The air seemed to stop once it reached your throat, collecting in your mouth and drying it out. Your chest was clenching around nothing but your heart. And you could swear, the world was crashing down around you.
There was not a lot you could do to stop your head from bowing down again. But warm hands cradled your face, strong and comforting, carefully lifting your head up.
“Sweetheart, you have to keep your head up to get in enough air.”
His voice was soothing and deep. Laced with concern and love.
“C’mon look at me, can you do that?”
You forced your eyes up and were instantly met with rich brown eyes. Relief flashed there, and he gave a small smile.
“Okay, breath now. Slow and steady”
A small sound of frustration fell from your lips, and you lifted up your head to look at the white blank of the roof. The air felt lighter and flowed more easily down to your starved lungs.
“You are doing so good sweetheart”
Calum spoke as you lowered your head again, to eye level with him. Suddenly you felt very aware of everything. The sound of the games going on in the other room. The brick wall you were leaning against. Calums hands that were now entwined with your own and resting in your lap.
Your heart was starting to calm down, but your chest was still clenching.
“Is- is there any paper here?”
You asked softly, while lowering your head. You felt ashamed and embarrassed, not only had you just stormed out of the room, but your face was covered in tears and snot, you were sure you looked like a train wreck.
“Yeah, just give me a second.”
Calum reluctantly let go of your hands and stood up, and all but jogged to the bathroom and back with paper.
After he handed you the paper you quickly wiped your nose and eyes, while feeling the hot skin of your face underneath your cold fingertips.
“I’m sorry, this wasn’t supposed to happen.”
Nothing but embarrassment in your voice, and it wasn’t hard for Calum to sense it.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. Sometimes we just can’t help what triggers us.”
His words were so comforting, it felt so safe. Just being around him. Not doing anything in special. And to be honest it scared you. Thinking that one day he would leave. One day he would walk out the door, and not come back. But he had reassured you several times that it wouldn’t happen. And you willed yourself to believe it a bit more every day.
“Yeah, can we go home? We don’t have to. I don’t want to take you away from your friends and all..”
“Hey, of course we can go home. I see this stupid band every day anyways. I'm’ sure they can manage half a day without me.”
I was tagged by mya ( @imperfectionisallthatsneeded ) to post my lock screen, most recently listened to song and my most recent selfie (my face isn't even in it lol) but thanks doll! I tag @honestyhood @erenexe and @dropdeadhood
I'm working on your imagine lmao, but what made ash be your favorite
he was the first one i saw and he made me look up 5sos and when i watched my first interview i instantly fell in love with him if i’m being honest
ship: ash | cal | luke | mikey bff: ash | cal | luke | mikey compliment: you’re so pretty and your writing is amazing!a couple sentences blurb: imagine dating cal and you had been a fan of the band long before you two started dating and one night he would be like, “so was i your fave?” “no, it was mikey.” “are you serious?!” “yeah, i didn’t really like you to be honest.” “really?” and you couldn’t take the sadness in his voice anymore. “i’m joking babe! of course i liked you! you were my favourite.” he faked pouted, mumbling, “don’t play with my heart like that.” “awe, cal.” you said kissing him softly.
Okay my fave song is if you don't know, my name is Amber and for a prompt for a blurb could it be where I'm a bass player and obviously cal is and we date or something cute 😂
heck YES
a - action cat / gerard way
m - madness / muse
b - bad mood / the vaccines
e - end up here / 5sos
r - rearview / bad suns
ship: calum, is that even a question
who falls asleep first: you / him
who plans most of the dates: you / him
who forces the other to watch scary movies: you / him
who brings home takeout when the other feels bad: you / him
who sneaks more pictures of the other: you / him
blurb under the cut!
anon/blurb/ship night!
omg okay calum would see a cover of yours on twitter and he’d love it and dm you, saying how cool it was to see other people getting into the bass and that he loved your cover. you’d message him back to thank him, and you’d just kind of talk music for a while - you’d later ask him about touring and the songwriting process, he’d ask you for music recommendations, etc. eventually, he’d retweet one of your covers and ask if you wanted to meet up next time he was in your area, and of course you agreed. you’d meet him in his hotel, and he’d be super eager to teach you some things, for you to write a song together, and for you to just talk - he’d love how chill you were, and as you left that night, he’d ask for your number and arrange for a second date, backtracking when the word “date” left his mouth, but you’d smile and agree to a date, and he’d do the crinkly-eyed smile and know that he had to get to know you better.
Alright Allison this might be the most confusing request ever I'm,so sorry lmao but can you write me an imagine with cal and like maybe he's really struggling with the whole fame thing and you just comfort him and stuff please and thanks ilysm
this is actually pretty long like u asked so !!
Somehow, you had assumed that when Calum returned from tour, you would live a normal life together. Cute dates, homemade meals, spending hours in Target buying things you don’t need - again, normal. For you, it was easy to separate Famous Band Member Calum from Regular Boyfriend Calum, but the rest of the world couldn’t distinguish the two as easy.
When he came home, he fell into the Regular Boyfriend Calum routine of sleeping in, cooking meals, and cuddling on the couch while watching movies without a single mention of his ‘other’ lifestyle. So, when you mentioned heading out for dinner one night, Calum answered with an immediate “yes,” nearly jumping off of the couch to change clothes and grab his wallet.
The whole “regular” side of Calum was soon pushed aside, however. While you made it to the restaurant just fine, you were greeted with an onslaught of paparazzi and screaming, pushy fans when you left. You shrugged and nodded at him, allowing him to at least stop for a few fans, even though the annoyance was made clear in his expression and lack of enthusiasm. Once the fans were satisfied, Calum stuck his middle finger up at the paparazzi, his other hand holding yours tightly as he walked you back to the car.
“Have fun selling those pictures,” he muttered as he opened the car door for you, taking quick glances over his shoulder. “I’m sorry about that.”
“It’s not your fault everyone loves you,” you joked as he climbed into the car, rubbing his eyes. “I knew what I was getting into when we started dating, don’t feel like you have to apologize.”
Calum kissed the back of your hand before looking at you, a slight smile on his face. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you,” he stated before heading back to your apartment.
++
Later that night, you were scrolling through Twitter, sprawled across the bed while Calum watched the rest of a soccer game in the living room. As expected, there were photos of you and Calum, and you couldn’t help but laugh as you realized just how recognizable his annoyance was. You looked at the replies to see if anyone else saw it, but your laughter faltered as you read some replies that focused on you.
Amongst the sea of replies along the lines of “CALUM LOOKS SO GOOD,” there were ones more critical of your hair, your outfit, your weight, you name it - if it was related to you somehow, it was criticized. While some of them were more positive, there was an overwhelming amount of negative ones, and your eyes watered as you closed out of Twitter and got up from bed, walking out into the hall.
“Cal?” you called from the hall into the living room, voice on the verge of breaking. “You haven’t been on Twitter, have you?”
As you rounded the corner, he pulled out his phone, eyebrows furrowed. “No, why?”
“Don’t worry about-”
“No,” he interrupted, scrolling through his feed. “Don’t tell me you’re taking any of this to heart. You know that I love you and that none of this is true, that it’s just stemming from jealousy, right?”
You looked down at your feet. “Um, not important, I was just wondering if you had seen it. I think I’m just gonna go to sleep for the night,” you nearly whispered, desperate to separate yourself from the hate for even a second.
“Not so fast,” Calum said, following you to your room, where he leaned against the door frame, focused on his phone. A few seconds later, your phone lit up with a notification, a tweet from Calum. “@Calum5SOS: it’s not cute to invade my privacy, insult the people i love, and ruin a perfectly good evening. grow up.”
“You didn’t have to say anything, Cal, I can handle it.”
He ran his fingers through his hair, breathing heavily. “You shouldn’t have to protect yourself from this disgusting hate, and I shouldn’t have to put my ‘fans’ in their place,” he replied, putting air quotes around ‘fans.’ “This isn’t what I wanted. For you, for me, for us, for the other guys. I love this, but…”
“But what?” you asked, studying his eyes as he sat down on the bed, facing you.
“It’s just too much. Like, I don’t know, I’d like to think I’m lucky to have this opportunity, but it comes with so much criticism and scrutiny and pressure. And when I do make a mistake, everyone seems to forget that I’m only 20 and that I’m only human.”
You reached for his hands, slowly running your thumb over his knuckles. “I’m sorry, babe, I really am. I can only imagine how that feels, I’m not even going to try and pretend I know. But like you said, you’re lucky to be doing what you love every day and sharing that love with other people. You’ve gotta be there for them when they need it, from now until who-knows-when. You’ve got to be strong for them when they can’t be strong for themselves.”
He sighed with a slight shake of his head. “I just don’t know if I can do that forever,” he said, standing up and leaving the room. A few moments later, you heard the front door open and close, and you’re left in all-too-familiar silence.
+++
The next few days are weird, to say in the least. You and Calum almost become roommates - barely seeing each other, regular small talk during meals, and no special dates or movies. Your mind kept flashing back to the hate comments you had gotten that had sparked the conversation of his distaste for fame, and you couldn’t help but to wonder if after reading the hate you got and realizing that he couldn’t live a “normal” life with you, he was considering breaking up.
You had meant to ask him at a better time, not while he was eating his breakfast. It had been on your mind for a while, though, consuming your thoughts, and you wanted to know the truth sooner than later, to be fair.
“Are you going to break up with me?”
He nearly choked on his cereal, looking up at you with wide eyes. “Wha-”
“Sorry, bad time, I’ll let you finish.” You felt your cheeks flush, wondering when you became so hesitant around Calum.
He swallowed his spoonful of cereal before standing up, holding your hands in his. “No, babe, what’s the matter? Why would you think that?”
You stared at your feet, unwilling to make eye contact. “I don’t know, I just thought like, you maybe believed some of the hate comments? And that you didn’t think I was sympathetic enough towards you afterwards? Or that you just didn’t like me anymore, maybe?” Your voice was nearly a whisper by now, Calum leaning in close to hear every word.
“Oh, no, none of that is true, princess,” he said, moving his hands to your waist to pull you closer. “It’s just me being dumb, yeah? You remember what you said about this life? That I’ve got to be there for the fans when they need it, from now until who-knows when?” You nodded, and he took a deep breath. “I know I can’t be there for them 24/7. I’m not capable of it, and who is? I just don’t want to be seen as a failure to the fans or to you because I can’t always be there.”
“Calum…”
“I’m sorry you thought I was going to break up with you. I couldn’t process everything all at once and just needed time, and in doing so, I wasn’t there for you and I did fail you. It’s on me.”
You leaned forward to kiss his cheek. “Babe, you don’t have to apologize. I shouldn’t have stressed you out with that, and you have every right to need time to think through things. What you’ve got going on is a big deal, I should’ve been more sympathetic.”
“You’re the one who doesn’t need to apologize,” he chuckled. “You’re too nice for me, really.”
“Shut up,” you replied, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. “You and I both know th-”
“That you’re the better half in this relationship,” he interrupted, a smile crossing his lips, eyes crinkling at the corner.
“You love me too much,” you said, feeling a blush creep to your cheeks.
Calum winked playfully. “What can I say? You keep me sane.” He leaned in for another kiss, hands gripping your waist. It meant a lot to you, really, that you kept him sane - if you could simply be his anchor in his busy life, that was enough for you. (And for him, too.)
