this is embarrassing. this is so fucking embarrassing and i hate doing this. i hate asking for money. i argue with the person I’M IN LOVE WITH every time she gives me money so asking people i don’t know is... i feel sick right now, to be honest, but i’m up against a wall.
i’m cody and i really, really need to see my girlfriend.
my mom has a long history of emotional and mental abuse, as well as gaslighting. she threatens physical violence, a lot, but hasn’t hit me since i was a kid so there’s that at least, right? meh. she was okay for awhile but i recently came out about my relationship -- after hiding it for almost a year -- and she recently started dating a new guy who ENCOURAGES how she treats me. just recently she’s
1. threatened to knock my teeth out, multiple times
2. threatened to have me committed.
3. told me that i’m not mentally ill but that i’m just a selfish brat who wants everyone to do everything for them.
4. allowed her boyfriend to threaten me and also allowed him to talk about putting me out on the streets until her friend stepped in and told her it wasn’t okay.
5. consistently takes large amounts of money from me, with the promise to pay it back, and when i ask for it back she throws a tantrum and tells me i “owe” her and she’s my mother.
6. freezes me out, ignores me, or tells me i’m disrespectful and shitty if i don’t do every single thing she asks.
7. she’s also gotten a nasty habit of telling me that she told me something, or told me to do something, when she never did so when i’m shocked when she mentions it she goes off on me about how i’m lazy and just don’t listen to her and when i keep stressing to her that she NEVER TOLD ME she just says she did and that i have selective hearing and this sends me into a tailspin every single time and makes me terrified my memory is going and my anxiety goes off the charts.
8. tells me that no one is ever gonna do for me what she does and tells me just to get out if i’m not happy then seconds later tells me she didn’t mean that when i say that i’ll leave as soon as i can.
i’m so sorry to unload all of this and i know people have it worse than i do and believe me i would pay for this myself if i could but she is literally taking money from me as fast as i can make it, and then never paying me back or acting shitty if i ask for it, to the point where i’m too afraid to.
i just need $150 for the bus ticket up since my girlfriend has offered to pay for the return trip and $50 to pay someone to come take care of my animals for the ten days i’m gone. i can’t do anything but make gifs but if you’re comfortable attaching your tumblr name and a request i’ll make you anything.
this is probably so selfish and i’m so sorry. don’t feel obligated to donate anything, or to even reblog this. i might panic and just delete it anyway because i don’t want people getting mad at me for asking for money for something so selfish. i just really need to see her. i need to be hugged and i need to be with someone who loves me unconditionally and only wants the best for me, if only for ten days. the way my mom’s been treating me lately has started to make my urge to self harm come back and i haven’t in months and i don’t want to go down that road again.
thank you so much for taking the time to read this and if you want to donate:
https://venmo.com/yoonjackhorseman
