Date Roulette: Seunghyun
Friday
Intro Week Start Seungri Week Start Daesung Week Start Taeyang Week Start Previous Next
-----
I was becoming entirely too comfortable. Too comfortable with not making plans. Too comfortable with waking up in strange beds.
Too comfortable with Seunghyun.
Literally.
I had never been a believer in the idea that men were strictly big spoon cuddlers. My time with Daesung was enough proof of that. But with the way Seunghyun acted like a bit of a guard dog at times, I would never have taken him for the little spoon type.
But his head was resting on me, squished somewhat between my bicep and chest. His arms had managed to keep themselves securely around my waist as we slept, and he had practically bundled himself against me.
I started to move, stretching slightly. It drew a groan from him.
"Don't move," he grumbled, nuzzling his head deeper into my arm.
"We have to get going."
"Why?"
I raised my hand not currently pinned by his head and pushed the hair off of his face.
He was being… cute? That sounded about right. Cute.
It felt like a foreign word when applied to Seunghyun. And not foreign in the way I had become accustomed to. It wasn't just a new word, or one which I didn't know the meaning of. It was foreign like those words that didn't have a translation. Those definitions that go on for a paragraph.
I blinked, remembering that he had asked a question.
"Because they need to get in here and clean the room for the next guest."
He groaned, rolling to press his face directly into the mattress. As if he could escape downwards.
"I'll just extend it another night."
"But we need to get back to Seoul."
"Why?"
"For… uh…"
He had a point. We were the show. The show staff was here with us, bare bones as it was.
"We need clean clothes."
"I'll buy some."
"The crew needs clean clothes."
"I just said I'd buy some."
"I want to go back."
He groaned again, sounding less annoyed this time.
Our skin stuck slightly as he pulled his arms away from me. Pushing himself upwards, he nodded.
"Okay. Just let me…"
He didn't finish his sentence. Scrambling to stand up, it was the first time I had ever seen him look even slightly off balance.
I blinked, quickly rolling away from him. I had forgotten that he had only been in his boxers and undershirt. They were not by any stretch of the imagination revealing, but it seemed only polite and, in some way, correct to lend him the privacy as he pulled his pants on.
I felt the bed dip behind me, followed by the sensation of the sheet being pulled over my thighs and side.
"Sorry," he mumbled, "your skirt…"
"Right," I stayed facing away from him, "thanks."
I reached down and tugged the sheets further up my body.
-----
That was how our morning shuffle continued. Avoiding looking too directly at each other. Being a little hyper aware of the rumpled appearance of our day-old clothing. Incomplete sentences.
It got real old, real fast. Literally nothing had happened. There was precisely zero reason for us to be acting like teens who got caught.
"Did he ever reply to your picture?" I finally asked between bites of a sandwich.
Despite my request that morning to go back to Seoul, I had looked up nearby restaurants and chosen a place for breakfast. I did want to get back eventually, but there was no harm in taking a bit of extra time before leaving. Just as long as I slept in "my" room tonight, I would be relatively happy.
Seunghyun shook his head, pulling his phone out of his pocket. He tapped the screen, then shook his head again.
"Nothing."
He held his phone out. I could only see the last bit of Jiyong's last message at the top of the chat, and I wasn’t about to scroll up to see more.
From: KJY get home.
To: KJY [Image]
To: KJY You know I'll take care of her. Relax.
The picture showed my head on his chest. His fingers were in my hair, and I looked for all the world like I was peacefully asleep.
Perhaps because I had been.
"When…?"
"You fell asleep pretty fast, and I didn't think I could move without waking you up."
That explained this morning, somewhat.
"So what does it mean when he doesn't respond?"
Seunghyun smirked, taking his phone back.
"Do you want to go to the beach before we head back?"
I narrowed my eyes at his piss-poor attempt at changing the subject.
"Hyun."
He rolled his eyes before answering.
"He's definitely overthinking," his smile widened to a full grin, "and he might be furious."
-----
"It's a bit out of the way," I said, swiping across the map on my phone. We were done with breakfast and had checked out of the hotel. Without having a set plan to spur us into motion, I was listening to Seunghyun make suggestions while sitting on the trunk of his car.
"Not by much. And I know that you want to go."
No point in asking why. No doubt Soo-ah's advice had given him enough information to build a whole itinerary.
"Sure," I conceded, "though the real dream would be one in, like, Bali or Australia."
"I'll save those for our honeymoon," Seunghyun teased.
"Hyun…"
"For now we'll just settle for Busan."
"A wedding is not goi-"
Seunghyun reached up and placed a single finger over my lips.
"Yeobo."
I made an annoyed groan and rolled my eyes.
"Just admit that you're going to marry me," he continued, ignoring my minor protest, "and when we do, I'll take you on a world tour of beaches. Okay?"
"On second thought, let's just go back to the city. I'm fucking sick of you."
He smiled, now taking my hand and tugging me down from his car. Once I was standing, he moved to wrap an arm around my shoulder.
"Is it because we didn't pack anything? We need swimsuits," he tugged his own phone out and pulled up Naver maps as well, "right? Let's see what stores are around."
-----
"This is cute," I mumbled to myself, looking over a swimming set.
"Get it then," Seunghyun automatically replied, not looking up from his own browsing.
"Eh," I waffled, "just because it's cute doesn't mean it would be cute on me."
That made him actually look up and walk over. Nudging up behind me, he reached around me to pick up the hanger and take a look.
"What do you think?" I prompted him.
He didn't immediately say anything. Instead, he placed his free hand on my waist and directed me towards one of the mirrors hanging between clothing racks.
Still behind me, he held the hanger up in front of me. His head tilted, and his eyes narrowed slightly as he ran them over my reflection. After some excruciating observation, he finally spoke.
"Not this one."
"It's not that bad," I started to protest, "maybe just a different color."
"No," he spoke with a surprising amount of finality. He shook his head and turned away, taking the swimsuit with him. He replaced it on the rack, and started flipping through the other options.
"Here," he held another set towards me, still focused on the rack, "how about this one?"
I took the hanger and mimicked Seunghyun’s action from before, holding the suit in front of myself.
"Not bad," I shrugged, "but you obviously have different taste than me."
"Try these too," he held several more hangers now. Looking around, he seemed to be trying to locate a clerk. "Do they have changing rooms?"
"Over there," I nodded my head towards a series of doors designed to look like surfboards.
"Perfect. Try these on," he pushed the hangers into my hands and ushered me towards the changing area. I was able to snag the one I had chosen before I swept away.
Seunghyun rolled his eyes, but didn't stop me.
-----
"Fuck me," I grumbled, turning around and looking in the mirror.
"What's that?" Seunghyun’s voice came from the other side of the door.
"It's… very…" I tried to think of an accurate description.
"Very?"
Sexy? Revealing?
"It's too small," I pulled the ties on the side. No amount of adjusting the knots would make more cloth magically appear.
"Do you want a bigger size?"
I grit my teeth, remembering a hundred shopping trips from my teens when I had heard that exact question, albeit in a different language.
"No," I sighed, "that's not… it's not small in that way," I explained, hoping he'd take the hint and shut up.
"What do you mean?"
Of course he didn't.
"I, uh…"
"Just let me see."
The door handle jiggled slightly. Not like he was actively trying to open it, but just as if he had laid his hand on the other side.
"Absolutely not. No way," I double checked that the door was locked, "especially not with the camera out there."
"Come on," he sounded a little annoyed, "it can't be that bad."
"I'm not trying to get this show rated as adult content, Hyun."
For a few precious moments, there was silence on the other side of the door.
"Try the blue one, it should have more…" he cleared his throat, "I mean, it has better, uh, coverage."
-----
An agonizingly awkward silence filled the next half an hour. And then we arrived at the beach. It was obvious that Chul had sent the other staff member ahead to set up. There was a small sun shade, two seats, and an assortment of towels and sunscreen.
"Here," Chul held a bottle out to me, "I figured this would work better than last time."
I smiled, a little touched by his remembering.
"You know," I teased, "if I didn't know it was your job to look after me, I might think you liked me."
Chul rolled his eyes, wiggling the bottle towards me.
"Just take it already."
-----
"Don't you want to go in the water?"
I hummed, eyes shut, trying to be as noncommittal as I could be. I was fully content with simply basking in the sun.
Seunghyun groaned.
"Come on," he whined, starting to poke my leg as he continued, "just for a little while?"
"Don't try to be cute," I scolded him, "it won't work on me."
I heard him make an annoyed noise, but his fingers no longer prodded my thigh.
I was nearly lulled asleep by the sound of the sea when he spoke up again.
"I could just pick you up and bring you out to the water."
I sighed, and finally opened my eyes. Turning my head, I gazed up at Seunghyun. He was sitting on a towel next to where I was laid out.
"You want me to kill you?"
He grinned down at me.
"I don't think you would."
"That depends," I pushed myself up slightly, propping myself up on my elbows. "Hey Chul," I called out.
"Yeah?" I heard the all-rounder reply.
"How much trouble will I get in if I fight Seunghyun?"
"Uh…" he sounded unsure, probably of how serious I was being, "let me just turn off the cameras first."
Seunghyun scoffed, rolling his eyes and shaking his head.
"No company loyalty," he grumbled.
"You aren’t the company," Chul called out, laughing.
"Fucking microphones…"
"Go in the water if you're tired of microphones," I let out a small groan as I turned over and settled myself onto my stomach. I nestled my face into my arms, hoping Seunghyun would just let me nap.
"I don't want to go alone," he said, once again reaching over to prod a finger into the flesh of my leg, "come with me."
Honestly, I should have seen that one coming.
"Fine," I groaned again, pushing myself up to sit on my knees, "if I go in with you for a while, will you then let me waste my time in the sun?"
Seunghyun grinned, scrambling to stand up, and held a hand out towards me.
"I make no promises," he shook his head, "but I'll think about it."
I blinked up at him a few times before I gave him my hand. He immediately tugged me to stand next to him.
"Fine," I brushed some sand off my arm, "that's better than nothing I guess."
-----
"Are you letting me win?" Seunghyun asked as his hands clasped around my waist. He rested his chin on my shoulder. Instinctively, I double checked that my top was securely in place.
"I'm just off my game," I protested, working my fingers under his own, "the ocean freaks me out sometimes."
"Orrrr…" he batted my hands away from his own, pulling me more tightly against his body, "you secretly want me to hold onto you."
Man, who would have thought I'd have to threaten a man twice today?
"I'll kill you," I tried my best to sound intimidating.
I must have failed, since he only laughed.
"There's worse ways to go."
Finally, I got a grip on his hand. Peeling it back, I slid out from his grasp.
I was a little surprised that he let me go so easily. Until he refused to let go of my hand.
"Wait wait wait…" he pulled himself closer again, but at least he didn't try to wrap himself around me again, "I actually wanted to talk to you away from the microphones."
I glanced at the shore, spotting the tell-tale glint of the sun bouncing off a camera.
"What about?" I warily asked.
"I have a plan to get us away from the cameras for a while."
I blinked, then narrowed my eyes.
"Why?"
"Just to take the pressure off," he shrugged, "I know you're not used to all of this."
I grimaced, trying to one-up my already suspicious expression.
"And," he stressed the word, expressing that he was about to reveal his true motive, "I wanted to spend some time with you without us having to perform, you know?"
I cocked my head. That wasn't really what I expected.
"We don't perform though? At least," I placed the fingertips of my free hand on my chest, "I don't."
"I'm not saying it like that," Seunghyun shook his head. "I just mean I'd like to spend some time comfortably. Without having to worry about an audience."
"Then why don't we just go home? There's no cameras in my room, we can just hang out in there."
"Sure, but there's most likely microphones."
My heart stopped.
Microphones in my room? How had that not even occurred to me?
I felt ill. Blinking rapidly, I looked out over the ocean, and struggled with what to say.
"W…" I lifted my free hand to my eyes, covering them, "ah…" I let my hand slide down to cup my own cheek, "what?"
"It's pretty standard…" Seunghyun spoke slowly, eyebrows dipping, "are you okay?"
My hand was pressed over my mouth now. I was decidedly not okay.
"I need…" I mumbled through my fingers, eyes still scanning the sea and sky, "Chul…" I could absolutely not meet Seunghyun’s eye right now, "I have to talk to Chul."
I tugged against Seunghyun's hold on my hand, trying to move back towards the beach.
"Wait," his hand only tightened on mine, "baby…"
It was the English, more than the name itself, that made me pause.
"Tell me what's wrong."
His voice was soft, and he slowly reeled me back towards him. This time he pulled my chest against his. After wrapping one arm around my waist, he used the other to push my hair away from my face.
I kept my eyes focused on some indiscernible spot behind him, still not willing to make eye contact.
"I can't," I shook my head.
"Luna," I felt his index finger crook under my chin, "look at me."
He was gentle as he guided me to look at him, running his thumb against my cheek.
I was back to blinking rapidly, as if his face was too bright to look at.
He, on the other hand, kept a steady eye on me.
"Tell me what happened."
I shook my head, a tiny motion for just how bad the situation was. I couldn't take his eyes on mine. Dropping my gaze to where his neoprene style swimming shirt clung to his collarbones, I bit my lip.
"Was it one of the boys?" He asked, thumb still working softly against my face, "whatever it was, I'll make sure you're protected."
"It's not like a Seungri thing," I blurted out. If nothing else, I didn't want him to suspect anyone of doing something like that.
"Then what is it?"
"Hyun…" I whined, letting my head drop onto his shoulder, "I really can't tell you."
His hand immediately landed on my hair, lightly stroking through the salt roughened strands.
"Why not? What's the worst thing that happens if you tell me?"
I couldn't help the chuckle that escaped me.
"The worst? I die of embarrassment, you get charged with drowning me, the audio gets released during the trial, and everyone hears what I sound like w…" I lost all steam, not willing to say aloud exactly what was probably on someone's hard drive.
Seunghyun shifted slightly, pushing my shoulder back so he could dip his head and try to look at me.
"Why would they think that I drowned you?"
I silently thanked god for making Seunghyun, just this once, not focus on the absolute worst part.
"Um… well…"
"Baby," the English derailed me again, "just say it."
"There could be a case made for," if I hadn’t been pressed against him, I would have been fidgeting, "like, a jealousy thing."
"Why? Did you hook up with one of the guys or something?"
I clamped my mouth shut, biting on the inside of my lips.
Seunghyun laughed.
"Is that all? You're this stressed because you hooked up with Daesung? Luna," he wrapped both arms around me now, laughing, "baby, you had me worried for a minute there."
Of all the reactions I had expected, this was not one of them.
"Wait, how did you know?" I pushed back from him enough to look up at him, "Daesung told you?"
"Of course not," he shook his head, "Daesung is a total gentleman. I just took a calculated guess, and you just confirmed it."
"You've got to be fucking kidding me."
He grinned, once again pulling me against himself.
"No, I'm not kidding. Yeobo," he quickly kissed my cheek, "you don't have to hide that sort of thing from me."
My mind was reeling. The last few minutes had presented far too much information to cram into my skull. I decided to focus on just the thing that was literally in front of me.
"So you're not upset or anything?"
"God no!" His hands slid up from my waist, both cupping my face instead, "I already told you that I don't care if you want to date other people."
He pressed his lips against mine. He held me there a bit longer than absolutely necessary, slowly working to a point where he could tug at my bottom lip with his teeth as he pulled back.
The information, the emotional rollercoaster of revealing what had happened, the kiss… it was all too much. I felt dazed, and more than a little overwhelmed.
"Hyun…"
He smiled, a hint of his cockiness showing at the corners of his eyes.
"How selfish would I have to be to keep you all to myself?"
"We're kind of in public, Hyun."
He didn't say anything, instead opting to kiss me again.
-----
"Chul I have a question," I fiddled with the knobs on my microphone pack.
Chul didn't respond vocally. He just pointed at the pack and raised an eyebrow.
I nodded.
"Let me check that for you."
He quickly shut it off, unplugging the cord and taking out the batteries as well.
"What's up?"
He seemed as unconcerned as ever, making a big show of trying to "fix" my mic-pack.
I crossed my arms, feeling nervous now.
"Are there microphones in my room?"
His hands went completely still. I could see his eyes jump around for a few seconds before he answered.
"No."
I was, of course, not convinced.
"Did there used to be microphones in my room?"
Chul sighed, letting his head fall back.
"Yes," he sighed again, "listen... the recording is gone."
I felt ill.
"How many people heard it?"
He gave up on trying to make it look like he was doing his job. Putting the pack on the roof of the car, he ran his hands through his hair and over his face.
"There was only one technician in the monitor room that night," he started, then paused, groaning with embarrassment.
"And…?"
"She called me, so I…" it felt kind of empowering to be on the other side of someone avoiding eye contact.
"So you listened to it."
"Yes."
I nodded.
"You said it was deleted?"
"Yes!" He was now able to meet my eye, "I promise you! I went through everything to make sure. I checked the tech's phone, email, cloud, and everything."
"Okay," I nodded again, "okay. So…"
What on earth was I supposed to do now? Chul and I weren't exactly friends, not in a way that mattered. But I still didn't want to ruin our little bit of camaraderie. I settled on trying to joke it off.
"Did it at least sound good?"
Chul stared at me, eyes and mouth both wide. After a second, he laughed.
"I mean…" he blushed slightly, "I don't want to make assumptions. But if that was you faking it, you should be an actress."
I snorted, then coughed.
We both broke down into laughter.
After a moment I was finally able to get myself under control, wiping the tears from my face.
"Why didn't you say anything?" I managed to ask through my remaining giggles.
"Honestly? I didn't want you to get freaked out," Chul explained. "Sorry."
"It's fine, just…" I shrugged, "it's weird, you know?"
"Hey, here," he dug through his camera bag for a second before pulling out an SD card. My eyes went wide.
"It's not that," he laughed, "it's the footage from last night."
I furrowed my brows, trying to think over last night's events.
"From what?" I asked, taking the card.
"The hotel. I haven't watched it yet," Chul shrugged, "call it an apology gift."
"Oh, there's nothing on here," I offered it back to him, "just Seunghyun and I being assholes."
Chul waved a hand, refusing the card.
"Still, take it. Just in case you forgot anything," he laughed, "I won't even need it for another week or so. You can delete anything you don't like."
"Okay," I shrugged, tucking the card into my bag. "I actually had a different favor to ask though."
"Of course you did," Chul teased, "what's up?"
"Just…" I paused, thinking how much I wanted to give away, "there's going to be a point today where something suspicious might happen. I just want you to…" I pursed my lips, "ignore it."
Chul squinted at me.
"You guys are going off-camera, aren't you?"
"I didn't say that."
------
I was becoming far too accustomed to being driven everywhere.
Not that I typically drove myself, of course, since I had never bothered to get myself a license here. I typically had to plan out trips using public transportation. Sitting in the front seat of a private car was… nice.
"Okay," Seunghyun pulled open the door and slid into the driver’s seat, "I think Chul bought the bathroom excuse. Hold on…"
He leaned across me, reaching for the little camera clipped onto my sun visor. He quickly turned it over in his hands, locating the power button.
He moved on to disable the other three cameras that were similarly attached to different parts of the car.
"Alright," he sighed, leaning back into the seat. His eyes were shut, and he looked, for maybe the first time, completely relaxed.
"I'm pretty sure we're free."
"Let me double check."
His eyes opened, and he looked at me. More than a little confusion crossed his face. He watched me tap at my phone.
"Okay…" I scanned through the assorted wireless connections listed on my scanning app, "your car, your phone, my watch… I'm pretty sure this one is the traffic camera… Do you have a laptop in your car?"
"It's in the trunk," Seunghyun shrugged, "why?"
I held my phone out to him so he could see the list.
"This one," I pointed to the only one I couldn't figure out, "is the brand correct?"
"Yeah, that's right. What about these two?"
"I'm about seventy-five percent sure that those are the menu boards from the restaurant across the street."
Seunghyun stared at me. I could see his brain working behind his eyes.
"Are you CIA or something?"
"Hell no, fuck the CIA," I laughed, "I'm just a woman who travels alone at times."
His brows dipped.
"How did you not know that there were microphones in your room then?"
I shrugged. He had a point. Somehow it just hadn't been on my radar.
"I guess I let my guard down," I shook my head, "it's not like I work security. I don't think about those things all the time."
-----
"Hyun…"
"I don't want to hear it," he cut me off, "I made sure to get two beds this time."
"That…"
"Ah, Choi-ssi," a bellman approached the two of us, "your room is ready for you. If you'd just follow me."
Despite us not having luggage, we were escorted all the way to the room that Seunghyun had picked for the night.
"If there's anything you need, please don't hesitate to ask. As for your request at booking, I believe the previous attendant arranged it in the living area."
The bellman, or rather, attendant, bowed and opened the door for us. As we entered, he quickly left two sets of keys on the table immediately inside the room, and disappeared.
I had stayed quiet for the trip up to the room, planning the argument I was going to have to start.
All of that planning was momentarily forgotten when I finally took in the room. It managed to seem both larger and smaller than the first room I had stayed in for filming. It had a semi-open floor plan with the living room, kitchenette, and… I didn't know what to call the third area. It wasn't a bathroom, per se. There was simply an oversized jetted tub that was clearly visible from the other two areas.
"Hyun…" I started.
"Looks like there's one bedroom there," he nodded towards a closed door, "and I think the second is…" he wound his way through the living area, momentarily disappearing around a corner.
"Yes," he called back, "it's here."
A creeping sense of dread started settling over my shoulders, making my skin feel tight.
"I don't really care which room I sleep in," he kept talking, circling back into the living area, "you can have your pick. Oh," he picked up a fairly nondescript bag that was set on the coffee table, "perfect. I'm pretty sure I got the right si…"
Finally, he noticed the tension that was overtaking me.
"...zes. Hey," he dropped the bag on the sofa and slowly approached me, "are you okay?"
"I, uh," I nodded, then shook my head, "I don't know."
"Yeobo," Seunghyun slid his hand into one of my own, pulling it up to press a kiss against my palm, "we can go back if you want."
"No," I sighed, "that… I am choosing to trust you. Right? That's the whole thing."
"Right," he nodded, "but if you're uncomfortable…"
I had somewhat expected him to try to wind his arms around me again. I was grateful that he didn't.
I cleared my throat.
"I'm going to, uh, choose a room."
He smiled and let go of my hand. Nodding, he took a seat on the sofa and waved a hand, encouraging me to look around.
I chose the room in the back of the suite. It had a better view, and the ensuite bathroom had a tub as opposed to the standing shower that the other bedroom had.
After letting Seunghyun know of my choice, I made an excuse for needing just a little while alone. He accepted it easily, placing the bag from before into my hand and laying a kiss on my forehead before retreating into the other room.
I immediately locked myself in the bathroom.
To: D-Lite I have some questions and I need direct answers and I will not be explaining myself
To: D-Lite Okay?
I settled into the tub while I waited for a response. Barely resisting the urge to sit and let the shower run over me, I went for the decidedly less depressing option of soaking.
After about ten minutes, I heard my phone's text alert.
From: D-Lite Of course pet. Ask me anything.
I took a quick breath, trying to settle my nerves and stop my hands from shaking.
To: D-Lite Did you know that there were microphones in my room?
I saw bubbles pop up and go away a few times. I couldn't blame him for writing and rewriting, but it did nothing to help calm my nerves. Finally, a message popped up, followed by several more as I read.
From: D-Lite I didn't know for sure. And I didn't think of it until afterwards.
From: D-Lite As soon as I thought of it, I talked to that production guy. The one that likes you.
From: D-Lite He got rid of anything, and I'm pretty sure he pulled everything out.
From: D-Lite Your room is the only place with no recording tech in it now, I think.
From: D-Lite Pet? Please say something.
I was chewing on my bottom lip, trying to work out how to phrase my next question.
I decided that since I wanted straight answers, I should ask straight questions.
To: D-Lite Am I safe with Seunghyun?
The world's most stressful three minutes passed while I watched those fucking bubbles again.
From: D-Lite The short answer is yes.
From: D-Lite He tests boundaries, but if you directly tell him to stop he will.
From: D-Lite Do you feel unsafe?
From: D-Lite He's just a little over the top. But I think he really likes you.
From: D-Lite If I had to guess I'd say that he really would marry you right now.
From: D-Lite He gets like that.
From: D-Lite But yes, you're safe.
From: D-Lite Right? Please talk to me.
I stared at the screen, letting my head lean back against the ceramic of the tub.
To: D-Lite I'm okay. I'm stressed, but okay.
To: D-Lite We aren't coming back tonight.
To: D-Lite I don't understand what's happening.
From: D-Lite Can you call me? Please pet.
From: D-Lite Just call and tell me that you're okay.
I sighed. In a way, he was coming across as a little pathetic. But I could understand why he might worry.
I tapped his contact information and selected the call option. Placing the phone on speaker, I put it on the tiles that surrounded the lip of the tub and laid back.
"Are you alright, pet?"
I hummed, not feeling very talkative.
"He's treating you well?"
"Yes."
An awkward silence fell. Daesung sighed, air crackling the speaker of my phone.
"You said you wouldn't explain."
"Yes."
"So I won't ask. I only want you to be safe."
"What are you worried about? You said Seunghyun’s safe, right?"
"That…" he groaned, "he is. He is safe. I know he is. He wouldn't do anything to hurt you. I know that. I…"
He fell silent for a minute. I refused to fill the conversational space.
"I'm not worried about him. I'm worried that you…"
Another silence that I refused to fill in settled over the phone.
"Don't make me say it."
I genuinely did not know what he meant by that.
"Say what?"
Another groan came through the speaker, followed by a swear.
"I… fuck…"
"Tell me Dae."
"Fuck. I, okay, listen…"
I waited, listening.
"I miss you. A lot. I haven't seen you since yesterday morning and I… I just… I miss you. Pet, please understand me."
I knew that he probably wanted me to say it back. And it wouldn't be untrue if I did. But I hated feeling pressured like this, even if he wasn't doing it on purpose.
"I'll be back tomorrow."
"I know. I'm just used to seeing you every day. You spoil me."
I laughed, not believing what I had heard.
"Spoil you? How on earth do I spoil you?"
"You just do," he sounded a little defensive, "just being around you."
I hummed again, finally feeling a little less stressed.
"You're very sweet Daesung," I said, internally admitting that I did miss him, "I…"
My turn to fall into silence. How could I explain what I meant when I wasn't sure myself?
"I'm used to seeing you too."
-----
Seunghyun’s hair was damp when I finally traipsed back into the living area. He had obviously arranged a change of clothing for himself as well as the one he had had waiting for me.
"Hey," he looked up from his phone and gave me a smile, "how are you feeling?"
I clicked my tongue against my teeth, trying to choose an accurate word. Luckily, Daesung had given me the perfect one.
"Spoiled."
His smile got softer, and he laid his phone on the table. Leaning back on the sofa, he waved for me to sit next to him.
I accepted the invitation. Tucking my legs under me, I leaned against his shoulder.
"I'll pay you back for the clothes," I said, letting my eyes close.
"Stop it."
"No."
His shoulder jerked as he laughed. Carefully, he slipped his arm up, over my head, and then down around my shoulders.
"What do you want to do while you don't have to preserve your image?"
My turn to laugh. I shifted in my seat, stretching my legs out onto the sofa and rolling onto my back. It was vaguely reminiscent of the previous night. Looking up at him now, even with the difference between day and night, I had that strange soft feeling again.
"Do I have an image worth preserving? You're the idol."
He laughed. Full on, mouth wide, bubbling up from his stomach, laughed.
"My image was ruined years ago!"
That softness in my chest hardened. I tightened my abs, sitting up a little abruptly. I turned so that I was facing Seunghyun, huddling myself against the armrest of the sofa. I may have been a little dramatic with it, but in that instant I needed the extra space.
We stared at each other for a few seconds. Then we spoke over each other.
"What ha…"
"Not like Seu…"
We both stopped, waiting for the other to continue.
"You go first," Seunghyun offered.
"What happened?" I repeated myself.
He frowned, the kind of look that showed shame and frustration.
"I…" he spoke slowly, "I went through a difficult time. And, well…"
I could see on his face that he hated this conversation. Clearly, this was something he had been made to talk about before. Probably multiple times. Maybe too many times.
"Did you hurt anyone?"
He shook his head. After a moment to run his hands through his hair, he nodded.
"I created a lot of problems for other people," he explained, settling his head back and staring at the ceiling, "but I… never…"
I watched him closely, ready to jump up and away it I had to. He cleared his throat and sat up again. Turning towards me, gripping the back of the sofa tightly, he, in turn, watched me as well.
"I’m nothing like Seungri," he said, watching me intently.
"Then what was it?"
"Baby, please," that shock effect hit me again. I didn't think I'd ever get used to it. A deadly one-two punch of English and petnames.
"Just believe me when I say I would never hurt you."
"Hyun," I shuffled backwards even further, now perching on the armrest, "just tell me what it was."
"Yeobo…"
"You know I could just look it up. Wouldn't it be better if you just told me yourself?"
He sighed, again ruffling his hands over his head.
"I…" he groaned, "fine. I got it. There was a time when I just felt like everything was too much. I didn't plan it, but I got involved with some people who gave me these drugs, an-"
"Oh my god, seriously?" I couldn't help but roll my eyes as a small laugh slipped through my lips.
"W-what?"
"I'm American Hyun! Jesus christ," I relaxed, settling back onto the normal seat, "drugs? You think I give a shit about drugs? God damn,” I allowed myself to fully laugh, “you’re acting like you murdered someone.”
I took some time to stop my laughter, trying to reign it in. Considering how silent Seunghyun was being, I figured this was not a reaction he was used to.
“Sorry,” I shook my head, biting the inside of my cheek to keep myself in check.
“You…” he paused, the faintest hint of a confused smile tugging at the corner of his lips, “you really don’t care?”
“Hey,” I leaned forward, letting my hand drop onto his that was still gripping the back of the sofa, “I’m sorry, I know it’s a big deal here. But,” I shrugged, “again, I’m an American. I’ve probably done way more drugs than you, and my friends back home?” I shook my head, “I grew up in a town nick-named for how bad the drug problem was there.”
Seunghyun’s mouth hung slightly open. His eyes darted around the room quickly before coming to settle on my face again.
“Wait, I… really? You? But you’re so…” his eyes swept over my body for a moment, “healthy.”
“Oh,” I smiled at him, tilting my head to amp up the condescension in my voice, “my Seunghyunnie. There are a lot of things about me that you wouldn’t expect.”
-----
In a way, we wasted our time away from constant surveillance. We ordered room service, we lounged by the hotel pool, we drank until we both couldn't stop giggling.
We ordered dessert, topped off our drinks, and watched movies.
"Baby," Seunghyun mumbled the word. He was laying on the sofa, face squished against my thigh, and one of his hands was absently stroking my calf.
"Yes?" I brushed his hair back from his face.
"Is it okay if I call you baby?" He turned onto his back, hand abandoning my calf to reach up and trace a finger against my ear.
"I know you hate when I call you yeobo, s-"
"You can call me whatever you want," I cut him off. "I already know I can't stop you when you get an idea in your head."
I was still absorbed in the zombie situation on the screen in front of us, but I could tell he was now watching me.
"So baby is okay?"
"Sure Hyun," I shrugged. "Why not?"
His hand dropped to his own face, rubbing over it for a second before settling in his own hair.
"I want to call you something that you like to hear."
I shrugged again, finally looking down at him. He had that familiar flush across his cheeks and nose, and his eyes were vaguely unfocused.
"I don't have one specific thing I like," I explained, "it depends on the person saying it."
He hummed, lines appearing on his forehead as he frowned in thought.
"Like Daesung calls you pet, but that wouldn't work if I said it?"
I fixed my attention back on the television, hoping to hide my own growing blush.
"It doesn't sound natural when you say it."
"Does baby sound natural when I say it?"
I laughed, once, before answering.
"It surprises me," I tilted my head, still not looking back down at him, "but it's better than hearing you call me pet."
Seunghyun hummed, then groaned as he shuffled himself to sit up next to me.
"Baby?"
I gave him a quick glance before zeroing back in on the movie.
"Yes, Hyun?"
"When we get married, do you want a big wedding?"
I finally relented, giving him my full attention. Ignoring the soft puffiness that alcohol and semi-dozing had lent to his face, I fixed him with a sarcastic look.
"Do you really think that we're going to get married?"
He nodded, a lazy smile stretching across his face.
"Even though you know that Daesung and I, uh…" I rifled through my brain, trying to remember any usable euphemism.
"Yah," he was frowning now, raising a hand to wave my words away, "how many times do I have to say I don't care? You can sleep with him as much as you want."
His hand waved again, even harder.
"No, no, that's not it. I don't want to marry you to put you in a cage," he huffed, finally dropping his hand back down. He used it to support himself as he leaned forward.
"I want you to keep me in line. I want you to point out when I'm being stupid. Baby…"
There was no way that I hadn't noticed how close he was. But I didn't want to interrupt his explanation by moving. That would have been rude.
Or something like that.
In a repeat of our conversation in the ocean, he lifted both of his hands to cup either of my cheeks. He didn't put his lips on mine though. He just held me as close as he could without actually kissing me.
"It's all you."
My lips tingled as his breath hit them.
"Hyun," I started, putting a hand on his chest, creating a minor barrier.
He dropped one of his hands from my face to grip my hand, holding it against his chest tightly.
"Yeobo, baby," he sounded desperate now, almost pathetic, nuzzling against my cheek before leaning in and speaking approximately into my neck, "please marry me.”
“You’re drunk,” I pointed out, pushing him away.
He protested neither my words nor actions. Letting me push him back, he ended up splayed along the sofa, staring up at me.
"Come here," he requested, lifting one arm to beckon me towards him, "lay with me."
"Hyun…"
"Just put your head here," he pat his hand against his chest, "and let me hold you for a while."
Despite everything, all of his strange behavior from week one to now, I believed Daesung. Seunghyun was safe.
Carefully, I settled myself against him.
It was nice. Laying against a warm body, feeling his hands smooth over my hair in an arrhythmic pattern.
“Are you always clingy when you drink?” I asked.
He hummed, chest vibrating under my head.
“Only when I’m comfortable.”
Well, that certainly made sense. It definitely wasn't a sentiment that needed to be unpacked immediately.
We lay there for a while. Silent and barely paying attention to the screen. Eventually one of Seunghyun's hands drifted down my body, creating a tingling trail of warmth and chills as he gently rubbed over my back. His other hand remained at my head, now tangled into my hair. I could feel that he was gripping my hair, but not tightly - not tugging, only anchoring.
I was thoroughly tranquilized. Physically, anyway.
"We're going to get in trouble tomorrow," I mumbled, eyes drooping.
"I'll take responsibility," Seunghyun said in a low tone, his hand on my back becoming a bit heavier. His fingers curled, lifting the hem of my shirt an inch or so before stretching down to meet with my bare skin.
His body heaved somewhat as he readjusted himself on the sofa. I felt the, now somehow familiar, sensation of his lips against my hair.
"Is this okay?" He mumbled the words against my scalp.
"Hmm?"
He wiggled his fingers, incidentally tickling at my back.
"This."
Was it okay? Not that long ago, this amount of skinship would have been unthinkable. Especially between the two of us. But he wasn't doing anything wrong. His hand was on my lower - or was it middle? - back. He didn't seem to be interested in straying too far either down or up. It was just… a touch. Another anchor point, like his fingers still wound into my hair.
I must have spent too long thinking, because his hand lifted. The change in temperature was more noticeable than the change in pressure.
"Sor-"
"It's fine. It… you can do that."
I felt his chest sink as his hand resumed its place, as if he had been holding his breath.
At this point in my life I was surrounded by uncertainties, but I at least knew this: Seunghyun is safe.