Well I guess I lied. I’ve mostly been writing in the project lately, which we’ll be calling the Book of Names.
The main characters I feel are Zsarina, the Mummy and Draculeech. They’re all trans. Here they are talking about deadnames, and their relationships to them.
“So they got your deadname,” the Mummy says, picking thorns out of his gauze, “and you’re like- home free. Free to come and go and we’re totally sane around you.”
“Best part,” Zsarina says, “I can’t even remember my deadname,” she grins, reaching for a berry in the middle of the bush, “it’s like that part of my life is finally buried, yanno?”
“So you don’t remember him?” Draculeech asked, plopping a bunch of raspberries into the bucket.
“Eh, I dunno,” she still couldn’t reach the thing without being scratched. Probably pointless to try but also Zsarina was the kind of person who did a bunch of pointless shit, “I mean. I remember pretending to be him. Walking around in his skin. But,” she shrugged, “without his name, it’s like, those memories are less legitimate. Just this nightmare that’s fading out,” she smiled up, “it’s pretty rad.”
The Mummy smiled big, “That’s really super,” and he sighed, “wish it worked out that way for me.”
“What do you mean?” asked Zsarina.
“I mean, like you said. Wish I had thought to give my deadname to Little Lemur instead of my name,” he shrugged, “but what can you do about it?”
“Huh,” Draculeech asked, “so you remember your deadname?”
The Mummy frowned.
“It’s all I remember.”
“Wait, seriously?” Zsarina asked.
The Mummy nodded.
“Yowch,” said Zsarina.
“Can’t you just come up with a new real name?” Draculeech asked, “You did it before.”
The Mummy looked at them.
“Sorry,” Draculeech said, “I don’t- really have a deadname? I mean, I never really had a problem with the old one. So I guess I just said a dumb.”
The Mummy sighed, “No, you didn’t. It’s a good questions. Just,” he shrugged, “it’s just not the same. I mean, had a practice under that name. My diploma has that name on it. My checks do. Did,” he put his hand on his face, “and worse, my deadname is there. With all the memories attached to it. Like, mocking me. Punishing me for ever thinking I had a right to my own gender.”
“Oh god,” Draculeech said, “fuck that girl.”
“Seriously,” Zsarina shivered, “she sounds a total terf.”
The Mummy laughed, “She is kind of a terf, isn’t she?”
“She’s no good,” Zsarina said, “and she’s wrong. You did so much good when you had that lost name. So much damn good! So many accomplishments! No one gets to take them away from you! Not even some dumb book.”
The Mummy stood up taller. His bandages crinkled around his eyes funny.
“What?” Asked Zsarina.
“Yanno, when I was an egg and I heard that annoying boy band play on the radio every day that week, I never thought- never thought! That the lead singer would be aggressively confirming my gender one day.”
“Annoying?!” Zsarina crossed her arms, “We had harmony. We were good, alright?”
“Ehhh,” the Mummy shrugged.
“Wow,” said Zsarina.
“Sorry! Just not my taste. I still like you as a person, though.”
“Yeah,” she Zsarina brushed some hair off her shoulder, “well I guess I can put up with you.”
“Jeez,” said Draculeech, “just kiss already.”
Zsarina and the Mummy glared at them. Then Zsarina snapped her fingers.
“If you said your deadname out loud, do you think it would disappear, too?”
“Eh, I’ve tried,” the Mummy said, “when it’s 3am and I can’t sleep.”
“Oof,” said Draculeech.
“Well it doesn’t matter,” Zsarina said, “and yanno? Now I feel like an idiot, because I totally did realize you were trans.”
“Really?” The Mummy held his head at a jaunty angle.
“Yeah, yeah,” Zsarina brushed his arm to free him of some leaves, “so you pass, big guy. Don’t let it go to your head.”
“I really thought you knew,” the Mummy shrugged, “I dunno why, though.”
“Well everyone knows every trans has trans-dar, duh,” Draculeech said, “but Zsarina’s is just muddled up right now.”
“You and your genderlessness are throwing her off,” the Mummy said.
“Ha!” Draculeech pumped an arm, “So that’s what I’m useful for!”
“Congrats, you found your purpose.”
“So, what kind of monster do you think I would have turned into?” Zsarina asked.
“A goddess,” the Mummy said with no hesitation. There was a pause. Draculeech became interested in the tails on their coat.
“Um,” Zsarina said.
The Mummy put his hands over his face, specifically his cheeks, “Oh, uh.”
Zsarina laughed, “Alright then,” and she laughed, “I doubt that, but that was fun.”
