#dramatic ranting

[impermanent-rat]

I’ve had dreams about you, us, every day for weeks. Let’s be honest though, it’s been months. I’m happy now where I am and who I’m with and I’m sure you haven’t even noticed, you seem happy too and I’m just grateful we get to be friends. I’m grateful we get to talk and hang out. My chest still hurts sometimes from how much I like you, fully refusing to use the other L word or I don’t know what will happen.

I’m happy too, I’ve got an amazing life right now. I just kick myself for not being here sooner where we might have had a chance. But I don’t want to ruin anything, I’m grateful it’s this at least and hope that my heart follows my head soon and realizes it’s just going to be a beautiful friendship and nothing more. I have been distant and I know it’s confusing but I can’t say why cause I don’t want to ruin this. I love who I love and you love who you love and we can only ever be in the same room, nothing else.

[misdraevus]

I haven't really felt like myself lately. Do I know why? Not really. All I do know is that I feel like disappearing or going on a killing spree. So, I'm purposely trying to stay away from everyone. Yeahhh..

[lady-lutra]

Shit is not going so groovy at the moment when it comes to school.

I have my exams in three weeks- less than, in fact. I can't seem to revise. During the 9 days I've been on Easter holiday I've done maybe eight hours... My mind isn't stressed at all, it's actually the opposite. I'm totally unmotivated and don't give a shit. But my body and my subconscious is shitting itself. I can't sleep, I can't eat. My back is even worse than usual and I've got terrible headaches. I feel sick and I am exhausted all the time. I can't concentrate when I try and revise because I am so stressed, then I leave it and get even more stressed because I've got less time and everything seems to be mounting pressure and I can seriously see myself having a full blown anxiety attack and going into meltdown in the next week or so.

All this considered. I can always resit in December, although, I'll feel pretty stupid if I have to resit every damn exam- but that does give me the entire summer to prepare and teach me to start earlier when preparing for A2... Everyone keeps saying "you'll be fine", "it'll be okay" and I know it sounds ungrateful but I'd much rather they'd just shut up because as it stands I'm not looking at pass grades. Well, maybe Ds but unless they're a bra size no one cares about them.

And on that note, I am going to go and be sick :)