I could be something; someone.
Four squeezes my hand lightly, “Are you ready to go back down?”
I swallow hard and move beside him, “Yeah. I’m ready.”
