This is so fun wtf thank you!? I left it a little open ended in case y'all are feeling a pt. 2, I'm personally 50/50 <3
Imperfect
Content: Reader has a panic attack + negative thought spiral. Medical inaccuracies bc I don't know shit about how ERs work unfortunately. Drunk driving & death mentions.
Word Count: 2.8k
EDIT: CHECK OUT THIS POST!
Sometimes you forget your mother wasn't born with her nursing degree. It's easy to when you're watching her rush around the ER like it's more her home than the one you were raised in. You saw it for the first time one night in your early teens. You were on your way home from a volleyball tournament when the bus was t-boned and flipped. Stuck there for hours, you found yourself mesmerized by the way your mom ran from room to room to save lives as easily as she kissed your skinned knees. That was the day you decided to go into nursing. The world needed more of your mom, and you'd work your ass off to become her.
Sitting at the nurse's station at 5 am, you feel that goal is farther than ever. Nearly a month ago, one of the night shift nurses- Nyla- went on maternal leave. As the newest addition, you were stuck with the short end of the stick. Every night since felt like your own personal hell.
The ER is completely different at night. You're not sure even you mother could wrangle the chaos you're living through tonight. She could. She very easily could. But you're not her. So, stuck in the height of your first full moon shift- which everyone you talked to tonight had warned you about- you hide your head in your hands and try not to cry. Nursing school wasn't easy. The day shift wasn't easy. But, fuck if the night shift wasn't kicking your ass routinely.
Tonight, you've been puked on, peed on, bitten, screamed at, and nearly assaulted by a particularly angry patient in Room 6 when you told him he wouldn't be getting any more drugs. Not to mention the elbow you took to the collarbone while breaking up one of the fights that broke out in Chairs.
You've held your tongue at every turn. You'd been warned that nurses take on a level of abuse with every shift. It's a shitty truth none of you get to escape. Your mom wouldn't complain, so you don't. You just take five seconds to catch your breath and put some pressure against the stabbing pain behind your eyes.
There's a tap against your shoulder, a gentle rattle of pills against plastic. Looking up, you're surprised to see Jack Abbot standing over you, offering a bottle of Advil. In your hesitancy- because, why the hell is Jack Abbot singling you out to solve a problem you didn't, and weren't going to, tell him about- he shakes the bottle again. "Take it. I need you at your best or not at all."
"Uh, yeah," You finally reach out and take the bottle. "Thanks."
He barely nods, barely gives any sign that he even heard you at all. But he stands there, head titled as he watches you palm a few pills and chase them with (your third) cup of coffee. Figuring he's waiting for his bottle back, you start to hand it over when the ambulance bay doors open. You're already on your feet.
"Incoming!" A paramedic, Ziggy, shouts, running in a gurney. "Hit by a car."
Jack is jogging to meet them. "Evans!" He orders you to follow even though you already are.
"Male, early 40's, coded on the way in." Ziggy informs, handing the man over to you and Jack. "Got the driver coming right behind us."
"I can-"
"No." Jack's voice drowns out what was going to be your offer to help with the driver. "With me, Trauma 3."
You're too focused to let it surprise you, so you just nod and help him wheel your patient into the room. Before Jack is able to fully intubate the man, he crashes again.
"Evans, start CPR."
In your adrenaline, the world speeds up. The only thing keeping you grounded is Jack's voice and muscle memory.
"Give me a charge."
"Clear."
"Resume CPR."
"Switch."
"Try again!"
Jesse is who calls time of death. The man's ribs are shattered from Jack all but shoving you out of the way and starting his own compressions. And restarting. And restarting.
You wipe sweat from your forehead, heart still racing as you unplug the patient. "Was there... was there a wallet, or,"
A chain catches your eye. Dogtags lay at the base of your patient's neck and you suddenly understand why Jack had been so aggressive. You swallow the sudden lump in your throat and gently take the metal into your fingers.
"Raymond Orser." You read, daring to glance up. It's only you and Jack in the room now, his eyes are locked on Raymond's face, his breath heaving. You thought it was from the excursion, but you see now it's anger. You quickly read off the rest of his information and leave the room with your head hung.
You didn't know much about Jack, only having met him through get-togethers with Robby- he never came if Robby had to miss. Through the nurses, though, you knew he was ex-military. Some suspected he would still be in the Army if he'd never lost his leg. You quickly found yourself agreeing.
It's always tough to lose a patient, especially one you can relate to. So, as you begin gathering your things- you'd been working on Raymond for nearly two hours- you realize, you're worried about the usually stone-cold doctor. If you're feeling that pit off loss, of guilt and shame, you can't imagine what Jack is feeling. You're not sure you want to.
You see your mother coming in to take over as Charge Nurse. That pit quadruples in size, daring you swallow you.
She wouldn't have lost him.
If she'd been there, it would've been different.
The thoughts hit you suddenly and with a near physical force. You shake your head to push them away but all you do is make room for more, harsher things.
You weren’t good enough. That’s why he’s dead.
You got in the way.
Jack could’ve saved him if you weren’t there.
Your lungs refuse to take in any more air. You put a hand against the nearest wall to hold yourself up. With your other hand, you dig knuckles into your chest, trying to get your lungs and heart to cooperate. Ahead, you see your mom glancing around. You two have made a ritual of checking in before you leave every shift. This time, you’re not sure you can face her. No, you know you can’t.
She wouldn’t be acting like this.
She would have her shit together.
You throw yourself through the nearest door, panicked breaths echoing through the stairwell. “Fuck-“ You gasp, sticking your hands on your knees. You’re only a little surprised to find that you’re trembling. “Goddamnit, get it together, Evans.” Tears push through your tightly squeezed eyes.
Air. You need fresh air. You need to take in a breath that isn’t sharp with antiseptic.
Your feet are moving before you really make the decision. They take you rushing up the stairs flights and shoving through the roof’s access door. Harsh gasps make your lungs ache, the lack of any real air makes your head spin. You practically run to the railing, shaking hands grip around the top bar to keep yourself from toppling over. You need to see the ground, though. You need to see life moving at a distance from you, to be removed from it for just five minutes.
“Evans?”
You whip around. A gasp would’ve escaped you if you weren’t already struggling for breath.
“Jesus, are you okay?” He’s walking over before you can beg him not to.
“Mhm,” You nod, the noise coming out shrill and almost pained. “No-“
His brows furrow as he frowns down at you. “Breathe with me.”
“I’m fine, I swear.” You force yourself to say, the words are broken and pathetic.
He clearly doesn’t buy it, very slowly coming forward. “Evans…” His hands grip your shoulders firmly. Firm despite you think he’s shaking, too. “Breathe. With me.”
You nod, cringing. “Okay. Okay.”
There’s several seconds of uneasy breathing until you’re able to see straight again. His hands fall from your shoulders, once he decides you’re settled. He gives you a nod.
“Thanks, um,” You gulp down the pain in your throat. “I’m sorry-“
He shakes his head. “No. No, you don’t apologize for being human.”
“Embarrassingly human.”
He huffs, half smiling. “What do you think I’m up here for?”
Your brows twitch as you finally look at him with tear-free eyes. The muscles in his jaw are working, his face a slightly angrier expression than usual. From the few things you know about Jack, he’s pissed.
“I… I don’t know.” You confess. “I didn’t figure you really ever needed a second.”
He gives you a sad, tired mouth twitch. “I needed a lot more than a second, kid.”
You sniffle. “Well, I’m sorry for interrupting.” He shakes his head but you ignore it. “I’ll just… head back down,”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. No, yeah, I don’t want to be in your hair-“
“Don’t leave on account of me.” He says quietly.
Now you have to ask, “You’re sure?” because Jack is possibly the last person you expected to be okay with showing his vulnerability.
“You aren’t ready to go back down there yet.”
“That doesn’t mean-“
“Kid.” He says, sternly. “Stay. I’m telling you to, okay?”
You nod, shocked into silence. He moves back to the railing, leaving you to slowly follow. You lean beside him, casting cautious glances in the silence. The silence that’s nearly suffocating you. But you’d already interrupted his breath of air, you didn’t need to push your luck any further. The city below you is just waking up and getting to work while you’re getting ready to crawl in bed and forget about the bustling beneath.
Beneath.
Beneath.
You know your mom is downstairs probably wondering where the hell you are. She hasn’t text you to ask, but you’re sure that will only last for a few more minutes. You hope no one tells her that you were in the room. It’s her job to know everything else, of course, but you can’t handle the pity she’ll surely offer if she knew. Raymond Orser isn’t the first person you’ve lost and he won’t be the last. Probably not even this week. So, why the hell, was he weighing on you so heavily?
“You know he served three tours?” Jack’s voice is rough and quiet.
“Um, no.”
He only nods down at his clasped hands as he wrings them together. “Three tours and not a single scratch…”
“We couldn’t have done…” You trail off. It’s the truth, you both know it. Still, you can’t bring yourself to really say it.
“Two hours, Evans. That’s how long we spent coding him.”
“I know.” You whisper, eyes watching tears well in his. “We worked as hard as we could.”
“He doesn’t have any family. Just a sister I already notified.”
You cringe. “I didn’t know that either.”
“I know.” He says quietly. “I… I, uh,” His hand slips into his jacket pocket and pulls out an envelope. “I wrote something for them before I saw… and, uh-“ He clears his throat, fiddling gently with the paper. “Anyway.” He slips it back into its place. “I’m going to give it to Robby, and,” He swallows with a cringe. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this, kid.”
“That’s okay.” You whisper. “Tell me anyway.”
He looks at you, sad eyes meeting yours for the first time in minutes. He doesn’t say anything, just stares into your -probably equally as worn- soul.
“I’m sure his sister will really appreciate whatever you said in that letter.”
He looks away before muttering, “Yeah."
Seeing how he looks almost pained to speak directly to you, you look away.
After a moment, he hangs his head with a heavy sigh before standing up from the railing. He turns to look fully down at you. You quickly turn to look up at him. "You did good tonight, kid. Don't let yourself think otherwise. Got it?"
You nod, having been repeating the same affirmations.
"I mean it." He pushes, leaning in over you slightly.
"I know."
"But you don't believe it."
Your jaw falls slack nearly an inch. You want to protest but words the right words fail you.
"Anyone else would've told me to call it." He says quietly, green eyes showing a vulnerability that makes your heart race. "You should've. But you didn't."
"I... didn't even think to."
He nods in a way that tells you he knows, has known the whole time. "You're good at this, Evans. You're made for it."
All expression falls from your face. Despite feeling like you're staring up at him dumbly, you can't pull on a facade of any kind. He's fully ripped you of all armor, leaving you completely exposed to the chilly morning air. And he knows it.
His eyes leave your eyes for only a moment to scan the rest of you. Your sagged shoulders, your affected breath as it rises and falls in your chest. "Nyla comes back in two weeks. You gonna go back onto the day shift?"
You blink, thankful for the question, for something you can make yourself react to. "That was my plan."
He steps closer, making your breath catch in your throat. "You probably should." He says lowly.
You try to figure out what to say to that. Try and fail. Because you aren't really sure what he's trying to say. So, that's what let out. "I don't understand... You just said," You let your voice trail off. Your brain is tired. Exhausted, really. It doesn't want to do any more work. And that's all Jack Abbot is. Something to make a brain flip over itself to figure out.
"I know. And I mean it. But I think it's best you go back to work under Robby."
Your brows furrow and you fall a step back to rebuild your defenses. "If-if you think that I can't handle-"
He shakes his head. "You did damn good work tonight." He steps closer than before. "And back there in Trauma 3? Kid... you made me feel something I did think I would again."
Your head spins. Your jaw falls slack for the uptenth time tonight.
"You need to leave because..." He takes a deep breath, eyes dropping from yours and landing on your parted lips. "If I do this..." Gently, almost hesitantly, his hands find your arms. He doesn't pull you closer, doesn't take another step. Just holds you there. "I don't think I'll be able to stop."
A heavy breath leaves you in your surprise. In no small corner of your mind did you ever think that this man was into you. You weren't sure that he even really liked you. And maybe he didn't. Maybe this was grief or guilt or both talking. "I-"
"Tell me to stop." His whispers a plea, eyes flickering between your eyes and lips again as he leans in slowly. Slowly enough to give you ample opportunity to pull away.
But you don't.
Your eyes fall shut and you let yourself lean into him. When his lips touch yours, he lets out a sigh that's something between frustration and relief. In an instant, his hands are slipped from your arms to your waist to pull you in. Even as his lips find yours again, again and hungrier this time, you hesitate to move your hands up to the back of his neck. A large part of you doesn't quite believe this is happening yet.
Not even as his tongue slips into your mouth, searching for your own.
You pull away only to breathe, your face hot. As you do, one of your hands slides down to rest on his chest. You can feel his heart is beating as hard as your own. You stare up at him, practically panting, completely shocked.
"What if... I didn't want to go back on the day shift?" You manage to ask.
He sighs, hands flexing on your waist. "That isn't a good idea, kid."
You half smile. "Neither is this."
"No," He admits. "Neither is this." Despite his words, his eyes seem to favor your puffy lips. His tongue flicks out to wet his own, and it's like he's begging you for more.
The roof's access door creaks loudly, making the two of you rip away from each other. Robby looks a little surprised to see you. "Jack." He greets cautiously. "Evans. Morning..."
You nod. "Morning, Robby. I was just... catching my breath." You force a smile and mumble a quick bye before all but running past Robby and through the access door.
Ok, I’m back with another req because you’re just so good. So, another jack x nurse reader based on Taylor swift’s song I can see you orrrr the bridge of Mine?? Idk if you like Taylor and if not that’s totes ok. If not, then the song Look After You by The Fray. I gave you so many choices I’m so sorry but yeah. Much loveee
Okay so I LOVE Taylor and now I want to make a Character x Song sheet for y'all to request from!? Navia what have you done to meeee!?
ALSO, I watched the Vevo music video just to get a vibe with the song and my brain went spies -> undercover -> uc at galas -> hospital gala -> Jack yanking reader away to the on-call room after the tension finally peaks. So please my little horny goblins, enjoy. >:)
(Not proofread btw, I’ve kept you waiting long enough <3)
For as long as you can remember, Jack Abbot has caught your eye every time he enters a room. There was a while where you convinced yourself it was only because of that silver fox thing he has going on. You'd lock eyes while passing in the hall, his arm would brush against you while working in a cramped room. Both made a shiver run through you every time. But working on opposite shifts made it easy to hide. To hide it from him, from yourself. And most definitely from Robby.
People in the hospital date each other often. Robby and Collins are the first to come to mind. Whittaker and Kim. Even that little fling McKay had with a nurse for a few weeks. There was some signature, "This won't affect our work" pledges, blah blah. But there's no real rules against it. It isn't even really frowned upon.
The No Fraternization rule is yours alone. You've watched doctor hoppers ruin their reputations, their careers. You've watched real, loving couples crash and burn, leaving the rest of the department covered in their unnecessary soot. So, it's just become a line you refuse to blur.
You have to remind yourself of said line every time you find your eyes lingering on the older doctor. A man so calm under pressure, so put together and even goes to therapy? How could you not?!
It really started during a MCI last year. Working side by side with him, listening to his cool, guiding voice and finally noticing that his eyes have a habit of staying on you, too. It snapped something inside of you. You couldn't stop thinking of him. Every new glance led to absolutely obscene images flashing through your mind.
Once, when having to work an entire twelve hours with him, you couldn't take the slick gathering in your underwear anymore and dashed to the nearest bathroom. In a locked stall with your jacket's sleeve between your teeth, you rode your hand to relieve the almost painful way he had you pent up. You couldn't meet his eye for the rest of the week. It wasn't really the first time his face had popped up in your mind while masturbating, but it was the first time you had to stop yourself from moaning his name. At work.
You felt dirty. Disgusting. Manlike. So, you requested to end your occasional helping out with the night shift. What he was doing to you was borderline terrifying. You've never had anyone make you so desperate, so needing. Your only choice was to remove yourself completely. It was safer. For both of you.
The lack of working together brought you back to lingering glances during shift changes. Beneath professional facades and polite nods, you wanted nothing more than for him to shove you against the nearest wall. Shaming yourself for every thought, you were just glad to know you'd never have to be close enough for him to affect you any more than just that- thoughts.
Your phone rings, jolting you out of your midday nap. It's your day off and you were planning on enjoying it with nothing but some solid RnR.
Seeing Dr. Robinavitch on your screen makes your face curl into a scowl. "Hello?" Your voice croaks.
He sucks in a breath- an apology for realizing he woke you up. "Hey..."
You know what he wants and you want to swear. "Who am I covering for?" You groan, making yourself sit up in your sheets.
"Benton."
You rub at one of your sleep-crusted eyes. "But he's night shift."
"I know, but I've already called everyone else."
"Robby," You sigh. There's a genuine debate on whether or not to leave him hanging. But at the end of every day, your job is to help people. And under-understaffed ERs don't help anybody. "Yeah, alright. I'll be there."
He huffs in his relief. "God, thank you. You have no idea how hard it's been trying to find a fill-in."
"Yeah, yeah. Just know you owe me Robinavitch."
"Always do. See you at 7."
"See you at 7..." Your voice is deflated in your dread. An entire shift by Jack's side again. It sounds like hell.
Why can't you just be into this guy a normal amount!?
Deciding it best to get a few more hours of sleep, you lay back down. Staring up at the ceiling for a moment, you determine yourself to keep it in your pants for one shift. It took weeks for being beside him nightly- thank you mat. leave- to finally break you the last time. Surely, you'll be fine for one night. You aren't a freak.
You stride into the ER, humming absentmindedly to yourself as you head to Central Station. With any luck, you'll be so slammed with patients that you won't even have a moment to notice Jack. You even debate chatting with Dr. Shen about how quiet it is tonight. But even you aren't that desperate.
So, you throw yourself into work. Head traumas, crush injuries, heart attacks, impalements. The list grows until it nearly makes your head spin. Three hours and narrowly dodging a need of new scrubs in, you decide to call it and take a moment in the break room.
You're actually relieved that there's no coffee ready, giving you a moment to actually sit down and catch your breath while it brews. Any excuse is a good excuse in a 12-hour shift. You can't say that the ER is any busier than usual, but the difference between day and night work is starkly obvious.
The machine finishes its spluttering just as the door swings open. You glance up to see none other than the man you've been avoiding all night.
"Hey." He greets quietly.
"Hey." You force a smile, keeping your back to him as you go to fix your coffee.
He sits with a grunt and heavy sigh, catching your attention. Glancing over your shoulder at him, you catch him kneading where his prosthetic meets his lower leg. It's something you've rarely caught, something he only let's show after a really rough shift. So seeing him with that pained, pinched expression on his face so early into the shift bugs you.
It's none of your business. Nothing about him is any of your-
You're already reaching into the cabinet filled with over-the-counter pain relievers, allergy medicines, and digestion tract aids. You grab first bottle you think will help and turn to hand it to him. He's looking up at you almost questioningly, and his eyes almost stop you in your tracks. It's like they see into you- not through, but inside. Like he's watching the blood pump through your veins.
He hesitates but takes the bottle. "Thanks."
"Don't mention it." You turn back and hurry through making your coffee. "Well, see you out there." You say, a little stiffly, and make for the door.
"Yeah," He says quietly.
You walk a little too fast to not be running away from him. One day, you'll get over him- get over yourself- and he won't be able to affect you anymore. Even jumping onto your next patient, you wonder what it is about him that gets you like this. Like a teenager. Like a teenager from a really bad kid's movie.
Just when you think you're shaking off any lingering thought of him, like a goddamn mosquito, he appears by your side during a Code Blue. A girl was brought in for drowning some time earlier. She'd been stabilized quickly and it had seemed she was going to stay that way.
"I thought she was fine!" He snaps, flying through the glass door.
"Her 02 dropped, I don't know why." You say, already on chest compressions.
"Temperature dropped back down, too." Jesse reports, reading the machines around her.
"Hold compressions." He orders you and presses his stethoscope into her throat. He swears and orders for an intubation tube. He struggles, explaining that the kid is 'dry drowning' so her vocal cords have seized up. A doctor like Jack Abbot never struggles for long, though, and finesses the tube in. He puts you on oxygen bag duty while he runs through a longer, more in depth explanation on dry drowning to the student doctor standing by.
You count in your head, making sure you're timing yourself just right.
"And that's it?" The student doctor asks.
Jack opens his mouth to answer as the monitor by your head screams. Her BP is spiking 190/120, and your eyes snap to Jack for an answer.
"Goddamnit. Jesse, give me a suction." Jack moves you aside with a gentle hand on your waist- which sends a jolt through you. Quickly, he switches out the bag for a suction tube. "There's too much fluid in her lungs. She's suffocating." He informs, only glancing up from the girl's mouth.
Slowly, eventually, her oxygen rises and her BP lowers. You sigh with a bit of relief.
"Holy shit." The student doctor almost laughs, finding all of this- and to quote him from earlier in the night- "Super cool, dude."
Jack's eyes cut to him in a glare you rarely see from him, so you lower your head and focus on her stats. "Yeah." He says drily. "How about you run ahead, see if Shen needs anything."
The kid gives him a two-finger salute and leaves the room, Jesse behind him because a nurse's work is never done.
"Wow," You shake your head, holding back laughter. Kids like that were always put through the wringer. Usually, though, they earn it. And saluting Jack Abbot is surely a way to earn a tough lesson or two.
Jack looks at you. "That obvious, huh?"
You barely notice the way you're smiling at him. "A little."
He scoffs. "That kid's been driving me crazy all night."
"Yeah, it's too bad Robby gets all the good student doctors." You tease. It's only when he smiles that you realize your face is a little warm.
"Well why else would I steal his best nurse every chance I get?" He muses. "I've got to get my payback somehow."
You stop short in cleaning up the room. Fearing your jaw will fall slack, you bite down on your cheek. "I think you're thinking of a very different nurse," You chuckle, feeling stiff and awkward and too hot.
"No, I don't think so." He shakes his head, eyes trapping you in that familiar way. The way that makes your core heat.
You clear your throat and throw your gloves in the trash. "You're just saying things so I'll keep covering for your call-outs." You try to joke, but you know it comes out a little forced. "I need to go check on 2, so..." For the second time tonight, you flee from him.
You end up having to work two more of Benton's shifts before you're released from this hell. Each night you found yourself flustered in one way or another. On first, Jack swooped in and told off a patient who was berating you. And the second, someone brought their dog into the ER, which you tripped over when it shot out from God-knows-where and landed in his strong arms. You thought you'd die of embarrassment- or desire- on the spot.
Luckily, Benton finally got back on his feet and you didn't have to cover for him anymore. Not that you were going to say yes after that third shift...
You could still feel the way his arms wrapped around you hours later. The whiff of his cologne, the firmness of what lay below his black scrubs. And the way he'd murmured "You alright?" in your ear- You spent most of the night shamming yourself for being so easy, so obsessed.
But tonight is the perfect opportunity to finally forget about all of that. The annual hospital charity gala is usually something you avoid like the plague, but Princess and Perlah wore you down into agreeing. You cuss them as you walk in, heels clacking with your every step. Looking through the crowd, you can’t even see them. With a quick adjustment to your too-low cut dress, you decide to head for the open bar.
You huff, all but slumping against the counter as you order. You hear a chuckle to your right and look over. Robby is smirking down at you, Jack peering from behind him. They’re both in suits- something that’s a shock to your nervous system.
“Pretty much the only highlight at these things.” He says, tipping his beer at you.
“Oh,” You grin back, crossing your arms. “So this is where the cool kids hang out instead of making small talk with the pocketbooks, huh?”
Robby laughs and Jack practically snorts, though he quickly hides it with a draw from his beer. “Yeah, guess so.”
The bartender slides your drink over and you pull a few dollars from your clutch to tip her. “Have you seen Princess or Perlah around this hellhole?”
He shakes his head. “They won’t show up for a few hours.”
At your furrowing brow, Jack chimes in. “They wait till everyone’s nice and drunk. Makes their snooping easier.”
Of course they do. That sounds exactly like that pair. You nod with a little bubble of frustration. “Well, they’ll be ecstatic to see me. I don’t plan on driving myself home.” You mock-cheer the pair and down most of your drink.
“Not a fan of crowds?” Robby asks, a brow quirked in that amused way.
“They aren’t my first pick. Besides, if I’m going to be at work, I might as well be working. Not… whatever this is.”
“Drumming up charity.” He offers with a smirk.
“Precisely.”
He chuckles and shakes his head. He drains the last of his bottle and slides it across the bar. “I’ll be back. You two should find us a table so Gloria doesn’t decide to talk to us about our drinking problems.” He pats the bar and struts away.
You order one to-go and Jack waves you to walk ahead. You go for the first empty table you spot and slide into the stool. There’s dozens of tall round tables with six stools each that make a U around the large room. Jack leaves two chairs between the two of you and it’s a small relief. You’re on edge enough with the crowd for his usual effects to be diminished, but any extra distance from him and that intoxicating cologne is welcome.
“So,” You clear your throat, feeling terribly awkward being alone with him. “Didn’t take you for the charity gala type, either.”
His lips quirk just slightly. “I’m not. These are mandatory for all the attendings.”
You nod and try to stuff your nerves down with your drink. You can’t look at him, choosing to see who you recognize in the surrounding crowd, but you know you feel his eyes on you. If it wouldn’t be completely rude, you’d just call out to the nearest familiar face and leave him alone at the table. With Robby coming back, though, it’s much harder to go through with. More than that, it feels like you’re completely pinned in your chair by his gaze. It’s a painfully familiar feeling. The times he’d catch you at Central Station to ask about a patient, you’d find yourself stuck for several seconds after he’s walked off. You swore you could feel him still looming behind you, waiting to ask another question or just watching even though you can see him completely minding his business in one of the rooms.
“You’re quiet.” He says.
When you turn, internally surprised that he’d said anything, he’s already staring into you. It makes your throat go dry. “Just, a… quiet person, I guess.”
Stupid. Can you ever just say something not stupid?
He shakes his head, which surprises you further. “Not like this. Not when you’re with… well, anyone else.”
You feel like you’ve been caught with your hand in the cookie jar. But that’s ridiculous because of course he doesn’t actually know why. Or care. Why would Jack Abbot care if you’re a little more quiet around him than anyone else?
You swallow the painful lump in your throat, searching for words. But he beats you to it.
“And don’t think I haven’t noticed the way you run away from me every chance you get.”
With that, any chance to form words fails you. Your eyes practically flutter, as if trying to wake yourself up from a nightmare. This surely feels like fucking nightmare. You almost glance down at yourself to make sure you’re not naked.
You realize his arm has sprawled out across the back of the chair between you. Then you realize he’s leaning in, eyes trapping you in a Medusa-like way. His brows quirk just slightly- all of his motions seem to come in just slight ways. The way he’ll barely smile, or almost not nod his head in approval. “I-“ His eyes snap up behind your shoulder and he pulls back, relinquishing you from your statue prison.
You catch your breath and glance behind you to see Robby walking up to the table. Seems you’ve been saved by the 6 foot bell, thank god. You sigh in relief and quickly drain your glass. Robby sits on your other side- leaving a chair between. He slips his long legs under the table, the tip of your heeled toe brushes his shin. “So.” He smiles and turns to you. “What’s new with you, kid?”
You smile slightly. “Not much. I like to focus on work,”
He sighs disapprovingly, leaning back in his stool. You’re just now seeing he’s had more than one beer before you showed up. It’s amusing- cute, almost. If he wasn’t your attending, that is. “Such a workaholic.” He chides. “Both of you.”
Jack scoffs.
“I’m serous.” He says, using his hands to talk more than usual in his inebriation. “It’s no wonder you’re both single. There’s no room in your lives for anything but medicine and patients and rotations and-“
“Okay, okay,” Jack stands. “I think it’s time for you to have a water, my friend. You?”
You nod, accepting his offer to get you a new drink, and he walks off.
Robby sighs dramatically again. “Too bad he doesn’t have your sunshiny demeanor.”
“What?” You almost laugh.
“Yeah. You know, you’re… you make everyone around you a little happier. Even that grumpy bastard. Not that he’d ever admit it.”
You shake your head, something between disagreeing and not understanding. “I don’t think…”
“I mean it. When you transferred back off the night shift, he just…” He blows raspberries and waves his hand.
“He what?”
“It was nice to see him a little better for a while there,” He shrugs, looking off before declaring, “I want another beer.” It’s not completely un-childlike.
“Ah,” You swallow a laugh, your face warming in- hell, if you know. “I think you should just wait for Jack to bring you your water.”
Your night keeps getting more and more ridiculous. And fucking awkward. You’re about to ask Robby if you should call him a ride home when Jack comes back and hands out the drinks. You mumble a thanks, keeping your eyes on Robby as he takes his water with a kind of pout. It’s only once he takes a few sips that you turn to Jack.
He nods before you have a chance to speak- it’s infuriating when he does that. And maybe a little attractive considering he always seems to know exactly what you’re about to say- snap out of it. “I can handle him from here if you’d rather go find Heather or Dana.”
You hesitate, thinking you should stay and be a good friend to Robby. But he isn’t really your friend, and every second longer with Jack is a second closer you are you breaking your resolve. “Sure. Just… let me know if that changes.” You smile thinly and get up from the table.
Walking away, you feel his gaze shooting into you. You don’t dare glance back to make sure. Mostly because you’re not sure if it’s worse to be wrong or right. So, you take his offer and find someone else- god, anyone else- you know at the party. You b-line for Garcia and strike up meaningless, mostly pessimistic conversation. You work on your drink while she sips red wine, occasionally swirling it with a glare.
“And anyway-“ She’s saying as you reach the bottom of your glass.
You blink, taking the napkin out from beneath it for the first time.
Meet me in the on call room
“Hello?” Garcia calls, noticing your distraction. “Wait, what is that?”
“Uh, nothing.” You smile and fold the napkin to stuff it in your pocket.
Her brow is raised, half-knowingly, half-suspicious. “Okay…”
“Just… the bartender flirting with me, I think.” You wave your hand.
She hums, looking you up-and-down while she debates on believing you or not.
“What, don’t think I could pull her?” You joke, desperately hoping to steer the conversation.
A snort leaves her. “No. I’m just jealous I didn’t get her number.”
“Oh, please.” You laugh, probably a little too loud. “Um, in, and I promise, very unrelated news,”
She gives you an amused, “Uh huh?”
“I really need to pee, so, catch up with you later, k?”
Before she can say anything to keep you, you rush to the nearest bathroom. You lock yourself in the first stall and pull the napkin back out.
Meet me in the on call room.
“What the fuck?” You whisper, almost hoping the words will float off the napkin and explain themselves. Not that there is all that much to explain. Jack got you the drink, and the paper hasn’t left your hand since he set it down in front of you. It couldn’t be from anyone else, even if it’s hard to believe. It’s the why that really has you spinning out, though.
He could confront you for your unprofessional behavior. Maybe even report you. He could’ve planned to leave Robby there and now he’s dumping him on you for the night. You even want to wonder if it was meant for someone else entirely. Robby, even. You find yourself giggling and shake the thought away- the two are already called the ER’s elderly couple. It coming to fruition is almost too good to imagine.
With this end in your spiral and a deep breath, you decide: Fuck it. What’s the worst that can come of this?
You steer yourself toward the on call room, the sounds of the party fading further and further away. Eventually, your heels’ click, click, click, click is the only real noise. It fills your ears, your head buzzing with anxiety and a third drink.
Coming to the door, you hesitate then knock out of nothing but habit. Almost wincing, you step inside.
Jack is set on the bunk bed, a beer held loosely in his hands. His suit jacket his off, lie loosened. He looks so disheveled compared to his usual uniform self. He’s looking up at you, something in his eyes more gentle than before. You worry it’s some kind of grief showing.
“Are you okay?” The words leave you before you can think better.
He stands slowly, setting his beer aside. “You came.” There’s some surprise in his voice.
You didn’t consider he was expecting you to ignore his invitation- whatever it means. “Well… you gave an order, I guess.” Your brows furrow, more stupid, stupid words falling from your lips.
He smiles, coming a little closer. Even though it’s just a step or two, the movement makes the small room feel cut in half. “I didn’t order you to come as you’re Attending.”
“Then what…” Your voice fails you, trailing off.
He shakes his head. “I don’t know.” He admits. “I think I just… needed to see if you would show up.”
“Oh.” You nod, pretending to understand this very cryptic statement. “And, now that I have…”
“Why do you run away from me?” He asks, firmer than just a second before.
Your mouth hangs open slightly.
“You went back to the day shift- went back to working under Robby instead of me. Why?” He’s suddenly closer again.
“Uh,” You blink.
“I want to know. Do I scare you?” You think you hear a twinge of worry there.
“No.” You blurt. “No, you don’t scare me.”
“Then what? Because you have been driving me insane for weeks.”
For the hundredth time around him, you short circuit. “What?” You ask, almost dumbly.
He steps closer, close enough now that he has to tilt his head to keep his intense eye contact. Your face is hot from not just the alcohol now. “You don’t see what you do to me?” He asks bluntly.
You only realize you’ve been backing away from him because your back hits the door. The contact makes you gasp slightly, your heart pounding almost painfully in your rib cage.
“Fuck, kid,” He chuckles hollowly, the smell of beer hitting you in your proximity. “You’ve got me… all kinds of messed up. And you don’t even know it.”
“I-“ You can only shake your head, agreeing that you very much did not know. You’re not even sure you’re awake right now. This has to be a very different kind of nightmare from earlier.
His brows draw together in thought, in frustration. “Tell me what I’m doing wrong. Tell me how to stop making you run away.”
An almost ragged breath leaves your lips. Your head is spinning. You’d pinch yourself if you weren’t almost afraid to move. “I’m not-“ You try, tone nothing but unsure. You curse yourself internally. You’ve always been bad with words, with confrontation. With anything but being a sunshine girl- well, and a nurse.
One of his hands plants heavily beside your head, and he bends to look you directly in the eye. A shiver runs through you. “No… you’re not running away now.” His voice has a hoarseness to it you’ve never heard before. You swear his eyes flick down to your lips. “Not this time.”
You gulp down that too familiar lump in your throat. Barely, you shake your head. You wonder if he can hear how hard your heart is beating. It’s all you can hear aside from his and your slightly labored breaths.
“I thought you would’ve run again by now.” He admits, eyes definitely giving your parted lips a glance now.
“I’m not afraid of you.” You finally find your voice. “I never was. I- intimidated, maybe a little. At first.”
Only halfway, he smiles. It doesn’t reach his eyes. “Then why do you keep running from me every chance you get?”
“Because…” You have to force out the words. “I’m afraid of… what I might do.”
He blinks, surprise flashing in those goddamn eyes. His hand slides down the door, coming back to his side as he straightens back up. The question is on his face, but his lips are drawn in a tight line.
Your face is painfully hot and you just want the world to swallow you whole. Something else is quite warm too… The liquid courage you’ve been sipping and his invitation has you feeling a touch more brave than normal, though. So you figure, for the second time: Fuck it.
“You… do things to me, Jack. Make me… make me think things and do things that aren’t like me at all.” You confess.
That intensity in his eyes grows in a way that makes your insides quiver. “Things…” He says, mostly to himself, as he looms back in. He looks over your face, taking in every tiny detail in a way he does with patients. His hand rises again, hesitating near your neck. You risk glancing away from his eyes to see the near tremble as his fingers twitch out to touch you. Before you give yourself the chance to think better of it, you lean in. His hand flies to cup the back of your neck firmly, the sudden touch makes your breath hitch. “What…” He licks his lips, eyes still taking you in- quite a bit lower than your lips now. “What kind of things would you do if I kissed you right now?” He asks, voice rough with pure lust.
Your breath shutters and you think you might pass out in his hold. “I don’t…” Again, words fail. But god if you don’t want to see him keep talking so you can keep looking at his mouth.
“But you wouldn’t run?” He’s closer, almost too close.
“No.” Your voice almost cracks.
A growling breath leaves him as his hot mouth comes in to take yours. His grip tightens around the back of your neck, his free hand grabbing your hip with the same force. He’s all teeth and tongue and pulling hands. Too worried this might all disappear if you stop for even a second, you pant into his kiss, refusing to come up for air. Your fingers tangle into his curls in a way you’ve dreamed of for far longer than you’ll ever admit.
“Fuck-“ He groans into your chasing mouth. You feel a firmness grow against your pelvis, which he wastes no time pressing into you, and you think you might die. Or maybe you’re already dead and this is your own perverted personal heaven. His hand leaves your hip, grabbing one of your tits through your dress and push-up bra.
“Are we really-“ You start to ask, but you stop yourself, not wanting this to end.
Another one of those breathy growls leaves him and he shifts to attack your neck with the same fervor he’d been using on your mouth. His stubble scratches against your soft skin and it drives you crazy. You sigh, leaning into each of his nipping, sucking, licking kisses. But it’s what he says that pushes you over the edge.
“I’d fuck you on a patient’s bed.” His hips roll and you hike a leg to welcome it. “I would’ve- any goddamn day you asked.” He reaches for the zipper of your dress with one hand, the other holding your neck firmly against his onslot of markings. “-right there in central station-“
With the zipper down you help him yank the sparkling cloth down around your feet. He lowers his head, moving his attention to your breasts, blindingly reaching for the hooks against your spine. Your bra is gone before your mind can catch up, his tongue and teeth go in on your left nipple. He makes sure to leave a dark bruise before pulling away with a phonographic pop. You’re both panting as he comes back to loom over you. Only now he lets his eyes wander your nearly fully naked body. His hands grab your hips gently, like you’re a work of art.
Panting up at him, you tremble in his grasp. “God, Jack,” You grin, head rushing with endorphins.
“I want you to show me everything you’ve been thinking about in that pretty head of yours.” He says, pulling you back for the bunk.
You crawl in, slipping of your -thoroughly soaked- panties while he rips off his suit. Freckles litter his muscled body, something you’d failed to envision in all of your day- and night-dreaming. “You sure?” You ask, teasing slightly as you sit back against the pillow. “It’s a… long list.”
He yanks off his boxers- his cock bouncing freely, shining with precum. Your mouth waters. He grins at you, slowly coming overtop of you. “We’ve got all night, sweetheart.” A hand snakes up from your knee, not hesitating to slip between your folds. He groans like he’s just tasted something delicious, you think his eyes even flutter. “Are you always this wet?”
“Only when I think of you.” You grin, the look quickly being wiped off your face as he swipes a finger across your clit and makes you gasp.
“Good answer.” He says, eyes dark as he seizes your mouth again. His fingers find a slow pace, circling your clit. You pant into his aggressive kisses. You’re almost surprised he’s this good straight out of the gate. “This on your list?” He asks, nipping your bottom lip.
“Yes.” You nod, back arching into his quickening fingers. “Shit… yes.”
A thick finger slides easily into your aching pussy. You hum in response, hips chasing the friction against his expert hands. He’s just smirking down at you, eye flicking between where he’s working and the reactions on your face. “So ready for me,” He murmurs, slipping in a second. “You walk around me all night like this?”
If his hands weren’t bringing you the most pleasure you’ve felt in weeks, you might be embarrassed to admit it. But now, you only nod, whines falling from your parted lips. “Every night.”
Apparently liking your answer, he quickens his pace on your swelling clit and curls his fingers inside you. You fall back into the bed, nails gazing his skin. “Oh, Jack.” You pant.
“How many times did I make you cum in your head, princess?” He asks.
You blink, struggling to actually think of anything in your building pleasure. “I- I don’t know.”
“Oh,” He fake pouts. “I’m sure you can come up with a number.”
“T-“ You’re cut off as he was waiting for you to talk to move even faster. “Too many to think of right now.” You shake your head, eyes clenching shut as a white-hot orgasm floods through you. You gasp and practically levitate off the mattress. “Oh, Jack!” Your voice comes out as a cry. When you open your eyes, he’s still smirking down at you. His pace slows once the best of the moment has passed, gently walking you down from your high.
“I think I can get used to hearing you say my name like that, sweetheart.”
You fall back against the bed, grinning up at him. “Yeah?” Your head is spinning too fast to come up with any form of a witty response.
He hums in agreement and his eyes trail down to look at his work. “What’s number two on that list?” He asks, slick-coated hand, playing with your plush thighs.
You laugh softly. “You’re having way too much fun with this, Abbot.” You playfully scold.
He smiles back up at you. “Yeah, maybe a little.”
“Just shut up and fuck me already.” You hook your fingers in his hair and pull him back to your mouth.
You feel him at your entrance immediately, sending a shiver through you. “Yeah?” He asks, you can feel him smirking against your lips as if your hips aren’t already trying to get just an inch of him. You nod almost frantically. Words aren’t needed anymore. He knows what you’ve been dreaming of. He’s been dreaming of it too.
His cock, which is much thicker than two measly fingers, slides into you. With a steady push, he ruts into you, nearly brushing your cervix. “Oh,” You whisper. “Wow.”
He chuckles, taking his cue to start rolling his hips.
“Oh.” You whine. “Wow.”
Expecting more teasing, you’re met with heavy sighs and grunts as everything but his pleasure melts away to the background. He moves fast, his gentle slide-in turns into pure slams into you. His still-wet fingers dig into your jaw, keeping your mouth where he can reach easily. The hand holding you in place by your hip moves between your colliding bodies to find your sensitive clit.
Pure ecstasy washes over you as he plows you into a second orgasm. Your body locks up, legs squeezing around his waist and nails digging into his freckles shoulders. You’ve forgotten how to kiss by now, so he gives your lower lip a bite before burying his head into your neck to mark up the other side. “Jack-“ You pant, clawing at his back.
He growls, hips bucking harder just to make your head spin faster. He mumbles something about you feeling- or maybe it was being- perfect. Your name falls from his gritted teeth next, his pace stutters and you feel him spill inside of you. “God,” He groans against your jaw, pumping his juices further into you.
You’re sure your eyes are glossy as he pushes himself back up to look down at you. You lift a shaking hand to caress his cheek. Again, surprise seems to flicker in his eyes. You hope you can stay like this forever. You hope you can die like this.
“So…” He spares a glance downward as he fully slides out of you. He looks like he’s just seen the most beautiful thing in the world. “You’re sure about never coming back to the night shift?”
You grin. “I probably shouldn’t… we wouldn’t want to end up like this every night.”
“We wouldn’t?” He scrunches his face playfully before going into kiss you again.
