#drugdoll

[littlegirlhorrible]

cuurent hobbies:

not sleeping ever

watching every film i can and reviewing them on my silly little letterboxd just so i can go back and look at em

also watching the behind the scenes and “making of” videos of said films (coralie fargeat is a genius the substance changed my whole life)

learning czech

abusing my prescription drugs (sorry)

the sims 4

talking 2 my most beautiful friends (i would be lost without them i love them w all my heart)

listening to hole, ethel cain and babes in toyland

loving my friends (again)

gratitude journaling

going out w men who graduated high school the same year i graduated kindergarten

being on my weird off-putting girlblog <3

[littlegirlhorrible]

theyve had me on IV benadryl every 4hrs for the past like….. 3 days? ..i think? so at least im on brand

[littlegirlhorrible]

im on so many drugs just to stay stable but they make me forget. i hate forgetting. i used to love forgetting because there was so much i didnt want to remember but now i want it back. i feel like an alien. its a challenge to even type this right now

[littlegirlhorrible]

“hey rebecca! yeah so that offputting frankenbaby in OR 4 wants EVEN MORE FENTANYL. im gonna give it to her ofc but like i’m afraid of her shes decomposing wide awake which is fucking w my usual operating room flow to be quite fucking honest. shes freaking me tf out + what is it btw. like this patient like what kind is it. like which creature”

[littlegirlhorrible]

drugs are so evil

[littlegirlhorrible]

my throat is bleeding

and my legs but thats unrelated

[littlegirlhorrible]

i just came back from a trip away from home and it was really difficult and scary 4 me. i was very paranoid and a danger to myself so i left four days early. im home now. problem is i keep hallucinating in my peripheral vision the place i was staying. the woods. im laying in bed but outside my phone screen looks like the woods. i can see the “trees” out of the corners of my eye. the fan makes it feel enough like wind for my body to not be able to tell whether its inside or outside either. i keep forgetting where i am. i guess it was that mentally taxing because the benadryl i took this morning for the trip home wore off almost 12 hours ago. and it was very traumatic actually. it wasnt even a higher dose than i get usually. anyway im wired tho. i dont know whats wrong with me. i hope this isnt a permanent new symptom or something. i dont like feeling headlights behind me as if i were outdoors where the trailers drove around. im in the dark which doesnt help of course. but i dont mind the fake outdoors part. i just feel exposed. i keep forgetting im in a room with a door that shuts and locks. i might have serotonin syndrome. im troubled. its almost dawn.