OKAY I talk too much for the post comment character limit so bringing it back to your inbox: GOSH see so since you mentioned this, it is something SO INTERESTING TO ME that I think about every time I am thinking of this fic (so hearing you say that is lighting up every neuron in my brain atm. I could literally discuss this fic for years, I have so many questions and SO MUCH INTEREST) but re: the Ryou genuinely not caring thing. Is his not caring about it a lack of self-worth or at least what he thinks of as a lack of entitlement? Is he able to comfort/distance himself from it a bit bc tho he remembers it at his own experience, he knows rationally that it wasn't he - Ryou - who had made that choice because he literally didn't exist yet? It was Shiro, and he just got implanted with the experiences of another man? Or does it actually make it even harder on him, because he doesn't feel entitled to struggle with these awful memories because they aren't really "his"? Or is it a combination of both? One of the things that I find so fascinating about any Shiro and Kuro story that is and could have been is this struggle. Part of me feels like it would be so easy for them to hate each other, with so much Shiro self-loathing to go around, but equally easy to sympathize with each other because of how empathetic and generally nice guy he and they are. My Shiro stan heart forever ruminating on this. You have another fic that sticks with me a lot, where the Ryou verse boys meet the canon boys post S6, and they get so angry at everyone for letting Kuro die to save Shiro like he didn't matter, and I can't remember the exact quote, but someone questioning whether Kuro still is alive in Shiro or if Shiro just has his memories, and Shiro (exhausted and untethered and raw and recently back from an eternity alone, practical to a fault canon!Shiro) being like "Is there a difference?" and no one could say anything.
Ahem, sorry for rambling, your Shiro fic is forever among some of my favorite stuff in the fandom, I could fawn over it and discuss it for days.
Okay, so first of all: thank you SO MUCH for a chance to talk about my favorite thing to explain, which is Ryou Shirogane, my boy, my scrungly creature, my actual son.
Okay, so, Ryou's lack of caring on the subject of what Shiro did in the arena. Under the cut b/c this is long
So, Ryou remembers all of it perfectly. Better than perfectly, even. The memories were implanted into his brain through the nervous system connection in his arm. They're permanently etched.
But Ryou has a few advantages here. First and foremost is that Ryou did a lot of work in his own head to separate him from Shiro. A big part of that was the acceptance that the Black Lion was never going to accept him. He was never and would never be the team's leader - or, at that point, he didn't even think he could be a paladin.
That was a blow, because being Black Paladin was what Shiro used to separate himself from what he'd done in the arena. He's a good guy, he fights the very obviously evil bad guys who do evil bad guy things, the lion of being Responsible and Leaderly thinks he's worthy.
Ryou is not.
So at that point, Ryou said 'fuck it, if I'm not the leader, if I'm not a paladin, why hold myself to these ridiculous standards of perfection that Shiro expects of himself?' And he cut it out. He essentially literally took a hack job to his own personality. Fuck it. If he can't be a leader, he won't act leaderly. He won't care about the big picture, only about his people. The universe is full of terrible shit and pain and disappointments, but he has a family and he's going to protect them.
THAT is the start of the Yellow Paladin personality, actually: These are my people they are mine and no one can hurt them, because that's all I have in the universe. No role, no greater purpose, because I wholeheartedly reject the thing I was literally made to do.
From there, Ryou and Shiro did not expect to like each other. And honestly, my goal wasn't even to make them! Just to get Shiro comfortable enough with Ryou's existence to keep them from being at each other's throats. Because it IS easy for Shiro to hate Ryou. He's a physical manifestation of how he was abused by the Galra, and he represents everything Shiro tries to hide about himself: the damage, the parts that aren't nice, aren't leaderly, aren't buttoned up and perfect.
Except Ryou refused to feel the same way. He looked at Shiro and went 'literally no one understands you like I do, and I don't give a shit about your posturing. You're suffering. I remember how you're suffering. You need help. I am going to help you.'
And thus, Shiro became one of Ryou's People. It's only later that Shiro met him at that same place.
But that's why Ryou doesn't care. Because it's sad that the kid died, but it's not actually Shiro's fault. He knows how Shiro feels, he knows why Shiro feels that way, but he can also see him from the outside. And Ryou doesn't care because Shiro is more important. That kid would have died no matter what. Shiro was being abused and starved. He survived. Nothing else matters to Ryou. Shiro could slaughter whoever he wanted if it meant he came home.
Ryou loves Shiro.
Ryou protects Shiro.
That's all that matters to him, at the end of the day.
I have a headcanon of Ryou using his literal lack of taste to drive everyone arond him insane (especially Hunk) by eating the most disgusting food combos. He dips his (space)oreos in (space)ketchup, puts salt and pepper in his desserts, laughs maniacally as he puts his toast in a blender; all while maintaining eye contact w Hunk. He promptly gets banned from the kitchen.
Ryou is just slightly unhinged like that I think
(maybe somthing like that happend in the series already but i havent reread it in a while so sorry if thats the case)
It hasn't been in the fics but he ABSOLUTELY would. Just... making eye contact as he chugs a mustard flavored milkshake.
Mind, Ryou would probably need a reason to go out of his way like that but...not MUCH of one, really.
She ain’t no CleopatraI ain’t no Julius CaesarI ain’t no CasanovaShe ain’t no Mona LisaShe charm a nationShe send you out to dieAnd we were flying when she ran that red lightI ain’t no ValentinoShe ain’t no Greta GarboNo AphroditeI’ll never be ApolloBut when we come togetherThere’s no one else can followThere’s no tomorrow when we run that red lightFull song
(undress meme) "Oh god, Nat! I'm so sorry. I--uh--I didn't even know you were here. I'm just gonna... leave and go get buried in work and yeah. Good to see you, Nat. No! Not like that. I'm--I'm shutting up now."
It was very hard to get the drop on her, but it happened once in a while and usually at the worst times, “You’re just damned lucky I’m not armed Stark!” Because she had already removed her weapons and at least he hadn’t seen everything, but he had gotten a good view of her bosoms.
"I think you are as much mine as you may be," Loki trailed his fingers along her spine, idly. "Though I would, as said, loved to have employed your talents in my cause, when I still wanted Midgard. For now I am content with the mayhem we cause behind closed doors."
A shiver worked down her spine from his touch and his words. In the back of her mind she wondered if he wouldn’t someday still like very much to employ her. The for now even making it seem more plausible. Still she knew he couldn’t, wouldn’t use the same method he had on Clint or at least she hoped. Slowly she turned and faced her lover, arching a brow at him, a small playful smile sliding across her lips, “It’s the best kind.” Almost, she knew they both enjoyed other more… brutal sorts of mayhem also.
