#dor.chat

[kittophorus]

My insurance is still not giving me my meds and they're $500 out of pocket haha so I'm losing it a little fucking bit! There's nothing I can do but wait and think extremely negative thoughts about them lol!

[kittophorus]

I've been feeling so disconnected from my body again and I don't know why. I guess just prolonged stress? I hate it though. I hate feeling not real, or like I'm fighting for the reins. I'm doing my hair because it helps. I might not see my face in the mirror, but I'll see my color and it will prove to me that I have control. I think it helps me come back to myself a little bit. If I look more like me, I'll be me more, if that makes sense?

[kittophorus]

I hate that as soon as a mii gets another crush after already having a crush on a mii, you have to pick which one they "really" have a crush on. Let them be messy! Better yet, let them be poly. But I would accept messy too. Are there fr people who can only have feelings for one person at a time like that? I get only being able to or only desiring to form that like, romantic partnership type attraction once at a time but like, a *crush*? Maybe I'm assuming too much about the world based on a video game mechanic 😭

[kittophorus]

Boyfriend got me the newest iPad pro 13"????????? He didn't even like, hype it up or anything he was basically just like "here u go" WHAT DO YIU MEAN HERE YOU GO

[kittophorus]

Just yapping idek

I live in a literal tropical climate where it's hot as hell, high UV indexes, mosquitoes everywhere, and I love being out in nature. It's insane to me how many people ALSO FROM HERE get so weird and judgemental about me just. Being outside and sweaty, or applying sunscreen in public. Smelling a little like bug spray. At literal hiking trails and stuff too.

This is why you "hate the outdoors" so much, you don't even bother to dress practically! Yeah, of course you're gonna get bit and sunburned out there if you don't prepare. The heat and humidity yeah, there's not much to be done about that. But I'm not gonna sit here and act embarrassed you're judgmental of me sweating. If you wanna use full body antiperspirant that's your choice I guess, but it'll make it harder for your body to cool itself. My skin unfortunately reacts to antiperspirant so I just have to use deodorant so yeah, I'm gonna be generally damp! Imagine that! Damp, in the fucking tropics.

In general the way people here are so offended seeing someone who doesn't look "put together" is crazy. Like, they aren't even used to seeing *humans* naturally, especially if they perceive you as a woman. Is it really so upsetting for you if I go grab my mail in pajamas? Something I miss about living in deep Appalachia is the way no one gave a fuck. Had its own problems though.

There's an extra layer of irritation for me when I get unsolicited ✨ beauty advice ✨ like how I should be blonde instead of dying my hair fun colors (I have naturally dark hair btw. but since I have fair skin and light eyes I just HAVE to be even lighter for some reason. Very fucking weird), and I should pluck my brows and 1000 "you know, you'd be extra pretty if you-" I DO NOT CARE. I'm literally taking hormones to be even further from the way you want me to be. Honestly, I used to care so much about being conventionally attractive which meant obeying the standards women are held to (wrongfully! I don't think any of these traits are inherently masculine! I actually think body hair can be really beautifully feminine but if I speak too much on that it will sound freaky!!). But it's like, the more I stray from that and just be myself, the hotter I am to the people I actually care about being hot to. Even if I'm sweaty and or have acne or like. Literally anything. Even at my ugliest I'm bunnynip so why would I care lol. I literally already won. You could not find a hotter person. You can dislike me all you want but there is actually a huge market for like, me exactly.

I just hate the way people take it as some huge, almost moralized, transgression if someone simply doesn't look how they like. I'm a human, I sweat and grow hair and decorate myself sometimes and other times I just dress for comfort so I can exist in my human body.

[kittophorus]

Are fireworks at 1am in a populated area really necessary?My poor cat is scared of the "thunder" that's been outside. If you have more to set off can't you guys just set more off tomorrow night, like you always do? Ph you want to do both...? Ok.

That being said, I saw some pretty ones earlier in the night.

[kittophorus]

Vent

I'm the most annoying fucking person ever. I have these long winded fucking opinions on everything and have to tell bunny fucking everything when they literally don't fucking care because it's stupid and I'm swept up in shit nobody cares about. IDK why I ever post on bluesky when literally none of my old mutuals even really like. There for me? They only follow me because of who I'm dating. I really don't leave a good or interesting impression to people online because I have all these stupid fucking takes no one cares about, literally WHY do I post this shit. Oh let me fucking write an essay on one tiny thing I saw online that was annoying. Actually insufferable oh my god. I can't stand it and it's so cringe even looking at my account because almost every original post is just a fucking essay. All I do is write long fucking essays about nothing where I come to no conclusions because everything has nuance and I just talk in fucking circles and offer nothing to anyone who bothers to read it.

Bunny really obviously doesn't like when I message them directly about my thoughts on things. And I don't blame them it's just fucking. Nothing burgers. At best it's just me whining about my feelings which just makes people uncomfortable. Holy fucking shit dude you're old enough to not constantly word vomit your thoughts and feelings like why do I never shut the fuck up! I hate myself so much I never shut the fuck up like even this post is so obnoxious and nonsensical because I could never give enough context or explain myself enough to be understood by a partner or best friend so why do I even talk somewhere where no one is close to me. What is so fucking broken about my filter that I have to say EVERYTHING but also add superfluous bullshit that only makes things more confusing

Fuck my job holy shit it sucks so fucking bad right now. Just like. That's there too fuck oh my god

I deleted like a months worth of my posts on bluesky because I'm just. So fucking annoying and cringe and I hate that anyone sees it. Who cares dude you're just embarrassing your partners by association. If people don't care about your like, thought processes and trauma they definitely don't care about whatever reddit argument you got into. I'm too fucking sensitive about everything and I hate it

My arguments with my boyfriend lately just boil down to him not understanding why I want to discuss things so much and he gets defensive and like. Idk maybe he's onto something like why do I try so hard to understand and be understood when seemingly no one is capable of giving a fuck as much as I do. I give too much of a fuck about everything and have to dissect everything and I'm exhausting to be around. People liked me more when I masked more and was more shy because the idea people have in their heads of what I *could* be for them is ALWAYS better than who I am. Im not interesting or charismatic enough to take up the mental energy that I do. Genuinely if I want to make people happy I should just try to be what they want instead of what I am.

I feel like no one wants to talk to me unless it's about what they want or what they're interested in and who could blame them. Look at this post. So unnecessarily verbose just say "I hate myself and feel annoying right now" Jesus fucking Christ I'm insufferable like genuinely. Just please talk LESS. This is so fucking cringe I sound like a piece of shit who posts attention seeking stuff like "no one likes me ..." And it's obvious to everyone WHY the fuck that is! One of my least favorite kinds of guys but I'm becoming him more by the day.

[kittophorus]

NVM y'all he got me jelly beans