So changing my name is something I've wanted to do for a long time. I mean, when I was little I never really liked Michelle - too feminine, I guess, and I was a "tom boy" - but I liked it better when I started using "Mishl" - somehow the change in spelling made it feel more my own, like a word that was made for me and wasn't already associated with a gender.
My last year of high school I told my friends I was going to tell everyone I met at school my name was "Rae" (which is my middle name) and start going by that in general. I really like my middle name, and I don't remember my full reasoning for liking it better before (shorter, less syllables, just a cool name :'D), but I think I attribute my preference to it because of how androgynous it is -- is it, like, "Raymond" or is it short for "Racheal" or?? WHO KNOWS?? :D -- Even when you say it, it doesn't really imply either gender.
[[[Continued under cut bc it gets a bit wordy x 7 x;;]]]
Idk, my pre-defined gender (or, I guess, my gender as defined by my sex) has always kind of bothered me, though it's always been an issue I've pushed aside because I figured there wasn't anything I could do about it, etc. After learning about transgendered [and consequently agendered/ non-binary] people, though, I kinda sorted out how I felt about gender. (I actually wondered if I should be trans, but realized I don't want to be a girl but I don't want to be a boy either.) I learned the "gender binary" was more of a spectrum, which helped, but I still like the idea of being separate from that altogether. I don't wear "boy" clothes, I wear clothes - stuff like that!
This sort of prompted a new desire to have people call me Rae. I haven't really been pushing it -- heck, I've hardly mentioned it to anybody -- but I think it's something I'd like to move toward. My own gender dysphoria is pretty mild, and it's not that I don't want to be identified as "she" etc, it's just that I don't want to be limited to that. I've been mistaken as a boy a few times in my life and I actually loved it (:'D) - to me, being androgynous is like saying "no" to definite-genders. Something like that, at least.
I'm trying to get to the point here.. o 7 o;; Basically, if you could begin referring to me as Rae, I'd really appreciate it. I certainly don't mind "Mish/ Mishl" - heck you can alternate between them if you want, I guess - I just.. I think this is what I want. As far as pronouns go, I really don't care what you use (even "it" lol). Most of you know my sex, but as I continue to try and "androgynize" myself (pfft, sounds silly when I put it that way, but ch'know) in an attempt to reflect my gender, I'll probably stop telling people my sex and just let them mix and match. Makes me feel a bit like a jerk but idc I like it. :'D
Ahhh uh so I hope this makes sense, and ofc you're not obligated to do this, but idkkk. Also another thing that prompted this re-interest in changing my name is when my friend Anurandi mentioned she wanted people to call her that instead of "Ana" bc her name is Anurandi and that is who she is. Like, for her it reflects more of her culture (since "Ana" basically came about as an "Anglicization" of Anurandi), and that inspired me - like your name is who you are - and I started thinking about my own name.
//ramble ramble// I need to go to bed now. But like, if you have any questions or just wanna talk about my name change/ name changes/ gender identities/ stuff like that in general, I'm up for it. Thanks for reading! = 7 =;;;
