@dowagergreen : CONTINUED
the accusation is lobbed carelessly. it flies out of her mouth like an arrow, eager to sink into tender flesh. eager to wound, eager to hurt, heedless of the pain it will inflict. for all intents and purposes, her childhood companion is still there. rhaenyra sees her every day, rhaenyra hears her speak. but the helpless sense that something has been taken away from her persists; she feels abandoned, betrayed. she feels as though alicent has been yanked away from her. that despite their proximity, a gaping void has opened up between them where intimacy once exists.
she wishes not to be unkind; she cannot help her resentment. “i see you,” the princess says, and her lilac eyes are hard. “how can i not, when you're queen?” and at some point, she will give the king a son, a proper heir, and rhaenyra will have to relinquish her place in the line of succession. guilt stirs within her at the thought. it's barely alicent's fault, but it plagues her nonetheless. she fears being replaced. she begrudges the thought of being pushed aside. thrust on a pedestal only to be cast down and forgotten.
and yet. something in her softens at the pleading in alicent's voice. an old, persevering love. bruised and unbearably tender. rhaenyra's gaze shifts to her familiar face, eyes no longer unyielding, hands aching to reach out and clasp hers, the way they have always done through the years. “i know i shouldn't lay the blame at your feet.” (there's a part of her that does, and she hates herself for it.) when she smiles, it is sentimental; tinged with grief. “i don't know if we can go back to the way we were.”