#dont read more

[amongthecreatures]

Do you think Buck and Tommy are together by the end of the season?

The answer everyone wants and needs to see: YES OF COURSE DUH ABSOLUTELY!

Real answer: I have doubts

[zsielous]

Thinking about my mental woes.

Back in the day, they diagnosed me with NPD, and... well, maybe when I was young, and full of vigour, and spite for a world that abused me and left me behind, sure. Back then, I laughed it off. I thought it was a joke.

Now that I'm older, and I ponder the... "fire" missing in my chest, I wonder: was that me wanting the fame and adoration? Was that my ambitions, or was that a delusion?

Now that I'm here - older, softer, gentler... maybe it's swung to HPD. I feel there's no ambition in me, but I undersell myself so, so much. I try talk a big game, but I sabotage myself, my intelligence, my passionate endeavours.

Whose hands are these I look at, typing on this screen? They type what I think, but they were once focused, and wanting to claim glory, and adoration - they still do! I feel it buried in my body!

But I am cold. And tired. I have burned myself on flinging into passions and hobbies that have returned nothing, and ended in sadness, misery and woe.

I love everybody around me. My heart, my empathy is so, so boundless. I just wish I could love myself again.

[closetweather]

i seem to use this for being a sad fuck, so why stop now.

i really don’t know whats going on with me right now and i don’t wanna bother a single fucking person i know, or even don’t know, but i’m just having a meltdown and dont even know what i want or need, i figured going out and buying pizza would help lighten me up, but i don’t even wanna eat it. i wish i knew what the fuck was wrong with me. this’ll most likely be deleted and i’ll perk up and whatever. but heh, better to have a vent than nothing

[strange-alienboy]

[oceanoceanoceanwavewaterwater]

idk

maybe i am tired of really laid back to say it but is shit to loose friends, because maybe everything they do they do leave off parts in you. Maybe you see them everyday or maybe never. But that feeling, even if you dont know what happened today, you do know the person. They don’t feel like stranger even after not talking and maybe we don't realize this.

well when the other person wants you out of their life and you still leave them and maybe think can fix this, i gues yo u can’t keep going on forever; no matter what persistence. i am tired of  hearing people. i wont follow grammar rule of capitalization. i am trying to make things better, if not arround then near me. this isn’t a letter to tumblr because maybe i dont want it to because i wanted to say something but that  thing just doesn't leave your mouth because that person isn't there and that heavyness might only leave when that person comes again

[strange-alienboy]

HOLY SHIT IM GOING FUCKING NUTS WITHOUT A PHONE MY ANXIETY IS THROUGH THE ROOF BECAUSE I CANT DISTRACT MYSELF AND I CANT TALK TO ANY OF MY FRIENDS OR LISTEN TO MUSIC SO ITS JUST ME AND MY THOUGHTS 24/7 AND ITS BEEN THAT WAY FOR A MONTH OH MY GOD SOMEONE SEND HELP I MISS TALKING TO ETHAN AND MIKA AND SARA AND ALL MY OTHER PEOPLE AND ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY FUCK

[foxacidd]

nothing is alrihgt

i swear to god i feel like smashing everytgin

[evak00l]

im loving gaining in confidence seemingly by the day. its a surreal feeling cos ive never felt anywhere near this self-secure, certainly as an adult, possibly ever. my depressions roots are probably based in my self-loathing at a time when i couldnt express shit for shit, when i was a monosyllabic shrew and 99.9% of human interaction actually felt physically painful.

its all amazing one great big success story etc etc but uh oh mate is it possible its too much too soon? idk, if you’d asked me this at the start of december when i was trying to plan my suicide id obviously say ‘bullshit’, but i just get the feeling im setting myself up for a fall, like seein a bit of wood stickin out of the ground about 10 metres away and goin “i’m going to trip over that, and knock all of my front teeth out” **DONT READ PAST HERE, I LITERALLY JUST HAVE TO PUT THIS IN WRITING** cos, right, basically, im having pretty strong feelings for one of my course leaders. i wish it was just a “they’re fit” thing - i thought it was! but its really not - on the preview/open day i confided in her about my gender and she was great about it, totally put me at ease when i might not have come on the course otherwise. i knew i could trust her with that and i felt at ease. now i want to take a big step for me which is coming out to the rest of the course, so i went to her to give her a heads-up that im planning on doing this and shes going to support me all the way. i admire the work she does and her lifestyle. we dont share every common interest in the world, but i can talk to her about whatever with more ease than probably anybody else in my life at the moment. shes given me sound genuine advice from an understanding place about my sleep, and my extreme reservations about getting into work. ever since school failed me, i could only ever imagine dying very young and very intoxicated, but im inspired enough to see what at this stages are just glimpses of a future for myself but its basically more than ive had ever ever ever ever. i credit her for my rapidly gaining confidence even more than the rest of the group, all the cool activities and the course itself. all fine and fuckin fairytale dandy - but yeah i know i know, its her fucking JOB! not to mention i am who i am and just because someone is super accepting doesn’t mean theyd date you. but now my stupid confidence-gaining arse is thinkin about saying something, not now, but down the line. it just feels like the more i gain in confidence the more inevitable my disappointment and humiliation is and i really dont want to hit a fork in the road at this early point. fucking libidos, fucking hopes and dreams. fuck off. almost long for the days where i was ‘content’ with just sitting in my perpetually work-in-progress shitole of a bedroom with 1 or 2 substances. but im lookin to go somewhere else. expect me to reblog this in however many weeks just saying “it went exactly how you’d expect it to go”