3 little words
Luke Hughes x reader
word count: 7.8k (oops)
tw: swearing, mentions of unsteady home life, lots of angst! not proof read (oops again)
a/n: hey guys!! I literally haven’t written a fic in so long but i’ve had this idea and wanted to do it (it also took me forever to write lol) so yes this takes place at umich lol. maybe i just can’t let go :’) this is also over the whole 4 years so there’s a bit of back story in here too so it all makes sense! anyways hope you enjoy! this could easily be made a series too so please let me know if you want more parts!
masterlist
The final buzzer went and a heaviness fell over the Michigan fans as they stared at the scoreboard that read 5-2. Losing in the frozen four was not the outcome anyone wanted, but for you this loss hit even harder. You knew today was the last day that you’d see your boyfriend in a Michigan jersey. What you didn’t know was it would also be the last time you saw your boyfriend.
You swore you wouldn’t get a boyfriend til at least your sophomore or even your junior year of college but the second you met Luke during your freshman year during a media day interview, you knew you wouldn't be able to resist him. Between the awkward charm and the soft curls that framed his face, you always caught yourself blushing around him. He caught onto the subtle flirts you gave back and before long the two of you were inseparable. There was an undeniable bond between you two, a pull that always brought you together, even when you pushed him away.
Your upbringing taught you a warped sense of love. The idea of unconditional love was non-existent and one that you could never understand. Early into your relationship you told Luke to never say those 3 little words, because those 3 little words hurt you more than you could have imagined. Your parents would tell you they loved you, but only after they reminded you of how much of a disappointment you were. You would spend hours doing chores, studying to get the best grades, and even perfecting an instrument you hated playing (but your mother loved) just to earn their love; but the actions, and mere response to your existence, were the opposite of love. The saying “actions speak louder than words” became more and more real as you grew older, because there are no lies in an action, only in words. So if Luke had verbally told you he loved you, it wouldn’t make a difference. Right?
Luckily Luke was an action over words kind of guy anyway. He knew every intricate detail about you. He knew your exact coffee order, and how it changed based on the weather, season, and time of day. He knew your favourite candy was jolly ranchers. He also knew the order of the flavours you liked from most to least, and would only eat the green apple ones since you didn’t like them. He knew your favourite colour was yellow, but not like the maize yellow, a pale and delicate yellow. Ironically you hated wearing yellow because you felt like it washed you out so you always wore pink. He knew that if he ever lost you in the grocery store, you were probably off looking at the flowers. You’re favourite were the wild flowers; cosmos, daisies and dahlias, and you thought roses were extremely overrated. He’d pick you up after class with a vanilla latte if it was the morning or a decaf macchiato if it was the afternoon, along with some flowers he picked off the side of the road. It didn’t take much to make you happy, but the small things made you infatuated with Luke, and doing those things was the way to show you how much he really cared.
You waited outside the locker room with the other girlfriends and family members. It was dead silent. You caught a few of the girls glance your way, giving you a small sad smile before looking away. Everyone knew that Luke would be leaving after this season, it was just unsure what day that would actually be. The silence made the truth sink in even harder.
The boys slowly came out of the locker room, sinking into their loved ones, grieving the loss and end of the season. Luke was one of the last guys to come out and you could tell he had been crying. Ethan and Mark each gave Luke a pat on the back and half smiled at you as they left with the remaining people in the hallway, leaving you and Luke to be alone for a moment.
“I’m so sorry Lukey, I know this isn’t how you wanted the season to end”. you move in to give him a hug but Luke is stiff as a board, slow to return the hug. “What’s wrong?” you say pulling back. Tears fell down Luke’s cheeks.
“I’m going to Jersey-“
“I know, but at least we have a few more days to spend together-“
“No, I'm going right now.”
Your heart sank. This was not how you pictured saying goodbye. You pictured your goodbye as more of a see you later, but this felt like more of an ending than a pause. You slowly nod, awkwardly shuffling your feet and turn your gaze to the floor.
“I'm so sorry y/n, I didn't think it would be this quick.” you nod again, a tear falling and hitting the ground. Luke puts his finger under your chin and turns your face up towards him. “I'm so sorry.” he whispers again, placing his forehead to yours.
“I know” you croak out with a quivering lip. Tears began to pour down your cheeks. Luke pulls you in one last time, planting a few kisses onto the top of your head.
“I'm sorry guys, but Luke we have a flight to catch.” Ellen interrupts, giving you a sad smile. And with that you watched your boyfriend walk away. Luke peaked back over his shoulder to get one last glimpse of you. He tried to smile but he couldn’t. He opened his mouth to say something, those 3 little words perhaps, but they sat on the edge of his tongue but never escaped his mouth. His expression softened and his eyes gave a look you had never seen before. Grief.
Starting the summer before junior year, you were unsure of where you stood with Luke. That day in the tunnel felt like a breakup, even though neither of you actually ended things. The situation though in itself was like a breakup, and your heart definitely ached. You cried a lot for the remainder of the semester, but were happy that summer was finally here and you had the chance to get together with friends. Mark and Ethan were two of the first people you met at umich, and regardless of your relationship status with Luke, would always be your friends.
“Freedom!” Mark sings, throwing his arms over yours and Ethan's shoulders as you leave your final exam.
“Finally time to relax.” Ethan sighs. You nod in agreement when all 3 of your phones ping.
Luke: Hey guys, thinking of having a lake house weekend. We never really had a chance to say bye and I miss you guys.
Dylan: hell yeah! When?
Mackie: yeah man sounds fun!
Luke: Do we wanna do the 4th of July weekend?
Mark: I'm in!
Ethan: me too
You stared at your phone then looked up at Mark and Ethan.
“What do you say y/n?” Mark nudges. You hesitated. This was the first text you've got from Luke since the frozen 4. You haven’t spoken to your “boyfriend” in weeks and the first time he does he sends a party invite in a group chat. It doesn't really scream “I miss you” to you.
“I don't know guys, this is the first I'm hearing from Luke, won't that be awkward?”
“You guys didn't break up though, so why would it be awkward?” Mark asks innocently. You know he means well, but given how the situation has played out, you didn't really have to break up.
“Look, what Mark is saying, is maybe Luke was trying to focus on playoffs and that's why he hasn't texted? His life also flipped upside down so maybe try giving him the benefit of the doubt?” He had a point but you were still hesitant.
“Hmmmm” you sighed. “I just don't want to cause drama, maybe it should be a guys thing?”
“Luke included you in the group chat so obviously he doesn't want it to be a guys thing!” Mark scoffs.
“What Mark is trying to say, again, is that we got your back.” Ethan laughs, flashing his perfect smile. “Hear Luke out and if you want to leave we’ll go too.”
Ethan always knew what to say. He was always the reassuring and supportive friend. Mark was also supportive but wasn't so good at the reassuring part, though he never failed to make you laugh. You wouldn't have made it through the rest of the semester without them.
“Okay, I’ll go since you guys are.” You roll your eyes and smile.
“Wooo it's gonna be fun!” Mark pulls you in for a hug.
The 4th approached and the only contact you got from Luke was updated in the group chat. You desperately wanted to call him, just to hear his voice but you were too scared. What if he didn't pick up? Or worse, he did and you didn't know what to say. You decided you would just wait til you were at the lakehouse. It was so much easier to speak to Luke in person. Mainly to be able to see his body language as often his voice was pretty monotone on the phone.
Your heart began to race as you pulled up to the lake house. Ethan looked at you in the rear view mirror.
“It’ll be okay y/n.” he smiles, “just try and relax a bit”
“Yeah you’re killing the vibe here.” Mark teases, which makes you let out a breathy laugh. The 3 of you got out of the car and headed into the house. Luke poked his head out from the kitchen, grinning ear to ear when he saw you.
“See, it’s all good,” Ethan nudged.
Luke came into the entryway to greet you all, pulling you in first for a long overdue hug.
“I missed you like crazy,” he whispers in your ear before planting a kiss on your temple.
“I missed you too, Lukey.” you say, returning and extra tight squeeze taking in every sense of the embrace.
More people began to arrive, and the celebratory weekend was in full swing. The day was packed full with being out on the water, in the boat, lots of food, beer pong and laughs. The day finished off with a bonfire and everyone sharing funny stories. The boys could go all night, but your eyes were starting to get heavy, each blink getting longer and longer.
“Hey let’s head to bed.” Luke leans over and says quietly.
“Together?” you answer half confused, half hopeful.
“Yeah, I’m tired too. The sun kills me.” He smiles softly at you and you nod. “Is everyone good with sleeping arrangements?” Luke announces as he stands up from his adirondack chair. The rest of the boys mumble incoherent arguments about who's sleeping in which room and with who. “They can figure it out.” Luke giggles, helping you get out around the chairs.
The two of you headed up to his room. You awkwardly stood in the middle of the room, not sure what to say or do, as Luke prepared the bed for you. Luke could sense you were uncomfortable, which he hated because in the 2 years you were together, never once was it awkward between you two. Luke clears his throat to break the stiff sense of discomfort.
“I can sleep on the floor if you want.”
“No, no, I can sleep on the floor. This is your house, you should get the bed.”
“y/n, you're not sleeping on the floor, get in the bed.” he lets out a gawky laugh as he grabs one of the extra pillows off the bed. You wince at how painful this feels and scurry to the bathroom to wash your face and brush your teeth.
“What the actual fuck.” you sigh to yourself. The day felt fine with Luke, though the two of you weren't alone at any point until now. Luke was never good with his words, but everything felt so off. You take your time with your nighttime routine, trying to think of things to talk to Luke about when you get back into the room. You didn't want to talk about hockey because he had 2 disappointing losses now, so you opted to ask about Jack and how he is settling into Jersey.
You head back to your room, giggling at the train of drunk college boys not so quietly stumbling up the stairs. When you enter your room, Luke is already passed out asleep on the floor. Disappointed in the missed opportunity to clear the air, you slid underneath the cool cotton sheets and stared blankly at the ceiling fan that hummed above. Time dragged on as you contemplated why you came to the lakehouse. You couldn't help but feel an immense sense of loss, even as you stared at Luke. The moonlight was hitting the high points of his face, making his sun kissed complexion sparkle.
“Hey” Luke grumbles.
“Hey.” You softly reply.
“Why aren’t you asleep?” His voice was soft and sincere, like it always was when he would comfort you. “Are you uncomfortable?”
“No, I just can’t seem to fall asleep. I’m okay though.” At this point Luke was already sitting up, his curls delicately grazing his eyes. He immediately got up and crawled into bed with you, gently pulling your head to his chest. He tiredly began to trace circles along your hairline, his rough callused fingers effortlessly calming you. Your eyes began to get heavy.
“y/n?” Luke asks, barely above a whisper.
“Hmm”
“Is this okay?”
“Hmm”
Luke lets out a quiet breathy laugh. “I don't mean this, I mean lying with you?”
You pull your head up so you can look Luke in the eyes. “Why wouldn’t it be okay?
“Well I just don't know where we stand, or what we are anymore.” Luke says hesitantly.
Luke can't look at you, as you shift your entire body so you’re now sitting up.
“Luke, I-I don't know what we are either.” Your voice hitched as you tried to contain your composure. You weren't one to show much emotion, but neither was Luke. Honestly the day in the tunnel was the first time either of you had cried in front of each other, which almost made things 100x more difficult.
“I don't like how things ended in the tunnel that day-”
“Same”
“And I don't want us to ever be on bad terms, even if we aren’t… dating” You could tell Luke was trying to sound optimistic, but he wasn't.
“I see. So just to be clear, you’re breaking up with me?”
“Uh, No- well,yeah”
“Luke relax, it’s okay I understand. We talked about the possibility of you having to move away. Long distance is hard.”
“Yeah. But y/n, i dont want to break up, I just don't know how it’ll work out, you know?”
“Lukey, I'd rather end on good terms and be friends then not have you in my life. You're important to me.”
“Okay. yeah I can agree with that statement.”
A clarity came upon the two of you; the awkwardness lifted. You gave Luke a smile, but he could read right through it. Your smile was tender, your dimples accentuating the expression, but your eyes were glassy and the corners of your lips quivered. Luke pulled you in tight. “It’s going to be okay” he reassured, though his heart thumping against your ear would say otherwise.
You and Luke were the first ones up and you started breakfast for the group of hungover hockey boys.
“Morning” Ethan yawns, acknowledging everyone before coming up to you. “How was last night?” he says just above a whisper.
“We officially broke up.” you say, a small ounce of disappointment came out but you managed to keep the smile on your face tqhe same.
“what?! you and Luke broke up?” Mark half yells, eavesdropping as he passes by. you look blankly at Mark before rolling your eyes and laughing it off.
“Thanks for sharing with the class Mark!” Luke jokes, trying to keep the awkwardness at a minimum.
The rest of the boys sauntered into the kitchen and the whole thing was dropped, but Ethan kept an eye out for you for the rest of the day, checking in to see how you were holding up.
“Eth, I'm fine. I promise.”
“i just don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”
“It was mutual and for the better.” At least that’s what you told yourself. You gave Ethan a reassuring smile, “Now can we please just enjoy the day, it is the 4th after all.”
“Yes, you’re right. guess it’s time to be patriotic eh?”
“eh? really. wasn’t Canada day on the 1st?”
“Yep, but you Americans take patriotism to a whoooole other level.” He teased.
Meanwhile Mark and Luke are having a somewhat serious conversation on the dock. They're too far away to hear but their body language is telling. Luke had his back to you but you could tell he was passionate about whatever they were talking about because he was using his hands a lot. Mark seemed uneasy, stressed and confused, as he paced the dock rubbing his hands through his hair listening to Luke talk. A few minutes later they joined you and Ethan, as well as the other boys who had slowly congregated.
“Ready to go out on the boat?” Luke asked and the boys all jumped up and ran down to the dock. You and Luke walked behind the crowd.
“Are you okay?” You asked shyly, not knowing if it was your place to do so anymore.
“Yeah I'm good, why?”
“You and Mark just looked like you were talking about something kinda serious is all.”
“Oh yeah… but it’s okay.” he smiles at you. You didn’t want to press so you left it at that.
Being out in the boat was always fun. Watching the guys wake board and go tubing was always your favourite. Listening to Dylan shriek as he was thrown off the tube was definitely the highlight of the day. After the boat, you all had a BBQ while waiting for it to be dark enough for fireworks. The night ended with a fire of course. The boys were going on about some incident that had occurred during the season and you were too tired to contribute so you excused yourself to get ready for bed. You crawled under the covers, trying to get comfy. You had never slept in this bed without Luke, so you tossed and turned for a while before a knock on your door shifted your attention.
“Y/n/n?” Luke popped his head around the door, though it was too dark to see him fully.
“Lukey?” Luke approaches your bed, and you sit up. “What's up?”
“You can say no, but can I sleep here,” he hesitated, “one last time?”
You shifted over so he could lay down, his warmth instantly filling the void. You cuddled into him, one last time, taking in the moment so it will last in your memory. You held back your tears, because you didn't want Luke to think this was upsetting you, but little did you know he was also holding back tears. This was your official goodbye. It was equally as hard as that day in the tunnel but at least the confusion was settled.
Your junior year was a blur. Frankly, you couldn't recall a single moment that happened other than how supportive Mark and Ethan were. You tried your best to not be depressed around them, but at this point they knew you too well and did everything they could to cheer you up.
“vanilla latte?” Mark smiles, stretching his arm out, coffee in hand.
“aw thanks mark! This is exactly what I needed. That class was brutal”
“The first class of the day is always the worst.” mark jokes, sitting down beside you. “I thought you could use a little pick me up.”
Mark got you a lot of coffee that year, a lot of morning lattes and seasonal drinks. Ethan on the other hand was more of your go to person when you needed to rant, mainly because he gave you such great advice.
“ethan…” you say slowly sliding your phone over towards him. “what do i say? Why is he messaging me?” Ethan read the message that was on the screen.
“just take a breath y/n, he’s just checking in.”
“Ethan, Luke never texted me before asking me how I was? Why would he do it now when we’re broken up? Is he gonna drop the worst news on me or something?”
“Slow down!” Ethan gently grabs your arm, stopping you from completely spiralling out. “Before he wouldn’t have to text you, you were together 24/7. He's just checking in to see how your semester is going. It's not the first time he has, he knows how difficult your course load is.”
“yeah i guess that’s right. sorry for freaking out.”
“never apologize. That's what friends are for.”
You had gone home after the school year was over, hoping your parents would be happy to have you home but instead they treated you like you didn’t exist. The only time you weren’t invisible to them was when they needed a favour. After helping them they’d go right back to looking past you, speaking over you and ignoring everything you say. you were falling apart after this year, literally right before their eyes and they didn’t care, but they’ve never cared. Luke's the only one who has truly ever cared, and saw you for you. the only one who’s shown up in difficult times but also in the happy times. you were naive to think that wasn’t love- but to you loving someone was saying those 3 little words and he never said them. But you never really let him, did you?
you were laying in bed, listening to rain gently tap against your window when your phone rang, breaking your daze.
incoming call- Eddy 🤠
you pick up, ethan speaking before you could even say hello.
“Miss me yet?” he laughed
“Ethan, I'm going crazy in this house.” you sighed.
“i know it’s tough there, but what do you say about a weekend away?”
“Yes please, when and where?”
he paused.
“luke’s… and next weekend.”
“Why did you pause?” you questioned. Everyone knew you ended on good terms so why the hesitation.
“not a bad pause, but y/n, you can’t tell me that you and luke breaking up didn’t play into how you were all year.” Ethan was never afraid to call you out and point out the hard truth. He was right. you were depressed this whole year. you had lots of excuses but always buried the truth; you missed luke.
“We're good. Luke and I have chatted a few times so it’s not awkward between us. It'll be nice to see everyone again.”
“Okay cool, did you want Mark to drive you? I'm not coming back until Friday.”
“Yeah, that would be great. thanks eddy.”
The week flew by and before you knew it, Mark was standing in your door frame watching you frantically pack.
“it’s 3 days y/n you don’t need your whole closet.” he impatiently joked.
“You never know what the weather may be like, Markie, I'll be 2 more minutes just need to pack my tooth brush and skincare.”
Mark grabbed your bags and threw them into his back seat. The drive was nice, you never really spent much time with Mark one on one but you really wanted to thank him for looking out for you this past year.
“mark?”
“mhmm” he nonchalantly responded.
“i just wanted to say thank you for this past year. all those coffees and little pick me ups were so thoughtful.”
“I was just trying to help,” he smiled.
“Well, I really appreciate it.”
You got to the lake house and there were way more people than you were expecting. It was double the amount of teammates, past and present, and equally as many girls. You could feel a bit of anxiety creep up and sit like a lump in the back of your throat. you looked around hoping to find Eddy but he found you first, making his way over to give you a hug.
“Ahh come here,” he grinned, pulling you in for a bear hug, “missed ya!”
“Missed you too Eddy.” you smiled.
“Geez i didn’t get a hug!” Mark teased pulling you away from Ethan, giving you a big side hug.
“Hey guys!” Luke waves, sauntering over to the 3 of you. “glad you could come” he says directly to you.
“Yeah, thanks for hosting.” you smile. Luke leans in and gives you a hug. Your face pressed into his chest, his cologne overpowering your smell. For a second you swore you could hear his heart skip a beat but you just embraced the moment, memories of the two of you flooding your mind.
That night, after a long day of drinking and games, the group of you crowded around the fire. For a moment there was a lull in the conversation which sparked one of the girls to suggest playing truth or dare.
“Really? we’re not 5.” Dylan rolled his eyes. Luke giggled at his repose, clearly feeling the effects of the alcohol.
“Yes Duker, it’ll be fun! I have an app for it so you don't even have to think about what you’re going to ask.”
“Fine, I'll go first.” He reluctantly took the girl's phone and asked her the truth or dare. A few rounds, mostly of dares, had passed and a different girl turned her full attention to Luke.
“Luke, truth or dare?”
“Let's go with truth, switch things up.”
“Ouu i like it. Okay truth: have you ever been in love?”
“Yes.” he says without any hesitation, his gaze fixed on you. “And I regret not telling her.”
You sat there in complete silence, shocked at the words that just left your exes mouth. An awkward tension fell on the whole group. Tears began to fill your eyes and you stormed away from the fire. Luke was quick to follow you, stumbling over his feet trying to catch up.
“y/n” he called but you didn’t turn around. “y/n/n” he grabbed your arm stopping you from going any further.
“What was that Luke?” you say just above a whisper, your voice cracking under the stress.
“I love you.” you shake your head no over and over.
“no luke, i can’t do this” you pull your arm away and turn from him, but aren’t able to move before he turns you back around. You can’t lift your gaze from the ground.
“y/n please look at me,” you lift your head up.” i’m sorry, but i’m just being honest” your face falls in defeat.
“Luke, why are you waiting til a year after we broke up to tell me this?”
“be- because,” he stuttered. “because you told me if i couldn’t show you then you didn’t want to hear it.”
“Then why did you break up with me?”
“cause i couldn’t show you if I was living in Jersey and you were still here.”
“Why didn’t you tell me when we were dating?”
“You told me you never wanted me to say I love you so I didn't. So why are you upset?” He said a little harsher than he meant.
“You know why Luke.” you yell back.
“no y/n, i don’t know! you just repeated actions are louder than words and all that bullshit!” Luke’s passion was coming across as anger, which made you take a step back. You'd never seen this from him before.
“Can you please stop yelling?” you sob. Luke didn’t realize how loud he was being, and how triggering it was for you.
“I'm sorry, y/n/n, I didn't mean to yell. I wanted to tell you so many times. Maybe if I did we’d still be together. But you told me if I can't show you then it’s not love, and there was no way I could always show you living hours away from you.” you nod, tears hitting the ground. “I never wanted to break up y/n. you have to know that.”
“I know Luke, it’s okay.” you turn from him.
“So that's it?” He pleads. you wanted to say it back but you couldn’t. It would make things even more painful for you. So you walked away, like Luke did that day in the tunnel. you didn’t say those 3 little words because now they have too much meaning.
Mark and ethan we’re waiting nearby, waiting to check in with both you and Luke, Mark going to Luke and Ethan coming to comfort you. You turn your head into Ethan’s shoulder. “Can you take me home please?”
“yeah let’s go.” Ethan looks over and gives a nod to Mark.
“You okay buddy?” Mark asks Luke.
“not really.” Luke rubs his hand against his jaw, wondering how that turn of events happened. “i didn’t think me saying that would have upset her that bad. I guess now I know why she didn’t want me to say it, cause she would freak out.”
“i think it’s a bit more than that Hughes,” Mark paused, making sure you were out of ear shot, “she was not herself at all this year dude. the only times she seemed happy were when i got her the coffee orders you told me she liked. It was the only time she smiled around me. and She's been back with her parents for the last month or so, and that’s obviously not going well. I don't think she realized how much she needed you until you were gone, and didn’t know how to function without you.” Luke's expression softened, wincing at how his absence hurt you, and now his presence hurt you even more. “I told you last summer you were dumb for breaking up with her instead of telling her how much you really loved her. You had the opportunity to prove to her that the words meant something different than what she was used to. Maybe she didn’t say she loved you back, but her actions are louder than words, so take that as you want.” Mark patted Luke on the shoulder before walking up to the car where you and Ethan were waiting.
“Mark wait a sec,” Luke runs up to Mark, whispering something into his ear. Mark gives an annoyed look and then nods before getting behind the wheel.
“All good?” Ethan looks at Mark from the back seat. Mark nods again, reaching over and putting his hand on your knee to show his support as you cried into the neck of your hoodie.
You didn’t think you would feel anything when you heard him say those 3 little words, but you did. You felt this aching sense of heartbreak because you knew he meant it. He felt it. He showed it. He had been saying it in different ways all this time and you were too scared to feel or say it back. You blocked Luke on everything after that. It was too hard to see his face or receive any contact from him. You took the easy way out. Mark and Ethan were aware of your reaction and never spoke about Luke around you anymore.
Starting your senior year, you wanted to be more productive than last year and fill that void that luke left. You had been on the hockey media team for 3 years now but never felt like you ever really gave it your all, so you decided to focus all this new spare time into your creative outlets. You were really talented in making promo videos that highlighted all of the players and welcomed the new ones to the team.
“Are we good?” Ethan asked, breaking the semi-awkward silence at the kitchen table.
“Are you talking to me or Mark?” you asked not looking up from your computer.
“Obviously you.” he said bluntly, grabbing your attention. you closed your laptop and gave the boys your full attention, which made Mark drop his textbook he was studying from.
“Why wouldn’t we be?” you swallowed harshly, knowing Ethan had the right to ask that, and that he was on to something. Senior year was meant to be about making memories, and last chances to do things with your favourite people. reality was, you were a bit cold towards them ever since that night at the lake house. It was unintentional, but if you were aware of it, you knew damn well Ethan was.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t we be good?” Mark asked innocently. Ethan gave Mark a blank stare before raising his eyebrows, like he was speaking in code. “oh yeah…” Mark says above a whisper looking back towards you.
“You're going to need to give me some context here guys.”
“Okay i’m just gonna come out and say it. Ever since the lake house, you’ve cut us off. maybe it’s unintentional cause we know you were hurt that day, but that wasn’t our fault.” Ethan pauses, reading the saddened look on your face. “we just miss how things were y/n/n. you used to come to us for everything, and we feel like we never speak to you unless you ask us to do something for the media team.” You could tell Ethan was hurt, which made you feel super shitty.
“I know I've been distant.” you sigh. “I guess I just kinda shut off after that all went down. and you guys are still close with luke so i don’t want to hinder that in any way.”
“y/n we can be friends with you and Luke separately.” Ethan responded. You knew that they could, but part of you kind of resented them for still being friends with him even though there was no reason for them not to be. You could equally blame yourself for how things went down with Luke, but Mark and Ethan didn’t pick sides.
“Yeah y/n, i feel like you haven’t even told us anything that’s going on in your life in the last few months. it’s almost november and all i know is that you’re really good at making me look good in your promos.” Mark teased which caused you to let out a little laugh; he never failed to do that.
“I guess that’s all I've really done though. I've been really focused on media for the team, and haven't really gone out much.”
“Well you should go out more!” Mark says passionately. “y/n, last year you didn’t do anything and now you’re still not really doing anything for yourself, no offence-“
“none taken?”
“- and it’s senior year! time to do something crazy, go to all the parties, make lots of memories!”
“i have to say I agree with Mark.” Ethan smiled. “what do you say, party this friday?”
You hesitated, “i can’t this friday, but maybe next weekend?” Before Ethan or Mark could respond, you lied to them. “I told my mom I'd come help her around the house, and you know what she's like.”
“Okay, next weekend it is then.” Mark said with a big grin on his face. you smiled back but hated that you just lied to them. You weren’t going home, you had no intentions of ever returning home. You were going on a date.
You kept your new boy, Liam, on the down low. Mostly because you were wanting something lowkey, but also because you didn’t want Ethan and Mark to ask you questions about it. They knew you so well and knew that part of you will never get over Luke. As time went on you and Liam became pretty close, but you always managed to keep things surface level. Over christmas break you didn’t see him because you didn’t want him to meet your family or vice versa.
Early into second semester, you went out for brunch with Mark. this was a birthday tradition you had done since first year, usually the other boys accompanied, however today was just the two of you.
“How was your christmas?” he asked
“Pretty good, yours?
“Pretty good? I thought you hated going home?” Mark chuckled.
“Yeah I normally do, but this time was more chill than usual.”
“That’s good.” Mark smiled, turning his attention to the person walking past your table. It was Liam. Liam sat at a table somewhat close to you and Mark; a table where he didn’t have a perfect view of the two of you but could mostly hear what you were talking about. you shoot a confused look over to him while he looks back a bit jealous.
Your waitress approached your table, your trance lingering.
“She’ll take a vanilla latte? or are you still in your festive hot chocolate mood?” Mark answered for you.
“Yes sorry, a vanilla latte would be amazing.” you smile at her. Mark smiled at her as well and you both ordered your food.
“You good?” he asked.
“Oh yeah, just got distracted. Sorry about that.”
Yours and Mark’s conversation continued, and it was nice to have some one on one time with him. Part of you felt guilty for being so distant during the first semester, especially where this is your senior year. you really took it for granted that he was just always around, the friendly giant that would do anything for you. as you finished up, Liam walked past your table and gave a condescending look.
“Do you know him?” Mark asked, confused at the hostility. You swallowed hard, but you lied to him.
“He looks familiar but I don’t know him.” you spit you. you just sat with mark for the last hour and a half and never once mentioned you were seeing someone; bringing it up this way would be wrong.
You and Mark parted ways and you noticed Liam still sitting in his car. You cautiously walk up to the passenger side, the door unlocking as you approached.
“Everything okay?” You ask, confused at the behaviour being shown.
“Who’s that?”
“Mark.” you respond back plainly.
“I see. are you dating him?” he asked discouraged.
“Last i checked I was dating you.” you teased back, slightly regretting the hole you started digging. His eyebrows raised, a small smirk turning the corners of his mouth upwards.
“Oh we’re dating now? So why were you with Matt?” he teased.
“It’s Mark, don’t be dumb. Mark has been my friend since freshman year, we always go out for brunch for his birthday. Usually a group of us go but Ethan was sick and the rest are off living their hockey dreams.” you say sarcastically.
“oh Mark and Ethan, your hockey pals. I actually remember you told me about them now. Why didn’t you introduce me to Mark if we’re dating?” you hesitated. You really didn’t have a good reason not to, besides Mark would tell Ethan and then the two of them would interrogate you and make you question all of your decisions.
“Well you didn’t come say hi, otherwise I would have introduced you.” Liam gave you a skeptical look. “But I'll introduce you to them soon! They’re probably my closest two friends so it’d be nice to have a formal introduction.” you smiled, easing Liam’s look. Little did he know that you’d come up with every excuse to not introduce them. You also came up with a lot of excuses on why you couldn’t go out in public with Liam. If anyone had asked Liam about you he’d probably say you’re the biggest introvert, you’re scared don’t go out when it’s dark outside and don’t like eating out cause it hurts your tummy; none of which was true when you were with Luke.
Leading up to Valentine’s day, Liam was desperately trying to convince you to let him take you on an official date. Thankfully you didn’t have to come up with an excuse to not go out because senior night was the day after valentines. You were in charge of making all the content leading up to the game as well as the game day coverage. In a way this was also your senior night. you had been a part of the team as long as Mark and Ethan, obviously in a different capacity, but thinking about how great your friends have been the last 4 years, you wanted to make the night extra special.
The game was thrilling, with Michigan winning in the shootout against Minnesota. You got a bit emotional watching Ethan and Mark, skate their “final lap”. memories flashed before your eyes, mostly good ones but then you remembered that frozen 4 game where your heart was broken.
“y/n?” a familiar voice called from the tunnel. You turn around and see Luke. A soft smile spread across his face and his hair was perfectly peaking out from under his hat. For a minute you couldn’t contain your reaction and you smiled back, shocked to see him. Realizing you were smiling, you quickly bite your lip and looked away overwhelmed in emotion. He approached you, extending his arm out, passing you the most beautiful yet delicate bouquet with dahlias, daisies and cosmos. you pulled out the little card that said “Watching you chase your dreams has always been something special. Wishing you a night as bright and golden as your favorite color. Proud of you- Luke”
Tears welled up in your eyes. Proud of you. That was something you told Luke often, maybe your choice of 3 little words as they held just as much power to Luke. He needed to hear that a lot during his time at umich while under all of the pressure and you made sure he never went a game or day without hearing it. You collected yourself before looking up at Luke, whose eyes were plastered to you, examining every inch of you.
“Why?” was all you managed to croak out before looking away again. Luke blinked hard, trying to push away any tears that may have been forming.
“Because, this is your night too and I-I-I really fucked up and i’m sorry.” he said sincerely, voice cracking from the stress he was under. He knew this gesture was a huge risk. You looked at Luke, your bottom lip quivering but the corners of your mouth turned upward.
“Wow,” you laughed nervously, “these are really beautiful Lukey.” You say just about a whisper, now fully smiling with a few tears escaping your eyes. Luke let out a breathy laugh of relief. Mark and Ethan walk up behind their friend, greeting him with hugs. “You guys knew he was coming?”
“I didn't until before the game!” Ethan said.
“Yeah i knew a bit longer, but only like since the other day.” Mark smiled before a puzzled look appeared on his face. You turned around to see what he was looking at, shocked at the sight of Liam walking towards you with a bouquet of pink roses. Your jaw dropped as Luke’s clenched. Liam approaches, sticking his arm to shake Mark’s hand.
“You must be Mark! y/n was telling me about you.”
“Oh really. cause y/n hasn’t told me about you.” he said bluntly, not extending his arm out in return.
A heat began to spread up your neck and across your cheeks. This is the worst possible situation.
“y/n you care to introduce your friend here?” Mark hissed, clearly pissed about the situation, maybe even showing a bit of how Luke was feeling.
“This is Liam.” you say shyly.
“I'm y/n’s boyfriend.” he says proudly. Mark scoffs at the statement. Ethan just raised his eyebrows without showing any other emotion and Luke had the same look he had that day after the frozen 4 loss. Luke turned away and began to walk down the tunnel, Mark following closely behind.
“Luke.” you called out, but he didn’t turn around. You turned to Ethan with a panicked look on your face.
“I can’t tell you what to do y/n, I’ve been there for you through everything and you didn’t have the decency to tell me you were seeing someone?”
“I-“ you couldn’t find any words to respond. Ethan turned around and caught up with Mark and Luke who were chatting low enough that you couldn’t hear them but you knew it wasn’t good. Marks movements were heated, like he was trying to justify himself. You slowly walked up to them, Mark's back towards you.
“Bro I had no idea she was seeing someone. Never once did she show any signs. and get this! When we went out last month for brunch, he walked past us and- and I asked her if she knew him and she just said he looked familiar. she fucking lied to my face! I would have told you instead of keeping tabs on her and letting you know how she was doing all this time.” Luke's eyes got wide as he realized you over heard what Mark just confessed. Mark turned to face you. “Why did you lie to me?”
“Why did I lie? Why did you spy on me?”
“Spy on you?” Mark laughed.
“Yeah-“ you cut him off, tears pouring down your face. “Have you told Luke every little thing I’ve said or done this year?”
“No. Actually, I would tell Luke how you were feeling and he would tell me how to comfort you. He’d tell me what coffee orders to get, snacks, and literally anything else I've done to help you since he’s left. It was all Luke telling me what to do.”
You looked at Luke, tears pouring down your face. After all this time, he still cared, he wanted to make sure you were taken care of, he still loved you. Mark walked away angry.
“Ethan, is this all true?” you sob.
“How else did you think we knew every thing?.” he answered softly. “And for the record, Mark didn’t just do that for Luke. We care y/n and we’re really hurt that you’ve lied to us and been really distant this year.” He sighed and walked away to check on Mark, leaving you alone with Luke.
“Luke please say something.”
“He doesn’t-“ he paused, biting the inside of his cheek, “I don’t -“ he can’t get the words out. He shakes his head looking down at the ground.
“Luke?” you gasp.
“You hate roses.” Was all he managed to croak out. He turned around, head hung in defeat and met up with his friends. Ethan gave him a pat on the back as they walked away leaving you alone in the tunnel, again.
tagging some faves just cause 🤍: @sweetdispatch @qhughes43 @starlitblues @snugglebug-92
