Here are some guidelines to make your stay more comfortable:
CONTENT WARNING: Ianthe Tridentarius. Just, like, in general. At all times.
Wait, was that a reference to [your mama/studied the blade/none pizza left beef/ariana grande/etc/etc]?? Yes. Yes it was.
Look up "unreliable narrator" in the dictionary. You will see four images: Gideon Nav, Harrowhark Nonagesimus, John Gaius, and Nona.
Nobody even cares about Babs.
Hang on, am I....meant to be getting turned on by this scene?? Yes. Yes you are. It's okay. This is a safe space 😘.
We don't talk about Dulcinea.
It is best to not consume soup while reading TLT.
Gideon is always drawn in fanart with bare arms. No, her arms are never uncovered in the books. Yes, we are all very okay with this.
Do not (DO. NOT!!!) start reading Harrow the Ninth until you have secured an experienced TLT reading buddy. If you cannot find one, one will be appointed for you. Contact them every 5 minutes while reading.
Gideon the Ninth is the only "normal" book in this series. Enjoy this normalcy while it lasts.
While reading HtN, there will be many times when you will want to burn the entire series, want to die, to murder the people who recommended this series to you, and will generally question all your life choices and cry out in despair, "why are you doing this to me??? What did I do wrong in my life to deserve this?? WHY??????" This is normal. See rule 9.
Puns are funny automatically.
Nona is a gift. Nona loves you and everything about you. You deserve Nona.
Upon completing Nona the Ninth, you will be granted entry to The AlectoPause, where we all sit in a circle and rock back and forth, letting out occasional wails of pain and suffering, as we wait for the "final" book in the series. We all enjoy this; it's great.
Remember that this is a series about redemption and the power of forgiveness, none of which is possible without first committing sins.
And finally: Frontline Titties of the Fifth is not a real publication. I'm so sorry.
...WELCOME, AND ENJOY!! <3 <3 <3
Notes & Additional Reading:
1. As of 30th September 2025, there were 399 works on AO3 with the tag "Content Warning: Ianthe Tridentarius"
2. See also: Reddit
3. The remarkable thing is that all four of these unreliable narrators are unreliable in distinct, unique ways.
4. And it's okay if YOU don't care about Babs either. Babs cares enough to compensate for this.
5. See, for example, Harrow the Ninth, Ch. 27, which is the most explicitly explicit lesbian sex scene ever written in the history of ever, despite technically, arguably, not containing literal "lesbian sex".
6. ...we don't talk about [CENSORED] either
7. If you MUST consume soup, please use the following recipe: "cut up an onion, burn it at the bottom of the pot, put in a few vegetables, and then some meat. It won't taste like anything, so put in a few teaspoons of salt, and then it'll taste like a few teaspoons of salt."
8. We all had a meeting and agreed upon this.
9. You think we're joking about this?? WE ARE NOT. Harrow the Ninth is widely regarded as the "best" book in the series, and is so, so, SO beloved, a masterpiece, a thing of beauty- and yet! Almost everyone is entirely miserable the first time they read it.
10. You will, eventually and deeply, love the "un-normal-ness" of Harrow the Ninth and Nona the Ninth. .....eventually. {cough}
11. And you will, by the end, know "why". There will be multiple points that will have you squealing/jumping up and down/squeezing your reading buddy with unabashed joy. But oh man, you gotta earn it first.
12. Don't agree? We'll let you cowsider that for a moonute or two. Wouldn't want any beef with you.
13. Nona loves everyone and everything. She doesn't know you, but I promise you, she loves you unconditionally. She is your reward for enduring the punishment that is Harrow the Ninth. Accept this blessing.
14. Will Alecto the Ninth really be the last book in the series? Who knows!!
15. Despite the sometimes cavalier (ha!! see rule 12) attitude of TLT fans, we are, in fact, aware of how deeply fucked up many of the characters' actions are, and how deeply fucked up their entire society is. There is a reason why [CENSORED] [CENSORED] referred to as "[CENSORED] Jesus".
16. Frontline Titties of the Fifth is not a real publication yet. YET.
Well! thought Gideon, watching him slide back into the crowd. Hell! Then she remembered that the Sixth had a weirdo fascination with medical science and probably found chronic illness as appealing as a pair of tight shorts, and then she thought: Well, hell!
-Gideon the Ninth, chapter 15
REBLOG if the Master Warden of the Sixth House would find you as appealing as a pair of tight shorts
