♡ author’s note: based on a true story (not me processing my thoughts by writing a fic about it smh)
//
“don’t do this.”
“what?”
“dowoon,” you said his name as gently as you could, but it still sounded like a warning.
the boy in question looked at you, his eyes piercing as it tried to read you. the lighting was dim, the air polluted with the smoke of cigarettes, and the crowd pulsed and moved along with the deep, vibrating bass.
“noona,” he called weakly, barely audible amongst the music in the club. his grip on your waist faltered.
you pretended not to hear him, banging your head to the latest beat chosen by the dj. it was easy to ignore him and his wandering hands when you were perfectly sober, despite the numerous drinks and shots you shared throughout the night.
well, you supposed one of you had to have their heads below the clouds on a night like tonight.
and that someone was definitely not dowoon, judging by the way he swayed to the music, almost limbless.
you briefly wondered how you got here; how the night unfolded like this. what started as a simple get-together at dowoon’s place with a group of friends, led to kick-ons at the club, and one by one, his friends left. only the two of you remained.
your heart squeezed in your chest. dowoon was a dear friend, and you knew he was hurting. it’d been less than half a year since his first relationship ended, and it scarred him deeply. dowoon was never one for many words, let alone words about his emotions or feelings or anything of that sort, but during a sacred moment in the backyard as you passed your vape back and forth, he admitted that things were not easy. in fact, it had been absolutely gut-wrenching. to go from being with someone and loving them and living with them and taking care of them - to now living on his own, in a tiny apartment, with no one to go home to.
so you listened. you let him talk, let him get it out of his system. you acknowledged his words and provided a few words of comfort where necessary, but mostly gave him the space to express what he’d been holding inside.
you thought you were being a good friend.
but perhaps, it was not the right move.
thoughts swarmed your head as you found yourself alone with him in the dinghy club. somehow, his hands found their place on your waist. and when he noticed your fringe falling over to cover your face, his warm fingers moved to push it away, and lingered.
you knew what he was thinking. even in the deafening backdrop of early 2000s pop music, you could hear his thoughts, as clear as day. you knew it was just a split second of misjudgement, a stroke of luck, and dowoon actively seizing the opportunity in front of him. he must’ve thought it would be easy; convenient.
but you didn’t want it. and you didn’t see him this way. sure, he was a dear friend, but nothing more than that. you cared for him, and wanted him to be happy and healthy and well, but not like this - not with you.
which is why you gave it your all to ignore any of his advances for the remainder of the night.
you could tell, as he walked him home, that dowoon had a pout permanently plastered on his face. he probably took it as a rejection.
but that’s not how you saw it. you hoped, at least, when day breaks and the hangover dissipates, that he realises that you were doing both of you a favour.
so you bob along and laugh with him as he hums an off-key tune in the middle of the night. you can’t find it in you to hate him for what he did, or almost did earlier. perhaps you were too forgiving.
To say that Dowoon is frustrated is an understatement. Sure, he’s not the best at expressing his feelings, he gets tongue tied whenever he wants to tell anyone how much they mean to him. The words are there right on the tip of his tongue, but he can’t spit them out. When he’s drunk, it’s a whole different story and his friends (read: Younghyun) are guilty of not letting him stop when he’s had one too many just to get smothered in the affection he can’t give when he’s sober.
He’s bad at expressing his feelings but you’re oblivious. Really really oblivious. Dowoon could have written it on his forehead and you still wouldn’t get it. He tried everything and you still don’t get it. He flirted with the you, a sly smirk on his lips as his head leans against his palm and you just pinch his cheek and call him cute. He tried complimenting you but most of the time you just squint at him, thinking he’s about to ask you for a favor.
Sungjin suggests that he just comes forward and confesses. Dowoon hisses at his older friend, eyes wide in horror as if he had suddenly grown two heads. Younghyun agrees and Jae does too after saying something that was most likely quoted from a tv show no one but him watches. Dowoon gives it some thought and he ends up realizing that Sungjin is right, he might as well do it. He can’t live like this forever and he refuses to do so. At this point, rejection feels better than just trying to get your attention.
You’re surprised when Dowoon asks you to hang out (actually, he asked you out but that went right over your head) but still agree to meet up with him by the bus stop. On the way to wherever it is that you’re going, you talk about everything that has been going on in your lives. One of the things Dowoon likes about you is how easily conversation flows between the two of you. Whenever one of you has a problem, it seems so easy to forget about everything that is troubling you with just a simple phone call. It’s what happens this time, Dowoon was so nervous when he met up with you but in just a few minutes the knot in his throat seemed lighter and his heart had finally calmed down in his chest.
He takes you to a diner a couple of blocks away from the bus stop. Dowoon takes a seat in one of the booths while you go to the bathroom and the waitress comes over to him to take your order. He knows what you want to eat so he orders for you without thinking twice about it but he’s feeling a little daring. A smile forms on his lips as the waitress leaves and soon you’re sitting across from him. When the food gets to the table, your eyes light up and you quickly forget about what you were talking about and dig into your food. The waitress sets a milkshake with two straws on your table and you frown at the tall glass.
“I think they got our order wrong.” You look around, probably for a couple at another booth.
“No, they didn’t. I ordered it like this.” Dowoon explains as he takes a sip from one of the straws, his eyes never leaving you.
The look in his eyes is daring, which contrasts with his pink ears. It seems like he’s half a second away from backing out but for some reason he doesn’t. You look at him, confusion written across your features for a few seconds until it hits you.
“Are you flirting with me?” Your head tilts to the side as the words leave your lips and Dowoon tries his best to lean back in his seat as nonchalantly as if he wasn’t freaking out.
“I am. I’ve been for a while actually.” He replies.
Silence hangs in the air for a few seconds and Dowoon feels like his breathing stopped. It isn’t until your giggle fills his ears that air gets in his lungs again.
“You’re too cute.” You lean forward and pinch his cheek before taking a sip from the other straw.
I’m serious, it’s what he wants to say. But the words die down in his throat once again and Dowoon just sighs in defeat, heart still beating too fast against his ribcage.
Prompt Used and Credit: 19. “It’s not working out. We’re not working out.” Credit: @trash1ty
-------------------------------
Dowoon had known something was wrong but never dared to acknowledge this fact. He wasn’t sure is it was because he didn’t want to lose them or if he just did not want to admit the problem. Probably both, he keeps constantly thinking on. He would like to think that they both were happy but their frowns whenever they came home was just another reminder. A reminder that sometime in the past, the relationship turned sour.
Everything was falling apart and maybe, just maybe, he’s finally coming to terms with the foreign concept of not loving someone anymore.
Another normal day with practice was pretty much normal but now with extra hours just to keep from going home. Even his members noticed the drastic change in his demeanor. In fact, they were the ones that told him that something was fishy about his lover in the first place. He ignored them of course, being madly in love with them and all made him blind to it all. The problems that would soon arise if they continued to stay together.
He should have pointed out the signs, should have confronted them.
But he was blind. He was stupid. He was…desperate to keep things together.
He was leisurely passing through the channels on the television, anything to get out of his head. His eyes glared at the front door as it creaked when they pressed the keycode to let themselves in. Of course, they stumbled through with a lazy look on their face. Dowoon was beginning to think if it was his fault the more, he watched them struggle to put their coat on the rack and take off their shoes.
As time went on after only a year of dating, he was beginning to become busier with his band and the work that came with being a famous drummer in a popular group. They were starting to take more classes at the university and soon, barely had time to see each other at all. The days together were impossible to obtain and soon, the new schedule was becoming easier to go with and not so stressful and worrisome on each other. It was becoming normal.
The more he thought about it, the more he thinks that both are at fault. He focused on their back as they finally took off their last shoes and awkwardly twisted themselves around to stand up with the help of the nearby side table. He then locked eyes with theirs and the frown became heavier than before and he felt his grow into a neutral expression. “Drinks?” His eyes followed them until they sat on the farthest side of the sofa.
“Hm.” He went back to watching the boring show, trying to keep from having anymore of a conversation with them. “I didn’t know you would be home today.”
He eternally sighed but thought about a proper response. “Yeah. I didn’t think I had to tell you about that.” Silence again. “I asked for the day off if you’re curious to know.”
“Okay.” Sitting there together was a concept that was begotten.
He did a lot of thinking this past week.
“Hey, Y/N?” The silence was his answer, but he knew they were listening. “Did you eat dinner?”
“Mm.”
“Did you sleep well?”
“Mm.”
He was thankful at least. They were staying physically healthy despite the circumstances. It won’t hurt as much…
“It’s not working out you know?”
“Mm.”
“We’re not working out.”
“Mm.” You finally looked his way. “Yeah.”
He looked at the bags which has been at the door since a few days ago. He breathed out and looked at them and then back at the television. “Sleep well.”
“You too.”
He stood up and went into the guest room. Which shouldn’t be called that anymore. He has been staying in there for a month now. He shut the door, completing the acceptance of the situation and shutting the door to something that should have been shut half a year ago.
So if you like, I'd love to request some Dowoon angst fluff with like ?? people/fansites/knetz whateved being annoying af about his s/o?? Like them thinking that the s/o isn't good enough for him, bc they are older of taller or foreign or shorter or anything at all. Make that as angsty as you like!
And then pls a cute fluff ending bc we all need Dowoon comforting us tbh"
Ask and you shall recieve, Love!
Pairing: Idol!Dowoon x Fan!Reader
Gender-Neutral
Warning(s): Mentions of depression and insomnia from sasaeng/disrespectful fans.
Requested by Anon
Angst-Fluff
[10:07PM] "Why is he even with them?"
"He could do so much better."
"They doesn't deserve him."
These comments were never a huge thing for you in the past. When you and Dowoon first confirmed your relationship, it seemed as if you were the lucky couple who got more support than hate.
However, the media started to hate you as the relationship aged.
You two were seen as the picture-perfect idol-fan relationship of the Korean rock industry. You were constantly on ALLKPOP, Soompi, and Dispatch for simply breathing near each other. Fans simply adored you two together.
Now, however, there was no way that would ever come back.
The media sees you as a threat now. Jealous fans see you as an obstacle. Sasaengs see you as someone trying to steal Dowoon away from everyone else. It was as if they did a complete 180 and backstabbed you.
And you could not take it anymore.
"Oh look, it's them. Without Dowoon."
"Oh, thank God for that. He must be embarrased being seen with them all the time."
"Can they seriously just stop associating with Day6? It's clear the boys don't like them."
Hearing this talk was normal now. Whenever you went out of your house, there was at least one person giving you snide remarks.
Especially when you went clothes shopping; what you were doing now.
"It's clear they don't care about beauty standards. Who wears hoodies that baggy?"
"They're just covering their insecurities because they know Dowoon doesn't like them."
You drummed your fingernails against the counter, hanging your head down to avoid looking anyone in the eyes. They would see you weak, and that would give them something to poke fun at. Your eyes were already glossy with tears from earlier, and now those suppressed tears were returning.
Quickly taking the bag from the cashier once she finished everything, you stormed out of the small store to your apartment.
Of course, the crowd who noticed you followed you all the way to the lobby of your apartment building. As the intense hatred from fans grew, the security in your apartment building tended to notice the strange people who would try to follow you back into your apartment, and would post camp by the elevator and require ID to be shown to use it. Which kept fans away from you as you hid from the world.
"There they are! You live in this dingy place?"
"You'd expect someone dating Dowoon to live somewhere decent."
"This place is decent for everyone but them."
Of course, they attacked anything small they could. First it was your clothes, then your piercings, and now your apartment building.
Retreating through the halls to your apartment after a long elevator ride, you felt your chest tighten after punching in your code. Who knew what would await you once you opened the door. Some days, you were greeted by your kitten Merlin hissing for food. Other days, you noticed a completely littered floor, as the depression you had developed prevented you from having any energy to clean.
You were greeted with hissing.
Sighing in relief, you bent down to scoop Merlin in you arms. His pale ginger fur rubbed against you, and his paws tapped your cheeks slightly. Closing the door behind you and kicking your shoes off, you returned Merlin to his cat tower.
"It's okay, Merlin. Mommy's here to feed you."
You placed the bag down on the coffee table, heading inside the kitchen to make Merlin a bowl of food. You heard the distant ring of your phone coming from inside your bag.
"Why now?"
Tiredly, you set Merlin's food bowl on the floor, causing the ginger cat to jump off the cat tower and practically run into the kitchen at Sonic speed, almost tripping you in the process. You trudged your way towards the bag, fishing your phone out and accepting the call.
"Why did you never tell me the hate got this bad?" Dowoon asked.
Silence consumed you.
"You're home, right?" He asked. "If you are, please stay there and don't move. I'm on my way. If you aren't there, please get home quickly-"
"What are you talking about?" You asked him.
"Your Twitter is blowing up with nasty replies from fans. I could also sense something was wrong. I'm almost there, Love-"
Distant screaming was heard over the line, causing you to pull the phone away from your ear as the line cut out. MyDays. You knew where he was.
However, your mind was not processing anything. So when the door to your apartment opened, and you stood completely still, Dowoon knew something was wrong.
"Lovebug, are you alright?" Dowoon called out, reaching out to cup your cheek with his hand.
Your lack of movement scared him. He slowly used his hand to move your face towards his. He noticed the lack of emotion in your eyes, the glossiness that covered the true colour of your eyes, the way your skin was cold, and the bags under your eyes. He spotted a grey hair among your otherwise coloured locks.
"Just what happens when I'm not around?" He asked, brushing his thumb under your bottom eyelid.
You wanted to respond, you really did, but the lack of sleep was catching up to you. You wanted to fall alseep badly now that he was back, and once he could fasten a grip around your waist, you blacked out into slumber.
"I can't believe you're being treated like this by people who adored you." He sighed, lifting your legs up to carry you to your bed. "What would cause someone to hate someone they loved?"
He laid you down on your bed, tucking the duvet over your sleeping figure, noticing how quickly your head adjusted into the pillow. He laid down next to you, placing himself underneath the covers and wrapping his arms around your torso.
"I want you to be safe. And by all means, I will keep you safe. Maybe it's time we get you and Merlin out of here."
He pulled you closer to him, watching as sleep consumed your features. It was times like these that made Dowoon want to run away with you and Merlin and never come back. He wanted to keep you safe, happy, and healthy. He needed to keep you safe. If something ever happened to you, he would never forgive himself.
- I honestly can not take credit for what is mostly written in this short. @kpop-sprite helped me write this. Please go and check out her work out and give her love.
------
The smell of the food cooking in the kitchen filled the entire apartment. I moved quickly to the fridge to grab more meat for the stew when the ding from my phone rang out to me.
Ping ping.
“Aish, it always rings when my hands are full!” I stumbled to place the meat in the stew broth and pushed the phone on with my nose, Dowoon.
Dowoon : Hey, where are you?
Me: At home cooking lunch, whats up?
Dowoon: Can i come over?
Me: Of course.
Dowoon: See you in a few.
I slid my phone back off and worked on the rest of lunch. The smell warming my soul.
The squeak from my front door caught my attention, “I’m in here babe!”
“Smells good, what did you make?”
“Pork belly stew, want some?”
“Nah, i can't stay long.”
“Oh, Whats up?
I poured me a bowl of food and sat at the counter, the bar stool seating me safely to slurp my meal.
“I need to talk to you about something.”
“ OH! That reminds me, the weekend is coming up and i know we weren't going to go camping until summer, but they have this cute cabin ready for guests and i called and got us in! We can hang by the fireplace and ---”
He cut me off,quickly.
Dowoon’s hand rubbed the back of his neck, his face looking distraught.
“Dowoon? What is it?”
“Y.N, this isn't going to work.”
“Sure it will, i already reserved --”
“Not that Y/N, us.”
I set my spoon down, confusion taking over me, “ What?”
“ I’m not ready for this relationship, and before this gets anymore serious i need to end things.” His lips fell into a frown as he placed what was his house key on the table.
My throat burned, a sob threatening to erupt, “ I don’t know what to say.”
He stood up, his body towering over my sitting form, “ I know better then to say we can still be friends, but let's try and get back there?”
I looked up at him the tears now flowing from my eyes, “ Maybe someday.”
The room fell silent the sound heard was my heart breaking. Dowoon leaned over kissing the top of my head, his body turning to leave without saying another word.
Setting: college au so it fits @day6imagines September task ^^
Genre: slice of life, little angsty bittersweet towards the end
Summary: That’s just how life is: a series of chance encounters colouring our story, teaching us new things, giving us unforgettable memories.
Words: 2.4k
“Hey, you look lost. Do you need help?”
Well, as much as I don’t want to seem lost on my first day of a new university, I appreciate the help, so I quickly glance up from my paper sheets and the low quality campus map that doesn’t help me at all to find the C.VI. lecture room. There aren't even letters on these ridiculously huge wooden doors in this building. Not to mention, I could only find four rooms on the ground floor, although I’m sure I need the sixth one.
However, I don't understand one bit of what the kind, helpful guy said since I don't speak his language. My knowledge is kind of stuck between Thank you and How much does it cost? that my brand new roommate in the dorms taught me yesterday. But I’m quite sure I can't use these in this situation.
“I'm sorry, I don't speak Korean,” I apologize quickly for the lack of my reaction because the guy started to look funny at me and a little suspicious, too. He has nice features, pretty caramel eyes and a soft smile that's hard to look away from. I guess he’s a few years older, looking all nice in his light blue dress shirt but not too elegant with his backpack on one shoulder.
“You look lost,” he probably repeats what he said earlier in the language I know and that makes me smile awkwardly. His words aren’t offending at all, he’s just stating facts.
“Do I?” I giggle a bit, playing with the ends of my hair. It has a slight grape colour in it blending into the natural brown. I quite like it and I’m glad I don't make the odd man out here at all. Not long ago, I saw a girl with blue hair so I’m positive that lucky me came to a liberal college.
“Well, I was just here,” he points to a chair in the hall’s waiting area, “sipping my coffee and I noticed you walking back and forth at least three times, so yeah, I assumed you were lost.”
“Nice conclusion. I can't find the lecture room where I should be...” I trail off sneaking a glance at my watch and my eyes widen in shock as I check the time. “...like right now.”
“It's okay, if it's a lecture, nobody will say anything,” the cute guy with nice smile tries to soothe my nerves but I only pout in response.
“I know. It’s just that this is my first day here and I don’t want to leave negative impression as the arrogant exchange student,” I shrug lost in my thoughts.
Being able to come here with the scholarship program was a big dream of mine and I’m lucky enough to be able to study my major here in English. I would be in big trouble if they only had native language admission option.
“I see. Where do you have to go?” he nods at me, understanding and I like the way English words taste on his tongue. I like his slight accent, it's cute, too, like the rest of him.
“C.VI.” I check once again in my timetable and the guy makes an oh sound in realization.
“Well then you are in the wrong building.”
“What? I’m in the wrong place?” I blink eyes bulging and I don’t know if I should cry or laugh at my silliness. However, my guardian angel doesn’t look at me like I’m stupid.
“Yeah, this is the E building. But don't worry, the C is really close. You leave through the southern exit and you will see a glass building on the other side of the road, that's the one you need.”
“Oh shoot, I would have been looking for it here all day. Thank you so much! I would really like to properly thank you, like with a coffee. But I’m a hurry and uhm... ” I’m rambling since I don’t want to be more late than I already am and I just say the first thing that comes to my mind without thinking. He said he drank coffee, didn’t he? It’s just common courtesy to offer something in exchange for his help and kindness. But maybe he doesn’t even understand my flustered speech so I take out a folded paper of my messy bag and scribble down my name and number on it. “Call me whenever you are free and I will pay for a coffee.”
“But...” he tries to protest as I force the paper into his hands. I shake my head, shutting him up.
“Not buts. Don’t be shy about it. You just kind of saved my life, or at least my first day here so it’s the least. See ya!” I wave childishly and practically sprint out of the exit he showed me and yes, there is the huge glass building with slightly weird architecture in front of me. How could I mix the two buildings up?
Once I enter this one, finding C.VI. is a piece of cake, I don’t even need to ask for anybody else’s help. The professor is already talking by the time I make it into the room but just like the cute guy said she doesn't even pay attention to me. So wordlessly, I make my way to one of the empty seats of the second row. The teacher’s monotonous speech about the academic quality and the importance of the subject dulls in the background as I pack out my notepad and writing tools.
We are around ten minutes into the lesson when the door opens again and a sleepy-looking boy slips in. The prof pays him no attention and continues the boring lesson about Psycholinguistics while said boy approaches the empty seat next to me. When he’s close enough, he whispers something to me and I can only guess he’s asking if he could sit down. I nod briefly and smile at his politeness. When he slumps down, he drops his bag to the floor with a louder thud than it was needed. He looks startled for a second when suddenly everybody focuses on him but luckily, the professor keeps talking like nothing happened.
“Can I… ?” the boy whispers gesturing towards my collection of pens. I almost laugh because even if we don’t speak the same language I know exactly what he wants.
“Pick one,” I offer with a smile and watch in amusement as his eyes go wide. He looks young, eyes expressive like beautifully colourful expressionist paintings, his dark hair slightly curly which is a nice addition to his boyish features.
“Thanks,” he switches quickly to the common language of ours and I wonder how a boy so cute and young can have a voice deeper than the Pacific ocean.
During the lesson, I can’t help that my mind keeps recalling my recent meeting with that helpful guy and his heart-fluttering smile. Deep inside I hope he would call soon. It would be nice to have somebody around in a foreign country.
Almost an hour and a half later, everybody is packing, fleeing out of the room, relieved that the class is finally over. And here I am worrying about how to get to my next class. I don’t trust myself anymore with these things. So when my seatmate turns to me to hand back the pen he borrowed, I ask for his help.
“Can you help me find this room?”
“Uhm, sure,” the boy takes one quick look at the timetable I have in my hands then cracks a smile, exclaiming: “Oh I have the same class! Then we can go together.”
“Great!” I smile back collecting all my stuff in my arms, following the crowd towards the door.
“I’m Dowoon by the way,” the guy speaks up shyly and I also introduce myself quickly, letting him know some brief information about me like where I came from and stuff like this. He listens attentively, looking straight ahead but I manage to get him to answer a few questions like what he wants to do as a performing artist major and it turns out that his first pick was actually music but he ended up here. He says he’ll wait until the end of the semester to think about transferring.
We talk a lot about the school, the country and things we like during break time and even though Dowoon looked quite mysterious at first, he can be chatty when he lets somebody in. I’m just happy to be one of the privileged.
A bunch of students wait in a little seminar room, everybody excited about our first practical class this year which is really important for theatre majors like myself. My breath gets stuck in my throat when a familiar figure steps into the room seconds after the lesson was supposed to start. The cute guy who helped me in the morning is now walking straight towards us, keeping his gaze on the papers in his hands. I almost wave to him, all giddy and smiley when he looks up and his face is all serious and modest.
“Hello class! Let’s get to it,” he clap his hands and my jaw hits the floor as the realization slowly sinks in. “My name is Park Sungjin, you can call me either Mr. Park or just prof. Outside of class I go by Sungjin but I’m here to teach you about the basics of the art of improvisation in theatre culture.”
I gape at him dumbfounded until Dowoon nudges my side and I try to compose yourself. Isn’t he too young to teach? Okay, there’s some maturity behind his youthful appearance but still! It’s unfair.
The prof makes us sit in a circle and we do get-to-know each other games and Activity on a whole new level where we have to re-enact a movie scene and the others have to guess it. Nobody disses others for their broken English, everybody is really open-minded and supportive. It’s the most unusual class I have ever been to but so far, the most pleasant and funny one, too. The only drawback is the teacher himself. Well, not exactly he is the problem but the fact that cute guy from earlier is a professor, a great one at that. The worst is that he doesn’t even look at me when he doesn’t have to. I’m about to become resigned to being ignored when he calls my name before I could leave the room after class.
“Do you have a moment?” he asks and Dowoon looks past his shoulder with questioning eyes while he holds the door for me.
“Go ahead. I will catch up,” I tell him and only turn back to Mr. Park when I hear the door click. I'm not sure why but I feel bashful and embarrassed all of a sudden. I didn’t expect to be left alone with Sungji... Mr. Park, I remind myself.
“I see you already found a friend,” he notes and I can’t decipher the stuffiness in his tone.
“Yeah.”
“Good,” he smiles, but it seems somewhat forced. He scratches his nape and it’s weird, he knows it, I know it. He laughs a bit. “Look I don’t want you to be awkward around me. You asked your teacher out for a coffee. It happens, not often but don’t sweat it.”
“I won’t,” I promise him and he tells me I should go after my friend. I do as he says, he’s my teacher after all no matter how salty I am because of this.
“What did he want?” Dowoon looks up from his phone curiously when he sees me.
“Nothing much, just something about my internship,” I shrug and the lie slips my mouth easily. A bad sign. “How about we grab lunch?”
“That’s the idea! I’m starving!” he exclaims and we practically run towards the canteen area.
Little did I know back then that both boys will leave a beautiful imprint on my heart when I leave the country a semester later.
One of them breaks it but it’s not his fault. I’m simply foolish enough to fall for him. I should know better than to develop a crush on my attractive, funny and kind professor who smiles at me a lot more than he should. He agrees to that coffee too eventually, after I get my grade and there’s something sad in his usual smile when we get our Americanos.
“Wrong timing,” he says, regret lacing his words and his soft fingertips run alongside my jaw. He doesn’t have to say more, I know what he thinks about. I had a feeling, a hopeful thought that I can’t be indifferent to him either. But the rules! We don’t make them but we have to follow them. I would never risk his career over an infatuation. It will pass, I tell myself and maybe, sometime in the future, it really will.
“Take care,” Sungjin says his goodbye stroking my cheek lightly and when I watch him go, my heart seizes painfully.
And Dowoon? In his case, I’m the one who breaks his heart. I treat him as a best friend even though I know he only has eyes for me. Autumn is full of laughter, tag games in the midst of falling leaves, movie nights and library dates. When he holds my hand, it’s warm and nice but I can’t look at him like that. He’s a friend, a little brother and when he inches closer, I turn away my head so his lips fall onto my cheek instead of my mouth. It feels like betrayal and I see the sadness clearly in his eyes, even if he laughs it off.
“I do love you...” I mutter apologetically, avoiding his gaze. “Just…”
“Not like that. I know,” he nods and wraps his arms around me like he always does. It’s his way of telling: he’s here, he will always be by my side if I ever need him.
It was all meant to end anyway, I have known this ever since I got the scholarship. But that’s just how life is: a series of chance encounters colouring our story, teaching us new things, giving us unforgettable memories. Funny innuendos during improvisation classes or those banana milk exchanges with a shy, sparkling eyed boy. On the plane back home when I leave Korea with a nostalgic smile, I realize: I don’t regret anything. Nothing at all.
Take an aspiring song writer, a rebellious high schooler, a sassy English teacher, a passionate painter and an adventurous tour guide. What’s the same in all of them? They’ve all just had their heart broken.
Heartbreak Hotel is a DAY6 angst one-shot collection with 5 members & 5 songs & 5 stories.
Sungjin | Dowoon | Young K | Wonpil | Jae
II. Dowoon + I Smile
A bittersweet love story in 1487 words for our birthday boy, the one and only Yoon Dowoon. He has feelings for his best friend (OC) but does she feel the same? No triggers, no warnings, just the usual angst. ^^
You were the first girl in my life but I would never admit it.
It wouldn’t be an understatement to say that we’ve known each other since the day we were born. Our mothers were best friends in college and they didn't drift apart, not even when they moved houses and got their first jobs. They attended each other’s weddings and spent every Sunday together because it was “girls’ day”. The news that we would be born almost the same day didn’t take them by surprise, let alone the fact that we were born exactly the same day at the same hospital.
You were my first friend but I would never admit it.
After we were born, our mothers were pretty occupied with their parental duties, so they didn’t stay in contact as much as they used to.
I grew up as an aggressive kid who would take the toddlers’ toys without permission and hit them with the good old plastic hammer just to see them suffer. Small wonder why everyone hated me in kindergarten. I had no friends and this tiny little fact made me more selfish and aggressive. Not even the neighbourhood kids wanted to play with me because my parents were fairly wealthy and they didn’t want me to play with the less fortunate.
I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth and I acted according to my role until I met you in elementary school. You were my one and only true friend and I had no idea what you saw in me – really, no matter how many times I protested, deep down I know that I was an annoying and dumb kid −, you still kept me company and played with me.
You were my first tutor but I would never admit it.
I had slight ADHD when I was younger and you were the only one who assisted me with school projects and homework. Even the teachers gave up on me stating that I was a hopeless case and to make matters worse, I was arrogant and disrespectful. You didn’t care and although I hurt you lots of times and called you stupid for spending your time with me rather than playing with our classmates, you didn’t budge.
Mum said it must have been fate because they were just as close friends with your mother as we were. You didn’t only help with reading but also with writing and basic calculations. Whenever I needed something, you spent the whole afternoon with me, teaching me in your cute, high-pitched voice and your absolutely ridiculous drawings. Nevertheless, they were all effective and I soon became one of the smartest kids in class.
You were my first crush but I would never admit it.
I remember playing in the corridor around 4th grade, pulling your hair and laughing when you pouted oh so sadly and thinking how lucky I was to have a friend like you. I adored watching your cheeks burning up at my bold statements and your ears turning red whenever you were asked to read your homework out loud. I remember your little floral dresses that I mocked you about because I claimed that they all looked the same, even though my favourite was the one with little pink cherry blossoms. I remember laughing at your braces the first time I saw them and you thought that I was trying to make fun of you, yet I was only thinking how cute you looked in them.
Little did I know that these thoughts turned into something more serious a few years later.
You were my first best friend but I would never admit it.
We enrolled in the same high school too since our mothers didn’t want us to part ways, not when we were closer than ever. I was beside you when you first had your period and no matter how disgusted I was at the thought of you bleeding beside me − not to mention that I made a total fool of myself when I accompanied you when you bought your first ever liners−, I didn’t want to back away. You were beside me when my parents divorced and I had a tough time but I was never good with words, so I wanted to suppress it. Yet, you saw through me and embraced me while I was crying in front of you for the first time in my life. I was there with you at your grandfather’s funeral, holding your hand so tightly that I was almost sure that I broke your fingers. You were beside me when I got kicked out of the soccer team because they thought that I wasn’t good enough and I was there when you received your first ever D on a test and thought that the apocalypse was nearing. You were there when one of the guys wanted to punch me in the face because I didn’t let them copy my homework and I was there when your first boyfriend said that you aren’t pretty enough for him and he wants to break up with you. (That jerk!)
You were my first love but I would never admit it.
I think I already knew that I fell for you when you helped me overcome the divorce of my parents but I was sure only when I was accused of stealing the Chemistry test’s results and everyone turned their back on me, except you. Of course it was revealed later that I wasn’t the culprit but you didn’t even need evidence to believe that I was innocent. You rather believed me than the teachers or our classmates.
After realising that I was in love with you, I started to see you in a whole new light. Now I was the one who blushed when you showed up in a pretty dress or held my hand by accident when we were watching a horror movie. I cracked a little smile whenever I heard your favourite song on the radio or walked by your favourite bakery. Whenever I couldn’t fall asleep, I listened to your old voicemails that I’ve never deleted but you had no idea because I always kept them to myself. I was worried about you whenever you spent your holidays out of town and I demanded you to give me a call when you arrived and keep me updated with your whereabouts. You scared the hell out of me when you once slipped down the stairs in your high heels and I insisted on calling an ambulance, just to make sure that you didn’t sprain your ankle.
You were my first heart-break but I would never admit it.
No matter how hard I tried to deny, I was in love with you and it seemed so obvious to everyone but you. Nevertheless, when you were preparing for a date with your new boyfriend and asked my opinion regarding your dress, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut and the words slipped through my mouth.
“Why are you going on a date with that jerk when I’m the one who’s in love with you?”
My confession was followed by a bewildered expression and a regretful sorry. I saw tears shining in the corner of your eyes while my heart was falling into little pieces. I’ve never felt so much pain like I did that day. It wasn’t like losing a loved one because you were still beside me yet you weren’t mine. I saw you with him, you holding his hands like you used to do with mine, you smiling at him like you used to do at me and you leaning onto his shoulder like you used to do onto mine.
We talked it through and eventually drifted apart. We agreed that it would be the best for both of us but you can’t even imagine how much it hurts to see you with him. I smile, of course, that’s my duty. But deep inside, my heart is breaking again and again and I’m afraid that it might not never stop.
So we just keep on smiling like nothing has happened. After all, I can be with you. Not in the way we used to be together in the past and not in the way that I would like us to do but at least we can see each other again. And I… I just keep on smiling. I have to. I finally have a chance to see your face again and I can only do that if I smile, no matter the constant pain and the hurtful memories.
You are the reason behind all my smiles but I would never admit it. Happiness is not the reason behind all those smiles but I would never admit it. I want you to be happy and that’s why I smile.
Maybe deep down you also now but you would never admit it.
