6/15/26 1:20pm Well I mean at least he’s taking initiative after influencing him to do so
I don’t like manipulating people its much better to influence them especially if they already want to di the thing it help them out…
for example if you wanted to get into working out and being fit I’ll just say you’re a bitch and just fucking do it…
but for friends I’d invite to the gym with me… I realized I can get in my “Bzrkr” mode and intimidate them with what they think they should be able to do… but honestly I’ve been too deep into this shit and ended up fcuking up my own nervous system ti the point its hypervigilant and I’m like a fucking drug addict for hugs because its the only way to settle my fucking nervous system so I don’t rip out someones fucking face out of their asshole
at first I liked doom alot… but as time progressed in my life I realized I’m more like the doom guy now where my rage is quite calm and calculated…
but… I am not that person anymore…
I am no longer that… animal… I am no longer BN6146 I am a human being…
Although my scars remind me of what I have done… but they also remind me what has been done to me… and what I have learned… and what I survived…
Fuckkkkkkkkkkkk Joes gonna be bitching at me for not practicing and not dicking him down in fighterz… T_T his masicism knows no end…
I should also touch base with some others…
so tired… but… gotta keep moving forward …
also I guess this fucking shit is supposed to be my “aura” as I open a can of whup ass on them…
XD Mikey’s been practicing extra hard… honestly he took a match off of me…
nahhhhhhhhhh I cant let that man do that shit again… fucking rat
also I thought Queen had a really cool unique name didnt realize it was spelled Quyen
I like that she wears cargos its like idk orriental and black hip hop culture just blends too fucking well must be the principal of flow that goes between them and music being heavy in both cultures and similar taste in style and music
AND IF THIS SONG PLAYS ON ME ONE MORE TIME IMA BUST A FUXKING NUT WALKING TO THIS SHIT LIKE GAWD DAM WHOEVER MADE THIS NEEDS THEIR FUCKING ASS ATE LIKE THE MOTHA FUCKER THAT MADE THE ANIMATIONS FOR CYCLOPSE INTRO LIKEEMMMFFFHHHSHAHAKSMAKSKSKS
I wish I had more time to play with my friends… but just gotta grind out these 3 months and play with them when I can… (honestly should just watch anime with these fucks gotta finish blue lock, kegean ashura, that one manga mikey git me into fuck he finds some goated shit more like fuckk that man knows where to get the fucking food, but also gotta run through van hellsing again with Josie ik she wantef to watch that with me… FUCCKKKKKKKKKKK
I have to put her on tha back burner for now… 🤌🏽
but like… still I do feel like shit for not even hanging out with Alexa not once but… after my previous experience I am reminded not to mingle with coworkers for a reason… as it messed withmy hours and half the timethey don’t even stay…
Its so fucking stupid… Idk ehy I’m like this (wellI do know why I never had an example of a healthy relationship and all my previous “relationships” I was just used for sex made to make someone else jealous… but they never know me… I mean they know of me… but they don’t really know anything about me just a check off on their I wanna fuck Cysko list…
but meh why am I bitching? right?
Like… I should be happy… right?
but idk… like everything looks fucking good in paper… Im doing everything right.. and pursing my education further and on route to get my doctorate…
why do I feel like this? Is it because of unresolved issues, the re opened trama that Alexa did in my state of vulnerability after looking down another barrel of a gun and yet not dying again… I tried teally hard not to hurt them even after my mother cracked me with a baton while disarming her boyfriend who pointed a fucking gun in the direction of my lik sis and I in front of it… Like… I honestly should get SRGT Comber to handle it or one of the ex law enforcement that can just keep fucking him over since he thinks its cool to wave guns around like its was gonna make me scared n shit like mf didn’t know that it wasn’t my first rodeo just the first time it easnt a cop doing that shit to me
