11-12-13
I read her blog, I am so hurt by the things she said. I received a text from her today, but I don't know what to say back, or if I even want to reply. Your words hurt, a bitch is one thing, a slut takes it to a whole different level. I guess we just have different definitions of a slut, I know what I did was wrong, I don't need someone else to tell me, I got caught up in the moment. I took care of my situation if anyone cares, thanks to my friend Sara, who I guess is a slut too because she talked me through it and helped me get what I need and supported me instead of degrading me. The fight I'm in is stupid at this point but I don't feel I am the one whom needs to say sorry, I didn't deserve to hear what was said to me.
Matthew and I are doing really good, we will probably see each other tomorrow, no telling what we'll do, maybe go get my car. That would be a blessing, even though I still owe $520 and have no insurance but it would at least be nice to know I have a car. In 6 months I'm going to try and buy a jeep or a ranger, something that describes me and that I can use as a back up vehicle. Gretta hopefully after this will be a solid reliable car.
I think Katy and I might see each other tomorrow also, I miss her. It'll be really nice to have some girl time, and then see Matthew after he gets out of the gym, I am so excited for Christmas, I'm just about to get started on his gift. I got a wooden box, and on the inside I'm going to decorate it with our pictures, the date we started dating, semper fidelis, and a lot of other things, so that he can take it to boot camp with him and store all of my letters in it, and it locks. I'm getting excited to send letters. I cant decide if I want to make them all uniform or something artistic and amazing for each individual one.
The other night on the phone, Matt asked me what my dream house would be, and I went into great detail about how I want to live in a big house, with a pasture around it, and around that pasture I was trees, I want a big back patio, that the family can spend time on, with a fire pit and bbq, and a game box. I want a garden, that I can grow potatoes and carrots, I want trees to grow fruit and I want a couple quads, to ride to get the mail, or when it's snowy on a short trip to the grocery store, I want 2 or 3 kids, what ever god can gift me with, I want a close family. I want to cook dinner every night and be part of a small town, with an amazing husband, and after all of that was said, the only thing he said was, lets make that happen, I think he never thought of living a life like that until I came along, I opened his eyes to a whole new world and how cozy and happy a family can be. Like I want that more than the moon. Matt has always been or told me, that he wants to have a house on or near the beach, because when he was little he would go visit his grandma on the beach in California and just have an amazing trip with his brother. I thought that was so so so cool, like I see Matt as a city guy, flexing his muscles on the beach. I don't want to be that girl that takes him from his dreams, but I think once I explained what I saw, he got a view of wow, that would be a good life.
I miss him so much, we also talked about Jake and his ex, Ivy. And I feel like now that I got to share how I felt about the situation with Jake and what I feel now towards him, I can finally let go of everything that happened between Jacob and I. I have Matt there to talk too and he understands. I never thought I would fall so hard, and want it so bad. In three years Matt will be able to settle down more and create a future, which is perfect, at 22 I'll be ready to do the same, so i'll be here in Washington waiting for you Matthew. You'll get my letters once or twice a week. I want to hear everything about what happens to you. I love you babe!