Meet DanganRonpa: Despair Selection’s protagonist, RK.
SHSL Otome Game Player, 2nd Year, Hope’s Peak Academy
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Meet DanganRonpa: Despair Selection’s protagonist, RK.
SHSL Otome Game Player, 2nd Year, Hope’s Peak Academy
Date Roulette: Daesung
Sunday
Intro Week Start Seungri Week Start Previous Next
As I had perhaps expected, I woke up to find myself hanging partially off my bed.
I should hold off on drinking so much. This was the most I had consistently drank in years. I was hitting the same frequency as when I was about 22, and I was willing to bet that it was taking a bit more of a toll than it had back then.
Yawning so largely that I heard my jaw crack, I flopped my hand around until I could locate my phone. 7:28am. Why on earth was I awake right now?
I groaned and rolled over to be met with my answer.
When had I opened my blinds? Why was the sun shining so entirely directly onto my bed? What sort of evil madmind had designed this room? Madmind? Sure, that sounds like a thing.
I was annoyed, and felt the need to share my annoyance. Lifting my phone I snapped a quick picture of the window.
To: Hugeboy [image]
To: Hugeboy Who the fuck set the dorms up like this?
I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to get back to sleep. After taking a moment to brace myself against the long day ahead, I forced myself to get up, get showered, and get dressed.
I trekked through the debris of the night before, scratching my head. When had Daesung even left last night?
Unfortunately, due to the move, I had no coffee immediately available. I tucked my damp hair back under a baseball cap and covered my face with the black mask I had never gotten around to returning to Jiyong. After making sure I had the new keyfob for the dorms as well as my phone, I headed out and looked up the nearest coffee shop.
I slumped over a table and sucked down iced americano through a straw. It was disgustingly bitter and awful, but somehow felt like exactly the right thing to be drinking.
From: Hugeboy Haha! Gotta get the trainees to wake up somehow I guess.
To: Hugeboy I figured that guilt trips and desperation would do that?
From: Hugeboy Point taken.
From: Hugeboy Are you mad at Zico?
From: Hugeboy Not that I care or anything |x・`)
To: Hugeboy Mad? More like… tired. That whole Woo introduction thing seemed more like some kind of weird flex than a genuine attempt at helping.
From: Hugeboy RIGHT!? He could have just asked his questions and moved on. There was no point in introducing you two and interrupting your time with… your friend?
To: Hugeboy Jihyun?
From: Hugeboy Yes!
From: Hugeboy I mean I would have liked to dance with you, but you two seemed to be catching up and I didn’t want to be a pain ⁄(⁄ ⁄•⁄-⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄
I laughed out loud at his choice of emoticons. I typed up half a reply when my phone started ringing.
“Chul?”
“We’re meeting in the entry in half an hour. Dress comfortably.”
“Hmm…” I was already dressed pretty comfortably, so no issues there. “We wouldn’t happen to be going to an amusement park today, would we?”
“I can neither confirm nor deny that,” Chul laughed, and I could practically see him shaking his head.
“Hey, if you pushed me into bowling yesterday for nothing…”
“Alright, alright… just make sure you bring sunscreen this time.”
“Okay,” I nodded, “I’ll be back in no time.”
“Back?”
“Mhm, I went for some coffee. I’m like a three minute walk away.”
“Okay, see you soon.”
“I thought you didn’t like coffee.”
I shot a finger gun at Jiyong without taking the straw on what turned out to be my third iced coffee of the morning out of my mouth. Finishing my sip I answered, “Sometimes you just gotta do stuff you don’t like. You know. For your health or something.”
“Long night?”
I resisted the urge to delve into his tone of voice.
“Not really, just woke up super early.”
“Ayyyy,” I looked over to see Daesung walking up with a coffee in hand. He shook it, showing off the swirl of milk and coffee in the cup, “I should have called you.”
“Next time.”
“Yeah,” he hefted himself to sit on the retaining wall of the garden outside the dorm entry, “Just us so far?”
“We’ve got a little bit still,” Jiyong replied after checking his watch. “Ah, should I go grab a coffee too?”
“This one’s just around the corner,” I waved my cup towards the shop I had gone to. “You could be there and back in less than ten minutes.”
Jiyong checked his watch again. After some quick mental calculations he nodded and headed off. “I’ll be back.”
By the time he returned, Daesung and I had been joined by Seungri and Seunghyun. I was standing between Daesung’s legs, facing the street as he tried to work out how to braid the top section of my hair.
“Okay, I think I got it. Hair tie?”
I handed him the little rubber circle I had kept looped over my thumb, “How dumb do I look?”
“First of all, you always look fine.”
I spotted Seunghyun roll his eyes at that.
“Secondly,” Daesung continued, “I think this works. It shows off the colors better to have the white out of the way.”
“I thought the white was part of the effect,” Jiyong settled to lean against the wall next to Daesung and I.
I shrugged, pulling up my messages on my phone. I had just realized that I had never actually sent my response to Mino earlier.
To: Hugeboy It wouldn’t have been a pain. But it was nice to be normal for a little while.
I spotted a notification on Facebook messenger. I had missed a call.
The boys were talking about something or other, but I didn’t pay attention as I quickly looked up the time difference.
“Give me a second,” I excused myself from the immediate area around the boys.
I gave myself a good ten feet before calling back.
“Hey, you called me?”
“Yeah, but I hung up because I realized it was like 4am there.”
“Fair. What’s up?”
“Just checking up on you. I was surprised by your call the other day.”
“Eh, things have been kind of weird.”
“You said that, but you didn’t explain anything.”
“You’re doing interesting stuff. I just wanted to hear about how things were back home.”
“You’ve been to Philadelphia once.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Luna! The van!”
I looked over to the boys, noting that we were still missing one.
“I’ll be there in just a second.”
“Hurry up,” Daesung whined.
“We’re still waiting for Taeyang anyway,” I pointed out. “Just give me a minute.”
“Are you busy?”
“We’re about to go do something, but we’re waiting for one more so it’s fine.”
“Who’s we? That sounded like a guy. I thought you broke up with that mama’s boy.”
“Oof, don’t remind me. It’s for… my job I guess? It’s hard to explain.”
“Mysterious. What are you doing over there now anyway?”
“I guess I’m…” I looked at the guys milling about the van, “...working in entertainment.”
“Huh… well that’s new.”
“Yeah. Hey, you said you’re still doing brochures right?”
I spotted Taeyang come out of the building. Time was up. I headed back towards the van.
“I’m trying to focus on web design right now, but the print jobs pay the bills.”
“Then why are you still in Philly? You could do that anywhere.”
“I was visiting Josh and just kind of stayed.”
“Alright,” I paused outside of the van, “well I gotta go. You should come visit sometime though.”
“What if I end up staying?”
“Somehow I don’t think that would happen. See you.”
“We took bets on what we’re doing today,” Seunghyun said as I settled into my seat. I turned sideways to look back at him, Seungri, and Jiyong crammed into the back seat.
“What did everyone say so far?”
“Bungee jumping,” Seungri raised his hand.
“Botanical gardens,” Jiyong replied.
“Something in the woods,” Daesung said, “It seems to be the trend, right?”
“Which is why I said interviews or another show,” Taeyang piped up.
I nodded, not wanting to tip my hand. “What about you Seunghyun?”
“Namsan Tower,” Seunghyun stretched his shoulders a bit and sat back with a satisfied look on his face, “What do you think?”
I took a second to pretend to think it over.
“I think it will be an amusement park,” I shrugged, “What are we betting?”
“We were going to bet ₩100,000 each,” Seunghyun cocked an eyebrow as he said it, “You want me to cover yours?”
“I think I’ll be fine.”
A chuckle came from the front of the car. I made a mental note to split my winnings with Chul.
“So,” I turned in my seat to smile at Seunghyun, “Do you want to pay me now, or later?”
Seunghyun clicked his teeth, a satisfying sign of annoyance.
“I’ll text it to you.”
“Here,” Taeyang pressed a couple of bills into my hand before turning and exiting the other side of the van.
Daesung shot me a look, but I just shrugged. Taeyang and I being on less than friendly terms was normal by now.
However, Daesung made a point to pull me aside as the other three scrambled out from the back seat.
“You know it’s his week starting tomorrow.”
“I know,” I watched Seunghyun possibly accidentally trip Seungri, “But what am I supposed to do about that?”
“You should plan it. Not having plans worked for us, but with him I think it will be better to have it set up in advance.”
I nodded, trying to not watch Jiyong as he stretched. His shirt rode up just slightly, and for a second I thought I could smell his soap.
I turned to smile at Daesung. I looped my arm through his, “What should we do first?”
“Phones!” Chul called out. He was holding a little plastic basket.
I sighed, but actually welcomed the disconnection from the little message slab for a while. After shutting off my phone and dropping it into the basket with a nod to Chul, I allowed myself a moment to space out and consider the general state of my life regarding the show at the moment.
Clearly, Seungri was out of the question. Daesung was fun and comfortable, but I wasn’t necessarily romantically interested in him. If anything, he was the perfect kind of friend with benefits type.
I chuckled at the thought.
“What’s so funny?”
I looked up to meet Seunghyun’s eyes.
Now there was an idea. I could just imagine the surprise if I chose him at the end. It’d definitely be a joke decision. The ratings and responses though...
He lifted his eyebrows, getting impatient with my lack of an answer.
“Don’t worry about it,” I shifted my bag to be higher on my shoulder, “Nothing to do with you.”
We got our day passes and headed in. Daesung was back on my arm, making suggestions for rides. The rest of the boys followed along, protesting or agreeing to rides.
Through some back and forth we decided to start on the Magic Island and then work our way from 1F to 4F.
Several rounds of spinning, dropping, swinging, and speeding later I excused myself from another go around on the giant loop. I waved off the boys to the best of my ability, saying I would just go find a bathroom and meet them at the exit of the ride.
I instead flagged down Chul.
“Do you think they sell painkillers around here?”
“Are you hurt?” Chul lowered his camera a bit so he could take a clear look at me.
“I’m not injured. I just,” I gestured vaguely at the rides, “It’s a headache.”
Chul quickly led me to a bench and left me with his camera while he went off in search of something to help.
I leaned forward, propping my elbows on my knees and my face on one of my hands. Conscientiously, I kept my free hand resting on the camera I had been left in charge of. I felt sure that I could feel my pulse in my eyelids.
I realized that for the first time in a while, I was well and truly alone. I didn’t even have my phone on me. I was just by myself, on a bench, with a now pounding headache, with no way of contacting anyone. I was, at this precise moment, completely dependent on Chul coming back or being found by one of the boys.
I could feel myself beginning to panic. The idea of subdural hematomas popped into my mind. What if the jerking of the rides had popped a blood vessel? Was my brain bleeding right now?
I leaned back, keeping my eyes shut and started counting my breaths. I hadn’t had a panic attack in years, I was definitely not going to have one now.
My body had a different opinion. I felt the waves of heat and cooling that I knew was my body revving up into an attack. With it came the first wave of nausea.
I quickly opened my eyes and frantically looked around for anyone familiar. I would have settled for any of the film staff, even the ones I didn’t know the names of. Of course we had only had three with us today, and the other two were probably over by the ride still.
I blinked furiously, trying to focus. I didn’t see anyone that I knew, but I did spot the sign for a bathroom.
Good enough.
I stood, took a step, but turned back. I couldn’t just leave the camera here. I also couldn’t go into the bathroom with it.
Given my options, I did what seemed like the most sensible thing.
Grabbing the camera, I got the attention of what was probably some poor teen dressed as a white bear.
“I’m very sorry, but would you hold this for a moment?”
The bear just looked at me.
“I can’t bring it in there,” I gestured to the bathrooms. I was desperate, but somehow having this to focus seemed to be helping a little bit.
The bear lifted a paw and moved it’s head a bit, probably adjusting so that they could see better.
“Please.”
I was either urgent or pitiful enough that the bear nodded and held their hands out.
“Thank you!” I called out as I darted.
After what might have been the most embarrassing three minutes I’d spent in a public bathroom in the last six months, I was still not feeling great. At least I was free of coffee and the little snacks that Jiyong had insisted we get back at Barcelona Square. I was also incredibly thankful to myself for keeping mints in my bag. I wasn’t sure how long they had been in there, but at least they were there.
I allowed myself an extra second to try to make my body stop thinking that I was either dying or dead.
“Luna?” Chul’s voice echoed slightly through the entry.
“Just a minute,” I called back.
“Are you okay?”
I didn’t answer, as I was currently rinsing my mouth out again with tap water.
When I exited the bathroom I was greeted by a very concerned looking Chul, and a white bear holding the camera.
I waved the bear closer and bowed, “Thank you.”
The bear nodded, then gestured to Chul.
“What? Oh,” I nodded, “Yeah, we’re together. It’s fine.”
The bear handed the camera to Chul with a bow before giving me a sort of muffled “you okay?” gesture.
“Yes, thank you. I’m sorry.”
The bear did a gesture that seemed to indicate that it was okay.
“Why did you run off?” Chul sat next to me on the bench now, “The bear wouldn’t give me my camera back.”
“Sorry,” I took a second to swallow the pills and water he had brought for me. “I just felt very sick all the sudden.”
Chul leaned forward. He placed one hand on my forehead, and the other against my neck. After a second he sat back and frowned.
“How do you feel? I think you may be sick.”
“I’ll be fine. It was just a headache from the rides,” I waved off his concerns and sipped the water again.
Chul chewed his lip and watched me closely.
“You don’t seem okay. We could go if you want.”
“No,” I protested, “It’s just… I started panicking.”
“Oh!” Chul’s entire demeanour changed in an instant. “That,” he started digging in his gear bag, “I can handle that. Here.”
He held out a small capsule. It was half white and half a blue-ish color.
“Is that…”
“It’s for panic attacks. Take it.” He dropped the capsule into my hand.
It looked fairly similar to the pills I had taken back home. I looked up at Chul, considering the circumstances. I took a deep breath, but paused before asking the obvious question.
“Why do you have this?”
He gave me a look as if it was obvious why he would have anti-anxiety medication in his bag.
After a brief confused staring match he shook his head, “Plenty of people get anxious on camera.”
“Yeah, that’s not really an answer.”
“You would be surprised how many famous people have anxiety disorders. Most production staff have these on hand.”
I shook my head slightly, doing a double take between Chul and the capsule sitting in my palm.
“Okay…” I quickly swallowed it with the rest of the water in the bottle, “The guys can’t know about this.”
“Absolutely. Now, just come here a bit.”
I obediently sat forward, letting Chul check my pulse every now and then.
After a couple of minutes he took my face in his hands and gave me a serious look over.
“Okay,” he nodded, “Alright. I think you’re okay. Do you feel okay?”
I nodded, feeling silly with his hands slightly scrunching my face.
“Good,” he finally let go and sat back, “Now what should we tell the boys?”
“Uh… we’ll just tell them that the rides made me sick and I needed to sit and relax for a while.”
Chul nodded, “Sounds good. Let’s go.”
“There you are!” Daesung broke into a slight jog to meet me when one of the camera operators pointed out Chul and my approach.
“I was just a little sick from some of the rides,” I explained lamely.
Seunghyun brushed Daesung aside and took my chin in his hand. He inspected my face.
“Can you not?” I pushed his hand away.
“You look pale,” he stated simply.
“I’m always pale,” I pointed out.
That drew a smirk from Taeyang and Jiyong. Seunghyun just looked unamused and moved off to stand aside.
“Okay, well, Seungri wanted to go on the French Revolution coaster, but we could go on the monorail or something a bit slower if you want,” Daesung suggested.
“You guys can go on whatever you want,” I protested, “I can just wait with the staff.”
“Why aren’t you going on with them?”
“I’m too old for these kinds of rides,” Seunghyun said impassively. He stood with his hands clasped behind his back, calmly watching the boys wait in line for another roller coaster.
We stood side by side in silence for a moment.
“Let’s go on the balloon ride.”
“Sounds good,” Seunghyun offered me his hand, eyes still forward.
I instead tucked my arm through his, “Lead the way.”
“Rides like this are actually my favorite,” I said, just barely leaning over to watch the park below us.
“Why’s that?”
“I like being tall or high up, and I like watching people without being watched.”
I heard a chuckle behind me and turned to see Chul shaking his head.
“Well,” I gave the camera a small bow, “to an extent anyway.”
“Ah,” Seunghyun sighed, shaking his head, “You were doing so well with not acknowledging the cameras too.”
“I don’t want to be rude. It’s not like Chul is a ghost.”
“You just have to be friends with everyone, don’t you?”
“It’s better than being rude,” I shrugged and turned back to watch the park below us.
“What if someone doesn’t want to be friends with you?”
“You can just say Taeyang,” I laughed, not looking up.
I heard Seunghyun laugh once before going silent.
For once, I wasn’t the one that had to fill the silence.
I heard some soft talking behind me, but since he clearly wasn’t addressing me I ignored it until I felt a hand on my shoulder.
I turned to look up at Seunghyun. He nodded slightly towards Chul. I saw that the camera operator had put down his now off camera and put some headphones into his ears.
“Wha-”
Seunghyun shook his head, and quickly lifted the side of my shirt to turn off my mic, “Okay.”
“What’s up?”
“Are you okay?”
I tilted my head, not sure what he was actually asking.
“Earlier. You were gone for a while.”
“Ah, well, you see the thing is…” I fumbled over my words, trying to work out the pros and cons of telling Seunghyun what had really happened.
“You just seemed a little shaken up when you got back.”
I rubbed my neck, trying to work out how to explain what had happened.
“Well… it started from the rides. I just had a really bad headache at first.”
Seunghyun just waited quietly.
“And you know how something might get stuck in your mind, and you know it’s stupid,” I found myself gesturing more and more as I spoke, “But you can’t not think about it, and you get convinced that something is really seriously wrong, even though if you take two seconds to really think about it you know that everything is fine.”
“But you’re not truly convinced.”
I nodded, turning back to face the edge of the basket.
“Yeah. I just…” I clicked my teeth.
“You panicked.”
“Yeah.”
I felt his arm loop over my shoulders, giving me a slight squeeze before settling to rub between my shoulders lightly.
“I know exactly what you mean.”
I let out a half-laugh, “You? Mr. Composure?”
“Yes.”
“I wouldn’t expect that,” I tilted my head, “But I guess it kind of makes sense in a way.”
“What makes you say that?”
“You’re a little robotic sometimes,” I shrugged, “I could see that being a coping mechanism.”
Seunghyun dropped his hand from it’s comforting position and turned to lean back against the railing on the basket. He crossed his arms and gave me another one of his serious inspections.
“What?”
He blinked slowly a few times before smiling.
“You’ve got an interesting brain. Come on,” he stepped forward and tapped Chul on the shoulder, “We should get back to the show.”
We had essentially made two full loops of the park, and the sun was beginning to tinge the sky slightly orange when we finally packed it in for the day.
“No competition or anything today,” I commented as we piled into the van, “I expected, I don’t know, something.”
“Shhhh,” Jiyong hushed me, patting my knee as he leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes, “Don’t remind them.”
“Should we get dinner?” Daesung asked nobody in particular.
“Should we go out? Or order in?” Taeyang seemed on board.
“The dorms aren’t really big enough,” Jiyong pointed out.
“Actually,” Chul called from the front of the van, “We’re not going back to the dorms.”
Six previously lazy heads jerked up in attention.
“We moved your stuff while we were out. We found another place for you to stay.”
I glanced at Jiyong, surprised more that he was surprised than by the move itself.
“Where?”
We all sort of just… took it in. I crossed my arms and just tried to wrap my head around the situation in front of me. I gestured with one hand, thinking that I was ready to say something, but the words evaporated in my throat before I could get them out. Defeated, I rested my hand on my face.
Daesung and Seungri kept flexing and relaxing their hands, apparently both struck with the same inability to articulate themselves that I was suffering. Taeyang was just resting his face in both of his hands, shaking his head slightly. Seunghyun had one hand on his forehead, his eyes wide but not quite looking at anything in particular. Jiyong stood with one hand on his hip and the other resting against his lips.
If this shot didn’t make it into the show, I would personally try to get every single editor fired.
“Should we go inside?” Chul asked cheerfully.
I reached a hand out and took a hold of Chul’s wrist, “I honestly don’t know.”
That seemed to shake the life back into the boys, who started sputtering vague responses and heading towards the house in front of us.
The house itself was giant. Chul explained that the actor who owned it was trying to sell it, but had agreed to rent it to the studio at a pretty reasonable price.
“I feel like I’ve seen a drama filmed here or something,” I muttered, staring at the living room.
“Right?” Taeyang, being the next to get his shoes off, took a place next to me.
“This is ridiculous,” I turned to face him, “Right?”
“Yes,” he agreed emphatically, “Definitely.”
“Same page club,” I held up a hand for a fist bump, turning back to just take in the massive space.
I was caught nearly completely off guard when Taeyang actually completed the gesture.
“House meeting!” Jiyong called out, making me jump slightly.
“We’re right here,” I pointed out.
Jiyong gestured towards the sliding door. I looked and saw that Seungri was outside, inspecting the patio.
“Okay, but…”
This time he nodded towards the stairs, where Daesung was now walking down.
“Fine.”
“So I think it’s only fair we give Luna the first choice of rooms,” Jiyong started the meeting.
“I haven’t even seen anything other than the living room and kitchen yet.”
“Then go take a look,” Daesung gestured towards the rest of the house, “We can wait for five minutes.”
I stared at the boys for a moment before just shaking my head and going off to get a better idea of what we were dealing with.
It only took me about two minutes to come back.
“Okay, not to be greedy but I want the main bedroom in the back of the house.”
“That’s the master bedroom?” Seunghyun asked.
“Yes,” I nodded, “It has a connected bathroom and uh,” I shot finger guns around the group, “I’m not super into the idea of sharing bathrooms with all of you.” I ended with a shrug.
That got a few nods out of the boys.
“That makes sense,” Taeyang agreed, “We’ve all lived with each other before, so it’s not really a big deal, right?”
Everyone seemed fine with that arrangement, so we moved on.
“Okay,” Jiyong took over again, “There’s one more bedroom on this floor. I think we should discuss this so we can work out something that everyone is comfortable with. Does anyone volunteer to stay on the second floor?”
Taeyang and Seungri raised their hands instantly, followed a little slower by Daesung.
“Great,” Jiyong turned to face me, “Luna, do you have a preference between Seunghyun and I taking the second downstairs bedroom?”
I froze for a second, eyes darting between the two of them.
“Uh… I…” I rubbed my fingertips together, carefully choosing my next words.
“I would actually prefer Taeyang I think.”
Taeyang furrowed his brows, looking at me like he wasn’t sure he had heard me correctly.
“Well we’re not very close,” I quickly explained, gesturing a little wildly between the two of us, “And he and I, obviously… I mean…”
Seunghyun looked like he was barely holding back laughter. He was delighted, leaning back on the sofa and staring at me intently.
Jiyong’s lips were pursed, eyebrows knit together as he waited for me to piece together what I was trying to say.
Seungri just shrugged, tossing his hands in the air. He stood and headed towards the stairs.
“I’m gonna go check out the upstairs rooms.”
Daesung just sat, one hand on his cheek, looking like he was watching an intense drama.
I looked at the four remaining men, mouth still open from not finishing my sentence. I finally sighed, shook my head, and clicked my tongue against my teeth.
“I mean we’re obviously not going to fall for each other. Like, we all know that. I don’t see why I shouldn’t just say it.”
“Actually, yeah,” Taeyang nodded, pointing to me with a thumb as he addressed the other three, “She’s right. I’m the safest option.”
I clapped my hands and held my arms to point to Taeyang and nodded.
“Precisely. Great,” I realized I was gesturing with my arms more than usual, but couldn’t stop myself. It was like I was trying to sweep away the awkwardness with my hands, “Good meeting. Let’s all get settled in and we can order dinner in…” I checked my watch, slowly backing out of the room, “Does forty minutes sound good? Good. Great.”
With a final snap and finger guns, I darted down the hallway to the master bedroom.
A couple minutes later there was a knock at my door. I cringed before opening it slightly.
Luckily, I was confronted only with blue boxes and Chul.
“Oh, sorry,” I backed up, letting him through, “Let me help. Where are the rest of them?”
“They didn’t label them, so it might be easier to let us move them.”
“I guess I’ll just start unpacking.”
I did exactly that while Chul kept coming in and out with boxes. There weren’t that many of them, so it wasn’t a difficult task.
Chul had set up his camera on the dresser, recording me just moving around and putting things away.
“You all set?” Chul stood in the doorway.
“Almost, I just have the one box left,” I gestured to the last box, “I didn’t much think I should put my underwear away on camera.”
Chul laughed and quickly gathered up his camera, turning it off.
“Have you seen that closet by the way?” I gestured towards the space next to the bathroom, “I’ve got about two thirds of my entire wardrobe in there and it’s not even a quarter full.”
Chul poked his head into the closet.
“Who needs this much space?” He shook his head in disbelief.
“I mean,” I was quickly tucking my underwear away while he was distracted by the closet, “I’ll take it. I’d rather have too much space than not enough I guess. The bathroom is ridiculous too.”
I heard Chul swear as he looked into the bathroom.
“Right?”
While there was technically a dining room, the boys and I ended up sprawling across the living room to eat.
“Should we set up some house rules?” Jiyong asked.
I shot him a disgusted look, “Excuse me? Are we children?”
“I just meant things like no noise aft-”
“I think everyone here owns at least one pair of headphones,” Seunghyun interrupted him.
“Okay, but what if two or more are hanging out together?”
“I think, personally, if I’m going to hang out with someone who isn’t one of you all I’m not going to be doing it here,” I pointed out. “If I want to meet up with Soo-Ah or something I’ll just go to them.”
“Okay,” Jiyong seemed annoyed that all of his suggestions were being shot down, “Dishes?”
“Do your own,” Daesung said, “Obviously.”
“Visitors?”
“I like Luna’s idea,” Taeyang shrugged, “Go to them. There’s already too many people in this house.”
Jiyong sighed and leaned against the armrest of the sofa, looking over the five of us like a weary mother.
“Okay, I… yeah you guys are adults.”
“Right,” I nodded, “And if something comes up I’m pretty sure we can work it out like adults.”
I sprawled out as much as humanly possible on the giant bed. This, and the private exit to the yard, were the real draws of this room. I basically had a private entry, since I could lock my bedroom door from the inside, and the sliding glass door from either side.
Letting my head hang slightly off the edge of the bed I did the one thing I had been avoiding since leaving the amusement park.
As soon as the start-up process was done, I was inundated by alerts on my phone.
From: Sooooo AH! He sent flowers to my shop!!!
From: Sooooo AH! Look at this!!!
From: Sooooo AH! [image]
The picture showed a fairly modest flower arrangement. Somehow, probably due to Soo-Ah’s use of exclamation points, I had expected something much more. But the arrangement was nice. It showcased a nice combination of orange and blue blossoms.
From: Sooooo AH! He sent a note too.
From: Sooooo AH! I don’t want to show it to you though. It’s so greasy.
I smiled. I knew that Soo-Ah was probably loving this. She acted cynical, but she was actually very soft-hearted.
I switched conversations.
From: Hugeboy Maybe I should have then.
From: Hugeboy But it was also nice to just watch you.
From: Hugeboy NOT IN A CREEPY WAYヽ(゚Д゚)ノ
From: Hugeboy I just mean you looked like you were having fun for once and it was nice to see you smiling and dancing with your friend
From: Hugeboy And I didn’t want to ruin the moment because I haven’t seen you look that relaxed before so I just… watched you instead…
From: Hugeboy Fuck that sounds really creepy, doesn’t it?
From: Hugeboy I was just trying to be nice ( ˃̣̣̥Д˂̣̣̥ )
From: Hugeboy I really hope you’re just busy right now and haven’t decided that I’m some kind of weirdo
I couldn’t help but giggle at Mino’s overreaction to his own words.
To: Hugeboy You worry too much. I just had filming literally all day.
To: Hugeboy I don’t think you’re a creep.
To: Hugeboy That was actually really sweet.
To: Hugeboy By the way, I’m not at the dorms anymore. We got moved today.
Waiting for some sort of response I flipped back to my inbox. And there it was, of course.
From: Zico It’s not really my place to say anything about Jiyong
From: Zico What the fuck can you please text Mino? I just got a text from P.O asking who you are why Mino is complaining
From: Zico I’m used to having him whine but if he’s texting P.O he is seriously worried
From: Zico What did you do to him?
I stared at the messages, somewhat tickled by the complete turn-about in attitude between the first and second.
To: Zico I didn’t do anything to him. I just had to give up my phone again today.
To: Zico Also, Daesung kind of explained, but not really.
To: Zico He explained enough to make me lose interest, if I’m honest.
My phone chimed, and I switched back to a more important conversation.
From: Hugeboy I wasn’t that worried
From: Hugeboy Where are you staying now?
To: Hugeboy We moved to a house… I think we’re technically in Itaewon.
From: Hugeboy Fancy!
I waited a second to let him process what I had said. He did not disappoint.
From: Hugeboy WAIT
From: Hugeboy You’re all in one house?!
From: Hugeboy Why would they do that? That’s ridiculous. You’re just living with five men? What?
To: Hugeboy Relax. It’s Taeyang and I on the first floor, and the rest upstairs.
To: Hugeboy Plus my room is really fucking nice.
To: Hugeboy Look at this
I stood up and took a quick video of the room, complete with narration of how I could lock everyone out, the closet being too big, and the private entry. I sent the video to Mino and simply waited.
Surprisingly, the next message wasn’t from Mino.
From: Zico Well could you text Mino and let him know that you haven’t decided to hate him before you have to give up your phone next time or something?
To: Zico Why? It’s kind of fun to watch him freak out in my texts.
From: Zico You are evil. I can appreciate that.
From: Zico But he is driving me, and probably everyone else, insane.
My phone had chimed, and Mino’s nickname had popped up at the top of my screen. I tapped on it, ignoring Zico’s complaining.
From: Hugeboy Okay I guess that’s not too bad.
From: Hugeboy Is Seungri staying there? That’s…
From: Hugeboy How do you feel about the arrangement?
To: Hugeboy Trying not to think about that part. But the door locks, so that’s all I really need, right?
From: Hugeboy I guess…
From: Hugeboy By the way…
From: Hugeboy I like your pajamas.
To: Hugeboy ??????
From: Hugeboy [image]
The picture was obviously a screenshot from the video I had sent him. I hadn’t thought anything of the tour video, but there I was in the mirror. Patterned shorts and matching button up, bottom three buttons undone.
To: Hugeboy Ah. Not too matchy-matchy? It makes me think of the kind of stuff Anderson Paak wears at his concerts.
From: Hugeboy No. It’s pretty.
From: Hugeboy You’re pretty.
I blinked. My stomach fluttered slightly. I looked up from where I had sat on my bed and was greeted by my reflection in the vanity mirror.
I considered my reflection for a moment. I raised my left hand to rest my face on my palm and snapped a quick picture.
To: Hugeboy [image]
To: Hugeboy You really think so?
There was a pause in the conversation, then…
From: Hugeboy You should probably go to bed, right?
From: Hugeboy You had a long day.
I chuckled and quickly took another picture in the mirror, this time pouting into the lense.
To: Hugeboy [image]
To: Hugeboy You didn’t answer my question
The typing bubble popped up, then down. It repeated the cycle. Finally…
From: Hugeboy You’re pretty and it’s annoying
From: Hugeboy Any other situation and I would set one of those as my home-screen
From: Hugeboy But you’re in this show and we can’t date or anything and honestly I’m just really...
From: Hugeboy Annoyed
Zico might have a point. Maybe I could try to be a little kinder to the poor boy.
To: Hugeboy I’m sorry.
To: Hugeboy I didn’t think of that. I should be mindful of your feelings.
From: Hugeboy No, you shouldn’t.
From: Hugeboy You should never think of my feelings if it will stop you from sending me pictures
From: Hugeboy You should send me whatever you feel like
To: Hugeboy Go to bed, you’re getting silly.
From: Hugeboy You’re probably right…
From: Hugeboy But where in Itaewon did you say you were?
To: Hugeboy Why?
From: Hugeboy Well you have that private door, right?
To: Hugeboy What are you suggesting?
From: Hugeboy We could hang out
From: Hugeboy Not right now, obviously. That would be extremely inappropriate
From: Hugeboy But some other time
To: Hugeboy Go to bed
To: Hugeboy Goodnight Mino
From: Hugeboy Goodnight _ノ乙(、ン、)_
I laid back on my new bed and thought over the conversation with Mino. Why had I sent those pictures? I was playing with fire right now.
On the other hand…
To: Lyong Boho So I have to ask… were you disappointed that I wanted Taeyang down here?
I rested my phone on my stomach, waiting for a reply. It wasn’t long coming.
From: Lyong Boho Honestly? I’m just glad you didn’t ask for anyone else.
From: Lyong Boho But I would have thought that Seunghyun would be a good option, same as Youngbae.
To: Lyong Boho Really? You know how he is.
To: Lyong Boho Or how he was.
To: Lyong Boho He’s gotten nicer, strangely enough.
From: Lyong Boho Really? I guess you made the best choice then.
From: Lyong Boho Though I would have liked if I could stay down there.
I saw my chance. And still being a little hyped up from texting Mino, I took it. I quickly sent him the first picture I had sent Mino.
To: Lyong Boho Why’s that?
From: Lyong Boho Are you trying to give me a heart attack?
From: Lyong Boho I miss visiting you.
Like the worst version of myself I sent off the pouting picture.
To: Lyong Boho Yeah… I guess that will be more difficult here.
From: Lyong Boho Are you trying to get us in trouble?
To: Lyong Boho No.
From: Lyong Boho Damn.
From: Lyong Boho I guess we should just go to sleep then.
From: Lyong Boho On separate floors.
From: Lyong Boho Like sensible adults who know how to control themselves.
To: Lyong Boho Yeah, you’re right.
To: Lyong Boho Goodnight Ji.
There was no response for a few moments. I figured he was disappointed that I hadn’t taken his bait.
From: Lyong Boho Goodnight jagi
Date Roulette: Daesung
Friday
Intro Week Start Seungri Week Start Previous Next
My second, even more selfish, attempt at reaching out last night had proved more fruitful. As such, I was woken up before dawn by Jiyong’s alarm going off.
“Ji?”
He sat on the edge of the bed, rolling his neck.
“I’m glad you messaged me last night.” He stretched, his back flexing just barely visible under his loose shirt, before turning and kneeling to look at me.
He was quiet for a moment before continuing.
“You’re not the only one having difficulties with this. I don’t want to put my troubles on you but,” he sighed heavily, “I am working to protect you.”
I didn’t know what to say. He had said similar things before, but each time felt wrong somehow.
“Ji-yah… I don’t know what’s going to happen.”
“Yeah,” he nodded, moving to stand up, “I guess we’re both in the dark here.”
I couldn’t get back to sleep after he left. I felt weak and ashamed. The previous night’s calls weighed on me, like most calls made after midnight tend to do, even before considering international charges.
Not that I really had time to be dwelling on things past. I had received a voicemail from Chul. They needed some confessional style roll, so I had to be ready for an impromptu series of interviews. Coffee made, clothes simple, face clean, I was as prepared as I could be when Chul arrived.
“Change of plan,” Chul greeted me. He quickly moved into the suite, followed by a team of six people carrying large stacks of blue plastic. They quickly set about unfolding the plastic to reveal that they actually carried boxes.
“What’s going on?”
In lieu of an answer, Chul simply took my arm and directed me towards the bedroom.
“Do you have a face mask? Sunglasses? You should cover up as much as possible.”
“Chul!” I shook him off my arm, watching as the people with him efficiently pack up my belongings. “What’s going on?”
“There’s a security issue. We’ll explain later. Right now we just have to move you. All of you.”
It was alarming, to be sure. But Chul was easily the most trustworthy person I had met so far, so I didn’t question it. I quickly grabbed a mask, a hat, and sunglasses, and threw a few essentials into a tote.
“Is everyone okay?”
“Everything is fine. We just need to go.”
Once ushered into the hallway, I was met with a team of three security officers. Two women and a man, all three looking overly serious.
“This way,” the man gestured towards the emergency stairs. This probably wasn’t quite in line with what the designers had imagined as being an emergency, but I didn’t stop to think about it too hard.
I tried to question Chul again on the way down the stairs, but a combination of worry and keeping his breath stalled conversation. Once we reached the bottom I was hurried to a slightly dingy looking older model Renault. I was positioned between the two female security officers in the back seat while Chul took the front passenger seat and the male officer took the driver’s seat.
An overlong drive later, we pulled into YG’s headquarters. I was quickly ushered through hallways, brushing by a few familiar and unknown faces as we moved along. Eventually, I found myself in a meeting room, alone save for Chul and one of the female officers.
“Chul-ah?”
“Just wait, Luna. We’ll wait for the others.”
Feeling chastened, I took a seat on one side of the table.
Chul ran a hand over his face.
“Sorry. Somebody got into one of the men’s rooms last night.”
I felt my face blanch.
“Are they okay?”
“Yes, from my understanding he wasn’t in his room when it happened.”
I fought to keep my expression under control. Jiyong had been with me. Had that been the only reason he was alright?
Chul cleared his throat, causing me to look up in time to see his eyes flicker towards the security officer.
“Of course, when Seunghyun returned he found the culprit in his bathroom.”
I felt relief wash over me momentarily, then new worries surface. In an effort to keep covered, I leaned forward, resting my head on the table and letting my hair cover my face.
The next person to show up was Taeyang. He seemed annoyed but unworried. We exchanged nods before he settled into a seat and took out his phone. A few minutes passed before Seungri and Daesung entered as well. We exchanged brief greetings before settling down into our respective styles of silence.
I was nearly asleep by the time Seunghyun and Jiyong arrived. I was slightly alarmed by how calm everyone seemed, not least of all at my own sleepy reaction. Is this just how it is now? Big problems and security issues and all of us just wanting a break? I shook my head, trying to catch up to the conversation. Particularly since Chul seemed to be addressing me.
“Sorry?”
“Your friend,” Chul reiterated, “you don’t think she’d have told anyone about where you were staying?”
I leaned my head back, thinking about Soo-Ah. But something else came to mind.
“Staff…”
“Staff?” Daesung cocked his head.
“Yeah, staff. I mean, I know, codes of professionalism and all that at the hotel, but that place has to employ… I mean between the front desk, kitchen, housekeeping, engineering…”
“It’s being looked into,” Chul interrupted. “We’re just supposed to be thinking of anyone else.”
“Right,” of course they’d be looking at that already. “Sorry, uh, Soo-Ah? I don’t imagine she’d bother with something like that. She’s not shortsighted enough.”
“Shortsighted?” Jiyong this time.
“Yeah,” I shrugged, “she’s too smart to mess up the one thing that lets her meet her idols. What would she gain from telling anyone? Besides, she only knew where my room was. Even if she was stupid enough to say anything she wouldn’t know anyone else’s room numbers.”
“So not Soo-Ah then,” Jiyong muttered.
“What about the delivery guy?”
I frowned at Daesung,
“What delivery guy?” Chul asked.
“Well, Luna and I ordered some food the other day. And we, uh, well we took a picture with the delivery guy.”
I jumped at the thunk of Taeyang’s head hitting the table. Jiyong had thrown his back and groaned.
“That’s not it,” Seunghyun murmured. “Your room is in a different hallway from mine. Besides, it was a woman.”
Chul sighed and shook his head.
“Okay, we’ll keep looking at it. But for now we’re moving you into the company dorms.”
There had been quite a bit of grumbling about the change in accommodations, but at least the company had moved quickly to retrieve our things from the hotel. There was, of course, a bit of a hold up while they carefully went through everything just to make sure that some endeavouring fan hadn’t managed to somehow place a tracker on anyone.
While we waited for everything to get the all-clear, Daesung showed me around the building we were temporarily staying in.
“I hadn’t used it yet, but I was looking forward to the pool at the hotel. At least there’s a sort of gym here.”
Daesung ruffled my hair, “I’ll take you swimming.”
I shook my head and laughed. “What do you want to do? We seem to only do what I want.”
“Hey,” Daesung put on a fake pout, “the spa was my idea, wasn’t it?”
“Sure, but it seemed like the kind of thing designed to please me.”
“I’ll tell you a secret.” Daesung leaned in close before whispering in my ear, “I really needed to get my hair done anyway.”
I laughed, pushing him playfully.
“Hey,” Daesung pretended to fall. “You’ll regret that!”
“Why?”
He just smiled and sprung up.
I shrieked, suddenly delighted, and ran off.
After quite a bit of running and hiding I eventually let him catch me in what looked like a miniature version of the dance space I had originally met iKon outside of.
The impact of being caught had sprawled us out on the floor again, this time with Daesung clasping his arms around my body. I laughed, careful not to throw my head back for fear of cracking into his chin.
“What’s so funny?”
“You are. Or, you’re fun anyway.”
He loosened his grip on me, letting me get to a sitting position on the floor. I stretched my legs out in front of me, facing the mirror. I tilted my head back and forth, watching my hair shift. I grimaced at my reflection then pouted.
“What’s up?”
“It’s stupid,” I pulled another face in the mirror.
Daesung shuffled over to sit next to me. “Tell me anyway.”
“Nobody said anything about my hair,” I laughed sheepishly.
“Ah,” Daesung draped his arm over my shoulders, “that was very rude of them.”
He shook me back and forth a little bit before standing up. “Come on, we still have a date today.”
Due to the break-in, there was a noticeable increase in security measures. While until now I hadn’t been able to notice security guards unless I was paying close attention, they were just… around now. It made me feel equal parts safe and self-conscious.
But I was easily distracted. I of course found the jellyfish tank as soon as I could. For a moment I was able to completely forget about everything in the last few weeks. Something in the way they moved all around the giant cylinder in front of me made my brain go completely blank.
Of course, nothing that peaceful can last very long. Daesung nudged me slightly. I blinked several times before registering that he held a stuffed jellyfish in his hands. He held it out to me and I took it, somewhat bashful that I hadn’t even noticed him leaving to get it.
“You must really like them.”
I nodded slowly before replying. “They are fascinating. Extremely simple and complex at the same time. And of course they’re incredibly beautiful once they hit their medusa stage.”
“What did you even go to school for?”
“Accounting,” I laughed, “but I’ve always been a heavy reader. You should ask me about the different ways to mummify a body sometime.”
Daesung grimaced slightly at that. “I think I’m all set with that.”
We trailed around, making small talk between rounds of Daesung letting me point out different aquatic life facts that I had picked up between late night internet holes, documentaries, and the seemingly endless books I had been bought when I was younger.
“We should go to a trivia night sometime.”
“Oh no,” I protested, “I don’t know anything near practical enough to be useful in that sort of thing.”
“Come on,” Daesung pressed on, “they never ask about anything useful. I’m sure you would do great.”
“I would rather go to another norraebang. At least I can choose things to suit my strengths there.”
I made the mistake of checking my phone when we stopped for some lunch. I had put it on silent mode for the planned interviews in the morning and had never turned my ringer back on.
From: Hugeboy What are you up to today?
From: Hugeboy I heard there was some trouble at the hotel. Is everything okay?
From: Zico You okay?
From: Sooooo AH! I’m going on a date next week with Bobby.
Obviously, one of these was much more important than the others.
To: Sooooo AH! I fucking told you.
To: Sooooo AH! What are you going to do?
From: Sooooo AH! I don’t know. It’s not very planned.
From: Sooooo AH! He’s so young!
From: Sooooo AH! I should cancel.
To: Sooooo AH! No. You should go on at least one date and see how it goes.
From: Sooooo AH! Right. It’s one date. It’s not like I have to marry him next week.
To: Sooooo AH! Exactly.
“Who are you texting so much?”
I smiled at Daesung, “Soo-Ah. She has a date coming up and is kind of nervous.”
“You two are really close, huh?”
“She has made leaving my life behind in America much easier than it would have been without her.”
All of my luggage had passed muster, as I expected it would. I noticed that someone had taken the liberty of cleaning my brushes for me in the inspection process. I supposed that was one of the perks of hanging out with superstars.
The dorm was small, but I actually liked it. Small kitchen that was open to a small living room type area, a closed off bedroom with a bed that was a bit smaller than I’d prefer, but perfectly manageable. The bathroom was pretty small, and I was stuck without a tub. But it was all very clean and everything matched. It was cozy in its smallness.
The sofa was also small, but I was still able to flop onto it fairly comfortably.
To: Hugeboy Yeah. Everything’s fine. Just a fan that got into TOP’s room somehow.
To: Hugeboy I hate to badmouth staff, but I think it may have been someone who worked at the hotel or a friend of one.
To: Zico I was not the target. So I’m fine.
To: Zico But we did have to move. For a little while I’m living the dorm life.
From: Hugeboy You’re staying in the dorms?
I couldn’t even summon the will to be surprised.
To: Hugeboy Are you two ever not together?
From: Hugeboy Sometimes. But you know we’re working on something.
From: Zico We’re playing Forza. You should come out.
To: Zico Are you reading my texts aloud or something???
From: Zico Not really. He mentioned that there was a fan in a room and I mentioned the dorms.
From: Zico For example, he doesn’t know I just invited you over.
I mulled over the invitation. It wasn’t late, it had just been a long day and Daesung had been called away for some… thing.
To: Zico What’s the address?
From: Zico Actually. Get dressed. I’m bored here.
To: Zico Dress code?
From: Zico Music video. Flashy. What part of the city are you in?
I felt silly standing outside a convenience store all dressed up. But if I had been drawing any judging looks, they were probably changed to surprise when Zico pulled up. It wasn’t the white car I had ridden in before. This was black, a little less flashy except for how meticulously clean and shiny it was.
“Again,” I said as the doors opened, “almost no subtlety.”
Zico laughed behind his mask and hat.
Mino shrugged, “You’re one to talk. Nice hair.”
“It’s not nearly as loud as the car,” I protested. “At least it’s better than that white tiger you usually ride around.”
Zico tilted his head at that, silent now.
Mino just ushered me towards the car, taking my elbow at the curb. “Come on. We’re going to show you something.”
The facade of the building looked like a museum. It was all Roman columns and gray stone. It actually seemed almost boring until I was distracted by the flashy vehicles parked in front. Maserati, Benz, Lamborghini, Benz, Porsche, Porsche, a row of obviously well kept motorcycles, and a Jaguar were easily picked out.
“Guys…”
“It’s fine,” Zico held a hand out towards me, gesturing up the steps with his other one. “Let’s go.”
Inside was both smaller and quieter than I had expected. It didn’t seem to make sense until I noticed that the walls around the main area were actually fogged glass separating areas for private parties from the dance floor and bar.
I looked up at the stage.
“Is that Hash Swan?”
Mino nodded. Both he and Zico were now scanning the crowd. I took a closer look at the people surrounding me. It seemed that the place was not quite at capacity.
A woman with thick eyeliner and dark lips seemed to have spotted us and pushed her way towards us. I quickly tried to hide behind my hair. It was probably not the best idea to be seen with these two by someone paying such close attention.
Mino must have noticed, because he laughed and pushed my hair behind my ears.
“It’s fine here. I mean look around.”
“Hwasa! Have you seen Youngwoo around?”
I did a double take.
Indeed, the woman that had walked up to us and was now being hugged by Zico and Mino was Hwasa. I gave her a small bow before taking Mino’s advice and looking around while they talked.
There were plenty of vaguely familiar looking faces, but a few jumped out at me. Geegooin talking to someone who’s name I couldn’t recall from an earlier season of Show Me The Money. Giriboy laughing at something said by a woman with her back turned to me. Cheetah and Jessi were dancing, and about four feet away from them…
“I’ll be right back.” I wasn’t sure that either of the boys had heard me, but neither of them stopped me as I made my way out to the floor.
“Jihyun?”
The woman turned, a look of surprise quickly turning to something like happiness.
“Luna! Oh my god! What are you doing here?”
I gestured vaguely behind me, “some friends brought me. How are you? I haven’t seen you since you got a dancing contract.”
She grabbed my hand and pulled me off towards the bar.
“It’s been crazy,” she flagged down the bartender and ordered before turning back to me. “I mean I have time off but like… not enough.”
She offered me one of the shots that had been placed in front of us, and quickly downed hers before continuing.
“But it’s also pretty standard. Loads of practicing and revising and even some travelling. But,” she propped her chin in her hand, “what about you? I love the hair by the way.”
She reached up and tousled her fingers through my hair. Seeing a flash of colour under the icy white she grabbed my shoulders and spun me to get a better look.
“I got it done, wow,” time didn’t feel real when I realised what the next word was, “yesterday.”
“Really? It feels so soft.” She finally had completed her inspection so I could face her properly. “You’ve got to send me the information for the salon.”
“Uh, sure,” I nodded, pulling out my phone, “I’ll ask the guy I was with for it.”
To: D-Lite What was the name of the spa place yesterday?
To: D-Lite I ran into a friend who wants me to recommend it.
A thought hit me as I put my phone away.
“Wait, Jihyun… are you even old enough to be here?”
She laughed wildly, shaking her head and pawing at me as if she might fall over.
“You’re so sweet. I’m 23.”
I felt my face stretch out with disbelief. “I’m too old. I thought you were…” I ran my hand through my hair, trying to pick a believable number, “17?”
Jihyun pouted slightly, “It’s because I’m so short.” She leaned in and spoke earnestly now, “There are some dancers at the company that are too young to come out with us but they keep treating me like I’m the baby.”
We chatted a bit more, just catching up. Eventually Daesung texted me back with the name of the spa.
“Really? They’re pretty expensive there. I didn’t think you were the type to go to places like that.”
I opened and shut my mouth a few times before eventually deciding to address what I figured was the elephant in the room.
“You… don’t happen to know what’s been going on with me, huh?”
“Should I?” Jihyun tilted her head, which only served to make her look even younger.
“I, uh, well…” I couldn’t think of where to start explaining. “Wait, here…”
I pulled up an article about the show and handed her my phone.
Jihyun skimmed it, did a double take, and put her new drink firmly on the bar to hold my phone in both of her hands as she read closer.
“Holy shit,” she finally looked up at me, “no wonder you got in. Here,” she once again got the bartender’s attention, “you could probably use a drink more than me.”
I opened my mouth, ready to protest, but then thought better of it. She might have a point.
Thankfully, she didn’t press me for details. In fact all she said was…
“That must be quite a change for you. Explains the hair.”
I could only nod into my drink at that.
“Hey,” Mino inserted himself into my and Jihyun’s dance, “Zico wants to introduce you for some reason.”
Jihyun glanced between us and shot me a “well, well, well…” sort of look.
I rolled my eyes, “You have my number, right? Text me sometime.”
Jihyun nodded as I let Mino direct me elsewhere.
“Who was that?” Mino asked.
“Ok Jihyun. She used to go to the dance studio where I take Kung-Fu.”
Mino nodded. We had reached the door to one of the private rooms. Mino knocked on it softly.
The man who opened the door seemed to fill the entire doorway. Not only was he tall, but also bulky. His hands were covered with tattoos, but I tried not to stare.
He gave me a curious look as he stepped back to let us in. I offered him a slight bow as I passed him.
“Hey,” Zico was sitting on an upholstered bench. He leaned forward and filled a fourth glass from a bottle on a small table in front of him. “Did you have fun?”
Not the question I had expected. I held up the half finished drink that I had in my hand.
“Yes, actually. I ran into someone I know.”
Zico looked up, quizzically knitting his brows together. “Really? Who?”
“Just a dancer from the studio I go to.” I glanced at the man who had now sat down in one of the chairs in the room. “Um, Mino said you wanted me for something?”
“Right,” Zico gestured at one of the chairs. This one was facing the man. Mino settled into the seat next to Zico.
“Are you familiar with Monster Woo.”
“Of course,” I nodded. “I don’t live in a cave you know. I could probably name about half of Monster Fam off the top of my head.”
Youngwoo laughed slightly at that. Zico smiled and nodded.
“Of course,” Zico mimicked me. “I never know who you will or won’t know.”
“This is Luna,” Zico addressed Youngwoo now. “She’s-”
“I know who she is,” Youngwoo flashed a quick smile at me, “I don’t live in a cave you know.”
I rolled my eyes, which caused me to notice Mino. His demeanour wasn’t extremely closed off, but he was slightly shaking one of his heels. I narrowed my eyes slightly before turning my attention back to Zico.
“Not that I don’t appreciate the introduction.” I nodded to Youngwoo, “I am a fan, but I don’t get it?”
“Well I heard about Ilsung an-”
“How the hell did you hear about that?” I hadn’t even mentioned it to Jiyong. The only person I had told had been…
“Daesung told me,” Zico shrugged, “sort of. He had Taeyang email me.”
“Okay, but w-”
“As I was about to say,” Zico interrupted, “Woo-hyung has done some dancing at YG.”
“That’s a stretch,” Mino pointed out.
“I was in maybe...” Youngwoo shook his head, “four music videos.”
An idea struck me. I stood up and gestured to the door.
“Can I talk to you for a second Zico?”
“I just thought he might be a useful contact,” Zico shrugged up at me after Mino and Youngwoo had let us have the room.
“No,” I was still standing, making sure I had the metaphorical high-ground. “You said you wanted me to trust you, right?”
Zico just nodded.
“This is about Jiyong, isn’t it?”
He leaned back, reaching up to toss his hat onto the table. Resting an ankle on his knee he smiled ruefully.
“Yes and no.”
I motioned for him to continue.
“Indirectly, it’s about Jiyong. Directly, I thought you might benefit from meeting some…” he trailed off, clearly choosing his words carefully. “Trustworthy people.”
“You’re not really making a case for trust by pretending this was about my ex,” I pointed out.
At that, Zico leaned forward, quickly dropping his leg to rest both of his elbows on his knees. He threaded his fingers together before pointing at me with the combined weight.
“Do you really think your ex is a good enough dancer to choreograph for YG? Do you honestly think he got the job on his merit? I checked out his Instagram. He’s… fine, at the most.”
“I… well he…”
Fuck. He had a point.
I sat back down. Leaning against the armrest of the chair, I tapped at my lips with my nails.
“Well,” I leaned back, bracing my hands on either armrest, “why do you think he was hired then?”
“I have no idea,” Zico launched himself from the sofa and headed to the door. “But dancers talk to dancers.”
After exchanging contact info with Youngwoo, and Mino briefly explaining that I didn’t have to worry about pictures or anything while inside the club, I headed back to the main area to see if I could find Jihyun. I just wanted a minute of talking about anything that had nothing to do with Big Bang or Ilsung or anything like that.
Luckily I was able to do just that since I found her on the dancefloor again. She quickly disengaged from the man she was dancing with and grabbed my hands to pull me into the throng of people.
I had lost track of how many songs passed when a hand grabbed my wrist. I was pulled around and off the dancefloor by an irritatingly familiar figure.
“What are you doing here?” Seunghyun demanded as soon as we were free of the crowd.
“How did you even know I was here?”
“Chaerin saw you, and you’re fucking lucky she texted me instead of Jiyong.”
I grimaced, “Am I though?”
I spotted Seunghyun’s hands gripping into fists momentarily.
“Yes, you are. For one, I’m not going to make you leave if you explain how you got here.”
“And?” I prodded.
“And what? Tell me why you’re here.”
“You said ‘for one’, so I assume there’s a follow up?”
Seunghyun was supremely unamused, that much was obvious.
“Just start with one. How did you get here?”
I gave him a basic run-down of my night, with a few important exceptions from the story.
“So let me… let me just understand this.” Seunghyun took a deep breath. “Zico and Mino took out to the only club in this city that specifically markets itself as safe for celebrities, and just…” he gestured towards the dancefloor, “let you run free?”
“Basically,” I nodded, “I ran into someone I knew so I just hung out with her while they did whatever.” I cocked my head, “I think Zico had to meet someone anyway, so they just let me tag along.”
It wasn’t the worst lie I had ever told.
“Okay,” Seunghyun nodded, “so here’s number two: I will not tell anyone that you were here and I will make sure that Chaerin doesn’t either.”
“How are you going to do that?” I remembered how cold Chaerin had been to me at the baseball game.
“You know people for long enough, you can talk them into almost anything. Now, number three.”
I grit my teeth, letting my eyes vacantly stare at the light racks above us. This was sure to be some real bullshit.
“I’m leaving. If you need a ride later, text me.”
My head jerked slightly from the emotional whiplash of that last bit.
“So you’re not making me leave?”
“No,” Seunghyun shook his head, “they chose a good spot this time. Everyone here is under some sort of contract. Besides,” he scoffed, “I’m pretty sure everyone here knows that their destruction would be pretty quick if they fuck with us.”
Apparently he was done talking. He turned and walked quickly to the exit.
I found a seat and tried to wrap my head around what had just happened. A few moments passed when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.
From: Seunghyun Remember to text me if you need a ride.
From: Seunghyun You don’t want Jiyong to know about tonight.
Well that only raised more questions. He was right. I didn’t want Jiyong to know, but having him say it seemed strange. It made me uncomfortable.
Jihyun must have spotted that I was alone, because I was quickly brought back into the crowd.
“So it’s mutually assured destruction?”
Mino nodded against the headrest of the car, “Yeah. If any one thing gets out, it all gets out.”
“It seemed pretty tame though.”
“Our careers are based entirely on our image,” Zico pointed out, “Some of the rappers might be okay but imagine the backlash from fans if someone like Mino or,” he shrugged, “I don’t know… Wendy was photographed drinking or dancing with someone.”
Luckily, since I was being dropped off in front of a 24 hour convenience store, Mino didn’t try anything like he had at the parking garage in the hotel. He simply got out, pulled his seat forward, and lent me a hand to get out.
“I’d offer to help you sneak in but I never stayed in this dorm.”
I laughed him off, “It’s fine. All I have to do is take my heels off. I can be incredibly sneaky if I have to be.”
Date Roulette: Daesung
Thursday
Intro Week Start Seungri Week Start Previous Next
I woke up without any external stimuli to help me.
Rolling over, I immediately felt the dry sting of sunburn on my shoulders and arms.
Gingerly, I hauled myself to the shower. Even though I was pretty sure immersing myself in water didn’t actually do anything to help a sunburn, it always felt like the right thing to do. With the thought of cool water soon soothing over my skin, I filled the tub and texted Daesung.
To: D-Lite I’m burned. I look like a lobster.
I stared as the tub filled up. If only I had my lavender bath salts from home…
My phone chimed.
From: D-Lite I’m sure it’s not that bad.
From: D-Lite But if it is I’ll take responsibility.
Tub full, I slid into the water, then carefully dried my hands to keep texting.
To: D-Lite Why would you have to take responsibility?
From: D-Lite Because I did a bad job of putting sunscreen on you.
From: D-Lite So I’m going to take you out for a spa day.
To: D-Lite You were going to do that anyway!
From: D-Lite Yes! But now I have an excuse to do something nice.
From: D-Lite So get ready, I’m coming up in 10 minutes.
To: D-Lite Ten minutes?! I’m in the tub!
From: D-Lite I’ll be there in 3 minutes then ε=┏(*`>ω<)┛
To: D-Lite What?!
From: D-Lite Don’t worry. I’m joking.
From: D-Lite … mostly
I dropped my phone onto the bath mat and slid under the water.
Maybe I ought to hurry up.
Twenty minutes later my door buzzed, heralding Daesung’s arrival. My hair was still wet, but at least I was dressed.
A small pout and a tilted head greeted me at the door.
“Looks like I missed the show.”
“I honestly can’t tell when you’re joking around or not,” I stepped aside to let him in.
Daesung switched to a smile that did not fall short of dazzling.
“I’m just flirting,” he shrugged, “isn’t that what the show is all about?”
I peeked into the hallway, then fixed him with a judgmental look. He ignored it as he kicked off his shoes.
“There’s no cameras,” I pointed out.
He stood up, flicking his head to whip his bangs out of his face.
It was a distraction, and a super effective one at that. I didn’t consciously register him stepping closer until I was already caught against the now closed door.
“Looks like you caught me then.”
This position felt a little too familiar. Though, for once, I wasn’t feeling anxious about it.
“How so?”
I was already used to his smile. Bigger than expected, bright, and always with just a hint of mischief.
“I’m out of character.”
Oh, there was the anxiety.
He lifted his hand and I braced myself for a whole new complication.
“Your hair is pretty like this.”
With that, he simply brushed his fingertips over my just barely dripping hair and stepped away.
I watched him turn and move into the living room area, retrieving his phone from his pocket as he moved.
Something about his easy going transition from flirting to waiting made me want the complication.
Daesung arranged appointments with a spa he liked as I finished drying my hair and getting ready to be seen in public.
“Okay.”
I jumped, not having noticed Daesung approach the open bathroom door. He chuckled slightly, but continued.
“We’re set for 1pm, and it’s about twenty minutes from here.”
I nodded, toothbrush sticking out of my mouth. I furrowed my brow and tapped my wrist.
“It’s…” Daesung double checked his phone, “11:09 right now.”
I nodded, already performing mental mathematics about travel times and breakfast.
“Also,” Daesung held my own phone out to me, “you have a message.”
A bolt of panic surged through my chest. Then I remembered that I had changed my settings to not show message previews on the lock screen. At most, he had seen who had messaged me, but definitely not about what.
I rinsed the foam from my mouth and took my phone.
“Thanks.”
Daesung simply nodded and vacated the doorway.
From: Bobby Allowed? Yeah we’ve been with the company long enough now.
From: Bobby I mean the fans might not like it, but that’s why we don’t tell them everything.
I frowned at the screen. I supposed he had point. Of course, when he phrased it like that, it made me a little curious.
To: Bobby Then who’s got a girlfriend?
From: Bobby I didn’t say that anyone had a girlfriend.
I could practically hear his annoyed voice in the text. I decided to push him a little further.
To: Bobby Then who’s got a boyfriend?
The chat bubbles popped up and down a few times. Finally…
From: Bobby That’s not important. What’s important is Soo-Ah, and you helping me ask her out.
Well that was one way to deflect. I briefly thought over the boys in iKon before shrugging it off. None of my business, to be sure.
To: Bobby Just text her and ask. Not that hard.
“What do you want to do for breakfast?”
I looked up at Daesung, who I had entirely forgotten was still in my apartment. Caught off guard, I mumbled the first thing that came to mind.
“Egg toast.”
“Egg toast?” Daesung cocked his head.
“Yes,” I nodded emphatically. I had never been more sure of anything in my life than I was about this. “Egg toast. With the hole cut out.”
Daesung blinked. He seemed thrown off by my complete confirmation. I could see him mulling over the idea.
“I have eggs and bread in my suite,” he offered.
“Lead on then.”
I let the warm feeling of being taken care of wash over me. Daesung had set me into a seat at the little kitchen table, and set to making egg toast.
Even though Daesung’s suite was nearly identical to my own, I had made mine into my personal space much more than he had. Where my suite had sketchbooks and paint pans, his had spotless tabletops and empty shelves.
I desperately wanted to explore the entire suite and see if it was just as empty everywhere. Of course, basic consideration stopped me from snooping around. Instead, I simply sat, and waited, and let myself enjoy not doing anything.
Eventually my short attention span kicked in though.
To: Zico Did you get any sleep?
To: Hugeboy You alive?
To: Sooooo AH! So… Bobby.
The clink of a plate being placed before me made me look up.
“Egg toast, as commanded.”
Daesung slid into the seat opposite me, carelessly lifting his own egg toast to his mouth.
The toast itself was unremarkable. It wasn’t bad, but not outstanding either. It was simply... egg toast, exactly as expected.
The two of us ate in a comfortable silence. Daesung idly flipped through what looked like news articles on his phone. I did some email inbox clean up, before switching back to my texts.
From: Hugeboy Yes. Sorry. Long day and early night yesterday.
I frowned at that.
To: Hugeboy No worries. Take care of yourself.
From: Hugeboy Are you worrying about me? ( ̄ω ̄)
I mentally rolled my eyes at that. Though he had a point, I wasn’t going to let him know that.
To: Hugeboy I worry about all of my friends.
I thought over the next message for a second before impulse made me hit send.
To: Hugeboy That’s why I texted Zico asking if he slept.
I quickly clicked my phone off and set all of my attention to the food. Perhaps the message was a little cruel, but I felt like it might serve me well to set some distance between Mino and I.
“You’re popular this morning.”
“It’s almost like I have friends or something,” I deflected.
“Not the texts,” Daesung handed his phone over to me, “here.”
I took it, curious. I had avoided searching anything about myself or the show, but it made sense that something would have come up.
The first thing I saw was a headline — Big Bang Bullet Shooting Off Course?
Well that didn’t look promising. Briefly skimming the article I saw some names pop up. Zico and Mino were obvious ones, a brief mention of Bobby also seemed about right, but I was thrown off to see the names Jay Park and Amber Liu show up at the end. I decided to read that part a little more closely.
“... the same martial arts and dance studio as several dancers… when she was brought up in a live stream Jay said ‘it’s not like I know all the dancers’ friends. She seems cool enough I guess.’...” I shook my head at the coincidental connection. I went on to the section where Amber was quoted “... join the foreigner’s club… fun to know two Lunas…” I looked up Daesung, squinting. “This is weird.”
Daesung shrugged, unbothered.
“Well, we’re a big deal, so you’re a big deal.”
I passed his phone back to him, shaking my head.
“Maybe I should start keeping up with the news.”
Daesung simply laughed.
Leaning back in my chair, I thought about the article.
The spa that Daesung had chosen was the definition of the phrase “all inclusive”. It was probably on the list for “professional” and “thorough” as well.
A dermatologist scolded me for my sunburn while she inspected my back. Ten minutes later, the same doctor was directing a massage therapist on which treatments and techniques to use.
The massage therapist was a professional looking man. He looked like he had come directly from central casting. At first I was self conscious, but his complete normality and weak personality soon set me at ease. The human body was probably completely disconnected from humanity to someone like him. Skin and fat and muscle were simply different configurations of a base flesh machine.
Once I got into the mindset that everyone who worked there were simply performing a tune-up, it was much easier to let go of the fear of judgment.
It also helped that Daesung and I were split up for the massages, and the little table made to hold your phone underneath the massage table didn’t hurt either.
“Your shoulders are like rocks. You must be very stressed.”
I had to laugh at the therapist’s observation.
“Yes. I think I probably am.”
“Well trust me, I’ll soon get it out.”
I trusted him, and my trust was well placed. Where I had originally expected to simply lay and play some mobile games, I instead was transported to a plane of somewhat painful relief. The only thing keeping me grounded in reality was the faint chiming of my text alert sound. By the end of the session, even that was unheard, as I had, by that point, fallen asleep.
I woke up to a very apologetic woman who explained that she was a hair stylist.
I hadn’t expected a hair stylist, but I wasn’t surprised. Anyone with eyes could see my roots coming in by now.
She led me to the salon area, where I saw Daesung already sitting in a swivelling chair. His hair was lined with foil. What little bit I could see was coated with a reddish cream.
“What shade are you doing?” I asked as I took a seat in the chair next to him.
“Black red,” he smiled. “What are you doing?”
I took myself in via the mirrors lining both walls. I had grown accustomed to bleached hair. I hadn’t changed it much beyond the switch from silver to strawberry to platinum and back again. Different variations on the same theme.
“I’m not sure. I have to cover those roots no matter what, I’ll think about details while that’s done.”
The woman that had led me in nodded her head and disappeared behind a door. I assumed she was mixing some lightener.
Daesung nodded, stretching his neck slightly.
“I think a straight white would look good on you.”
I shook my head briefly.
“Trust me, not a good idea.” I grimaced. “Last time I tried that I ended up looking like a ghost.”
Daesung laughed, that deep baritone laugh that belied honest amusement.
“You know who you should ask? But Jiyong would kill me for saying it?”
Now if that wasn’t an interesting start, I didn’t know what was.
“Who’s that?”
Daesung shot me a wicked smile. It unnerved me a little. He must have read it in my face because he quickly dropped it, looking now entirely neutral and nonchalant.
“Zico and Mino always have pretty good hair.”
My cheeks warmed slightly and I quickly tried to hide it by lifting my phone and looking down. I hoped my hair might create enough of a barrier to prevent questions about the still rising blush.
“I think I’ll just do my own thing,” I mumbled. Then, remembering the cameras, I fell back on a white lie to cover my ass.
“You don’t believe those tabloids, right?”
Daesung appeared to give the question real consideration.
“Well,” he started slowly, obviously trying to be careful with his words. “They do seem to be seen with you more than people might expect. And I may have overheard Seungyoon talking to someone about Mino…” he spun his chair to look me over, “... and you.”
I frowned. I doubted Mino was careless enough to tell just anyone about what had happened. If he had, I doubted Seungyoon was careless enough to gossip. If he had, I doubted Daesung was careless enough to bring it up like this.
Conclusion: this was not about that.
“About Mino and I?”
Daesung smirked, looking a little proud.
“To hear Seungyoon talk, Mino is…” he made a wide sweep of the room with his eyes, making a show of thinking over his words now, “preoccupied with you.”
This was manageable. I relaxed, even going so far as to actually check my messages as I replied.
“I sincerely doubt that Mino has any interest in me. Though I have heard some people tease him like that.”
From: Hugeboy Really?
From: Hugeboy Why are checking up on him? He’s a grown adult.
From: Hugeboy He can take care of himself.
From: Hugeboy ☆(#××)
“So he doesn’t message you every single day?”
I glanced up sheepishly, feeling a little caught due to the messages currently on my screen.
“Lots of people message me everyday.”
The woman returned, now burdened with a bowl of bluish cream and an apron with pockets full of specialised utensils.
She expertly draped a protective cape around my body. I noted that this one had a clear plastic window so that customers could stay glued to their phones while being taken care of.
Did every section in this place accommodate cell phones? I knew there was a sauna, and a tub area. How did they make it work there?
“Starting with just your roots, right? Have you thought about toners or colours?”
The stylist and I ran some ideas back and forth, both ignoring Daesung’s joking suggestion of brown and white stripes.
When Daesung was taken away for a while to get his hair rinsed and conditioned, I opened up my messages again.
From: Zico A little, yeah.
From: Zico Did you sleep well?
I considered my relationship with Zico, and Mino, before replying. Out of everyone whose number I had collected so far, Zico held the majority of my playlist. I momentarily lost track of my body when I was struck, once again, by how strange my life had become.
To: Zico I slept very well. Are you still overworking?
“Tilt to the left please.”
I obliged the stylist’s request.
From: Bobby You are not being helpful.
That was fair. I guess. I did think that…
To: Bobby Soo-ah appreciates the straight forward approach. She likes the manly type.
To: Bobby If you try to be cute about it, she’ll just see it as immature.
I hoped that Bobby would take my advice. The more I thought about it, the more clear it was that his interest was reciprocated.
“Forward please. Have you thought about colour?”
I craned my neck downwards, and chose a colour without thinking. After some back and forth with the stylist, I was talked into what sounded quite elaborate but worth it.
From: Sooooo AH! What about Bobby?
To: Sooooo AH! Don’t play. You know what.
From: Sooooo AH! OKAY FINE BUT HE’S A BABY
To: Sooooo AH! You’ve had bigger age gaps.
From: Sooooo AH! Yes, but only when I’m the younger one.
To: Sooooo AH! Just think about it. I think you’ve got a shot.
I quickly switched conversations. She would either blow up my phone wanting to know what I meant, or she’d actually take my advice and have a good think.
To: Hugeboy Of course he’s a grown man.
To: Hugeboy I still like to check on my friends.
To: Hugeboy Not enough people check on their adult friends.
An alert popped up, effectively cutting off what could have turned into a diatribe about how people should treat their friends.
From: Zico I like working.
It started with a short giggle. Then another. Then an apology to the stylist as I leaned forward, overcome by laughter.
I didn’t doubt his message. It wasn’t particularly funny. He hadn’t made a joke or reference. But still the laughter hit me, as if my best friend from middle school was next to me whispering “we have to be super serious” again.
The hair stylist handed me a small towel, making me realise I had tears dribbling down my face. I quickly wiped them away and took a deep breath.
“Thanks, I… sorry…”
She smiled, about to speak, but Daesung returned.
“What’s so funny?”
“Your hair,” I responded automatically, still trying to recover.
Daesung rolled his eyes.
“Fine, keep your secrets. Have you decided what you want to do for dye?”
“Yes,” I grinned up at him, still fighting off my laughing fit.
“What colour?”
“You’ll have to wait and see.”
“I’ll see her applying it though,” he pointed out.
“It might be misleading,” the stylist piped up. “We just have to wait for twenty minutes for this to settle in.” She patted my shoulder. “Then we’ll rinse and start the colour.”
I nodded and thanked her, getting a smile in return before she disappeared behind a discrete door.
Daesung shrugged, settling back into an empty chair next to mine.
“So what was really so funny?”
“Everything,” I sighed. “That article earlier, the people I talk to now.” I leaned back a little, trying not to disturb the bleach.
“She missed a spot there,” Daesung stood, probably intending to go get the stylist.
I put a hand on his arm to stop him.
“No, it’s okay. That’s going to be dyed.”
He shot me a quizzical look, but sat back down.
“Do you want to meet Jay? I could set it up.”
I closed my eyes to think about it. I knew some dancers from the studio had lucked into big gigs, but I couldn’t remember exactly who had started working with AOMG.
“If I know one of his dancers, he has a way of contacting me if he wanted to meet. It was probably just a comment from a fan or something. Speaking of dancers though…” I opened my eyes and sat up straight.
“My ex just got hired by YG.”
Daesung leaned over the arm of his chair, absently ruffling a hand through his hair.
“Okay… how bad was the breakup?”
The warmth of the water rinsing dye out of my hair was almost as relaxing as the massage. It was followed by a warmed and ridiculously soft towel.
“That actually came out better than I expected. Your hair looks like a crystal ball or something.”
I smiled, a little embarrassed by Daesung’s praise, but digging my reflection at the same time.
“I feel like it would actually work better if my hair was just a little shorter.” I placed the towel down and leaned forward, closely inspecting my new look. “But I also want to grow it out.”
“Isn’t that what wigs are for?”
“You’re not wrong.” I stopped preening with a shrug. Turning to face Daesung, I tilted my head. “Now what?”
“Now lunch,” he grinned, holding a hand out towards me.
“It’s,” I glanced at my phone, “past four.”
“I guess we’re having a late day then.”
“V-line.”
I framed my chin with my thumb and forefinger, puckering my lips around the carrot still held in my teeth.
Daesung laughed as he snapped a picture.
“I should send this to the guys.”
“No no no!” I protested, the carrot dropping onto my plate as I swatted at his arm. “I want to see their reactions when they first see it!”
“See what?”
I rolled my eyes dramatically, dropping my shoulders to fully express my exasperation with his oblivious question.
“My hair.”
“Fine.”
He rolled his eyes as he said it, but he didn’t seem to be actually offended. If anything, it was as if he was humouring a child.
I watched him return to his own food. This week felt short. Rushed. Whizzing by, a blurred landscape of laughter and conversation seen through the window of the cameras. I couldn’t help but wonder how accurate the episodes would be once they made their way through editing.
“I like spending time with you,” I blurted out, catching even myself by surprise.
Daesung looked up, eyes wide.
I quickly looked down at my plate, unsure of myself.
“I just mea-“
“I like spending time with you too.”
I smiled at my food, trusting the tone of his voice enough to not have to double check his expression.
After eating Daesung had a filming for a CF. Having been granted the chance of free time, I chose to relax and paint instead of tagging along.
From: Hugeboy So you two are friends now?
From: Hugeboy Do you text often?
Mino’s messages had annoyed me, so I had left them unanswered until now. Not only that, but I had thought it might be prudent to wait until I was alone to respond. It wasn’t any business of his who I was friends with. Nor did it concern him who I texted, or how often.
I took a deep breath to chill out before replying.
To: Hugeboy I guess we are friends.
To: Hugeboy I think I talk to him about as much as I talk to you.
To: Hugeboy A little less, probably.
The little bubbles danced on and off of the screen for a moment.
From: Hugeboy What do you talk about?
To: Hugeboy Sleep. Work. Stress.
To: Hugeboy You.
From: Hugeboy Me?
From: Hugeboy Why do you talk about me?
I thought about how to answer that question. I wouldn’t want to create any awkwardness between the two of them by saying that Zico had as good as told me about Mino’s interest before he had, but I didn’t want to lie either.
To: Hugeboy We have you in common.
That seemed inadequate somehow, so I quickly expanded.
To: Hugeboy He offered himself as a confidant but I don’t know if I trust him enough for that. So we make small talk.
Actually, that might be a bit too much information. But I had already sent the message, so I supposed I had to live with it.
It appeared to appease Mino though. My phone was silent as I started pulling my painting station together.
I wiped my hands clean. Well, clean enough. I didn’t mind getting paint on my phone case, but I had learned (a few times) how hard it was to get off the screen without fucking it up.
From: Zico You don’t trust me?
To: Zico I never said that.
From: Zico “I don’t know if I trust him enough for that”
Best friends... you can always count on best friends to tell each other everything and fuck things up.
From: Zico I’m not mad or anything. I’m just curious why.
To: Zico Do you and Mino compare notes or something??
From: Zico He wanted to know why I was being so friendly. He’s a little paranoid.
From: Zico You didn’t answer my question.
To: Zico I do trust you. For conversations like this.
There was a minute or two of no response.
From: Zico In the interest of being honest, I want you to trust me.
From: Zico But I’m not sure why I care.
I chuckled at that.
To: Zico It’s called having friends Jiho.
From: Zico Fascinating concept.
A new alert popped up on top of the conversation. I tapped it open. I was greeted with a picture of Mino, pouting, holding an orange cat.
From: Hugeboy Pay attention to me.
I laughed out loud, noticing that I could see Zico in the background, lounging with his phone out on the armrest of a sofa. Somewhat out of frame I spotted someone else’s legs stretching out on the floor.
To: Hugeboy Who’s cat is that?
From: Hugeboy Mine.
The bubbles popped up and down. I switched to Zico.
To: Zico Does he know you’re texting me right now?
From: Zico No. Why?
I quickly forwarded him the image I had received.
To: Zico Nice boots, by the way.
From: Zico He’d be jealous if he knew you were complimenting me.
A notification popped up. I switched back to Mino’s chat.
From: Hugeboy Are you busy? Want to meet?
To: Hugeboy Hell yeah I want to meet your cat!
From: Hugeboy I meant with me. But I guess the cat lives here too.
I thought it over. The… something between Mino and I was undeniable by now. We were well past the point of denial. Meeting could be… hazardous.
But with Zico and whoever owned those legs there… some unintended chaperone might be just the thing.
Glancing up, I noted that the sky had clouded over. I checked the weather app. Downpour imminent. Maybe it was just an excuse.
To: Hugeboy I don’t think I can tonight. But I do want to meet the cat!
To: Hugeboy Next time.
From: Hugeboy Promise? I’ll hold you to it!
I laughed at his childish words.
To: Hugeboy Next time that I can make it, I will.
From: Hugeboy Fine ㅠㅇㅠ
I left it at that, tucking my phone into my pocket, and returned to painting. If anything, the distractions hardened my resolve to finish this. I knew it would probably take until the end of filming, so that had become my unofficial deadline. The hours necessary seemed almost impossible to find, but I wanted it as a sort of closing on the show. Not in any official sense, of course, rather just as a personal endcap.
Maybe I’d end up painting the guy I should choose.
I laughed at myself. It was a ridiculous thought, and a prime example of some sort of magical thinking. It made me want to light some incense.
Idly working on adding more detail to the background, I wondered if perhaps I had prematurely put that side of my spiritual wanderings aside. Sure, maybe it did nothing but increase my sense of control over my life, but that must be worth something.
And control was definitely something I felt a distinct lack of these days.
On a whim, as these things so often are, I cleaned up my paints and got ready to leave.
From: D-Lite I’m done! Want some dinner?
A sprig of lavender in one hand, I quickly shared my location and sent an affirmative reply.
I was done with most of my supply run by the time Daesung showed up.
He must have had a good shoot. The energy coming off him was tangible. As soon as he arrived I felt warmer and more excited.
“Hey,” he naturally slipped his arm over my shoulder. “What are you looking for here?”
“Candles,” I answered simply.
Daesung didn’t push the question. Instead he simply picked up a candle and smelled it. He immediately blanched.
“Oof, too strong.”
“Yeah, I usually stay away from scented candles for exactly that reason.”
Daesung nodded before a confused expression dipped over his brows.
“Then why are you buying them?”
I considered it for a second before coming up with a not-lie.
“They’re comforting to me.”
It seemed that Daesung tilted his head for a second, but he didn’t press the question.
Not that I gave him much of a chance.
“What did you want to do for dinner?”
Daesung smiled in that bright and charming way.
“Shouldn’t I be asking what you want?”
At my suggestion, we ended up at a Western style restaurant. Specifically, it was a place that specialised in pasta. Staring at the menu, all I could think of was carbs and cardio. I attempted to quell those worries and we ordered.
“So,” Daesung started, “what did you do today? Besides shopping for candles?”
I shrugged. I hadn’t really done much since I had seen him.
“I did some painting. Nothing really interesting.”
“Your emperor and shaman?”
“Yeah,” I nodded. “I guess that’s as good as anything I've been thinking of calling it. Better, even.” I laughed a little. “I’ve just been thinking of it as ‘the painting’ so far.”
“I know it’s not done,” Daesung smiled, “but from what I’ve seen I liked it. It gave me this feeling like,” he paused, “the power behind the throne. You know?”
“You said something like that before. I don’t really see it. I thought it was something more like a royal pet.”
“Isn’t it sort of the same thing?”
I didn’t answer right away. I took a second to consider what he might mean. A pet having power over their owner?
“How do you mean?”
“Well,” Daesung leaned back, allowing the waiter to place our food down. “We can’t really control pets, can we? We can train them but at the end of the day, they do what they want. But we have to do what they want us to. If your cat wants to play, they won’t leave you alone. If your dog needs to go outside, you’d better let them out before they make a mess.”
I laughed, nodding. Ttungbo had indeed been quite a hassle when I was housetraining him.
“You might have a point.”
“I know what I’m talking about,” Daesung only half-smiled this time. “We can only ask our pets to do things, but we have to follow their commands. Otherwise they’re unhappy. They might even run away.”
There was a change in his demeanor. It was small, but still perceptible. Like someone had bumped into his dimmer switch.
“Did you have a pe-”
Daesung laughed, cutting off the conversation.
“Come on, we should eat before we offend the chef.”
“Can I ask you a favour?”
Streaks of city lights glanced off the river in front of Daesung and I. I watched a few people, teens by the sound of their yelling, running down the path at the bottom of the grassy slope where Daesung laid and I sat with to-go cups of coffee and tea.
“What’s up?”
“Well,” Daesung pushed himself up to sitting, crossing his legs, “I guess it’s two favours.”
“Then I should be able to accommodate at least one.”
Daesung laughed, shaking his hair out of his eyes.
“One is definitely more important than the other.”
“Yah,” I tipped slightly, bumping my shoulder against his. “Are you going to ask me or are you just going to keep talking about it?”
“Fine,” he sighed. He took a short breath before continuing, “at the end, when you have to choose… can you promise me that you’ll choose who you truly want? Don’t worry about what anyone else wants. Just choose the person you like the best.”
That was easy enough. It was what I had been planning on doing anyway.
“Of course,” I shrugged. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“I’m not saying you wouldn’t. But I get the feeling you consider other people. Maybe too much sometimes.” Daesung paused, emptying his coffee.
“Well, I mean I wouldn’t want to choose someone who wouldn’t agree.”
“That’s not what I mean. I already know you won’t choose Youngbae.”
We both laughed. It was obvious. Taeyang and I hardly got along, of course that wouldn’t be an option.
“I just meant that you should choose freely. Without worrying about hurting anyone’s feelings.”
“Hmm.” I just nodded to that. He wasn’t wrong, but I felt a little called out.
But the silence felt heavy.
“What was the second favour?”
Daesung was quiet now. I glanced at him, for the first time since he had actually stated his first favour.
He lifted his hand, looking at his palm for a moment.
“Here,” he held his hand towards me, palm up. “Would it be alright for you to hold this for a while?”
“That’s it? He held your hand?”
I examined my hands, noting that they were beginning to prune up a little bit.
“Yeah. He’s really kind of…”
I trailed off, unsure how to describe Daesung. I noticed that my hair dye was leaking into the bath water, tinting it slightly.
“Soft?”
“I think I was going to say innocent. But yeah, soft works.”
Soo-ah sighed, crackling through my phone’s speaker.
“I still can’t believe how lucky you are,” she lamented.
“It’s strange. I know that I’m lucky to have been chosen, but at the same time i-”
“It’s stressful. I know. Peizhi asked when you were coming back to class again.”
“Probably not for another month at this rate. Ugh.” I slid down, dunking my head under the water for a second.
“-ose all your skill. You can’t go doing that. Minseo will challenge your ranking in class. She’ll be eyeing top five after she takes your slot.”
“Let her. We all need motivation, right?”
“Sure, but she’ll get even worse if she gets past you. She’s already acting like an instructor.”
It had been a long day. By any account, I should have been exhausted.
Instead, I was lying in bed, wide awake, watching the minutes trickle past 1am.
Pushed by that call to action that only insomnia brings, I made a call.
It rang once.
I felt guilty calling this late.
It rang a second time.
This was actually quite inconsiderate of me.
It rang a half time more.
“Hello?”
He sounded just as awake as I was. I hadn’t actually expected an answer, so I hesitated.
“What’s up?” He prodded.
I sighed, deciding to be honest.
“I miss you.”
Date Roulette: Daesung
Wednesday
Intro Week Start Seungri Week Start Previous Next
When I woke up, bed clean of any sign of Jiyong’s visit the previous night, I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to get out of bed. But here was Chul calling me, making sure I was awake and would be ready to go by 10am.
Apparently, Wednesdays were just designated group days. It was a little annoying to break up the solo weeks, but I could understand the reasoning.
Thankfully, Chul had let slip a clue about what sort of activity was planned, so I was more than comfortable heading down to the van in sweatpants.
Daesung was the only one already at the van. He looked me up and down over a plastic cup of coffee.
“You look like my grandma.”
“Hey,” I pressed my hands under my chin in a cute pose, “stop talking.”
Daesung chuckled and climbed into the back seat.
“Come on, you can fall asleep against me this time.”
I didn’t protest, knowing full well that I was probably going to do exactly that. Better him than Seunghyun again. They’d both tease me, but it wouldn’t feel malicious from Daesung.
While we waited for the rest of the guys, Daesung and I showed each other videos and pictures on our phones.
“Oh, actually, here’s one of my own,” I switched from my phone’s browser to my files.
“Your own video? Isn’t that a little strange?”
I nudged Daesung for his implication, but kept scrolling. I had the perfect video in mind.
“Here, this is Ttungbo.”
Daesung took my phone in his hands and tapped the play button.
I leaned on his shoulder to watch my favourite good boy get confused about volleyball on tv.
Once the video of my dog trying to chase non-existent balls ended, Daesung backed into the folder.
“Do you have more?”
“Probably,” I shrugged, “you can look if you want. That whole album is him.”
Somehow, I trusted Daesung to stay within the Ttungbo folder. Even if he didn’t, I wasn’t the type to keep embarrassing photos or videos on my phone. In fact, my phone was ridiculously organised and clean. He could go through every single file and I’d be cool with it.
The warmth of my sweatpants and the softness of Daesung’s shirt quickly lulled me into a slight doze.
Of course, nothing good can last, right?
“Good morning,” Seunghyun greeted us. “Rough night last night?”
“Just sleepy,” I muttered, turning slightly further into Daesung’s side.
Daesung just chuckled and greeted his hyung.
“Did you get a new phone?” Seunghyun asked, settling into the seat next to me.
“It’s hers,” Daesung answered.
“Really?”
I quickly intercepted Seunghyun’s hand as he reached towards my phone.
Seunghyun laughed.
“He can go through it but I can’t?”
“I trust him,” I grumbled.
I tucked my phone into my pocket. No use in taking risks.
Daesung was the type to stay in my pictures. Seunghyun… he might check out my messages. Obviously, that couldn’t be allowed to happen.
“You trust me?” Daesung nudged me playfully.
“More than him,” I shrugged.
“What have I done to make you not trust me?”
I rolled my head to the side to look at Seunghyun, sarcastic energy building in my throat.
But then I spotted Jiyong approaching with Seungri and Taeyang.
“It’s just a feeling I guess,” I murmured, straightening up.
He actually had a point though. He had pushed a boundary or two, but comparatively he wasn’t a bad guy. If anything he was just a little cold and distant.
I stared, unseeing, at the light fixture on the roof of the van. When I mentally tallied up points for and against trusting the members of Big Bang, Seunghyun ended up in the middle. He wasn’t exactly untrustworthy, he and I just didn’t see eye to eye.
A hand tapped my shoulder, lifting me from my recount.
“You awake?” Jiyong was leaning forward in his seat behind me.
I glanced back and just shrugged, no longer interested in vocal expression. How unfortunate that the man I had become closest to ranked fourth in trustworthiness.
I woke up by the jostling of bodies around me and the shaking of one of my legs. I had indeed fallen asleep against Daesung, and apparently stretched out enough to loop one leg over Seunghyun’s knee. My cheeks heated in embarrassment, but no more than usual. I was slowly becoming comfortable with the situations I ended up in. They were somewhat unavoidable in tight spaces, so why waste energy on fussing over them?
Seunghyun didn’t say anything this time, which seemed strange, but not worth examining. He simply shook me awake and lifted my leg off of his before getting out of the vehicle.
I pulled myself out and stretched, my shirt riding up. Instantly, my spidey-senses activated. Quickly lowering my arms, I blocked what I assumed was going to be a light tickle from Daesung. I cocked my head at him, and tripped over the lip of the curb.
“That’s exactly what I was trying to prevent,” Daesung wheezed between laughter.
I pouted and held my hand up, waggling it until he grabbed it to help me up.
He hauled me to my feet, this time on the sandy side of the curb.
“You okay?”
“Yeah,” I brushed my clothes off, “it’s pretty soft and all.”
“You good there?” Jiyong approached.
I felt awkward with him coming near. So many things had been said between us through the last two days, and the more I thought about them the more my brain seemed to get clogged.
I put my hand on Daesung’s shoulder, brushing sand from my lifted knee. In reality I was trying to be sneaky about creating distance between Jiyong and I.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just wasn’t watching where I was going.”
Jiyong looked like he wanted to say something more, but I was saved by a production member calling us all over to a small staging area.
It wasn’t much of a staging area. At least, it didn’t seem structured for challenges or anything. It was just a simple set of chairs around a table and some assorted beach type items next to a truck with more stuff in the back.
Taeyang grabbed a beach ball and started twirling it in the air.
“So what are we doing today?” Seunghyun asked.
“Anything you want,” the producer replied. “It’s a beach relaxation day. However, we’re confiscating your phones.”
We all handed over our phones, with minimal grumbling. I made sure to turn mine completely off before handing it to Chul.
Chul cocked his head at me, so I just gave him a vague, wide-eyed smile. He shook his head and moved on.
“Is it okay to swim here?” Seungri was quick to ask.
The answer, as I had already known thanks to Chul, was yes. The team had packed some swimsuits into a bag and erected a sort of cloth closet for us to change in.
Seungri, Taeyang, and Daesung set about changing right away.
Seungri and Taeyang helped each other get evenly coated with sunscreen, but Daesung approached me for help.
“I got most of it, I just can’t reach my back.”
“Oh, I got you,” I took the bottle from him. “You’ll have to help me too. Actually…” I paused to read the bottle a little closer. “I don’t think this is strong enough for me.”
“Really? Isn’t it 40spf?”
I shrugged, making sure the back of his neck and tops of his ears were coated as well.
“My grandma got skin cancer, so I’m a little paranoid I guess. Done.”
Daesung took the bottle and turned to face me.
“Aren’t you going to change?”
I glanced at the camera crew.
“I guess. I hope everyone likes blurs.”
It was a two piece, but didn’t really count in my mind as a bikini. It was just a swimming suit. Green, stretchy, comfortable. My favourite one. My only one.
I was a little too aware of the fact that I was going to be on TV. In turn, I was too aware that I hadn’t been to the gym in what felt like ages. I stood in the cloth closet and ran my fingers over my legs. They were strong enough to carry me for miles at a time, but when not being used or flexed they seemed a little too soft, a little too large.
I took a moment to think of what Soo-Ah might say to me in a moment like this.
Maybe
“You’re not expected to look like us.”
Or
“No one will even notice. That’s not what they’ll be looking at.”
Or
“It gives you the coke bottle look.”
Or if she really wanted to go for a boost:
“I don’t think there’s a food emoji sexy enough for your legs.”
I chuckled to myself, thankful that I had someone to offer such assertively positive thoughts to me. Trying to keep her rambunctious style of compliments in mind, I stepped out.
“Woah.”
There went the feel good Soo-Ah vibes. I shrunk into myself slightly, crossing my arms over my stomach.
“Maybe I should put a tshirt on over it,” I mumbled, turning to pick up my clothes.
“Hey,” Seunghyun reached for my arm to stop me.
I stilled, but kept my bundle of clothing in front of myself.
“What?”
I’ll admit, I snapped at him. My self-consciousness getting the better of me, I was automatically defensive to the point of going on the offense.
Seunghyun narrowed his eyes, but then shook his head.
“If you’re uncomfortable, fine. But none of us are thinking poorly of you.”
I looked at the rest of the men. Jiyong was busy cutting open a cantaloupe. Taeyang and Seungri were erecting a volleyball net. Daesung was sneaking sideways looks at Seunghyun and I from where he lounged on a thin blanket.
“Won’t they have questions?”
“Sure,” Seunghyun shrugged, “but Taeyang is the only one that would actually ask, and I’ll tell him not to.”
A different sort of discomfort started itching inside my skull.
“Why are you being nice?”
Seunghyun laughed. Shaking his head slightly, he wandered off to where Jiyong was now making disgusted faces over the cantaloupe seeds.
I look around again, considering what Seunghyun had said. Everyone was doing their own thing. Nobody seemed to care about the ink or toughened flesh on my body. They had their own thoughts and tasks to grapple with.
I put my clothing aside, and headed over to Daesung.
He smiled at me softly, inching over so I could sprawl out next to him.
“I found some 55spf.”
“Cool,” I held a hand out, “let me see?”
He handed over a smaller bottle of sunscreen.
I popped the lid and smelled it. It smelled like swimming lessons when I was ten. I smiled. That particular smell meant it probably used physical blockers in addition to chemical ones. I spurred a glob into my hands and started the careful application from my feet up.
About fifteen minutes later, I handed the bottle back to Daesung.
“Help?”
He nodded and moved to kneel behind me. I shivered at the cream hitting my shoulders, but the cold sensation was quickly dispersed by his warm hands.
I dropped my head forward and swept my hair uselessly aside. His hands felt good. It was probably more to do with the tension of the last weeks than anything else, but he felt like a professional masseuse. After a second, a quiet groan escaped my mouth.
“You okay?”
I nodded, pulling my legs up in front of me to wrap my arms around.
“Sore. Shy. But I think I’m okay.”
Daesung hummed, recapping the sunscreen and resuming his position next to me.
“I don’t think I can help with the shyness, but we could go to a spa or something tomorrow if you want.”
I grinned at him, laying my head on my knees.
“Really? That would be great.” I laid back, stretching my arms behind my head and closing my eyes against the sun. “That’s really sweet of you.”
Daesung didn’t say anything, but that was alright.
I woke up to the sound of something being crunched into the sand next to the blanket.
I peeked one eye open to see Seungri erecting a sunshade.
He gave me a tense smile, but stayed quiet as he finished setting up the temporary shelter.
I pushed myself up and went to see if there were any drinks available. I wasn’t sure how long I had been napping, but the sun had surely sapped me of hydration.
“Here.”
A bottle of cold water was pressed into my hand by Chul.
I smiled as graciously as I could and uncapped it.
“Thank you. How long was I asleep?”
“Only about an hour and a half,” Chul shook his head and laughed. “How you could sleep through Seungri screaming, I don’t know.”
I frowned over the water, too busy drinking to pause and form words.
“Youngbae threw him into the water.”
I nodded, recapping the now entirely drained water bottle.
Chul tilted his head quizzically.
“What?”
“You just chugged that in less than thirty seconds.”
I looked at the empty bottle, then at Chul. Back to the bottle. Back to Chul.
“I was thirsty.”
He laughed, shaking his head.
“Here,” he took the bottle from my hand and replaced it with a full one, “don’t drown yourself.”
I laughed and nodded, taking the bottle. I held onto this one, not opening it yet.
“Ayy! You’re finally awake!” Jiyong jogged up and tugged at my arm. “Come play volleyball with us. We can actually have even teams. T.O.P has no excuse to not play now.”
I let him lead me to the net, waving my thanks at Chul for the water.
“Who picks teams?” Taeyang asked.
“Me and Seunghyun,” Jiyong answered. “The eldest and the leader.”
“I call Luna,” Seunghyun languidly interjected, “since eldest goes first, right Jiyong?”
Jiyong looked annoyed, but didn’t argue.
“Alright. I want Youngbae.”
“Daesung.”
“Maknae to me then. Let’s go!”
The game was fun, but fairly uneventful. At least externally.
Being faced with the five men dressed in swimming kit was a little nerve-wracking.
I had seen Jiyong in a similar state before, which I expected to lessen the impact. If anything, it actually made it worse. A certain smile or sound while playing would remind me of that first time we had been on his sofa. The secrecy bore into my skull, and I was somewhat convinced that Jiyong had noticed.
Seeing Taeyang shirtless just served to further prove to me that we weren’t compatible. His body was definitely well taken care of, but I felt nothing besides a sort of congratulatory admiration between athletes.
Seungri was… difficult. I found myself avoiding looking at him. I didn’t want to know what he looked like. Being confronted by his body like that was a sour experience. And a confrontation was exactly what it felt like. His physique was unintentionally weaponised by the events of the previous week.
I chose to distract myself with my teammates.
Seunghyun was, aggravatingly, pretty much my ideal type… physically. Strength was evident in his frame but not overbearingly so. Where Taeyang looked ornamental, Seunghyun possessed a practical kind of mass.
Daesung was my other physical ideal. Softer than the rest, but not weak. His frame evoked only the idea of “friend” from my mind. Not in a “friend zone” way. It was more like he was… friend-shaped. Strong and useful, non-threatening.
I examined that idea while Seunghyun and Taeyang argued over points.
Daesung brought up some of the clearest feelings and thoughts out of the bunch of the guys. If I were looking for a member for my nomadic tribe, he’d be my first pick. If I needed to assemble a zombie survival team, he’d be in my top three.
Suddenly, I felt the need for the bottle that Chul had given me. I dug it out from under a towel and lifted it to my lips, keeping a distracted eye on the guys.
Nothing happened.
I looked at the bottle.
Right. Might help to open it first.
“Enjoying the show?”
I jumped, managing to coat both Daesung and I in water.
I decided to keep my eyes on the (now half emptied) bottle.
“I’d apologise but,” I shrugged, “beach.”
Daesung only laughed, swiping absently at his chest.
“It’s fine. You’re obviously distracted.”
He was sporting a smug smile. In anyone else it would make me change the subject, but I liked playing with Daesung.
“What do you mean?”
He cocked an eyebrow, “seriously? You keep blushing like a schoolgirl. It’s like you’ve never seen men before.”
He was lying, obviously. I was only blushing like a college student. But his words may have amped it up into schoolgirl territory.
I pressed the water bottle to my cheek.
“No I’m not. Shut up. I saw you looking too!”
“There’s a lot to see,” he shrugged, laughing.
My mind immediately went back to my legs, and scars. Surreptitiously, I tried to lower my hands to cover my body a little more. My legs also tightened up subconsciously.
Daesung appeared to squint slightly, but, if he had noticed, he didn’t say anything.
I tried to distract myself from my feelings by throwing myself wholeheartedly into a sand castle competition with Taeyang.
He was definitely better than me at getting the plastic forms off without crushing the sand under them. His castle was a pretty affair with towers, a wall, and even a moat. Mine was restarted halfway through and built using the drip method.
I easily conceded the win to him, even though Seunghyun said he liked mine better.
The distraction only worked for so long. Eventually, I used the fact that the sun was beginning to dip and some wind was picking up to put on my sweatpants and tshirt over my swimsuit. It was something so simple, but I could feel myself being more physically relaxed afterwards.
Of course, when you’re in a group, someone is bound to notice something.
Seunghyun managed to pull me aside to help him set up a small grill.
“Did someone say something?” He asked without looking up from the assembly instructions.
“Not on purpose,” I tried to be quiet. I wasn’t keen on the idea of any of the other boys overhearing this.
“So somebody said something,” Seunghyun nodded.
I didn’t want to have this conversation. I stalled, watching him screw the legs onto the bowl-like bottom of the grill.
“I… why are you asking? Isn’t this usually Jiyong’s job?”
Seunghyun shrugged.
“Yeah. He asked me to ask. Said there was some sort of issue between you two.”
I surveyed the others, noting that Jiyong was watching Seunghyun and I.
Well, at least he could take a hint.
“It was an off-hand comment,” I turned back to Seunghyun, “I’ll talk to that person myself. But for now,” I shrugged, tugging at my shirt, “I just need some more armour.”
“Alright, I understand that,” he finally looked up at me, “but if you need backup, just let me know.”
This was perhaps the most sincere I had seen him. Or heard him, since it was more in his tone of voice than his look.
I frowned, pursing my lips.
“I’m not sure how I feel about your change in attitude towards me.”
“Hmm… that’s fair. I just…” Seunghyun paused, standing up straight and admiring the now assembled grill. He opened the accompanying bag of charcoal briquettes, filling the bottom of the grill.
I thought he had forgotten that he was in the middle of a sentence, but then he spoke up again.
“I realised that I was being a little hard on you.”
I wanted to press the topic, but decided against it. Better not to strain this newfound innocuousness between us.
“Are you sure you had enough to eat?”
I waved away Jiyong’s question, making noises that implied that I was fine.
“Here,” Daesung held up a wrap he had just made, “eat this.”
“I’m okay,” I tried to refuse, “I’m fine.”
“Mm-mm,” Daesung shook his head, “I made it for you so you have to eat it. Open up.”
My face felt warm, having this guy trying to hand feed me.
I made a show of rolling my eyes and opened my mouth, leaning forward to bite into the roll of meat and greens.
“Is it good?” Daesung eagerly asked.
Mouth full, I went for a thumbs up rather than answering.
Daesung smiled brightly with my approval. He still held the other half of the roll, which I accepted once my mouth was clear.
As I worked the food between my teeth, I looked around the table.
Seungri was staring at his plate intently. To an outside observer, he looked bored. To me, he looked annoyed.
Taeyang was paying close attention to grilling more meat, appearing entirely absorbed in the process. The only break in his concentration was his conversation with Jiyong.
Jiyong was talking to Taeyang, obviously. The conversation was low, and they were a little ways down the table, so I couldn’t make out what they were talking about.
Seunghyun was watching. His eyes seemed to be grazing over the five of us, watching for… something.
Our gazes intercepted each other, and he tilted his head. It looked like the sort of nod that an elder sibling might give their younger at a party. An “I see you, but I won’t interfere” sort of nod.
Unsure exactly what it meant, I shot him a quick smile before returning my attention to Daesung.
“... all day thing. What do you think?”
“Hmm? Sorry,” I smiled sheepishly, “what?”
“The spa. We could make it an all day sort of thing. Massage, hair, sauna, skin… everything.”
“Um… sure! That sounds great.”
Once the sun was firmly settled beyond the horizon, Taeyang and Seungri managed to get a bonfire going.
I fashioned a mostly dry beach towel into a shawl and settled down in the sand next to Jiyong.
“Hey,” I ultra-smoothly attempted to break the day’s awkward silence between us.
“Hi,” he smiled at me. “Did you have a good time today?”
I hummed, thinking it over. Despite the few tense or awkward moments, it had actually been a pretty good day.
“Yeah, mostly. What about you?”
“Today was good. I’m glad you and Daesung seem to be getting along so well.”
I thought he might be lying, but didn’t want to open that particular line of conversation.
“Yeah. He, uh, he makes me feel… accepted, I guess.”
Jiyong nodded, taking a moment to lift a beer that I hadn’t previously noticed to his lips.
After wedging the bottle into the sand next to him, he reached behind himself and lifted the edges of the blanket on which we were sitting to his shoulders.
We sat in amicable enough silence for a while. The flames in front of us were hot. Hot enough that, even though everything around us had the natural dampness that comes with ocean air, my towel felt almost crispy.
To be honest, I was sweating more than I had all day.
I was struck by the feeling of being sick of it. I was sick of being hot. I was sick of Jiyong’s silence. I was sick of feeling like I had to hide my body. I was sick of Seunghyun’s hot and cold games. I was sick of Taeyang’s carefully maintained neutrality. I was sick of Seungri. I was sick of it, all of it.
I stood up and lifted my shirt. Dropping it to the sand and working my pants over my hips I noted that Jiyong was watching me.
He looked surprised, and a little confused.
“What ar-”
“I’m going swimming. Fuck it.”
I stepped out of my pants and headed towards the water.
I heard some noises of mental and physical struggling behind me. Ignoring them, I quickly waded into waist deep water and then dove forward at a gentle angle.
Immediately, my body loosened.
I had been carrying tension that I hadn’t even been aware of. My shoulders, my neck, my back… even my damned knees felt better now that I was letting myself float in the water.
Staying under just long enough to stretch out in every direction, I listened to the muffled noises in the water.
It was pretty quiet. The only real sound was the slight shifting of sand and small pebbles.
I wanted to live in that sound.
Breaking back up and out of the surface, I stood up. The water just barely lapped at my shoulders.
“There you are!”
I turned to spot a very irate Jiyong knee deep in the water.
“What?”
“You could have drowned!” He splashed his way towards me. “What if the tide took you out? Come on,” he held a hand out to me, “let’s go back.”
I moved away from him, and the beach.
“I’m a good swimmer Ji. Trust me.”
“Luna!” His voice went up a bit, betraying his panic.
“You’ve seen me on the treadmill, right? I’m even better in the water.”
I was enjoying watching him squirm, if I’m totally honest.
“I… I believe you but please just… let’s go in a little bit.”
I laughed and submerged myself.
Judging by the sound of his feet crunching in the sand, I easily moved around him. Surfacing about a foot behind him made him swear.
“What the fuck! Luna don’t do that!”
“What?” I tilted my head, “I thought you wanted me closer to shore?”
“Yes, b-”
“What are you guys doing?!”
Taeyang’s voice carried across the water easily.
“I wanted to swim!” I called back, following it with a laugh and another dive.
Through the water, I heard the highly warped sounds of Jiyong and Taeyang. Nowhere in my body or soul was a part of me that cared about what they were saying.
“-ack soon.”
I broke the surface again in time to catch the end of Taeyang’s sentence.
“What’s that?”
“He said we’re leaving soon,” Jiyong was behind me again.
The water was around rib height now, but Jiyong must have let his legs go slack, letting the water up to his chin.
It was the only way to explain how he managed to press his chest against my lower back.
His arms draped around my waist, and I felt his head against my side.
“You guys should come in!” I called, absently resting my hand on top of Jiyong’s head.
I heard him groan before he pushed himself away from me.
“Stop being greedy,” I chided him, trying to be quiet.
“Don’t want to.”
In the end, we were able to convince all except Seunghyun to come into the night ocean with us.
There were yelps of fright (“What just touched me?!?!”), whoops of excitement, and plenty of laughter. There was even a chicken fight judged by Jiyong.
“You’re sure I’m not too heavy? I just seem light because of the water,” I warned Daesung.
“Stoooop,” he protested. “Besides, how am I going to pass up on getting between your thighs?”
He had whispered the second sentiment, making me extremely glad that it was too dark to show my blush.
“Well, I, that…” it was useless.
Before I could finish a sentence, Daesung had dove and secured his arms around my legs. He slowly stood, working out how our combined balance worked when he lifted me on his shoulders above the water.
“I won’t go easy on you!” Taeyang called from atop Seungri’s shoulders.
“I didn’t expect you to!” I retorted.
The following bout was surprisingly even-matched. Taeyang was stronger than me, but Daesung was more steadfast than Seungri. Daesung’s grip on my legs felt sure to leave marks from how tightly he held me aloft.
“Just… go… down…” Taeyang grunted between breaths.
“No,” I responded, “you!”
I was met with, rather than more grunts, the water slapping into my side. Somehow, Seungri had managed to trip Daesung.
I wanted a rematch, but Jiyong wrangled us all back to the beach. It was finally time to go home.
I was sandwiched between Seunghyun and Jiyong this time. Somehow, the ride was still mostly quiet. Everyone’s energy had been depleted by sun, spray, and fire, so we all fell asleep pretty quickly on the ride back.
I was shaken awake lightly, though the vehicle was still in motion. Glancing around, I noticed I had been laying against Seunghyun’s chest as he reclined against his window.
“Sorry,” I straightened up, crossing my arms and putting my head down.
“It’s fine,” Seunghyun’s arm looped over my shoulder, welcoming me back into his side, “that’s not why I woke you up.”
I followed his arm, draping myself against him.
“What’s up?”
“Will you tell me what it was today? What made you feel like hiding?”
I sighed, reviewing my trust ranking. There wasn’t a reason to not tell him.
“Someone said that there was a lot of me to see…” I shook my head, “I know he didn’t mean anything by it. He was probably just talking about tattoos and stuff. But still, it got inside my head.”
Seunghyun hummed, the sound resonating directly under my ear. I felt his arm tighten up on my shoulders, his hand giving my arm what I suspected was supposed to be a comforting squeeze.
“I’m sure you know that they’ve been wondering about how you look. He probably just meant that he liked your body.”
“Shut up,” I groaned.
“Respect your elders,” Seunghyun seemed to be having a quiet laugh.
“Please stop talking,” I paused, then tacked on some English for emphasis, “sir.”
His hand gripped my arm again, though this time it felt like… well… a warning?
“My mouth feels like hell,” Seungri complained.
We were all squeezed into the elevator, riding up to our rooms.
“Drink water,” Taeyang mumbled. His eyes were closed, and he was leaning back against the wall, head tilted back like a perfume ad.
The elevator finally dinged its arrival to the sixteenth floor. There was an awkward moment when both Daesung and Jiyong lingered, but Seunghyun grabbed Jiyong’s arm and tugged him out.
I glanced at Daesung, arching my eyebrow.
“That…”
“Yeah,” he nodded.
Daesung walked me to my door. I couldn’t help but joke as I unlocked it.
“I don’t think I’ve got the energy for another all-nighter.”
“Oh no!” He raised his hands in protest. “That’s not why I’m here. I just wanted to see you up.”
“You and Jiyong both,” I cracked, leaning against my doorframe.
“Yeah… he has to wait his turn. This isn’t week one anymore.”
He sounded genuinely annoyed, but not extremely so.
“He’s probably going to text me later. ‘Was Daesung respectful? Did he kiss you?’ Something like that.”
“Well,” Daesung shot me a flirtatious smile, “am I being respectful?”
“I don’t think you even know how to not be,” I shrugged.
“I guess the real question is if I’ll kiss you,” his eyebrow tweaked slightly upward.
“Wouldn’t you already know?”
“Not necessarily,” he moved closer, our shirts brushing together just barely. “Like you said, I’m not disrespectful. So you would know before I would.”
My heart thudded against my ribs, the rushing of blood filling my ears and cheeks.
“For example, I might come this close,” he leaned in closer. His lips were now only a centimetre or two from mine.
“But, that’s as far as I’ll go on my own.”
“I-I…” I took a breath, smelling only sea salt and sunscreen, “I don’t know…”
Daesung grinned, looking genuinely satisfied with my answer.
“Then I’ll see you tomorrow.”
With that, he closed his mouth, teeth clicking together. A biting motion, almost designed to spark imagination.
“I’ll call you tomorrow morning,” Daesung was suddenly a good thirty centimetres away now, and getting further, backing down the hall. “Sleep well sailor moon.”
I went about my nightly routine, trying to ignore what had just happened with Daesung. I didn’t much like the idea that Daesung was interested in me beyond friendship.
“Could just be for the show,” I muttered, scrubbing my face clean.
Washed, brushed, and moisturised, I finally turned my phone back on. Turns out, Mino’s texts weren’t the ones that would have gotten me into trouble.
From: KSY Hi! This is Seungyoon! I just wanted to say thank you for letting us hang out yesterday.
I changed his contact name to something a little more familiar before reading the second message.
From: Yoonie You’ll have to meet my dog sometime.
I quickly closed the chat, not comfortable with the idea of meeting anyone’s anything. Seungyoon didn’t necessarily seem objectionable…perhaps just a little mischievous. If anything he seemed to like watching Mino and I interact.
Of course I hadn’t thought Mino would cause any issues either. If I ran into Seungyoon and he asked why I didn’t reply, I could just say that I had forgotten to. Safe, good, non-confrontational.
I moved on.
From: Hugeboy What’s up?
My thumbs hovered over the keyboard, but I felt too awkward to type anything. Should I just act like everything was normal? I decided to come back to that conversation later.
From: Zico Mino is freaking out. Did you say something or is he just thinking too much?
This one was easy.
To: Zico He might be freaking out because I haven’t said anything. My phone was off all day.
Ever onwards, to the rest of the little notification flags.
From: Bobby I need your help.
From: Bobby I think I want to ask out Soo-Ah.
I mumbled an “oh boy…” under my breath. I loved Soo-Ah dearly, but she was a little high maintenance. So, actually, a celebrity might be perfect for her. Still, it felt strange.
To: Bobby Are you even allowed to date?
I saw the name attached to the next message and groaned. I wanted exactly nothing to do with this.
From: Cho Ilsung Don’t be like this. We have to talk.
From: Cho Ilsung I got hired by YG.
From: Cho Ilsung We’re going to have to talk at some point.
To: Cho Ilsung As long as you haven’t somehow started working in filming in the last two years I think we’re fine.
To: Cho Ilsung I haven't run into you yet, so I see no reason I would run into you in the future.
I switched back to the text from Mino, which now seemed much easier to deal with when compared to my ex.
To: Hugeboy Had filming on the beach all day. Just turned my phone back on.
Done with replying, or not, I switched over to my background noise app. Settling on the noise of fans (since it reminded me of hypnotoad), I was about to set my phone down on my nightstand when it chimed and lit up.
From: Zico Holy shit how did you live?
I laughed. He might not be the most social but I could definitely see him being the type to be constantly glued to his phone.
To: Zico Well, I had five other people to hang out with.
From: Zico Why did you have to give up your phone though?
To: Zico I guess we were supposed to enjoy the beach.
To: Zico No distractions.
From: Zico Well there’s one episode I have to watch.
To: Zico But you hate Big Bang??
From: Zico I don’t hate Big Bang. I hate GD.
From: Zico I watch plenty of dramas that have characters that I hate.
To: Zico It’s not a drama though.
From: Zico Yeah it is. Plus it’s a beach episode.
From: Zico Can’t miss that.
To: Zico Like a fanservice episode of anime, right?
From: Zico Exactly.
I laughed, recalling how Zico had several pieces of anime merchandise in his studio. Of course he would relate to that comparison.
To: Zico Pervert.
From: Zico Well Mino won’t let me see your tattoos in real life so...
To: Zico Go to bed... p e r v e r t
The typing bubbles came up and went away a few times before he finally sent a reply.
From: Zico Are you offended? I didn’t mean to offend you. I’m sorry, if I did.
To: Zico It’s cool. I’m actually… amused?
From: Zico Good. Go to bed.
I chuckled.
To: Zico You first, workaholic.
From: Zico I will. As soon as I finish this song.
To: Zico Then stop texting me and work.
From: Zico You’re a nice break. But fine. Goodnight.
Maybe she’s really made a friend.
Date Roulette: Daesung
Tuesday
Intro Week Start Seungri Week Start Previous Next
There was sunlight on my face, and quiet snoring to my left. And from the direction of my feet.
I pushed myself to sitting, rubbing my eyes and blinking away the haze of sleep.
Daesung was sprawled on his back on the floor. The cushion he had been cuddling last night was flung halfway across the room.
Chul was curled onto the sofa. He had set his camera on the glass top of the coffee table, and left it recording.
I wondered how much space was on the camera’s drive.
My eyelids were sticking to my contacts. Time to become a human being.
First stop was the bathroom. Wash off yesterday’s makeup, brush teeth, replace lenses… next stop living room. I gathered up the glasses from last night. There seemed to be too many of them. Had Chul given in and had a drink?
Regardless, I gathered them into the kitchen and starting looking for what I could pull together for breakfast.
“I don’t want to be demanding but I need some water.”
I chuckled and poured Daesung a glass of water.
“There’s coffee brewing too. I think I’m just going to heat up the leftover pizza, but if you want I could make you something for breakfast.”
Daesung was too busy trying to drown his headache to answer right away.
He was on his second cup of water when Chul made his way into the kitchen, camera (as ever) in hand.
“Coffee,” I gestured to the pot that was nearly done brewing, “pizza,” the toaster oven, “water?”
Chul indicated the water, so I filled a glass and handed it over.
“I think I’ll have the pizza for now,” Daesung finally spoke up, “but you can make me breakfast some other time.”
I blanked out for a second, caught up in Daesung’s playful tone and innuendo.
“Sounds good,” I nodded, not sure if he had actually meant it to sound that way.
The pizza was… edible. Barely. It filled us enough to take the edge off the hangover.
“What do you want to do today?” Daesung asked between slices.
“Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m not doing anything without having a proper shower first. Plus I have to clean those paints up.”
“That’s fair. Uh,” Daesung leaned back and twitched his fingers in the air for a moment, “how about we meet up in about two… and a half hours?”
“Perfect,” I hopped down from where I had perched on the countertop.
Daesung stuck around and helped me clean up the suite. It was nice. We even put on some music while we rearranged the living area into its original setting.
“When did we move the sofa?” I groaned, pushing it back into the indentations that it had left in the carpet.
“When I tried to teach you the choreography to Bang Bang Bang,” Daesung called from the kitchen.
“Oh yeah… how was I?”
“Mmm…” Daesung came through the doorway, shaking his head, “you could use some lessons. You could ask Youngbae to teach you next week.”
I leaned against the sofa back and nodded. It was good advice. It was obvious that Taeyang would be difficult to get comfortable with, but maybe asking him for help dancing would help loosen some of the tension.
“It would be good to have something to focus on,” I agreed.
The cleaning was done pretty quickly, which left us to only clean ourselves. We agreed to just text each other when we were ready to go out.
I left the music on while I showered and took some extra time for being by myself. An entire day had passed with Daesung, but it felt like less somehow. He was easy to be around, and he had a calming charm to him. I was glad. Last week felt like a mess, and spending a week with Daesung seemed like a good way to come back from everything that had happened.
After my shower, I was lazy. I took my time picking out clothes, once again revelling in the softness of the bathrobe.
I decided to check my phone, which brought me back to the texts from Jiyong from the previous night.
From: Lyong Boho Are you and Daesung still out?
To: Lyong Boho No, we’re in my suite. What’s up?
From: Lyong Boho Nothing.
The amount of time he had taken to give such a simple answer seemed like too much time. I could see how he might have been upset. Being alone in my suite at odd hours was sort of his thing, and he was already established as being the jealous type.
I thought back to his comment about if I developed feelings for someone else — that he didn’t need to know. Did he think that something had happened? Chul had been there the whole time. It wasn’t the same thing at all.
To: Lyong Boho Did you need something last night?
I left the chat to check my other ones.
From: Hugeboy You’re free now, right?
From: Hugeboy You don’t have to spend time with Seungri anymore?
From: Hugeboy We should celebrate .+:。ʕノ•ᴥ•ʔノ°+*
I smiled at Mino’s cute messages. I liked that he was concerned without falling into the trap of hypermasculine protectiveness.
To: Hugeboy Right! I’m spending this week with Daesung.
To: Hugeboy He seems nice.
There was still one more notification waiting for me. It was… unexpected, to say the least.
From: Cho Ilsung Can we meet?
I kept opening and closing the chat from Ilsung. Eventually, I decided to ignore it. If it was something super important, he’d have to tell me what it was upfront. I wasn’t about to start playing twenty questions just to find out what he wanted.
Having answered the messages that I cared about, I finally set about getting dressed. I was down to only needing to pull my shirt on when my phone alerted me to a new message.
From: Lyong Boho I guess not.
From: Lyong Boho … I wanted to see you.
To: Lyong Boho What for? What’s up?
From: Lyong Boho I like seeing you. I wanted to talk.
From: Lyong Boho Daesung was there late…
To: Lyong Boho Just say what you want to say Ji.
It took him a while to respond to that, but when he did it came in a rush.
From: Lyong Boho Don’t fall for him.
From: Lyong Boho He’s a great guy, a good person. I’m not warning you of anything.
From: Lyong Boho I just don’t want you to fall for anyone else.
From: Lyong Boho But I shouldn’t say such things until endgame.
From: Lyong Boho I shouldn’t even be talking like this until the show is done, right?
From: Lyong Boho I shouldn’t interfere, but I don’t want to not interfere.
I was ready to meet Daesung, but I just sat on my bed instead of messaging him. My phone was hanging limply in my hands.
I knew that things were… escalated with Jiyong. But this, especially after him admitting that he thought he really had feelings for me, seemed out of hand. I wasn’t even sure what my own feelings towards Jiyong were. We had had arguments, and he was a little pushy. He clowned around at times, but was so calculating at others. I was never sure what was sincerity and what was done for the ratings with him.
I suppose if it’s off camera it’s probably not for the ratings.
I was shaken out of my thoughts by my phone ringing. The name D-Lite flashing on my screen conjured a memory of Daesung reprogramming his contact info in my phone. He had even included a green heart next to his name, mirroring the one he had next to Sailor Moon in his phone.
I smiled and quickly answered.
“Yes?”
“I’m ready to go. How about you?”
I glanced around the room, getting my bearings back.
“Ah, yeah, I just need shoes I guess.”
“Alright. Let’s meet in the lobby.”
“Ok.”
Forgetting to respond to Jiyong’s messages, I slipped my phone into my pocket, my feet into shoes, and headed downstairs.
It was hot. The kind of hot that creates steam from seemingly dry streets. The sun was hard at work drawing every ounce of moisture out everything that it touched.
In my opinion, it was perfect. I had snagged a light cotton button up shirt to use as protection from the sun, and the dryness made it exactly as comfortable as I had hoped. The only annoying thing was the brightness.
Of course that only gave me an excuse to hide my bloodshot eyes behind sunglasses.
Daesung’s first suggestion was to stop by a corner store to grab some drinks. He insisted on some hangover cures, and I bought the largest bottle of water I could find.
Taking up one of the plastic tables outside, we settled into a quiet moment. I suspected that quiet moments would be a trademark of my time with Daesung.
“What should we do today?”
I leaned back in the chair to consider the possibilities. While I was glad to be outside in the sun, Daesung seemed to be struggling a little bit.
“Should we find a bookstore?”
Daesung nodded, “okay. There’s one nearby that I like.”
The bookstore was cool and considerably less glaring than outside.
“What are you looking for?” Daesung asked.
I shrugged. It had just been something that seemed like as good an idea as anything else.
“Nothing. But I’m almost done with my last book so…” I left the statement open.
Daesung nodded, looking around the store.
“Let’s start on this side,” he pointed left.
We trawled the shelves, regardless of section. Every now and then one or the other of us would pull out a book whose title caught our eye.
We quietly read the snippets from dust jackets to each other, and shared opinions on whether the books were worth investing in.
At one point Daesung thumbed through a book of poems.
“I’ve heard that this is a popular poet. Here;” he cleared his throat and read aloud —
“Oh, my lover who had pure eyes; oh, the silver scales that occupied your eyes. Tonight snow falls. Oh, my poor lover who wrapped my neck with a white towel and washed my face, a sacred quiet descends upon the lonely planet. I close my eyes to remember the time your hands washed my face.”
I had always struggled with poetry. Too many poets seemed to just be dressing up their daily occurrences with inconsequential symbolism.
Maybe I just didn’t get it.
“He’s sad and lonely,” I shrugged, “him and everyone else on earth.”
Daesung looked uncomfortable. I thought maybe he was disappointed by my assessment. He frowned and reshelved the book.
In the next aisle, my phone started ringing. I made note of the picture that came up. A joke I had chosen one night — a picture of a Blue Eyes White Dragon card. Jiyong was calling.
I shuffled off a little bit before answering.
“What’s up?”
“Wher… it doesn’t matter.” Jiyong interrupted his usual greeting, sighing before continuing, “I’m calling because I’m stressed.”
“Ooookay?” I wandered back down an aisle Daesung and I had already searched. “Again, what’s up?”
“You didn’t respond to my texts. I… I kind of said a lot and I was… I am nervous, I guess.”
I grimaced, feeling a little guilty for forgetting to respond to his messages.
“Ah, sorry, Daesung called so we had to get going.”
“You forgot?” Jiyong sounded amazed. “Wow. You’re so…” he groaned, then let out a puff of air, “you’re cute.”
I could tell he had suppressed the urge to tell me off.
“I’m sorry~... I got distracted oppa~...”
He groaned again, but it was less painful sounding than before.
“It’s okay jagi… you’re working hard. How is it?”
“It’s good. Daesung and I get along well. We’re comfortable, you know?”
“Mm, and last night?”
“It was fun. We drank and listened to music,” I stretched my shoulder, feeling the tightness from sleeping on the floor. “I’m a little sore though,” I complained.
There was a sound like something rubbing against the microphone of Jiyong’s phone, followed by a sigh.
“You… what? You what?”
“I’m s-“
“No,” he cut me off, “don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.”
I rolled my eyes in vain.
“It’s just from the floor.”
“The floor? You… the floor…” he groaned again, “that doesn’t help, Luna.”
“Grow up Ji. We got drunk and fell asleep on the floor… five feet apart, with Chul there.”
Silence through the phone for a few seconds.
“... that makes sense.”
I glanced around quickly before speaking up, adding a flirtatious lilt to my voice.
“Oppa~... what were you thinking?”
“Nothing!”
“Were you jea~lous?”
“Don’t tease me jagi,” he sounded serious. “You know I worry about you all the time.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Yes I do,” the seriousness faded from his voice. “Until this is all over,” he sounded tired, like he was carrying a heavy burden, “I’m going to worry.”
“Yeah, well,” I dropped the cuteness from my tone, “I’m not going to hold myself back on your account if something develops.”
“I don’t expect you to.”
With that, he ended the call.
I looked at the phone, unsure of what had just happened. Was that an argument? For a second I let myself imagine being in a relationship with Jiyong. Would this be the sort of thing that would come up often?
I shook my head and dropped my phone back into the pocket of my shorts.
I returned to where Daesung was standing in the next aisle. He had a book open in his hands, and his hair in his eyes.
He was handsome.
Hearing my footsteps, he looked up and gave me a smile.
“What was that?”
I shrugged, “just Jiyong. What are you reading?”
“It’s not very good,” Daesung snapped the book shut and reshelved it. He looked a little mischievous somehow.
“I couldn’t help but overhear.” He cocked an eyebrow, “you didn’t really go that far.”
“Ah,” I brushed my hand through my hair, feeling my cheeks heat up a little, “that was… he tho-“
“He’s jealous that I slept in your suite, right?”
I turned to pretend to skim over more book titles, lifting a hand to brush over the dust jackets.
“I guess. He was worried.”
Daesung gently took my wrist in his hand, his body brushing mine around so he could look down into my face. Whatever hue my face had been before, it felt at least three shades darker now.
“Is he worried that you have feelings for me?”
I couldn’t think of anything to say. Daesung filled the silence, leaning in a little closer.
“Do you like me?” He said it just barely above a whisper.
“I…” I blinked. To say that this change in attitude was unexpected would be an understatement. This was not the bright boy I had spent the morning with.
Daesung suddenly laughed, stepping back and leaning forward.
“I… What?” I watched him get a hold of himself.
“You should have seen your face. Oh boy,” Daesung wiped at his eye, “I wonder how that will get edited together.”
I laughed, nervously, still unsteady from the intensity of the moment.
It was a joke. Right. A joke. Of course. Daesung wasn’t the type to suddenly just… do whatever that has been.
Daesung seemed to be enjoying my slow recovery from being flustered. He kept poking fun about how red I had turned, even after we had left the bookstore.
“Stop~~” I whined, “you would be the same.”
Daesung ruffled my hair and cooed at me.
“Aigoo~... I didn’t realise you were so easy to rile up.” Daesung laughed and stuck his hands in his pockets. “No wonder Seunghyun likes having you around.”
I made a face, but didn’t say anything. It just didn’t seem like an argument worth having.
We walked, vaguely heading back towards the hotel. We took our time, basically recreating the lazy stroll from the day before.
“I really am curious,” Daesung started, after about three blocks of silence, “about what Jiyong said.”
I hummed, not committing to answering questions.
“How badly does he want to win?”
“I don’t know,” I hunched my shoulders, watching my feet move over the sidewalk. “Sometimes he acts like he already has. But,” I lifted my head, face up to the sky, “I don’t know if he’s sincere or just competitive.”
Daesung hummed this time.
“Is it weird to talk about him?” I asked.
“Not really,” Daesung shrugged, “but I don’t know what to tell you. He hasn’t really talked about his feelings in the group chat or anything.”
I nodded. That made sense, he was fantastically reserved at times.
“Wait,” I jumped in front of Daesung to stop him, “you guys talk about me in a group chat?!”
He grinned, that mischievous look in the curl of his lips again.
“It’s just our regular chat. But yeah,” he brushed past me, “you come up sometimes.”
I stood still, squinting after him for a minute before jogging to catch up.
“Wait! What do you guys say?”
Daesung just smiled and shrugged.
“You know, just stuff.”
I decided to try a tactic that worked on some others.
“Dae~~!” I pouted, “you can’t just say that and not tell me.”
“Ah,” he playfully wagged a finger at me, “I’m older than you. I’m sure you can do better than that.”
My pout was real as I glanced at the camera and sighed. I rolled my eyes a little overly dramatic for the camera before I tried again.
“Oppaa~” I wiggled my shoulders, “please tell me.”
“Ahhhh,” Daesung made grabby hands at my face, not actually touching me, “you do know how to be cute?”
“Dae-yah!” I decided to try to shake him loose by quickly switching gears, “just tell me.”
He laughed and offered me his hand. Hoping that it would help, I took it in mine.
“Fine, fine,” we walked side by side as he spoke now, “hmmm… for the last week it’s mostly just been Seungri asking what we knew about courting western women.”
I couldn’t help but let out a snort of a laugh.
“T.O.P-hyung mentioned something that didn’t make sense, and refused to explain. Youngbae isn’t really sure why you were chosen. And Jiyong, well…”
He let the sentence hang there. I was sure he was taunting me on purpose.
Fine, I was done playing this game.
“You don’t need to tell me about Jiyong. That guy is…” I waved my free hand vaguely and shook my head.
“So you know?” Daesung raised his eyebrow.
“I have an idea,” I gestured towards the camera, “but let’s not spoil it.”
I had no idea what Daesung had meant, but pretending worked in my favour. After Daesung and I had returned to the hotel, and decided not to overdose on each other’s company like the previous night, I got a text from Jiyong.
From: Lyong Boho Who told you?!
To: Lyong Boho ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
From: Lyong Boho Was it Seungri?
From: Lyong Boho That camera guy? Chul?
To: Lyong Boho I can’t believe you would think Chul would betray someone’s trust like that.
To: Lyong Boho Chul is an angel.
From: Lyong Boho Then who was it?
To: Lyong Boho Nobody. Or you. I can just tell.
From: Lyong Boho So you don’t know anything.
To: Lyong Boho Rude.
I decided to use my freedom to see if Soo-Ah was available. As it turned out, she wasn’t. On a brief phone call she explained that she was currently at a salon, getting ready for a date. I wished her well and hung, feeling more than a little lonely.
I tried to think of who else I might be able to get dinner with, but the fact was that I had previously led a small life. One close friend, my dog, and a few people at arm’s length. The few numbers that I had gotten from being part of this show had doubled the length of my non-professional contact list.
I was usually comfortable with my little life. I had expected to feel reenergised by the chance to exist without social demands for a minute. However, now, after the action packed style of the last two weeks, and for the first time in a long time, I felt lonely.
Laying on my bed, despite the sun still being up, I started scrolling through Instagram. It was strange to think that I could actually make contact with a few of the artists I followed now.
Urged on by that thought, and the sinking sensation that loneliness had started to etch into my chest, I switched to my texts.
To: Hugeboy I just realised, again, how weird it is that I have your number.
To: Hugeboy And Big Bang!
To: Hugeboy And Zico!
From: Hugeboy The only weird one is Zico.
From: Hugeboy When did you even exchange numbers?
To: Hugeboy We didn’t. He found mine somehow. Online or something.
From: Hugeboy Like I said...
From: Hugeboy Weird.
From: Hugeboy How are things going with Daesung?
To: Hugeboy Really well! He’s so fun and sweet!
To: Hugeboy I really like spending time alone with him. He’s great.
From: Hugeboy Forget I asked (¬_¬;)
To: Hugeboy Why? Would it be better if things were bad?
From: Hugeboy No… it’s just that women always like him.
From: Hugeboy Even his exes still like him.
From: Hugeboy Once you fall for him you never come back.
To: Hugeboy Who said I fell for him? I just like hanging out with him.
From: Hugeboy (ノωヽ)
I switched back to Instagram, not seeing much point in continuing this line of conversation. A few minutes later, a particular picture made me go back to my texts.
To: Hugeboy Okay... I have a question.
From: Hugeboy Okay... I have an answer.
To: Hugeboy Can I fire your stylist?
From: Hugeboy Why?!
To: Hugeboy Houndstooth.
To: Hugeboy Why Houndstooth?
To: Hugeboy It’s the worst of all patterns.
From: Hugeboy What are you talking about?
To: Hugeboy Your Instagram. Burberry or whatever.
From: Hugeboy You follow me on Instagram?
To: Hugeboy Literally millions of people follow you. Yes, I’m in there somewhere.
A notification pinged up on my screen. I snorted and swiped it away.
To: Hugeboy How did you find mine that fast?
From: Hugeboy Phone number.
From: Hugeboy YOU HAVE A DOG?!?!?!?!
To: Hugeboy Yes
From: Hugeboy Can I meet your dog?
I laid my face in my palm when the car pulled up. These boys really had no sense of subtlety.
Mino quickly got out of the passenger side door and gestured me over. I laughed, watching his eyes squinting out the glare of the sunset above a black face mask.
“What’s the point of wearing the mask when everyone knows the car?”
“I told him that it was stupid,” Zico’s voice came through the open door behind Mino. “Hey minyeo.”
“You guys…” Mino groaned.
I bent down and waved at Zico.
“How did he even convince you to drive?”
“He said I could meet a dog.”
I couldn’t argue with that logic. I had done much dumber things than go for a drive to get close to animals.
I crawled into the back seat, and gave Zico my address to put into his gps as Mino got back into the car.
“Everyone settled? Okay? Good,” Zico was clearly a man on a mission, “let’s go.”
Zico got lost, twice, despite the gps telling him exactly where and when to turn.
Finally, after the sun was down, we arrived at my apartment complex.
“This place is kind of…” Mino looked confusedly up at the building.
“Are you secretly rich or something?” Zico asked, substantially more straight forward than Mino’s still hanging sentence.
“Not really,” I shrugged, digging into my backpack for my keys, “I’m just well invested and live cheaply.”
Mino shook his head, “I know an actor that lives around here. These apartments are not cheap.”
I led them inside and upstairs.
“I drew a comic book series,” I explained leading the way down the hall towards my front door, “I don’t know how well it actually did, but the writer pays me a yearly royalty. I take most of it and invest it in developing businesses. The returns are usually pretty good. Ah, I can hear him!”
We had reached my front door. The second my key hit the lock, I heard the excited clicking of nails on the wood floor inside.
I tapped my nails on the door. 123… pause… 123. Instantly the clicking get more energetic, followed by a low “borf!”
I also heard Soo-Ah’s voice.
“What are you all excited about?”
I quickly unlocked the door and tumbled into the apartment.
“Luna!”
“Ttungbo!” I flung myself onto the ground to wrap my arms around the Boxer Terrier.
“Really? I guess that mmmmmmmMino! And… Luna what’s going on?! Why are you bringing two males to your apartment?!”
I looked up at Soo-Ah, noting the way she was hurriedly grabbing the blanket from the sofa to wrap around her uncovered legs.
I looked over at Mino and Zico. Mino was politely staring at my coatrack. Zico was on the floor next to me, all of his attention on my dog.
“I thought you were out.”
“I… it didn’t go well,” she shimmied her blanket wrapped self down the hall. “I’ll be right back!”
She slammed the door to the guest room shut.
Mino turned to me.
“You didn’t tell her we were coming?”
“She was supposed to be on a date.”
“I love your dog.”
I looked at Zico, who seemed to have been entirely oblivious to the fact that we had walked in on a half naked woman watching dramas.
“Right,” I stood up, “do either of you want anything?”
Ttungbo quickly sat directly between Zico’s legs and flopped his head on his chest.
“I’m good,” Zico said quietly, smiling at my dog.
“Okay,” I nodded and turned to Mino, “how about you? Hungry or anything?”
I started towards the kitchen, not waiting to hear Mino’s reply.
“I don’t know what’s here since I’ve been gone but there should be something around.”
I started by opening the fridge. There was a half empty take-away container of noodles, a bag of sad looking carrots, and two cans of Cass. I made a note to talk to Soo-Ah about taking care of herself better.
I felt the air stir behind me as Mino bent behind me to peek inside the fridge as well.
“Maybe the cupboard…” I mumbled, closing it in embarrassment.
“I’ll order something, what do you and Soo-Ah like?”
“Uh…” I didn’t know how Soo-Ah would feel about eating with them. She usually had no problem eating in front of people (in fact, it was one of the rare times she was guaranteed to eat at all), but I felt like I should check with her anyway.
“I’ll go ask her what she wants.”
As I walked down the hall to the guest room, I spotted Zico now laying on the floor playing tug-of-war with Ttungbo’s favourite toy, Corn Man.
I knocked on the door.
“Unnie?”
“I’ll be out in a minute.”
I rolled my eyes and opened the door.
Soo-Ah was leaning over the dresser, patting a cushion over her face. She was now clothed in her usual trendy style.
I plopped down on the bed and watched her.
“How you doing?”
“You could have told me you were hanging out with them.”
“Sorry. I didn’t know I was going to be, and you had your date so I figured it be okay. Besides,” I smirked, “it is my apartment.”
“Okay fine,” she sighed, putting down the cushion and picking up her eyebrow pencil, “but still. A little warning next time.”
“Yes. I figured if we were still here when you got back you’d be all made up in date looks anyway. Hot and maybe a little messy.”
She threw the cap of her pencil at me, but smiled.
“I did look good… if you guys had just been twenty minutes earlier…” she shook her head.
I watched her. She didn’t seem too stressed out, just nagging instead of actually scolding.
“I checked the fridge,” she frowned at my words. I quickly continued, “Mino suggested ordering some food. Do you want anything?”
“Food food, or something like banchan?”
I shrugged, it didn’t really matter to me. But I also smiled, knowing what she was thinking.
“Ojingeochae bokkeum and gaji?”
She nodded, smiling shyly.
I stood and headed back out of the room.
“I’ll tell him. And,” I paused at the door, “don’t do your eyeliner. You look best with your natural eye.”
“Should we stream? This is enough food for a mukbang,” I mumbled as I looked over the bags on my counter.
“I think Soo-Ah is the only one of us that wouldn’t get in trouble,” Mino pointed out.
“What about Zico? Isn’t he basically his own boss?”
“Netizens are a thing. I can’t just be out here eating with women,” Zico’s voice floated up from the floor, where he was now laying on his back. Ttungbo was laid across his chest, chewing on Corn Man as if he wasn’t pinning a six foot tall man to the floor.
I started unpacking the bags of food and sorting through the dishes. We had ended up ordering from five different places, somehow.
Mino popped open a container of kimchi and delicately fished out a larger piece of radish to pop into his mouth. I quickly tried to ignore the elegant lines of his hands as he sucked his thumb clean... and the soft dip of his shoulders as he leaned against the island in my kitchen. I definitely ignored the smudge of red left on his lip that he was obviously oblivious to.
“Ah…” I turned to the lower cabinet where I kept Ttungbo’s food, hiding the blush that threatened to cover my face.
Ttungbo’s ears pricked up when I grabbed the bag of food and he quickly scrambled up from his makeshift bed, managing to step squarely on Zico’s chest as he rushed over to his food bowl.
“Ah, my gordito, you know I can’t fill the bowl when you stand over it like that.”
“Bobby and Hoon want to come over.”
I finished filling up Ttungbo’s bowl and stood up, tilting my head at Mino.
“Hoon… Seunghoon?”
“Yeah,” he smiled shyly, only accenting the red that still marked his lips. Semi-consciously, I licked my own lip as if it would make the mark disappear.
“You don’t have to be so excited about it,” Mino started to pout. “They’re just bored and heard there was food, a dog, and soon to be alcohol here.”
I scrunched my face, shaking my head.
“I’m not excited.”
“Then what was that lip thing after you said Seunghoon’s name?”
Even though I knew exactly what he was talking about, I feigned ignorance.
“What are you talking about?”
I was half aware that Zico had pulled himself up off the floor and slid into one of the bar stools next to the kitchen island.
“You did this thing like,” Mino faked a slightly higher voice to mimic me,“Seunghoon?” He then slowly ran his tongue over his lower lip, exaggerating the lasciviousness.
I couldn’t help but smirk. He had finally cleared away the stain.
Zico chuckled, drawing Mino’s annoyed gaze.
“What?”
“You two are cute when you flirt like this,” Zico shrugged. “So Bobby and Hoon are coming over?”
“Not if she’s going to be like this,” Mino grumbled, dipping his fingers back into the kimchi.
It was worse than the first time. He was pouting now, creating a downward turn in his lips for the juice to flow along.
“I should text Soo-Ah and see what she thinks,” I hurried out of the kitchen to where I had left my backpack.
I heard Zico laughing again and the sound of Mino muttering quietly. He was too quiet for me to hear, but I caught Zico’s response.
“It’s like you don’t even have eyes man.”
I pressed my hands against my cheeks. Had Zico noticed me looking at Mino like that? Why had I been looking at him like that anyway? I took a deep breath and unlocked my phone.
To: Sooooo AH! Bobby wants to join us.
From: Sooooo AH! I know.
To: Sooooo AH! And Seunghoon.
To: Sooooo AH! Wait how do you know?
From: Sooooo AH! He texted me to ask if I was with you and the dog.
I blinked at my phone. I had no idea how to process that information.
From: Sooooo AH! I told him I was fine with him coming and to ask you guys.
At the same time that I received her message, I heard Mino call out from the kitchen.
“Bobby says he already asked Soo-Ah!”
I traipsed back into the kitchen, shaking my head.
“Yeah, she mentioned as much.” I gestured towards Zico, who was now snoring slightly, slouched over onto the island. “What’s with him?”
“I think this is the first time he’s left his studio since,” Mino looked uncomfortable, “since you know… that night. My show.”
“Really? That was nearly a week ago.”
“Yeah, that’s why I made him take a shower at my place before we picked you up.”
I looked over the sleeping man. The sight of him, so exhausted that he was asleep on my countertop, triggered my caretaker instincts.
“Is he wearing your clothes?”
“How can you tell?”
“He’s skinnier than you. Come on,” I approached the unconscious rapper, “help me move him to the sofa.”
Since Zico was in one of his skinnier states, it turned out that the most help I needed from Mino was just making sure that he didn’t slip out of the chair when I pulled him onto my back.
Mino tried to protest, offering to carry his friend. I just shook my head at him.
“Go get the blanket from the guest room. It’s the blue door.”
In my attempt to not just drop Zico onto my sofa, I sat first and then laid down with the plan to slip out from between his arms that were over my shoulders.
“Jussa minute…” I heard him mumble nearly directly into my ear. The sleepy words were followed by his arms tightening around my body and his leg being thrown over my waist.
This must be what teddy bears feel like.
I tried to slowly pry my way out of his grip, but his reaction was just to cling more tightly. For such a skinny guy, he was actually pretty strong.
Mino entered and stopped in his tracks, holding the blanket.
“Really?”
I wanted to shrug, but the python-like grip on my arms stopped me. So I just waved my hands and grimaced.
Mino rolled his eyes and shook his head.
“This is why I offered. You gotta just force your way out. If he’s like this he won’t even wake up.”
I tried wriggling out again, but again Zico’s grip just constricted.
“A little help would be great you know,” I sassed up at Mino.
Mino smirked and moved forward.
“You gotta be quick, don’t give him time to get tight. Like this…”
Mino quickly wedged his knee between Zico’s and mine. Zico groaned in his sleep but relaxed slightly, his body simply accepting the addition to the mix of limbs.
“Okay but my arms aren’t exactly in a strong position.”
“Yeah, yeah, you gotta just…” with a grunt, Mino grabbed Zico’s hands and pulled them up, breaking through the hold they had woven around my arms and stomach. “There. Now you ca-”
Mino’s words cut themselves off, and it was obvious why.
What had started as a purely utilitarian manoeuver left me effectively pinned between the two men. Of course, all that needed to happen was for Mino to pull back so that I could get away, but he was too busy blushing and staring at me.
“Mino…”
His eyes seemed to be studying the way my mouth had formed the word.
“Hmm?”
“We should-”
“Kiss.”
“What?”
“I’m going to kiss you, unless you tell me not to.”
Of all the times for my lips to feel dry.
I licked them quickly before speaking.
“That… I…”
Quickly, Mino dipped down and just barely pressed his lips against mine.
Luckily, unfortunately, Ttungbo started prancing excitedly in front of the door.
By the time Soo-Ah entered the apartment, I was back in the kitchen, getting cups ready for the drinks she had gone out to get. I wasn’t completely certain where Mino was. I had the feeling he was hiding in the bathroom.
“So I had to go back and I picked up some more food since we have extra people coming,” Soo-Ah explained as she placed an improbable number of bags on the kitchen counters. She glanced into the living room.
“He’s really cuddling that blanket. Where’s Mino?”
“Bathroom, I think.”
Soo-Ah started putting cans and bottles into the fridge.
I stood by, chewing on the rim of a plastic cup.
“Why are you being weird?”
I looked at her over the rim of the cup, now held only in my teeth.
“I-aungh-eein-bweer.”
She shot me a serious look, but turned to open up the now cold food.
“Yeah you are. We should microwave this.”
I took the cup out of my mouth and left it on the counter.
“I’ll tell you later. Aft-“
The doorbell buzzed.
I heard someone moving in the hallway, then Mino’s voice.
“I thought it was just going to be you and Bobby.”
I poked my head out to see the rest of Winner in my entry. For a second, I felt disconnected from my body.
“Should I order more food?”
“No! We brought some, unlike this rude kid,” Jinwoo exclaimed, holding up grocery bags.
“Where’s Bobby?” I asked.
“Why are you all here?” Mino demanded.
“Who’s here?” Soo-Ah called over my shoulder.
“It’s,” I paused, feeling silly saying it, “Winner.”
“What? All of them?” Soo-Ah pushed past me to peer at the men now carefully removing their shoes and jackets.
“Bobby will be here soon,” Seungyoon explained, handing me a bag full of pre-sliced fruit. He leaned in and gave me a quick hug.
Unsure how to react I just kind of nodded into it.
“Where’s the kitchen?” Jinwoo’s clear voice cut through the quiet argument Mino and Seungyoon were having.
“It’s here,” I jerked my head to indicate the door that Soo-Ah was still standing in.
I felt a hand clasp my shoulder.
“Why is it so loud in here?”
Zico stood next to me, cheeks slightly puffy, rubbing his arm over his eyes.
“The kids are here.”
“Kids? We’re the same age, aren’t we?” Jinwoo protested, wide eyed.
“Are we?” I flattened myself against the wall to let Seungyoon and Zico greet each other.
“1991,” Jinwoo said brightly.
“Ah, I’m 1990. Here,” I slipped into the kitchen, “no crowd.”
“I see,” Jinwoo followed me, “I thought you were younger than everyone in Big Bang.”
Jinwoo quickly situated himself over my stove. He kept apologising for having tagged along, and insisted on cooking to make up for it. He would scold Soo-Ah and I, and elbow Mino away, whenever we offered help.
Seungyoon and Zico stayed in the living room, talking over the boxing match I had put on from my TiVo.
Bobby joined us, accompanied by coffees and cake.
“Yahhhhh noona! Why do you have so many men in your house?!”
“Says the man coming into my house,” I shot back.
“That’s different,” Bobby whined, “you’re my new sister, I’m your annoying little brother.”
I thought about it, then nodded.
“That seems accurate. As for these guys,” I shrugged, “I think they were just bored.”
“Exactly,” Seunghoon chimed in from his position on one of my bar stools.
Ttungbo was sitting at Hoon’s feet, excitedly waiting for him to “accidentally” drop some food.
I could hear Soo-Ah in the living room, explaining that she had dated one of the boxers to Mino.
“- all his time training, but never the muscles that count, you know?”
“I’ll be right back,” I left Bobby to find his own place in the apartment.
The table in front of Soo-Ah was littered with empty cans. She swayed slightly in her seat, gripping Mino’s forearm tightly.
Mino looked like he had just been politely nodding along to whatever Soo-Ah said.
“Alright unnie,” I grabbed her hands and hoisted her up to her feet, “no more penis stories. Time for water.”
“Penis stories?”
I looked over at a surprised Bobby.
“She’s drunk,” I explained.
“I’m not drunk,” Soo-Ah protested, “I’m wasted.”
Soo-Ah broke into a fit of giggles then, throwing herself into my shoulder.
“My mistake. Bobby, go get me some water for her.”
I slowly directed Soo-Ah into the kitchen, and into one of the proper chairs.
“How many tattoos do you have?”
“No! No!” Mino loudly interjected, “we are not doing this!”
I looked up at him, brows cinched.
“It’s just a question.”
“I’m not worried about that. I’m worried about them,” he pointed at Seungyoon and Zico.
Seungyoon made an offended face, spreading his arms wide. Zico just laughed.
“Why?”
“Well first he,” Mino pointed at Zico, “will take his shirt off to show off. Then he,” an energetic gesture towards Seungyoon, “will start asking about yours. At which point one of them,” he pointed back and forth between the two of them, “will suggest you take something off to show us your tattoos.”
Seunghoon was still pretending to be offended, but Zico just shrugged.
“I don’t mind if everyone takes their shirts off,” Soo-Ah mumbled from where she was lying on my lap. “Here,” she started to sit up, “I’ll start.”
“No! Nope, no no no…” I quickly grabbed her and pulled her head back to my lap, “you don’t even have tattoos unnie.”
“This kind of thing is exactly what I was trying to avoid,” Mino complained.
“Why though?” Bobby piped up. “I swear hyung, you’re so weird sometimes.”
Soo-Ah, who had been muttering about how she could have a tattoo if she wanted to, sat back up again.
“We should go get tattoos right now!”
“No sweetie,” I once again pulled her to lying down, “you can’t get one when you’re drunk. Besides, you nearly passed out when you came with me last time.”
“That was from shock. I didn’t think you had your nip-mmmph!”
I clasped my hand over her mouth, muffling her words.
“She didn’t think you had your… what?” Zico prodded.
I shot him the White People Smile™️ and kept quiet. Soo-Ah tore my hand off her mouth.
“Nipples! She ha-ugh!”
I clamped my other hand over her mouth.
“Oh man that Pacquiao is he a sportsman or what?!”
Bobby looked mortified, but quickly picked up my cue.
“Yeah dude, he definitely punches hard!”
“I heard he went into politics!” I continued, struggling to keep Soo-Ah’s mouth covered.
“I don’t know about that but I don’t want to stop talking to cover what she said!” Bobby replied
“Shit man,” I let go of Soo-Ah, “you bit me!”
“You were suffocating me!”
“I could feel your pulse,” I shrugged, “you were fine.”
Jinwoo was doing the dishes, and Seunghoon was now sitting on the floor with Ttungbo.
“Sounds rowdy in there,” Jinwoo commented when I entered the room.
“That is definitely… accurate.”
“Yeah who has their nipples what?” Hoon asked.
“It’s,” I shook my head, “nothing. It’s nothing.”
“I bet it’s Zico,” Jinwoo said, “he seems like he’d get them pierced.”
I helped Jinwoo put everything away, despite his protests.
“We just barged into your house, it’s really the least I can do.”
I smiled graciously, hearing my phone go off in the hallway.
“You’re precious Jinwoo.”
Jinwoo pulled a quick flower pose while I stepped out of the kitchen to get my phone.
“Stop flirting so much,” Mino scolded his hyung, bringing dirty dishes into the kitchen.
“Stop giving me more work to do,” Jinwoo quipped.
“I’ll help hyung, I’ll help.”
I smiled at their bickering, then remembered that I needed to check my phone.
From: Lyong Boho Are you still with Daesung right now?
I paused over the message. Jiyong seemed to be able to tell when I was being evasive, even over text. Half of the truth might be my best bet.
To: Lyong Boho No. I stopped by my apartment to see Soo-Ah and Ttungbo.
From: Lyong Boho Ttungbo??
To: Lyong Boho My dog.
From: Lyong Boho I didn’t know you have a dog.
From: Lyong Boho When are you coming back?
From: Lyong Boho I wanted to see you.
“Luna?”
I looked up at Mino, leaning out of the kitchen door. My brain brought up the image of him bending down to kiss me. I blinked, trying to chase the memory away.
“Yeah?”
“Where are your trash bags?”
Ah, so that was all he wanted. The slight panic from being somewhat alone with him subsided. I looked back down at my phone.
“They should be in the cabinet under the sink.”
“Who’s messaging you?”
I could tell he was getting closer now, but I didn’t look at him.
“Jiyong.”
“Ah, uh…” he was standing right in front of me now. He lifted a hand to touch my wrist.
“About… before, you know…”
“Don’t worry about it,” I turned, breaking the contact between us, “it’s forgotten. And I won’t tell anyone.”
“Noona, we s-”
“Mino! Did you find the bags yet?”
“Go help Jinwoo.”
Mino hesitated, looking over my face for an extra second before turning back to the kitchen.
“They’re under the sink hyung.”
To: Lyong Boho I’ll be heading back soon.
To: Lyong Boho I’ll text you when I get back.
It was a good thing that Jiyong had texted when he did. It was getting late, and I had to herd these bored celebrities out of my apartment.
When I went back to the living room I saw that Bobby had taken my spot as Soo-Ah’s pillow. He was staring into his phone, scrolling through something or other, but his free hand was gently stroking the now sleeping Soo-Ah’s hair.
“That’s adorable, but I gotta start kicking you all out.”
Seungyoon sighed, but stood up.
“That’s fair. You want help cleaning up?”
“Yes! She does!” Jinwoo’s voice came across the hall and into the room.
“Ears of a dog that one,” Zico grumbled as he pulled himself off the sofa. “I like this blanket. Where’d you get it?”
“I made it,” I shrugged, “two months of knitting.”
With everyone’s help, the apartment was back to a livable standard fairly quickly. The only person who seemed actually annoyed about being asked to leave was Bobby.
“Are you sure she’ll be okay on her own?”
I had my arms wide, herding the protesting rapper towards the exit.
“She’s fine, she just needs to sleep. Trust me, I know how Soo-Ah works.”
“But what if sh-”
“I said she’s fine,” I nudged him out the door, “I’ll tell her to text you in the morning if you’re that worried, now go.”
I shut the door behind him and rested my back against it. The apartment was eerily quiet after the bubbling noise of having so many people over. I closed my eyes and basked in the silence.
Three loud thumps sounded on my door, jolting me and sending my heartrate skyrocketing. I spun and swung the door open, irritated.
“Bobby, I told… you…” I trailed off.
Mino stood in my doorway. Again the memory of him kissing me pushed the rest of my thoughts away. Behind him, Zico was leaning against the wall opposite my door.
“Don’t you want a ride?” Zico asked.
I bit my tongue. Literally. I dug my teeth into my tongue to suppress voicing the joke that accompanied the image that his words brought to mind -- an evolution of the previous memory.
From: Hugeboy We have to talk about what happened.
To: Hugeboy Not really. I already said I wouldn’t tell anyone.
From: Hugeboy You said it was forgotten.
“Are you guys seriously texting each other inside the same car?” Zico demanded, obviously having pieced together the timing of our typing and the sounds on our phones.
“Hyung…”
“Shouldn’t you be paying attention to the road? What if we miss our turn again?”
To: Hugeboy Exactly. No worries.
From: Hugeboy No. I don’t want to forget.
I looked up and caught Mino’s eye in the mirror on his sun visor. He stared at me intently, waiting for my reply. He looked tired, but also expectant.
Hoping that the darkness outside hid my blush, I turned my attention back to my phone.
To: Hugeboy Don’t be ridiculous.
I saw his ear move as he clenched and released his jaw.
“Stop grinding your teeth dude,” Zico muttered.
From: Hugeboy So that’s it? I’m supposed to just forget?
Annoyed by his refusal to see the bigger picture, I resorted to speaking aloud.
“It should never have happened.”
I saw Mino’s eyes widen, then cast down at his phone. A second later my phone chimed.
From: Hugeboy Did you not want me to?
I read the message over a few times. Lying would only cause problems.
“I didn’t say that…”
Mino turned in his seat to look at directly.
“Then why are we pretending?”
“Is this about you two kissing?” Zico interrupted, “you have to pretend because she’s under contract. You know how it is Mino,”
“You knew that we kissed?” I stared at Zico in shock. Had he been more awake than we thought?
“No,” he flashed a smile at me through his rear view mirror, “I just knew something happened since you two were acting weird all night.”
“No we weren’t!” Mino protested. “You just took a shot in the dark!”
“Yeah we were,” I corrected him. “We could barely make eye contact, and you flipped out about the tattoo thing.”
“Actually, he would have been like that about the tattoos anyway. I think he gets jealous because women always want to see mine.”
“I just don’t like that you always turn it into an excuse to see more skin.”
“It’s a fair trade,” Zico shrugged, “besides, I wasn’t going to. I know how much you like Luna.”
“Oh my god hyung, please stop.”
“I’m right here still,” I rolled my eyes, “anyway Zico is right. We should pretend nothing happened.”
“But it did.”
“So? What? You want to be the one to tell Jiyong about it?”
“Jiyong huh? Figures,” Zico sounded contemptuous. “He would be the one, wouldn’t he?”
I didn’t feel like getting into that particular jar of pickles, so I just rolled my eyes.
“Whatever that means.”
Zico just scoffed. Mino, on the other hand, slouched down in his seat and leaned his head on the window.
The rest of the drive passed in a thick silence.
It was obvious what Mino was pissed about, and I couldn’t help but feel guilty. I shouldn’t have let anything happen in the first place. Obviously, I should have just said “don’t” when he offered me the option. But I was weak, and what fan hadn’t at least had a passing thought of kissing such an alluring man?
Zico, on the other hand… I had no idea what the issue between him and Jiyong was, but neither of them hid their disdain for the other. I wondered about it for a moment, but decided that it was probably a waste of energy. Professional, personal, a first meeting gone awkward… did it really matter? Dramatic boys… who had time for that?
As for myself, I was annoyed with Jiyong. He only seemed interested in seeing me late at night. The implications were clear, despite the fact that he had impeccable manners. It was like he was following a recipe for intimacy or something. Did being tired make people more open to bonding? It had to. Being wary took energy, and most people were probably out of it after 11pm.
Zico pulled through the garage to drop me off. It was an unexpected move, but made sense. If anyone saw me getting back at this hour with Mino and Zico… well that journalist’s story would practically write itself.
Mino took advantage of the move though. After getting out of the car to let me out, he ducked down to tell Zico it would be a minute. Zico nodded, and pulled into a space not too far away, but far enough to give us some privacy.
“Mino…”
“Just, listen, okay?”
Mino pulled me to stand by a cement pillar, further out of sight of Zico. He only had a few centimetres on me, and he took full advantage of them now, backing me into the pillar.
“Do you really want to forget?”
“Why is this such a problem for you?” I deflected, rolling my shoulders back to look more confident than I felt.
“Noona… just…” Mino flexed his hand in front of his body in annoyance, then leaned in to rest it against the pillar next to me. “Just tell me if you want to forget.”
“It would be better if you forgot.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
I tilted my head, and Mino pressed his tongue against his cheek in annoyance. He grit his teeth and asked again, this time emphasising the pertinent pronouns.
“Do you want to forget? Are you going to pretend nothing happened?”
The intensity of the moment trapped my sarcasm before it made it to my mouth.
“No… ah,” I faltered as relief flooded his eyes and he quickly dipped his tongue over his lips. “But… I am going to pretend nothing happened.”
“That’s… okay,” Mino nodded. “That makes sense.”
He took a deep breath before continuing.
“Now, what do you want me to do?”
“What?”
“Should I forget? Should I delete your number? Or,” he leaned in closer, making me pull back until my head hit the cement behind me, then went a few centimetres further, “should I just get you when I can?”
“Get…”
I meant it as a question, I think. Mino, perhaps just being hopeful, appeared to take it as an answer.
His fingers curled into the hair at my neck, his thumb stroking my jaw as he ran his teeth over my bottom lip.
This couldn’t be a worse idea.
“I’m back.”
“Can I come up?”
I didn’t answer immediately, just staring into my bathroom mirror. Did I look like I had been kissed? Is that even a thing that could be ascertained by looking at someone? I lifted my hand to pat at my lip, trying to work out if there were teeth marks or not.
“Jagi?”
“Oh,” I snapped back to the conversation with Jiyong, “uh… I’m just tired. Sorry, what did you say?”
“I asked if I can come up. I miss you.”
Would I be a bad person if I said he could come? Would it give it away if I said that he couldn’t? I cleared my throat to buy time and try to clear the last few hours out of the equation. What would be the most normal response?
“Um… sure, if you want. But I’m not going to be very good company. I’ll probably just fall asleep.”
“That’s fine. I just want to be with you.”
“What are you listening to?”
I wasn’t even surprised that Jiyong had let himself in. Turning onto my side, I observed him from my bed. I had to smile at him.
The pajama pants he had on were covered in pink strawberries, but his shirt was some pre-worn metal band t-shirt.
“Frogs. My mom recorded them for me.”
Jiyong carefully climbed over me, laying down to tuck himself around my back.
“Feeling homesick?”
I nodded, then shook my head.
“Maybe, I don’t know. I think I just miss Ttungbo.”
“Soo-Ah is taking care of him well, right?” Jiyong muttered the words into my neck, nuzzling in close as he drew his arms around me.
For a second I felt like I had been trapped by a sleeping Zico again. The feeling of Jiyong’s hardness against my backside chased that thought away.
Neither of us immediately addressed it, and he didn’t bother acting embarrassed. Rather, the both of us just laid in silence — I wondering if it was too late (and if I even wanted) to start discouraging Mino; Jiyong gently exploring my shoulder with his lips.
“Ji?”
“Mmm?”
“Maybe you shouldn’t come up here like this.”
Jiyong unwrapped himself from my body and pulled me onto my back. He leaned over me, keeping concerned eye contact.
“Why not? What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know,” I shrugged, “it feels like you’re trying to skip the dating parts and go straight for the comfortable intimacy of a two year relationship.”
His brow creased as he digested my words.
“I’m too comfortable?”
“Yeah. It feels like we’ve been together for ages, not that we met two weeks ago.”
“True,” Jiyong nodded, then rested his cheek on my stomach. We were both silent, left to work out what we were doing with ourselves. After about three minutes, Jiyong spoke up again.
“Isn’t that a good thing?”
I knew what he was getting at, but I didn’t buy it. At least not right then. Whatever feelings I had been developing for, and with, Jiyong were decidedly shaken up. I had been pretty confident, somewhere in the back of my mind, that I would end this show with Jiyong. Was that naive of me? If I was willing to let Mino interlope that way, maybe I was wrong.
Or maybe I was wrong to think that anything that happened in, or around, the show actually meant anything.
“Luna?” Jiyong lifted his head, calling me out of my thoughts.
I blinked, my eyes dry from staring at the ceiling while riding the doubt cycle.
“Hmm?”
“You’re worrying again.”
I scrunched the pillow under my head up so that I could look down at Jiyong.
“How do you know?”
Jiyong smiled slightly, reaching up and pressing a finger against my forehead, just slightly above my eyes.
“You get a little puff right here when you’re overthinking.”
I laughed. My aunt used to call it my “worry pouch” when I was little. I had forgotten about it until Jiyong pointed it out.
Jiyong smiled, wrapping his arms back around me, rubbing his cheek against my stomach.
“I know that everything seems a little fake,” he paused to grip my shirt in his teeth, inefficiently lifting it so he could kiss my stomach, “but I don’t believe in playing with people’s feelings.”
Date Roulette: Daesung
Monday
Intro Week Start Seungri Week Start Previous Next
I replayed the previous night in my head while I picked over my eggs.
I stirred, brain heavy with the need for sleep. I felt a hand playing with my hair.
“I should go.”
Part of me wanted to protest, but Jiyong was right. It wouldn’t do for any of the crew to find him in my suite, never mind my bed, in the morning.
But he was comfortable. His shirt was soft against my cheek, and his deferential manners were endearing.
I groaned, letting my arm tighten over his body.
God, how weak could I be? Was basic interest all it took to get my boundaries to disappear?
It felt like a trick.
Jiyong laughed at my clinging to his shirt.
“You want me to stay?”
“You’re warm,” I replied, petulant, not actually answering the question.
“Hmm,” I felt him kiss my hair, “I want to stay too.”
I shook my head as I remembered the next part. Mindlessly, I started the washing up and getting ready for a day of… something.
“I feel like you might be manipulating me,” I admitted.
Jiyong shifted and turned on my bed so that he could look down at me directly.
“I’m not. I know that my saying it probably doesn’t count for much, but I’m really not.”
He leaned down, pressing a kiss against the corner of my mouth.
“In fact,” he laid another kiss on my cheek, “sometimes I feel,” a third kiss, this time on my neck, “like you’re the one manipulating me.”
I blushed at the memory, deciding to get some painting done. I was definitely weak to the implied flattery. I knew that I wasn’t manipulating him, but the fact that he felt that way made me feel… powerful.
“Shit.”
He had mumbled the swear, apparently speaking to himself more than me.
“What’s wrong?”
“I figured it out.”
I leaned up on my elbow, looking up at him sitting against the headboard. The shine of the TV gave his skin a sickly tone, but also highlighted his sharp features.
I wandered into the bedroom, noticing the dip in the pillows from where he had lain. I ignored the tense feeling in my gut while I checked the weather on my phone and pulled together an outfit.
“What did you figure out?”
Jiyong reached out and brushed his fingers through my hair, sweeping it back from my face. He said nothing.
I scooted up, moving to my hands and knees over one of his legs.
He watched me, looking a little sad somehow.
“What’s wrong?”
He smiled, soft and slow, then, shaking his head.
“Nothing,” he reached out again, beckoning me closer, “I just really like you.”
I pulled the tank top over my head. It brought a slight smell of his… cologne, soap, deodorant… whatever it was. It had apparently permeated the cloth while we had spent the night loosely tangled up.
My phone chimed.
From: Daesung I guess we should meet up. I don’t have a schedule.
Right. Seungri was done. Time to give Daesung a chance.
To: Daesung Alright. Should we meet in the lobby in fifteen minutes?
From: Daesung How about a half an hour?
To: Daesung Okay.
I got dressed and put the easel away. Painting would have to wait. I packed up some pencils instead. I would be early to the lobby, but maybe I’d be able to get a rough outline started for the painting.
The light foot traffic through the lobby served as a pretty good background noise to my sketching. Just enough bustle to fill some of my brain, without actually being a distraction. Footsteps, soft dings of elevators, the woosh of air passing through the revolving doors.
“Who is that?”
I looked up at Daesung.
He was peering curiously over my shoulder at my sketchbook.
“Some king or something.”
He shook his head, gesturing to the side of the drawing.
“I mean the woman. Is she the queen?”
I looked down at the paper. My own self esteem issues had stopped me from seeing the woman that way. In my mind, she was still just the pet. Courtesan, mistress, something like that.
“I’m not sure yet,” I sighed, “I think maybe she has more power than I realised though.”
Daesung straightened up, tilting his head at me.
“But she’s your creation. Wouldn’t you know?”
I smiled as I packed my book into my bag.
“You’d think that, wouldn’t you?”
Daesung suggested going for a walk along the river. It was nice out, perfect weather for a stroll in the park.
We walked without talking much, just watching other people and the water in turn. It seemed like everyone was out to take advantage of the weather.
“Wait here,” Daesung indicated a bench looking over the water. “I’ll be right back.”
“Ah, okay…” I sat down, not really minding the sudden change from the lazy energy of our walk to his excited tone.
I watched him quickly walk away across the grass for a second before turning back to the river. I took the moment alone as a chance to check my phone.
From: Lyong Boho Sorry I left like that.
From: Lyong Boho I really couldn’t stay any later.
I stared at the texts, trying to think of a response while I waited for Daesung to come back from wherever he had popped off to.
To: Lyong Boho It’s okay. I don’t know how I would have reacted if you had stayed.
From: Lyong Boho Why? It’s not like anything happened.
He was right. The furthest it had gone was when he had lifted my shirt slightly.
Jiyong’s skin had that well kept texture. Daily moisturisers and carefully curated soaps were obviously part of his lifestyle.
I wondered how mine compared when his abs pressed against my newly exposed stomach.
He let out a moan, biting my lip to show his appreciation of the fresh skin contact.
His shirt had been unbuttoned a while ago, while I had sat in his lap and taken advantage of his sensitivity.
“Did you forget sunscreen? You’re getting red.”
I squinted up at Daesung, who was backlit by the midday sun.
“Ah,” I scrambled to get my thoughts in order, “I think I’m just overheating.”
“Well this should help,” Daesung held up a plastic bag.
He pulled out two ice creams. After opening them and handing one to me, he also pulled a key with a tag attached out of his pocket.
“Let’s go on the water.”
“I haven’t been in one of these since I was a kid.”
Daesung smiled at the comment, pleased with his idea.
He was careful to help me into the plastic contraption, holding onto my hand tightly to keep me steady until I sat down.
The sun shone on his skin, highlighting the coppery tone. He was made for bright summer days.
The river was lazy; the current barely pulling at our little boat. Eventually both Daesung and I rested our feet on the dashboard area, letting the water gently turn us about.
“Can I ask you something?”
I tilted my sunglasses down to look at Daesung.
“What’s up?”
Daesung paused, shaking his hair from his eyes before continuing.
“You and Jiyong seem close…” he trailed off.
Having already noticed some similarities between Daesung and I, I settled back into my seat. I trusted that he’d figure out the words in a minute.
“What’s your ideal type?”
I hummed, thinking over what to say.
Did I even have a type? I thought back to high school. I had dated football players, theatre nerds, a cheerleader, even a chess champion...
“I always dreamed of the type of person that would confess cooly,” I shrugged, “but I also have low self-esteem. So I usually ended up with unpopular people who thought I was too good for them.”
I let my hand fall to draw a trail in the water.
“I almost always confessed first, and I never got turned down until I was 21.”
“You dated a lot then?”
I shrugged.
“Not really. I would date one guy for a long time,” I smiled at the eddies my hand caused, “my mother used to joke that I was too young to be married.”
Looking up, I shot Daesung a self deprecating smile.
“Now look at me. Over thirty, not married, and on a reality celebrity dating show.” I shook my head, “I don’t think it’s quite what she had in mind for me.”
Daesung considered my answer in silence for a while.
“You didn’t really answer the question.”
I shrugged again, leaning back and closing my eyes. I wanted to enjoy the warmth, but also not face the reaction to my words.
“I’m not sure I have a type. I guess when I look at my past… the guys who weren’t evil at all were the jazz musician and the astrophysicist.”
I heard him move, and the boat swayed a bit more.
“You dated evil guys?”
“Sure. Every woman has. There are loads of them out there, and they’re pretty good at hiding.”
Only the faint sounds of water and other people in their own boats floated around us.
I peeked one eye open.
Daesung was leaning forward in his seat, using the dashboard as support. He stared out over the water, his head resting on his crossed arms.
I opened my other eye.
His brow was creased.
“What’s up?”
He glanced over at me and sighed heavily before leaning back in his seat.
“I know it’s true,” he rubbed one hand over his brow, “but it doesn’t make sense.”
“That’s good though,” I let my feet down so I could sit up properly, “if you don’t understand the point of cruelty, you’re probably not a cruel person.”
Being with Daesung was comfortable. Even though we hadn’t spent a lot of time together before, we fell into an easy way of engaging with each other.
It helped that he didn’t seem to actually be treating our time together like a date. We went on the paddle boat, went walking along the Han, wandered around some local stores… it was the sort of day I might have had with Soo-Ah.
I was carefully looking over some watches when he gave the next sign of doing something “for the show.”
I turned to him.
“I don’t understand wo… what are you doing?”
He had his hand raised, palm down, next to his head and was squinting slightly. When I caught him, he didn’t bother trying to hide his odd behaviour.
“I thought you were shorter than me.”
I smiled a little. It seemed weird that he was only now noticing.
“It’s my shoes,” I turned a heel out to show them off, “a little bit of a wedge, but still looks like tennis shoes. They’re kind of my favourite.”
“You don’t really need them.”
I shrugged, “yeah. But there’s no way to make myself shorter, so why not go all in? Anyway,” I held up one of the watches, “what is up with women’s watches being so weird looking?”
Daesung made an adorably confused look at my question. I immediately decided to keep going.
“Look at this thing, it’s just bad design. The watch face is longer tha…”
I wasn’t even really aware of what I was saying. I just kept going so I could watch the faces Daesung made. It wasn’t exactly difficult to rant about watches for a good five minutes, it was a topic I had long held passionate views about.
“... they’re the equivalent of fake pockets for your wrist,” I eventually finished, placing the watch back on the display.
Daesung was grinning.
“What about men’s watches?”
I held up a hand, turning to look at the men’s selection.
“Men’s watches at least usually make sense! Let me… okay like this one is a perfect example. The strap attaches h…”
In the back of my mind I could see that Daesung and I had switched roles. He was watching me now, and I was kind of just along for the ride of my own dissertation on watches.
“You’re cute.”
I frowned, turning back to the display of watches.
“Anyway… I think I’m going to get this one for my cousin.”
Daesung looked curiously around my shoulder. For the first time that day I remembered that he was a man.
“Seungri mentioned that you had to get a birthday present for your cousin.”
“Mm,” I nodded, examining the watch, “this is a different cousin. I need to get him a congratulations gift.”
Daesung nodded, still looking over the watches.
“What’s his style like?”
I carefully considered the question before answering. Did Eddy have a style? In my mind he was still the 16 year old obsessed with bass fishing, but I was pretty certain that image was considerably out of date.
“I guess he’s like… well,” I shrugged, “he calls himself a DJ, but he makes his money from manufacturing.” I frowned, just now realising that Eddy would probably leave his job. I shook my head to chase the worry away. He was an adult by now, not the infant with a light shaped head that I had helped raise.
“He dresses like a nerd, but in streetwear. He was really into Supreme for a minute, but then he changed his mind and said it was just painting things red.”
A snort sounded to my left. I looked up to see the cashier holding her hand over her face, obviously trying not to laugh. I smiled at her, trying to silently tell her that I wasn’t offended.
I ended up buying a simple watch with a red strap, mostly as a joke. I knew he’d prefer a bottle of something foreign that he could flash around at people he wanted to impress, so I figured I’d buy something like that for the real gift.
“What do you want to do now?”
We were sitting on a bench outside a coffee shop. I was chewing at my straw while we watched people go about their daily errands.
I shrugged.
“Come on,” Daesung nudged me with his shoulder, “you look like you have something you want to do.”
“Well,” I shrugged again, “if I’m totally honest, I kind of want to go back to the hotel. I had planned to get some painting done.”
“Alright,” Daesung stood, zero hesitation in his movement. “Let’s go.”
I dragged myself off the bench and smiled.
“Let’s stop at the corner store on the way.”
Daesung was glad to accept my invitation to hang around while I painted. Having picked up some supplies on the way home made it easy for the both of us to relax in a parallel play sort of way.
I made us both drinks while Daesung paired his phone with the speakers meant for the room’s television.
I offered Chul, my seemingly constant cameraman for these smaller gatherings, a drink as well. He declined with a bashful gesture to his camera.
“Ah… I guess you’re on the clock right now, huh?”
I set up my area and teased Daesung about his playlist selection. It seemed to be mostly ballad style songs. Not exactly my thing, but not really bad either. Good background sort of music.
Daesung took up residence on the sofa, amusing himself with his phone.
At first I felt a little pressured to entertain him, but he kept insisting that he was fine. On my second drink, I was actually beginning to believe him. By my third I was convinced.
Eventually we settled into something that felt like a movie scene. Daesung sprawled across the sofa, eyes shut, humming softly along with the music. I tried to figure out if adding anything else to the picture in front of me would ruin it or not.
I sucked my teeth, feeling that there was something missing, but unsure what it was.
“When did you start painting?”
My eyes were glued to the painting, but in my periphery I saw Daesung sit up.
“Hmm?”
“How long have you been painting?”
I decided that the woman in the picture was too cute. It diminished the ominous quality that I was looking for.
“Ah… since I came to Korea, I guess.”
Daesung considered this while I tried to work out how to decrease the cuteness.
“What about America?”
“What do you mean?”
I noticed him leaning forward now.
“Did you not paint in America?”
I paused, trying to work out how to explain the problem with painting.
“Ah… well…” I dropped my brush into a cup, maybe the one with paint thinner, but I think it was the one half full of gwahaju.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
“No, no, it’s just… the words,” I fell back on an old excuse with a chuckle.
I watched Daesung as I wiped my hands off on my old cotton cloth.
Daesung watched my hands, the way infants watch anything that moves.
I reached for my glass, then sighed. Yep, I had definitely dropped my brush in the wrong cup.
Daesung was definitely a master of reading the room. As such, he left me alone when I went to get myself a fresh drink.
Returning to the living room with a new cup, I settled onto the sofa next to him with a groan. I reached for the current bottle, but my hand was pushed aside quickly.
“I’ll pour it.”
The gesture struck me as endearing, even though I knew it was just done out of politeness.
I accepted the now filled cup back from Daesung, and leaned back into the plush cushions.
“My sister is an artist.”
Daesung nodded, but tilted his head as well. He kept quiet, so I continued.
“She’s also very… prideful? She likes to own things, I guess. Possessive. So,” I shrugged, “painting was hers. She owned music,” I started ticking off on my fingers, “and sculpture, and any other kind of art. I got math, and science, and technology instead.”
Daesung frowned.
“She discouraged you?”
I laughed, a little too loudly.
“That’s a kind word for it. Any time I tried anything she would expect perfection the first time. If I wasn’t up to her standard she would spend hours and days ridiculing me. So…” I smiled self-deprecatingly, “I didn’t paint in America.”
I was filled with a buzz of embarrassment when I finished my explanation. I quickly sought to replace it with the buzz of alcohol.
Daesung watched me down my drink. He considered the empty glass for a moment before speaking up.
“But, you’re good. You obviously like it. Why did y-“
I knew what the question was, so I cut him off with the answer.
“It’s amazing what you can do once you’re not constantly being told that you’re shit.”
Considering that the both of us were, essentially, day drunk, we decided to order in for dinner.
A collection of pizzas that would never make it through market testing in America showed up an hour later.
The delivery guy looked at me curiously when I opened the door. He needed Daesung’s signature, since he had insisted on using his phone to order.
Drunk to the point of playfulness I called him over.
“Oppa~! He needs you to sign.”
Daesung approached, a little unsteady, and scrawled across the receipt.
“It is you!”
“Huh?” I tilted my head as I handed the bags from the delivery guy to Daesung.
“You’re the girl from Date Roulette! I knew you looked familiar.” The deliverer shook his head, looking a little excited. “I watched the first episode,” he lowered his voice slightly then, “you were cute.”
“Ayy, Luna you have a fan,” Daesung teased me.
I swatted at his arm before dipping a polite bow to the man still in my doorway.
“Oh, thank you.”
“Would it be okay, you know,” the man looked sheepish now. “Well, my coworker likes you, and my girlfriend is a fan of Daesung… could we take a picture? They’d really be jealous.”
“Ah… well,” I didn’t know what to do. Was it okay? If he posted it online would it be a problem?
“Here, I’ll take it,” Daesung held a hand out to the man. The deliverer quickly handed over his phone.
Daesung positioned me in the middle and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. The man quickly fell into place on my other side, politely avoiding touching me.
The picture taken, we exchanged thanks and shut the door.
“Is it always like that?”
“Hmm?” Daesung was already digging through the bags.
“When you order food. Do the drivers often act like that?”
“Sometimes,” he shrugged. “I think it’s easier to ask you though. You’re not, like, super famous yet.”
The room felt like a restaging of uncountable nights from my early twenties.
I was, without a doubt, wasted. I was wasted, laying on the floor next to the open sliding glass door that led to the little balcony. I had commandeered the playlist and turned it to Steely Dan and Jaco Pastorius.
Daesung was laid out somewhere close by, counting aloud every plane that he spotted through the window. He kept losing count, and eventually settled on just saying “there’s another,” whenever one came into view.
“Where do you think they’re going?” I asked after what could have been the fiftieth.
“Home, I hope.”
I liked that. It was a nice thought, and made me feel a little warm.
“I hope they get there safe,” I mumbled, letting my eyes close.
The buzz of my phone on top of the glass coffee table stirred me from my broken drunk sleep.
From: Lyong Boho Are you and Daesung still out?
I checked the time. 2:27am, Tuesday. Rubbing my hands over my face, I looked around.
Three feet to my left, Daesung was soundly asleep, arms wrapped around a pillow from the sofa.
To: Lyong Boho No. We’re in my suite. What’s up?
Jiyong’s response was so long in coming that I was nearly asleep again when I felt my phone vibrate in my hand.
From: Lyong Boho Nothing.





