i dunno if this is just a me thing but when i say stuff like “looking for my rose/jade/dave etc” i do not necessarily mean someone who aligns with all my perceptions of who they were/are, because my thoughts about that are kind of hazy anyways! i kind of just mean someone who i can get along with in the same way, and who gets along with me. like, somebody who has the same role in my life i guess, and vice versa. being able to understand and feel comfortable/at ease with each other is the most important to me! i don’t necessarily believe there is a singular incarnation of my friends from my exact universe, i think it is more complicated than that, or less complicated, or something.
i won’t lie, even with that qualification it is still kind of a pipe dream! but i want to have best friends again, i guess. i have a lot of friends but i get really lonely. there is something really different about having best friends like you guys, and i have not been able to feel as close as that to anyone in a long long time. people tend to attach to me more than i do to them. i just never feel connected! i love them but for me it works differently. breath thing i guess?
















