What You Should vs. What You Can (Friede x Murdock)
Not a Friede Friday, just a coincidence I could post it today lol A few days ago I found this post by @cheekyowldraws and as you can guess, I couldn't resist writing something about it <3
My other inspiration was… Well, I know some fans were quite disappointed to see how the series betrayed Friede's purest essence regarding her freedom, so I decided to write this as a way of explaining it <3 (Who knows? If I like it a lot, I might even post it on Ao3 too!)
Series: Pokemon Horizons
Characters: Friede and Murdock (The rest of the RTV are mentioned)
Ship: Friede x Murdock / capncrunchshipping
Anyways, enjoy!
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Friede didn't want to do this. By Arceus, it was the last thing he wanted.
It had been a rather difficult year up there in space: feeling trapped in such a small capsule where only he and Charizard could comfortably fit, constantly missing his companions… And feeling his conscience gnawed at by the constant thought of having betrayed their trust by remaining silent for so long. Even if he had done it to protect them, seeing Orla cry like that broke his heart…
And seeing Murdock was even more painful.
The way the cook wrapped his arms around Friede's spacesuit, sobbing bitterly, tearfully declaring that he had disbanded the group because he found it unthinkable that they would continue without his leader...
The adventurer had never felt so much guilt.
Naively, the professor believed that everything would end after Spinel's fall, the elimination of Rakurium, and Cervantis's return to Exceed. The company had a gigantic problem on its hands, that much was clear, but at least it wouldn't be their problem anymore…
Right?
The sad reality is that both Cervantis and Amethio had told him they would use all their available resources to investigate further the serious consequences that Rakurium could have on the affected Pokémon… However, although they had more than enough resources and manpower for the project, they needed a scientist who knew Rakurium like the back of his hand, someone truly dedicated to his work.
He knew what they were proposing without them saying it directly. And to be honest? The professor didn't want to accept at all.
But seeing his team, his children, his partner… Knowing everything they've suffered because of Spinel… And on top of that, knowing that he could be the key to fixing everything as soon as possible.
It would be terribly selfish to ignore it…
That's why Friede was doing this in the first place.
Now the former adventurer was back in that old lab: it had improved since his last visit, that old card still worked (miraculously, his permits hadn't been revoked after he'd snuck in that first time with Cap), his colleagues were almost the same, and they were even excited to see him, as well as his new look (Friede wasn't thinking about getting a modern style; his bangs were just too distracting in zero gravity.) And suddenly, the routine began: wake up, have breakfast, work, eat lunch, go back to work, a short break, and then sleep… It repeats over and over again. Friede didn't usually hate routines, but this one in particular was driving him crazy.
Rotom-tom-tom! Rotom-tom-tom! ¡Rotom-tom-tom!
But it wasn't all bad.
Upon hearing the ringtone, the professor smiled warmly and answered automatically, without even noticing who was calling (nor was it necessary, he already knew who it was).
"Darling!~" His beloved's voice was like a refreshing splash in a dry desert. "How have you been? Have you been eating well? Have you been sleeping? Do you have any juicy gossip? Tell me everything!"
Every day, without fail, during his breaks, Murdock would call to check on him. At first, Friede felt as if he were back in college, with his mother calling daily to ask the same questions… However, as time went on, he realized that Murdock's calls were the only thing that kept him sane on many of those days, as well as being quite necessary reminders, because Friede had relapsed into certain bad habits that, under the watchful eye of his partner, he could not allow.
"Honey?"
Murdock's voice pulled him from his thoughts. Friede shook his head before looking at the chef.
"What's wrong?"
"You seemed to be out of it for… a minute. Are you okay?"
"I'm fine…" the former adventurer muttered through gritted teeth, rubbing his temple… Barely noticing the slight throbbing in his head. "I'm just a little stressed, work's been tough…"
"If you need to take a break, do it."
Friede suppressed a grimace. He couldn't stop… Not until the last piece of that damned pink mineral had disappeared from the face of the earth.
"I'm fine, I'm strong, I've survived worse."
"That doesn't reassure me."
"Trust me, I can handle this."
"Friede. You know you don't have to face all this alone… We can help you."
"I don't want to bother you—"
"You're not bothering me."
"And the kids?" the professor asked, in an attempt to change the subject and steer clear of that tempting idea his boyfriend was offering him.
"Missing you, like everyone else." Murdock's eyes gleamed with a touch of melancholy. "You know you can come back when you've had enough. They asked for your help, not for you to solve everything alone."
"It's easy for you to say it, you don't have this guilt weighing on you," Friede thought, but he didn't dare say it.
Instead, he tried to dismiss his partner's concerns with a wave of his hand; however, the bewildered professor misjudged the space he occupied in his chair, slipping and falling awkwardly.
"FRIEDE!"
"I'm fine, I'm fine!" he declared, jumping up and forcing a smile, suppressing the dizziness that threatened to knock him down again. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, I think I'm getting sleepy."
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"Relax, it's just… I think I'll finish up for today and go to bed early. Talk to you tomorrow?"
The cook grimaced, but finally nodded rather coldly. Friede pretended not to notice as he hung up, though it only intensified his guilt.
The former adventurer decided to keep his promise and return to his apartment early. Friede didn't even bother to change, barely managing to remove tha card and shoes before throwing himself face down on his bed, his eyes filling with tears as he gazed out the window, almost imagining the flying ship crossing the sky, heeding the melancholic call of his heart.
He buried his face in the pillow, stifling an exasperated scream.
He was truly regretting having agreed…
When he opened his eyes again, Friede saw a familiar sight: Murdock was lying beside him, wrapping his muscular arms around him, stroking his loose white hair as those brown eyes gazed at him with deep affection. Once again he was in that recurring dream: he and Murdock lying in bed in his cabin, the two of them snuggled up together while whispering loving words to each other… It was a pleasant dream from which Friede longed never to wake up.
Murdock looked at him strangely, as if he had barely noticed Friede watching him. Those chocolate-brown eyes darkened with concern.
"Oh, darling," his partner whispered, caressing his cheeks. "Look at those dark circles under your eyes, you look so tired…"
That was odd… In his dream, Murdock whispered how handsome he looked. But the professor decided to ignore it: if he scrutinized his lucid dream, he'd end up waking up. Instead, Friede went with the flow.
"Nothing a little sleep next to you can't fix."
"And don't think flattery will get you what you want."
Then the former adventurer felt his beloved's hand on his side, and the cook's expression twisted into a grimace.
"You look thinner," he said. "You told me you were eating well."
Again, that was different: in his dream, Murdock stroked him in that area, just so he could hug him better… His boyfriend never checked his weight. It was strange, but again, Friede didn't think much of it.
"These have been difficult days," he whispered, still too sleepy to filter his words any better. "But I'll eat soon, I promise, just don't leave."
His boyfriend looked at him blankly.
"You promised you'd rest if it got too bad."
This was getting weirder… His sleep never confronted him with his real-life problems; instead, it was an escape. An escape from the awful situation Friede was in.
"Can you stop accusing me of those things? You'll give me a headache and make me wake up…"
"Wake you up?"
"Yes…" he murmured, burying his face in the other's chest. "I'll wake up soon and you'll be gone, I don't want that… I want you to stay here with me. I don't want to go back to work… I don't want to go back."
Friede was on the verge of tears.
"Please don't make me go back… Let me dream a little longer."
Murdock didn't answer him… at least not verbally. He stepped back, just enough so that his large hands cupped the overwhelmed scientist's cheeks. Before Friede could say anything, he felt his partner's lips merge with his. For a moment, Friede froze, remembering how the kiss always marked the end of that cherished dream and the harsh return to reality. However, he soon melted under the chef's grasp, returning the kiss, a couple of tears roll down his cheeks.
"It will all be over soon," he thought wearily. "It's time to go back."
As he felt himself pulling away from his partner's lips, he mentally prepared himself to wake up alone in that uncomfortable single bed and his dreary room. Murdock then pressed his forehead against his.
"Do you think you're still dreaming, darling?"
Friede opened his eyes wide, and suddenly, he noticed that Murdock looked too real to be a dream… Only then did he saw the rest of his room: the gray walls, the table with the mountain of documents, his shoes lying to one side.
He wasn't on the ship of his dreams.
It wasn't a dream.
Friede sat bolt upright: he was still in his dreary room, but if Murdock was there… No, it couldn't be…
It couldn't-
"Ow!" the professor squealed as he felt Murdock pinch his cheek. "Ow, ow, ow! Honey!"
"Now do you believe me, or are we going to have to drag you to a hospital?" the chef grunted, pouting.
Murdock finally let go, and the former adventurer rubbed his cheek, his eyes still wide with shock.
"How did—? When—? Why?!"
"Don't you remember?" his boyfriend asked, looking both surprised and worried. "We arrived last night, I saw you asleep and tried to wake you, but you just wrapped your arms around me and mumbled something unintelligible before falling back asleep… Do you remember?"
No… He didn't remember! The last thing Friede remembered was letting out a muffled scream into the pillow and feeling regretful… Nothing more.
Murdock's touch on his bruised cheek pulled him from his reverie. He felt the other's thumb gently caress his pinched skin, like a slight apology for having been rough.
"I was worried about how you looked… We all decided to pay you a visit. Mollie mentioned she'd give you a checkup as soon as you woke up. We even talked to Amethio and Cervantis about giving you a vacation."
"It's not necessary—"
"Tell me again that it's not necessary, and I swear by Arceus I'll drag you to the ship and keep you kidnapped until further notice."
"What do you think I am? A damsel in distress?" the professor asked, clearly joking to tease him.
"Yes, indeed. And I am the evil dragon who will keep you captive." To the former adventurer's surprise, Murdock played along. "I will feed you and torture you with hugs and kisses until you learn your lesson."
"Oh no! Anything but that! Mercy!"
"Too late for that!"
Murdock let out a mock roar as he lunged at the professor. Friede could barely manage a squeal for help before feeling his partner's kisses against his neck, making him laugh. He struggled to break free from Murdock's grip, but he was too weak to do anything. It was only a brief moment of affectionate torture before Murdock released him; they shared a kiss and stayed there in bed.
"You really looked tormented…" the cook said. "Why did you let it get to this point? What are you trying to achieve?"
"Can we just keep cuddling and ignore the question?"
"What worries me most is that you're declaring your intentions so directly."
"It was worth a try," Friede joked, though he then sighed. "I… I feel guilty."
"Guilty?"
"For everything that happened that year. For not contacting any of you, for abandoning you… For being a coward."
"You were in space."
"But my last message was before I went there."
"You were being hunted."
"Just like you."
"Spinel wanted you, and only Arceus knows what he could have done to you…"
"And yet I hid like a coward!" the former adventurer exclaimed as he stood up, feeling tears welling in his eyes. "I thought… I thought that if I could fix this and get rid of the Rakurium once and for all, then I could redeem myself for what I've put you through…"
Friede lowered his gaze, unable to meet Murdock's eyes, but the cook cupped his cheeks and lifted his face so he could look at him. His thumbs gently wiped away the tears that had accumulated.
"So, your plan to redeem yourself for your lack of communication and your clear self-imposed punishment… is it more of a lack of communication and self-imposed punishment?"
Friede looked away once more… though he refocused on Murdock when he felt the soft kissing on his forehead.
"The lack of communication wasn't pleasant, I won't deny it. It makes my stomach churn to imagine you alone, lost, being hunted without a moment's respite… And to know that I was also the one who took away your safe space."
"It's not the same—"
"It's exactly the same. We all made mistakes and could have done better, but the important thing, the vital part of fixing our mistakes, is learning from them. What you're doing now isn't going to fix anything… Eventually, you'll fell ill and you'll have to quit."
"I can handle it."
"No, you can't. And we don't intend to allow it."
Only then… did Friede realize something.
"We intend? Plural?"
"Do you think I came here alone or something?" Murdock asked, laughing. "The whole crew came, but they didn't want to wake you. In my case, with your grip, I didn't really have much of a choice except spend the night with you."
Friede was embarrassed just imagining himself in that situation. Meanwhile, his boyfriend simply pulled out his SmartRotom to text the rest of the group.
"Anyway, the others are on the boat, waiting for me to call them when you're awake to arrange a proper breakfast."
"There's no need—"
"When I told you I was going to kidnap you, feed you, and love you until you regain your strength, I wasn't lying. We made a few calls while you were asleep; you're not going to escape us again."
Friede sighed, accepting defeat… Although deep down, he was deeply grateful for that intervention. Now he will have to deal with his beloved group, worried (or irritable, as Mollie will be as soon as she finds out about his condition), treating him with as much affection as if he were made of porcelain.
But it would be a sacrifice he'd be willing to make in exchange for being back where he belongs, with his group of friends… at least until he can return to work.
For now, he'll enjoy being pampered. Only Arceus knows how much he needed it.