it is obvious that i am deeply fascinated by MSR and whatever the hell it is those two have going on, but i am *almost* as fascinated by whatever the hell it is scully and doggett have going on
the initial hostility that melts into scully being ferocious towards him - whereas he realizes very quickly she is an agent of the highest caliber. their first meeting ending with ever-composed agent scully throwing a glass of water over him for implying mulder might not be who he says he was. his respect at her devotion. her grief-induced fury at losing her best friend and being watched by this new guy who clearly doesn’t Get It and who even DARED to imply that she might have been involved in mulder’s disappearance. he finds her sleeping in her missing partner’s bed and realizes he might have gotten this all wrong, actually. she hates him openly and brazenly until he finds her after being attacked, sobbing, and he carries her to safety. awkwardly brings her a get well soon card in the hospital and tells her they’ve been assigned together. and he promises to find mulder. they enter into an uneasy rhythm punctuated by arguments in cars and saving each other’s lives, back and forth.
but she still doesn’t trust him all the way, or perhaps she is refusing to acknowledge the circumstances, rebelling against the cards life has handed her, and sneaks off to take a case on her own - which ends with her screaming at him to cut something out of her neck. and despite having no idea wtf she means, he takes his knife and does so. they both acknowledge this was a mistake and try to do better. which works… to an extent.
he knows she is hiding something, and through the fights about the existence of aliens and bat men and proving themselves to each other, saving each other over and over again, he is driven wild by the fact she’s lying to him about something, and he doesn’t know what. why won’t she trust him? hasn’t he proved himself? and she’s terrified and refuses to tell him anything so she just lies, terribly, to his face, over and over. what is she hiding?
whereas she feels she has no choice but to lie, because if he knew, or if anyone at all knew her secret, they might take her off the case and keep her from finding mulder, from doing everything in her power to bring him back. and that Cannot Happen. he Needs to be back. the fact that he isn’t here is incomprehensible. and so she tries to give doggett what she can without telling him anything, really, to show she really does respect him - like the promise to get him a desk, which she follows through on, because she knows how it feels to be denied that space. it’s all the more complicated by her big secret being good news, a miracle in theory, but damn the timing of the divine (if it is even the divine she is dealing with rather than more interplanetary horrors - how can you tell between them these days?), so she must guard it all the more fiercely lest she lose something else when she cannot afford her hope being crushed further.
but still, she’s leaving all the time and he is increasingly frustrated by what seems to be her lack of trust after proving himself again and again. and she’s frustrated because she’s stuck in this terrible and terrifying position and life is cruel and how could anyone understand? why does everyone look at her with such pity when they could be busy hunting for mulder?
until it all tumbles loose and he’s unswerving in his devotion. and she realizes she can trust him. “i told you i would find him”
there’s just something SO good about that simmering resentment for their circumstances - he’s on this super weird assignment with the spooky basement freaks, one of whom people are telling him was abducted by aliens and now he has to help find, instead of moving up in the FBI like he was supposed to be. and he doesn’t have a clue what the hell is going on in these cases with ghouls and beasts, so he has to rely on her. he’s got a partner he respects and needs to get through these situations, but she doesn’t trust him, and he knows she hates him, either knowingly or not, for not being mulder. and she can’t help but grieve the fact that he isn’t her missing partner and the terror of her circumstances, so she guards herself and her fear by putting up walls. and why won’t he believe? when the evidence is written on the grief in her face?
they form a level of trust between them but it isn’t enough with something being so loudly unsaid. until they FINALLY come to trust each other… and then that dynamic is fractured with further grief as doggett fulfills his promise - he finds mulder. and things change shape once again.
do you see what i mean? i am Unwell.
