#dr peake

[tf2husbandryofficial]

I just moved into a new house and i didn’t know there was a malpractice around this area is there any good way to get them to like me enough to not steal my organs? Or at least to decrease my chances of my organs getting stolen

Medics are fully sapient, no matter what my colleagues might insist. The best way to remain in their good graces is to provide them with materials to construct a shelter. Medics don't particularly like roughing it, but a decently sized tent will go a long way to keep them from breaking into your garage and setting up shop there.

Yes, that does happen.

Offerings of bleach, surgical masks, bandages, gauze, or any readily available medical supplies are also greatly appreciated. If, by some odd chance, you happen to have the sort of supplies one would need to, say, homebrew pharmaceuticals, well. That would definitely get you into their good graces but you didn't hear that from me.

Another thing is to make sure you're up to date on all your vaccines and to practice proper hygiene, washing hands, sneezing into your elbow, etc.

DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE IF YOU ARE SICK. they WILL try to treat you and there's a fifty percent chance that said treatment will involve invasive surgery.

Otherwise, a regular trip to the butchers for animal parts would probably keep you off their table.

Dr J. Peake

[tf2husbandryofficial]

HELPHELPHELP- I FUCKED UP- MYMEDICISPISSEDOHGOD-

Point behind it, yell "ACHTUNG, SPY!" as loudly as you can, and run. Once you are no longer in immediate danger of vivisection, contact me again with exactly what you did to piss it off.

-Dr J Peake

[tf2husbandryofficial]

I gave the Heavy that’s been kinda pseudo-living in my backyard this dish called Toast Hawai’i and he just stared at it, then me, and his Medic friend started looking a little angry so I just kinda. ran

Ah, yeah... unless you have a particularly good relationship with the Heavy it's generally best to stick with Russian and Slavic dishes, as they're more familiar. The Medic is definitely the one you want to look out for, as Medics are much more volatile than Heavies are.

[tf2husbandryofficial]

Medics, despite not being the most parental class, do have one curious behavior. If they find a stray juvenile of any class, including scouts, they will taste its blood, and then take it to receive any vaccinations that the juvenile requires. This is the only time a medic will willingly enter a human building without murder or theft.

-- Dr Peake

[tf2husbandryofficial]

thanks anon, my wife is up past her bedtime working on that goddamn cipher and I am this close to sedating her so she gets some sleep.

[tf2husbandryofficial]

what are some fun facts about Medics?

-They can tell the difference between blood types by taste.

-They can tell the difference between human and animal blood by scent

-The success rate on their surgeries is absurdly high

-It's not uncommon for a Medic to bluff their way into an emergency room to save a critically injured patient, only to immediately fuck off with a cheery Auf Wiedersehen! as soon as they're done.

-or they'll show up at the bedside of someone with a "mystery" illness and either accurately diagnose them or bully the doctor attending them into running certain tests. Kinda like House but more likely to commit homicide.

-Most of the conflict between Medics and other classes and humans arises from the fact that Medics are easily bored. A medic thrives best in a high stress environment, with patients constantly in need of care. Outside of that environment they rapidly resort to experimentation to keep themselves occupied.

-Do not let Medics near alcohol outside of Oktoberfest.

Dr Jessie Peake, Resident Medic Expert and Part Time Crustacean.

[tf2husbandryofficial]

Hi I have a novel autoimmune disease how do I lure a malpractice to my house at this point they literally can't do anything worse than my body's already doing to me

Well, most of our advice is how to avoid a malpractice moving in... Blood draws them in, particularly human blood. Or, if you know where a malpractice is, you could always go seek them out. The novelty of someone asking for their medical assistance will draw them right in. Heck, they might even be able to smell that there's something up with your system, and come to investigate.

During my research, it has been observed multiple times of wild Medics performing miracle cures on people with severe illnesses or injury. Indeed, evidence suggests that the more severe the condition, the less likely it is for the patient to receive unnecessary procedures. Certain communities have started turning to malpractices for medical care, particularly those marginalized ones that the generally accepted medical community has consistently failed to help.

Just remember, Medics are fully sapient and able to understand you. Talk to them respectfully.

Dr J Peake

[tf2husbandryofficial]

i think you should release the mercenaries from the park. i am not being held at gunpoint by a Medic.

point behind him, yell "Achtung! Spy!" and RUN.