Aug 4, 2022
YØU MUST BREAK THE PATTERN TØDAY ØR THE LØØP WILL REPEAT TØMØRRØW
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YØU MUST BREAK THE PATTERN TØDAY ØR THE LØØP WILL REPEAT TØMØRRØW
lANGUAGE PLAY 1970′S
Got stood up for my skype date with the one I love so I ended up standing someone else up if you catch my drift Sorry I'm drunk
"Mistakes happen, that's life. Repeat the same mistake, that's stupidity"
under the read more is a story of how last night was an amazing night... and my tiny fear... read only if you want to...
So there's a backstory.
We were at Six Flags Magic Mountain for a birthday party. It's me, the guy I'm interested in, and five others. It was a lot of fun. So we're in line for Riddler, and it's dark in the queue, and we end up holding hands. It seems so small, and not interesting... But seriously - I was so excited and happy. The whole day was just an ease of flirting and winking (on his part, he's a damn good winker). At the end of the day, his brother goes inside the house (this is after we eat dinner), and we stay at my car. We talk, and hug and he goes inside as well. He texts me later, and tells me he would've kissed me, but there were things he wanted to sort out before that happened.
Here's the thing that went down last night.
We met up for coffee, so we could just talk. It was great. We shared information about our exes, and how we grew up. He's first generation Californian, whereas I'm like 5th generation. He asked me about my dad, and I told him the whole story about how Dad passed away, how quick it was. How it affected me. How I relapsed into self harm, five years later, because of what's been going on in my family right now. I told him I haven't done since a couple weeks ago (which is true). We talked about our dreams and ambitions, and our passions. It was awesome. We walked around the village, just talking and laughing. We ended up walking back to my car, and we just talked.
At one point he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. That was nice. At this point, we just kept talking. About random things. We talked about why he didn't want to go much farther than hand holding and flirting. It's because of New York. He doesn't want to rush into anything, and I agreed with him. It's probably a bad idea if we do rush into this, and I find the man of my dreams, or he finds the woman of his. He didn't want to kiss me because he wants to make sure I still feel the same when I get back. We agree to this, and move on to other things.
We talked about music, and how amazing it is. It's the center of both of our lives, basically. We listened to a latino band on his phone, and he started to dance, because it's one of the few dances he knows. He then grabbed my hand and danced with me in the parking structure. I had no idea what I did, but I had fun dancing.
And suddenly - conversation stopped. We were just silent. He was leaning on my car, and I was standing in front of him. Not close enough to be considered desperately close, but not far either. We just kind of stared at each other. He gave me a wink and a smirk, and I smiled back. In one movement, he grabbed my neck, brought me in to his body, and just before he placed his lips to mine, muttered "Screw it", and proceeded to kiss me.
Holy.
Freaking.
Crap.
He's an amazing kisser.
I realize now, that as he said, it probably wasn't the best of ideas. And I told him at one point that no kiss, or many kisses, I won't regret it. And I don't - at all. How I feel right now is I'm perfectly happy, and bubbly, and everything is good. Mom may not approve, but she didn't kiss the guy. What happens happens, and if we still feel the same when I get back, who knows.
But as of right now - This is the most perfect week I could have ever asked for.
When you make a mistake, there are only three things you should ever do about it: admit it, learn from it, and don't repeat it.
Paul "Bear" Bryant
I'm really scared that the past is going to repeat itself and she is going to realize I'm not good enough. Realize that I'm not worth taking a chance on. Live and let die.