#drunk parent

[sora-woozy]

I'm feeling numb again. Lets see if i feel nothing or everything all at once.

[randomlonelytorment]

Can't wait till the day, way in the furure, when I get to be an embarrassing, drunk, Mum in front of my Teen Daughter/Son absolutely blasting Grillz by Nelly dancing like one of those blow up men out front of car dealerships.

[sora-woozy]

I feel numb and about to shatter into a million pieces all at the same time.

[sora-woozy]

Infodumping to my dad about centipedes and how easy they are to care for and how I want one as a pet, but he immediately spins it into a lecture on me being lazy and not having a job.

"If you want that as a pet, then I'm not paying for its cage, food, or whatever else it needs. You have to get a job and do it yourself."

I wasn't asking you to get me a centipede? I was just sharing my excitement with you. You were excited to talk about bugs with me too? Why are you yelling...

If anyone cares, Centipedes groom their partners during copulation to ease the stress of mating and boost the chances of fertilizing their eggs.

[sora-woozy]

Ugh, my dad is such an arrogant bastard.

You can't even say you did something you enjoyed around him without him saying "Well I'm glad YOU enjoyed _____ thing. But when do I det to do something that I enjoy?"

He gets so jealous over people succeeding, or enjoying something, or god forbid having the time to do things. A few months ago I was having a really bad POTS episode and decided to take a small nap so i could focus on my school and not feel like absolute shit.

When I told him "Oh, I wasn't feeling good so I took a small nap to feel a little better." He later admitted (while intoxicated. aka drunk confessions are sober thoughts) "You have ALLL the time in the world, don't you? You get to take naps, slack off, play your little games, draw all the time. Well, when do I get that? When do I get to be as privileged and spoiled as you?"

Even last night! he was ranting to me about our family group chat and how a family member posted a bunch of photos of their kids on vacation, and he full heartedly, and mockingly said: "I don't want to see pictures of your vacation unless your bringing us along. It just rubs salt in the wound that I don't get to do that."

How entitled can you fucking be?? How about you feel grateful that your child (Who is still growing and is technically disabled) managed to get out of bed, do school, and decide to be mature and take a nap to power through the day. Or feel grateful that despite a family member's hardships, they can bond as a family and explore the world before their kids grow up!

[sora-woozy]

I'm supposed to feel safe when my boyfriend comes over...

But every single time I get to hang out with the love of my life, im constantly shaking inside. I don't want to worry him, because we're supposed to be having fun and making memories. But I have to hide my trembles, my fast heart rate, and the urge to cry.

Because when my boyfriend goes home, I'll be yelled at. For my boyfriend being trans. For me being gay. For However my boyfriend acted that pissed of my dad in some way. For being a lazy piece of shit. For failing school. For everything.

I'm so fucking done with this house.

[sora-woozy]

Do you know how stressful it is to see you drink? How long have I've spent in the bathroom, harming myself, and taking more medication than I should take just to feel okay?!?

"I already knew."

Do you remember when you pushed me uo against the wall of my bedroom, and yelled and nearly spat in my face because I made a cake with frosting instead of a warm dinner?!

"I remember."

Oh...

[sora-woozy]

Kinda gotta vent because i'm anxious </3

I fucking hate that I can't feel safe even when my boyfriend comes over. It used to be that when he came over, I could finally let loose. I can put down the Fears and emotional baggage I've been carrying for the past week and just content myself to bask in his presence. It was so simple then.

But now? I can't even have a day to forget about my shitty life and feel like km actually okay because my fucking dad has to be the biggest jackass around. My dad nitpicks at everything my boyfriend did that day. Ate a few snacks? "He eats all our food that's meant for us!" He didn't eat all the food we served to him and threw it away. "He's wasting food! Maybe you both didn't eat all the snacks, he would've finished the whole plate!" He didn't say/forgot to say thank you? "No respect!"

And it's even fucking worse when my dad tries to coach me on OUR relationship. "I'm just trying to prepare you for when you move out!" "I'll support you, but this... transexual agenda shit needs to stop." "And when you grow up, is ____ going to take care of you? Are you going to mooch off of him like your mooching off of me?"

ALL THE FUCKING TIME!! He kept insisting that my relationship with my boyfriend was failing, and that we needed to communicate. We communicate perfectly fine. He's the first person who's actually known how deep my abuse goes. I've talked to him about all of my fears, worries, and secrets. My dad knows nothing about how we communicate! He has no fucking right! "Oh, but you should communicate face-to-face, it's healthier that way." HE HAS A LONG-DISTANCE GIRLFRIEND WHOM HE CAN ONLY TALK TO THROUGH TEXT!!

And don't even get me fucking started with the: "Well, ____ has a job. ____ is a smart cookie. You're unemployed, and have shitty grades." Or how he CONSTANTLY assumes that my boyfriend's current job will be hi full-time job. ITS HIS FIRST JOB?? HE JUST STARTED WORKING? "You wont be able to buy a house together because he works minimum wage." ITS. HIS. FIRST. JOB. SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.

I just want my boyfriend to come over and for me to feel safe. But I know my dad is going to ruin everything because "he cares." No he doesn't. He's jealous that I'm actually in a healthy relationship, with someone I trust and love, meanwhile, he's three years divorced, can't get a date because he's ghosted, and thinks that ruining my relationship will make him feel better.